My dear Jongwoon,

From the very start, ever since you were born, I’ve always made your life harder than how you should, and how you had always deserved, to live it, free and happy. I’ve always wanted a sibling, I told you, didn’t I? And how I was so happy when Mom and Dad told me that you’ll be coming. But I didn’t know the reason behind it. I didn’t know that I was the reason. I didn’t know that it’s because of me, that we were having you, that I was having you. But you are the best brother any sister could have asked for.

When we were younger, I didn’t realize. Why were you at the hospital, too? Were you sick like I was, too? Why were you undergoing a surgery, too? Did you had a fatal disease like I did, too? And when I realized everything you’ve been doing for me, everything I’ve been doing for you, I wanted to stop everything, because I knew I was hurting you.

You didn’t mind. You were smiling to me as much as you have always been and it killed me even more to think that every stitch you have in your body, every cry you tried to stifle whenever they run tests for your blood, every second you spend at the hospital when you could be doing something you like outside, when you could be someplace else, was because of me.

You didn’t mind. You were holding my hand, even after your surgery was over, when I was about to go to my own operation, and you were telling me that it’s going to be okay, that everything’s going to me, that we’re both going home together to Mom and Dad.

You didn’t mind. You were always there for me, and you have always been there for me.

I knew you could give me half of your life to save me, my dear Woonie, not because Mom or Dad would ask you to do so but because you wanted to. But I couldn’t do it any longer. I couldn’t do what I’ve been doing to you for the last sixteen years any longer. All your life, you’ve been living to keep me alive.

Now I want to go and rest peacefully, so you could live.

This isn’t suicide.

This is leaving peacefully.

If you knew how much every moment I spend with you means to me, if you knew how happy you are making me, I never thought someone could love me as much as you do and I wanted you to know that I love you the same and I’ll always be thankful.

When we were younger, we met a boy. I never thought I’m going to meet him again, Jongwoon. Just like before, he showed me life, and he showed me love, and he made me see what it was really like to live. I want you to live, like him. Every second, every minute, every hour. It feels like home.

I’m returning home, my Woonie.

I love you. I’ll always love you. You know how you’re named after the clouds, right? Just like how you’ve been to me, protecting me and keeping me safe, whenever you feel sad, look up at the sky and you’ll always see me there, watching over you, and Mom and Dad.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I’ll always be thankful to you.

I’m sorry for everything.

Always,

Your noona forever,

Kim Hyesung

A/N:

Done for six-chapter update! Sorry for not keeping my promise of one day-one chapter update until Jongwoon’s birthday. Things are getting complicated and explanations are getting inevitable, so I have to rethink everything, to be honest.

I hope you guys will stay until the end.

Belated happy birthday to our most handsome turtle and cloud prince, Kyuhyun’s better half, KIM JONGWOON. More birthdays to come and may you be happy and healthy always!

Also, I’m sure you guys have heard about Ladies Code’s EunB’s passing away, and just this morning, RiSe’s. Let’s pray for their souls. It’s saddening that this is happening in the K-Pop community. Personally, I’m not familiar with the members, and I don’t even know any of their songs, but it’s still deeply saddening. My deepest condolences to the family and I hope the three other members, who, if I’m not mistaken, were also in the car accident will recover quickly. *fandom hug*

Always, always keep safe and don’t forget to wear seatbelts, please.

What do you think about these revelations? Share me your thoughts. I’d love to hear them. – Elle