Jongwoon sees now why goodbyes are always hard. He knows some would beg to disagree but he’ll still insist and say, No, please don’t argue. It is always hard no matter how ty the place you're leaving is or how devilish (aka Yoona) some of the, because he doesn't believe it can be all (aka Siwon), people are. Because you see, he realizes, life is so ing complicated like that. It throws you up so high you're in cloud nine but leaves you falling with nobody to catch you after. It can't always be bad, though. No matter how depressed some people (aka Jongwoon) can be and claim nothing right is happening with their lives, he honestly doesn't think that's true. It can’t be true simply because life isn't like that. Sure, it s you up real bad from time to time (most of the time, actually, Jongwoon will have to say) but it's not designed to you real bad all the time. No matter how small, super micro small, there has to be something nice that's happening in your life from time to time. It might not be significant enough to salvage you from your hellish life, but it is enough to keep you alive (literally and figuratively). And that's why saying goodbye is always hard.

He realizes it is hard because it's a choice. He doesn't believe anyone is really forced to do something because he believes everyone has a choice. Maybe, some people are left with few options but there’s always a choice. And when it's a choice, you and only you can choose whether to say goodbye or not. It's hard because why would you say goodbye to people and things that make you smile? But then and again, the primary reason why we say goodbye is because we become smart. It's already hurting us. It's already killing us. Why hold on to something that's slowly taking your heart piece by piece? Of course, the logical move is to say goodbye (to the things or people).

It is hard because when we say goodbye – as much as we avoid it or deny it – it's also like saying goodbye to the nice (people or things, no matter how super micro small they may be). When we say goodbye, we do not only say goodbye to the bad but also to the good. And that's hard because why say goodbye to something nice, right? 

It all comes down to the net effect, then, Jongwoon figures.

Is the nice worth taking all the bad? Or not anymore?

That's why sometimes we have to say goodbye to the good, too, because the bad is already too much and not even the good can save us anymore. That's the point when you've got to save yourself.

He turns his back to the ceiling he’s been staring so hard for a couple of hours it can melt already, if that’s really happening, and buries his face on his pillow, trying to force Heechul’s face away from his mind. He knows he tells himself to stop caring so much already, but really, how can he not care when it’s Heechul who’s done nothing wrong? If it’s Sooyoung? If it’s Joohyun?

He agrees there’s no turning back now, that the choir competition will be the last, but when Heechul confronts him that night about leaving, it’s already damn two in the morning and Jongwoon hasn’t winked a second of sleep, yet. To think how Maestro Jang reminded them to rest this whole day before the competition.

“When are you going to tell us you’re leaving, you ?!”

The scene keeps on replaying and replaying on Jongwoon’s mind he doesn’t really know how many continuations he’s thought of already for the past hours he’s been thinking of it. He knows it’s selfish and it’s unfair for Heechul and for Sooyoung and Joohyun, especially, since they’ve been there even before Heechul came back, but he meant to go quietly, peacefully. He’s aware of the space it will leave his heart – and theirs, too – but he thinks it’s for the best.

He’s done with tears and he’s done with heartaches. He doesn’t want any of that anymore. But when he thinks of Heechul’s words, he doesn’t know if he’s walking to the right direction anymore. If not saying goodbye is the right thing to do or if leaving is the option he’s got to choose.

Heechul’s face is a mixed of disdain, felt of betrayal and disappointment when he confronts Jongwoon.

“Heenim,” Jongwoon is surprised, obviously. No one is supposed to know, but then and again, like always, it’s not really much of a surprise if Heechul learns something he’s not supposed to know. “How did you know?”

“Is that really important, Jongwoon?” Heechul spats irritably. “You’re not even going to say goodbye? You’re not even going to tell us where the hell you’re going?”

He lifts up his head hurriedly, with almost no air in his system, he feels like his head is going to crack but it’s nothing painful really compared to the crack in his heart when he remembers Heechul’s words before he turns the other direction to go home.

“I get it, Jongwoon,” Heechul says after calming – or trying to calm – himself down, because he’s aware of Jongwoon’s condition and as much as he wants to punch Jongwoon in the gut for being stupid, he doesn’t really want to endanger Jongwoon’s health. “I know Kyuhyun is an and a coward and even if I still don’t understand how can you love someone like that, I get it. I ing get it. But what about us? What about Sooyoung and Joohyun?”

For Jongwoon, Heechul has never really been sentimental and for those weeks Heechul’s been with him after he came home from Europe, it’s like Heechul didn’t really leave at all. He knows the words Heechul wants to say after those but instead, Heechul shuts his mouth and looks directly at Jongwoon and there’re no words even more painful than the look on Heechul’s face of… sadness?

The thing is, Jongwoon can’t really say something on his defense because he’s not misinterpreted or something. He meant to leave without saying goodbye to them and even if he thinks that’s the best thing to do, he knows that’s not an excuse. That’s what’s ing annoying and he knows it. He decides it’s the best thing to do for himself but what about his friends? Is that also the best thing to do for his friends?

He seriously wants to drink sleeping pills already just so he can sleep this away.

Sleeping because everything, Jongwoon thinks and can’t stop a pathetic smile from pulling on his pretty face. Because how lonesome, right? That sleep is his only escape. That he still can’t do anything about his problems but sleep them away.

He decides he’s done with that, too. If he needs to beg for his friends’ forgiveness, then he’s going to do exactly that. Because he realizes they are the good and if he’s leaving to forget both the good and the bad, why is he even leaving in the first place? He’s leaving so that one day, he can come back here and remember the good away from the bad, not all the pains, sufferings and heartaches he had to endure here.

He doesn’t want to say goodbye to protect them, but he realizes, maybe they don’t want to be protected by him anymore. Maybe he doesn’t have to play hero anymore to everybody. Maybe they can be friends and stand beside each other now, no time or distance in between.

A/N: "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." - Matthew 7:7

Someone asked me to update with a long chapter or two chapters since my last update was really a long time ago. Wish granted! Although I can't always update when an update is being asked, guys, this is something I can do now ^^ I hope you guys will enjoy these two chapters and thank you for even bothering to ask for updates, I really, really appreciate it ^^ - Elle.