Factoy XXIV by illcell

Story Title - 4 of 5

Not the most eye-catching title, but does fit the story.

Summary/Description - 3 of 5

You description certainly makes a great hook to tempt readers to click onto the next chapter.  However, you seemed to mix up the purpose of the description and foreword a bit.  The large amout of text after [Ratings:  (due to small amount of graphic scenes, ratings may vary from chapters) ] should be part of the foreword.  Meanwhile, what you currently have in the foreword [During an apocalypse, you and your best friend tried to escape the invaded city by driving towards the country side. Then a car accident occured, which fate dragged you both inside a rumoured haunted mansion. Though none of you were aware of this rumour, so its secrets are for you to unravel.] should be your main description of the story and should be placed before the italicized quote.  Finally, there are some minor grammatical errors that might caused potential readers to turn their heads from the story. Even English is your third language, the reality that people judge the book by its cover is still prevalent.  The changes are in bold:

[Pitful creatures are being tormented and experimented on....blah blah blah.]

[Then a car accident occured as fate dictated to drag you both....blah blah blah....Unfortunately, none of you were aware of this rumour, and so its secrets were for you to unravel.]

Story Layout - 4.5 of 5

The font size is a bit smaller than I would like.  However, it is still readable.

Grammar/Spelling - 18 of 20

In general, the grammar/spelling is not bad, just a few minor errors here and there (actually the errors in your description/foreword is more glaring):

[When you came to again, you heard someone talking in a desperate tone.] (Chapter One) - There's a word missing here (typo I assume).

Your writing is very descriptive, making it easy for the reader to engage with the story (especially since this is a "You" point of view story, it is important for the writing to be descriptive).  

I notice you tend to use the word young adult throughout your story, even when describing the owner, N.  Did you actually mean he is or looks like a young adult (aka teenager) or simply a young man.  Generally, young adult means teenager.

["Yes. Me and my household are well aware of their existence."] (Chapter Two) - Consider changing it to the following so that N would sound more intelligent (as it stands right now, his intelligence could suddenly be doubted by some readers) ["Yes. My household and I are well aware of their existence."]

["Do not ask any further, it is a truth and....blah blah blah"] (Chapter Two) sounds a bit awkward - ["Do not ask any further, it is the truth and...blah blah blah"]

[Although you didn’t want to become too close with anyone in this strange house, you couldn’t help but to feel a little sorry for the younger.] (Chapter Three) - missed a word at the end?

Overall, just a quick edit by you or your beta reader could make the grammar/spelling of this story perfect.

Story Plot/Flow/Description - 19 of 30

Plot-wise, it seems the typical Mary Sue harem.  Seven chapters, and I feel as though I'm still at the introduction stage.  In other words, the plot is not moving forward at all even after seven chapters (okay, maybe the story did move a little since the middle of chapter seven).