Kyuhyun doesn’t tear his eyes from the man he loves anymore. He doesn’t dare looking away because if he looks away, he might slip from his hold. He doesn’t dare looking away because if he looks away, he might see the holding looks in everyone in the gymnasium now at them – those who knows. He’s still goddamn afraid, he’s still shaking in fear, but he realizes now that there’ll always be fear.

There will always be fear. But is that fear enough to keep you from being with the person you love? Will you let that fear be stronger than your love?

Will he?

No, because Jongwoon’s father is right. He is sorry. Everyone can be sorry but that doesn’t change a damn thing until he takes accountability, until he begins doing something that will change things. He knows he can not exactly change things because now, he leaves it up to Jongwoon, but he can still do something. He can begin doing his part.

The entire gymnasium has turned to them, even those who don’t have a clue what was going on. The gravity of their gazes and how everyone who knows is holding their breath is enough for them to watch them, too.

Kyuhyun wonders if his parents are also looking at him or if they left because he is a son of embarrassment. He smiles because he knows they didn’t leave. He knows they’ll never leave him and even though he doesn’t know exactly where they are now and he can’t see them, it makes him feel a hundred times better to know that they love him. No matter what.

His father tightly holds his mother’s hand and his mother grip her husband’s hand back, as if the moment Kyuhyun is having is hers, too. They both take quick glances at each other first before looking back at their only son.

“Is he going to be alright?” Mrs. Cho softly whispers, anxious.

“He’s Cho Kyuhyun,” his father replies, trying to be more confident, but worry still seeps off his voice. “He’ll be alright.”

Yoona pushes the big, dark sunglasses on the edge of her nose. She just made a call to one of her staff to make a donation to the university foundation under Jongwoon’s name – although she’s certain that Jongwoon’s wouldn’t like her donating and using his name. She made the refund Jongwoon talked about and she made the donation twice.

She would really love to see how it ends but she has a plane to catch departing for Beijing. Her father surely wouldn’t like it if she’ll take a couple more hours than what she told him would be her time arriving at China.

Besides, she’s slightly sure that this is just the beginning for Jongwoon and Kyuhyun.

And she’s glad.

She takes a deep breath before pushing the sunglasses again and turning her back on the scene everyone is looking. She’s sure the gymnasium is covered so she doesn’t understand where the rain is coming from. She takes another deep breath before forcing a smile on her face.

She knows she made the right decision. And she doesn’t really know what more she can do to make things right but she doesn’t expect this.

“Ma’am, are you alright?” one of her bodyguards asks her.

“I did the right thing,” she whispers, “and this is just the right punishment for me.”

The bodyguard confusedly look at her.

She hopes that one day, she’ll meet a person who will look at her the way Kyuhyun looks at Jongwoon when the older is not looking and who will love her the way Jongwoon loves Kyuhyun despite everything she did. She hopes that one day, she’ll be with a person who doesn’t see her surname or the conglomerate she’ll be getting when her father dies. She hopes that one day, she’ll be able to experience the kind of love so true and strong that it withholds everything.

Even though she doesn’t think she deserves it.

The one thing she regrets though is not being able to say goodbye to him and not being able to tell him just the truth in the end. Although she’s not sure if she deserves to do that much as well.

Jongwoon’s parents are just pulling in front of the gymnasium and when they don’t see their son outside, waiting for them so they can finally leave for good to Amsterdam, his father furiously gets out of the car. His mother catches her husband’s arm.

“Let’s wait for him here,” Mrs. Kim softly tells him, more worried of what her husband might do to other people than how is her son. She knows Jongwoon is strong but she, too, already lost a child, and as much as it scares her, she knows how much it scares her husband, too, even though he doesn’t show if as often as she does.

“No. I’ll get him inside.” Mr. Kim’s voice is decisive and authoritative and his wife knows that there’s no stopping him from getting their son inside.

Meanwhile, it’s as if time has stopped for everyone inside the gymnasium. Kyuhyun is not sure why everybody gives a damn, really, because it’s not like the economy of their country will progress if Jongwoon decides to forgive him or not or it’s not like economy of every developing country in the world will improve if Jongwoon decides not to leave anymore.

But he realizes he’s through thinking so much about what everybody thinks. He’s through considering and contemplating what they might think. His parents didn’t disown him when he told them he is in love with Jongwoon. He’s not certain anymore why he should think of everybody else when they don’t even know him.

He doesn’t know them either. They’re not the ones who didn’t sleep because he was crying at night when he was a baby. They’re not the ones who stayed with him whenever he was sick. They’re not the ones who was worried and who looked like they were in as much pain as he was when he hurt himself. They’re not the ones who would cook him vegetable curry and watch sports with him at three in the morning because he felt like going home.

They’re not the ones who protected him ever since he was a child and who loved him regardless of what now.

He realizes those people are not important. Or what they think. They don’t know him and they’re just a sea of opinions that would remain only as opinions of himself as long as he doesn’t let what they say get to him or the people he loves. . Disgusting. Alien. Weird. Animal.

For him, at that moment, he is Cho Kyuhyun who loves Kim Jongwoon.

And he tells him exactly that.

