Stage Thoughts by firewallstar

Story Title - 4 out of 5

It didn't interest me as a reader. It gave me the impression that it would be about the life of an idol behind the scenes, and from what I've read, it doesn't correlate well with your story. (Besides the fact that this is a story about two idols), another title would do your story justice.

Description/Foreword - 3 out of 5

The first two sentences in your description belong in your foreword. Besides that, you used the foreword as it should be. Your description is very short and to the point, however it isn't captivating enough for readers to want to click on the next page. I suggest wording your description differently, because if the title isn't enough to capture readers, the description is.

Also, I noticed a spelling error in your description. (I think you'll find it if you reread it) I suspect it was a typo, which you should be careful of since small errors such as those can turn reader's away. Your foreword could be better, although I do like that you foreshadowed Exo.

Story Layout - 5 out of 5

The font is nice, readable. No problems here whatsoever.

Grammar/Spelling - 15 out of 20

You used many face emotions to describe your character's feelings. This is not proper when writing a story, neither is the use of the tilde. I suggest you try to describe these expressions/actions instead. You also had many spelling errors, your grammar was fine, however I did find a couple of mistakes with it and at times your sentences didn't make sense, like you had forgotten some words. For example, the foreword: 

"I hear that everytime we come to a broadcasting, It took some time to get used to, even now I'm still not used to this." should be "I hear that everytime we come to a broadcasting station. It took some time to get used to; even now I'm still not used to this."

And this particular sentence I couldn't understand. "He just talked to me, oh my god I sound like a fan girl ...no no thanks." Why did she say no thanks? I feel like something was missing here, unless you intended it to be that way.

With your punctuation, you often put commas after an exclamation mark. That's incorrect, and I noticed you often leave out closing quotation marks in story. Example:

"I love him" says Rukia.

"I love him," says Rukia.

There were many more mistakes that I could point out, however I think they could easily be fixed if you re-read it. I suggest getting a beta reader, or using a word editor for your spelling errors. (It can help with punctuation error sometimes too. Sometimes).

Story Plot/Flow/Description - 15 out of 30

Everything happens too fast.

I'll point out a few things, and perhaps leave a few suggestions, hopefully you'll find it helpful, and if you do you can use it to revise your story.

1. Kai's piqued interest.

From the description Kai is interested from the performance, but what was so unique