Unexpected by CapriquariusMei

Story Title - 2 out of 5

As you might have already aware, Unexpected is not the best title for your story. It is too vague for the readers to guess what sort of things are unexpected, which means the story can go in many directions. The title does not reveal anything at all so I don’t see any reason why the potential readers would be attracted to the story or anticipate for it. Besides, the title does not relate closely to the story. I suggest relating the title to a special place or thing or character that only belongs to your story.

Description/Foreword - 5 out of 5

Contrary to the title, the description is well done. It is simple and straightforward without spoiling your content. It is reviewed enough to attract your potential readers so good job! Though there’s a mistake in the description that bothers me: “...the PD of [the] show announced that a new member...” The sentence is now corrected with “the” before “show”.

Story Layout - 4.5 out of 5

The poster is alright. It would be better if Chanyeol and Gayeon are on the top of the poster to emphasize that they are the main characters. The font and layout are easy to read. However, readers would follow the events better if there are more spaces to indicate a transition between two scene. Generally, the story layout is nicely done.

Grammar/Spelling - 17 out of 20

Overall, the grammar is really good! There are not much grammatical errors that hinder the reading experience. The only repeated mistakes that I’ve noticed is the wrong usage of past tense and past perfect passive. There are a several examples from Ch. 1:

Original: “...he always seemed to find ways to tackle the stress and demands that come with such popularity.”

Correction: “...he always seemed to find ways to tackle the stress and demands that came with such popularity.”

Original: “...that Dongwook had took the time to arrange with everyone else’s help.”

Correction: “...that Dongwook had taken the time to arrange with everyone else’s help.”

Original:  “Gayeon initially did want to ask Bom to clarify what she meant about Minwoo via a text message.”

Correction: “Gayeon initially had wanted to ask Bom to clarify what she meant about Minwoo via a text message.”

Please be careful or just look up for the correct usage of the tenses next time.

Ch. 7:

Original: “...so all I’m doing now is just providing her some morale support.”

Correction: “...so all I’m doing now is just providing her some moral support.”

Story Plot/Flow/Description - 20 out of 30

Right from the beginning, I was impressed by your detailed and sophisticated imagery. It was like I was watching a film and the scene were playing before my eyes. Good job! I can feel what the characters are feeling through your description. I noticed that you describe the appearances of your characters, which is much appreciated. However, it would be better if you describe the characters’ appearances at the beginning of your story. Most of your readers probably know what your characters look like already, but for some readers who just stumbled upon your fic or a reviewer like myself, would have to google what these people look like. It would be best if you describe the setting and characters fully in the beginning of the story.

Since we’re talking about the description of the story, I have to point out that your detailed descriptions partly affect the flow of the story. The beginning chapters seem to be at a slow pace because they are mostly descriptions of your character’s feelings. Normally, there’s nothing wrong with detailed descrip