Fragments of Forever - forgottensnow68
The Casting Director Review Shop (Busy/Closed/Hiatus)Fragments of Forever - forgottensnow68
Story Title - 4.5 out of 5
The title is really vague. It does not reveal anything at all except that it’s an angst story. I didn’t like it at first because it doesn’t tell me what’s in store in the story that would be attractive to me to read. However, “fragments of forever” is the main motif of your story, so the title is appropriate as you elaborate more on the “something broken that lasts for a long time”.
Description/Foreword - out 2.5 of 5
Again, the description alludes too little about what kind of story the readers are getting themselves into. The more relevant part of the story is the things that are “worth writing”. The story that Myungsoo is going to tell is more important than their occupations at the first glance. The quote can be better selected from the story to tease the readers.
The description can be saved if the foreword actually has a preview of little bit more about what’s going to happen in the story. Unfortunately, the scene in the foreword has the same idea with the description, which is not necessary, since you’ve already told the readers about their backgrounds in the description.
Story Layout - 5 out of 5
The poster is nicely done. I knew immediately who are the characters and the genre of the story is, which is angst. The font and size are also readable and the spacing between the paragraphs is appropriate.
Grammar/Spelling - 13.5 out of 20
The only major problem that’s spotted here is the tense inconsistency. If you write the story in present tense, then stick to it throughout, except for when you write the story in the past, stick with the past tense. You need to differentiate present tense and past tense. It makes the reading experience confusing, especially your story is mostly told from the past. I’ll list some of your mistakes for you to revise them later:
Description:
Original: “A young photographer, Kim Myungsoo, decides to tell him his story; a story that's definitely worth writing.”
Correction: “A young photographer, Kim Myungsoo, decides to tell him his story - a story that's definitely worth writing.”
Original: "Hold the pose, a perfect picture. Just so I remember how you're looking tonight."
Correction: "Hold the pose. A perfect picture. Just so I’ll remember how you're looking tonight."
Prologue:
Original: he asks as he approaches him and opens the door to his house. He enters and Chanyeol quickly follows.
Correction: he asks as Chanyeol approaches him and opens the door to his house. He enters and Chanyeol quickly follows.
Ch.1
Original: Now, he was on his way to starting the nex
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