Frozen Heart by ByungHannie

Story Title - 4 out of 5

By reading it I can guess someone has the typical, cold personality that's hard to break. And with the cold personality always comes the bright, shining character that changes him/her... And from what I've read, your story is as I'd expected, except with a bit of a twist (his powers) but what matters is that the title matches and didn't have me going in a different direction of what it should be, so good job. Although if you're looking to pull in readers, or if you're looking for originality, perhaps change it into something else. (If not, it's good by itself, albeit predictable).

Description/Foreword - 4 out of 5

Your description felt choppy, and by that, I mean your sentences are too short and simple-- thus creating that "choppy" feeling. And although it's good to use a few for emphasis, the way you did it... didn't feel right. The entire description felt awkward for me. I suggest revising your sentences, perhaps word things differently or don't make it choppy at all.

Revised: On a road with nothing but painful scars he still walks. Veer away from that road and you'll find his soul still chases after her, collasping his heart like an avalanche. Heart broken is a word he's grown used to, and now, he refuses to fall in love for a second time. Xiu Min doesn't want to be a murderer again.

I've gotten rid of your choppy sentences and tied in a couple instead, moving a few things here and there. I felt if you moved things accordingly it'd be easier to follow along, as I did find some things placed abruptly.

Original: Xiumin tried to move on. But he failed miserably. His heart is still chasing affter her. That person has left him alone on the road with nothing, but painful scars. His heart always collapsed like an avalanche; he has got used to it. Because of the past mistakes that keep haunting him every night, he refuses to falling love for the scond time. Xiu Min doesn't want to be a murderer again.

Now while it did feel awkward, I do like it. Your description is nice and vague, it has you wondering who she is and why Xiu Min murderered her. But it does give the impression that it'll focus on his past girlfriend, rather than Se Kyung. Also I found a couple of grammar mistakes here and there, however I won't explain that until later. Just a note, you want to make sure your description is perfect, because it's what pulls readers in if nothing else works.

Moving on, you put lengthy descriptions for Xiu Min and Se Kung. Especially Xiu Min, it was so long I was almost reluctant to read it. I suggest completely omitting the character desciptions, because from what I could pick up, it's nothing that your story doesn't explain.

No problems with the foreword.

Story Layout - 5 out of 5

No problems here.

Grammar/Spelling - 12 out of 20

Your spelling is fine, and just a note, 'realise' isn't wrong however 'realize' is more preferred as it is encouraged in dictionaries such as Oxford, Cambridge, and Collins. (I did a bit of research on this...)

I'm assuming your first language isn't English, because there were many awkward sentences, a bit too many to point out, actually. Your puncuation didn't have any glaring errors, besides some misuses of the semicolon and hyphen/dash. Perhaps you can do a bit of studying on them, and actually, this website helped me a lot.

I realized you had troubles with your tenses as well, you often used past tense where it should have been present tense, (for example when they were talking) or the latter.

A few things that I caught, on the first chapter, you explained wood as woods. Wood does not have a plural word, and if you use woods, it means your referring to the forest.

Another mistake is when you were referring to Se Kyung's parents. You used Mrs. and Mr. without periods, they are abbrievations, Mrs. being mistress and Mr. being mister. This goes the same for Dr. Ms. etc, and just a note: miss is not an abbrievation so you don't need a period.

Now the reason I've said I'm lax on grammar/spelling is because I cannot explain it. Yes, it's terrible of me as a reviewer, but I cannot help or explain why it's wrong or why it's right. I apologize for that. That's why I'll pick a few sentences so you can compare.

Chapter 5: (I'll explain why I omitted some of your words from your sentences in the Story Plot/Flow/Description, since it ties into that rather than grammar/spelling.)

Original: In instant, the cold air of the dawn gushed into the house which made Se Kyung shivered in that frosty weather.

Revised: In an instance, the dawn's cold air gushed into the house and caused Se Kyung to shiver.

Original:Gazing at Se Kyung’s mother lightly, he answered. “Xiu Min, madam.” Awkwardly, he introduced himself, didn’t get used to talk to anyone else except s before.

Revised: With a g