The Conditions of a Fallen by suzyelf

Story Title - 5 of 5

This is a fitting and eye-catching title. 

Description/Foreword - 4 of 5

The description of the story is excellent in that readers can see that there's something seriously twisted about Kyuhyun, and now leaving readers the question, "just who is Kyuhyun?", to find out as they take a ride with this story.  Also, at first glance, one can see that this is a supernatural, mystery, & psychological type of story.  However, the only downside (but quite impactful) about making such strong impression of Kyuhyun here is that readers might expect him to be a real twisted dude through and through, but this is not the case (especially for the first half of the story).  His actual character in the story is very humane, though he seems quite the reserved type.  Maybe a few somewhat “obsessed” (or extremely detail-orientated) readers might wonder how Kyuhyun would end up to be as twisted as the description, here, has implied him to be and this would provide a great hook for them to anticipate each chapter.     

The short quotes that you used to introduce the characters in the foreword are effective in making a strong impression in the readers' mind of each of the unique characters.

Story Layout - 3.5 of 5

Nice, readable font.  The expressions of the characters on the poster are great and fitting to the storyline, but I don't quite get the cocktail drinks.  The drinks are too lady-like and too weak (it's the weak kind of drinks -- similar to soda pop, just in case you don't know); they're not strong and intense drinks like pure whiskey on the rocks or gloomily elegant like the bloody-red wine.  So in conclusion, despite the great expressions, the drinks had ruined the atmosphere (it actually made me laughed for a brief period before I even started reading the story...that's how silly the drinks looked).

Grammar/Spelling/Writing Style - 20 of 20

Grammar-wise, nothing glaring came to my attention.  Maybe just a few typos here or there.

[ As a concerned family member, she could not accept that the only places he visits are the kitchen and the bathroom. ] - Chatper One, should be were.

[He had been a wild men.] – Chapter Seven, should be man.

Story Plot/Flow/Description - 23 of 30

At the beginning of the story (approximately from Chapter One to Seven), a lot of characters are introduced but I don’t have much ideas as to who they really are.  Then, there were too many action scenes and mysteries that were associated with many different characters that it became somewhat confusing at times (difficult to digest).  I can see all these different scenes & “side stories” (ie. Seohyun’s brother, Sunny & Sungmin’s encounter, Yuri & Siwon, Kyuhyun & Seohyun, Siwon & Kyuhyun, and etc.) are supposed to intersect at one time and that everything will come together, but I just feel it’s too many stories & scenes being i