“I love you,” Kyuhyun steadily says, keeping his gaze on Jongwoon. Then, he smiles because he can’t believe how right it feels right now that he’s telling it to the person he loves, to the right person who’s been in his heart all this time, in front of everybody because he doesn’t give a what they think about him or them anymore. He loves this man in front of him and he’s not going to let that go just because some people think it’s strange or it’s wrong.

Because he loves him. No matter what other people say or think, it’s not going to change the fact that he loves him and there’s nothing more relieving than the feeling in his heart that he’s finally doing the right thing, what he should have done from the start.

He thinks it’s funny because sure, people could say whatever they want. They can give their opinions even when you’re not asking for them. They can judge you and dump on who you are and who you love for all they want, for all you care.

But he realizes that at the end of the day, that’s all those are ever going to become. Their opinions. They don’t define who you are. They won’t define who you’ll be. They don’t define you as a person, as a student, as a friend, or as a son. They don’t define you as the person you dreamed of becoming in the future. They don’t define the projects you did at school. They don’t define the career you’ll have once you graduate. They don’t define the relationships you have with people.

They don’t define you and they won’t until you let them.

Kyuhyun realizes that it’s extremely difficult not to let them get to you. But he smiles again when he thinks, just because it’s difficult doesn’t mean it’s impossible, right?

Their opinions are only pointless voices that will hit the wall and vanish because as far as he is concerned, Jongwoon has been there for him, more than he ever thought. As Kim Jongwoon and as Yesung. He protected him and he took care of him.

He loved him.

He doesn’t care anymore what other people think. He doesn’t want to care anymore because it’s like the questions his mother asked him.

Is it dangerous? What, loving Jongwoon? He doesn’t think so now that he was able to talk to his father and tell him how much he loves his son. Now that it is clear that Hyesung’s death is not his responsibility.

Is it going to harm other people? Like how? Kyuhyun is sure that loving the person he loves doesn’t have a correlation with the mortality rate of their country or the world or anybody, really. From planktons to human beings alike.

He loves him.

He loves him.

He loves him.

In the end of the day, Kyuhyun realizes that it’s just the bottom line. After all, he doesn’t really think that his feelings changed for Jongwoon even after everything that happened. He loved him from the start and he still loves him now. And there’s nothing more reassuring than hearing that Jongwoon still loves him.

“I love you, hyung.”

There’s probably not a single word in the dictionary to describe what Jongwoon is feeling when he sees Kyuhyun running after him, when Kyuhyun grabs his wrist and wouldn’t let go, when Kyuhyun looks at him in the eyes without fear that everyone is looking and judging them.

When Kyuhyun told him that he loves him.

He’s not certain if he’s sad because it’s too late for them or angry because why does it have to be just now or anxious because he doesn’t know if he should hope again or scared because how long until Kyuhyun lets go of him again or perplexed because he’s always been sure than leaving is the best option until now or just happy because the person he loves finally tells him that he loves him, too. There are probably more than fifty more adjectives to describe the whirlpool of emotions inside him now and it shows in the same expression he has now that he gave Kyuhyun when he caught his wrist.

What the .

“Hyung, I love you,” he repeats again for the third time.

“I heard you the first time,” Jongwoon finally speaks. He looks at Kyuhyun and he can’t see the same fear in the younger’s eyes. The huge amount of fear that he used to have in those eyes, so terrified and apprehensive, are nowhere to be seen now. There’s the light glint of confidence he loved from the younger but most of all, there’s truth. He stares at him and he doesn’t look away.

Kyuhyun looks at him hopefully. “I love you,” he repeats again after some moment.

“I told you, I heard you the first time.”

“I know. I just want to make up to those times…” he trails off.

“When you’re too scared to man up to your own feelings?”

He doesn’t look surprised anymore but he’s thankful that Jongwoon’s tone is less hostile than his tone when he talked to him during the choir competition. “Yeah,” Kyuhyun mumbles.

“And you’re not scared now?” Jongwoon carefully asks.

“To be honest, I still am, hyung. But I realized that if I continue being scared only, I’ll lose you,” Kyuhyun explains. “And I don’t want to lose you.”

“You think you haven’t lost me yet?”

That surprises Kyuhyun and for a moment, he really thinks he already did. And it scares him. And he doesn’t know what to say anymore. It scares him so much but he just said it. If he continues being scared only, he’ll lose him and even if there’s just a one to ninety-nine percent chance for him now, he doesn’t want to be scared only. He doesn’t want to lose him.

Goddamn it, he loves him.

“I am hoping I haven’t yet, hyung.”

.

.

.

“Kiss me.”

Kyuhyun eyes widen. “Now? Here?”

“Why?” Jongwoon drops his wrist, freeing himself from Kyuhyun’s hold. He stares at the younger and he doesn’t know himself what he is doing exactly but maybe he just wants to be a little more certain now in Kyuhyun, in this relationship, in their love before hoping again. Because truth be told, he isn’t as brave as how others think he is. He is also afraid. He is scared that this might just be another daydream and if he hopes again, his heart will be shattered once again, too. “Are you embarrassed? Are you still scared?”

He realizes what Jongwoon is doing and truly, how can he blame him?

Kyuhyun gazes at him earnestly and without another word, he leans forward.