“Do you mean it when you said you don’t give a damn?” Jongwoon suddenly asks, closing the lid of the bottle he just drank water from and settling it on the desk he’s sitting. He and Youngwoon are currently taking a break after two hours of straight singing. It’s not good, both of them know, to exert your vocal chords like that but with competition thirteen days away, they also know they have to bend a few rules now.

Youngwoon looks confusedly at him first, like What the are you talking about, dude? But his furrowed eyebrows instantly went back to normal when he realizes what the other is talking about. He gulps the remaining water in his bottle before standing up to throw it on the trash bin near the room’s door.

Then he looks back at Jongwoon and says, “If you’re talking about you and Cho Kyuhyun, which is the only thing I can remember I said I don’t give a damn about since we met, which is just yesterday, then yes, I don’t give a damn.”

“Why?”

“Why?” Youngwoon’s eyebrows furrows again. “What do you mean why?”

“Aren’t you the least bit curious what really happened?” Jongwoon suggests and he doesn’t really know why. What he’s talking about. Why he’s asking all this. Because it shouldn’t matter to him now. “Or how it ends?”

“You know, dude,” Youngwoon starts. “I’ve got more things to worry about than your love story with Cho Kyuhyun. Like passing Calculus or meeting my thousand plates’ deadlines or not spending all my money for food and saving some fare money so I won’t have to spend the night in the practice room or walk home. Like I said, I don’t give a damn. No offense, dude, but I’ve got better things to think about.”

“But you know it’s a love story,” Jongwoon comments.

“Because everyone is talking about it like crazy for about two weeks after that girl with long hair – I don’t know her name – kind of makes a show about how you’re such a creepy stalker of Cho Kyuhyun. It’s not like I can choose to unhear things when people are buzzing about it wherever I go,” Youngwoon snorts, going through the lyrics of the song.

He can’t believe Youngwoon does not know Yoona’s name but he finds it relieving that there are people like Youngwoon who doesn’t really know him or Kyuhyun yet acts like this. Normal. This is what normal is for Jongwoon.

“I did liked him, you know,” Jongwoon mentions offhandedly, like he’s only saying Oh look, the sky is blue! Though he is still careful about his words as it may affect Kyuhyun, he feels free enough to talk about his feelings like this to a real person who can judge him for it. “Although the stalking part is not true, I did liked him.”

Youngwoon looks at him carefully and on his eyes is You did or you still do? But he doesn’t voice them out because as much as he thinks Jongwoon is trying to be strong, there’s something fragile he sees in him that makes him unable to be as frank as he really is. He only nods his head and says, “Well, at least that part came out true.”

“Yes,” Jongwoon agrees with a small smile.

“You know, my brother has a boyfriend,” Youngwoon suddenly says. “Not my brother as in brother, but my cousin brother. We’re really close because we do taekwondo and karate and other sorts of martial arts together. But one day, he announces in our family he has a boyfriend. It’s weird because we thought he was only joking.” He laughs and watches Jongwoon’s expression.

“But he wasn’t,” he continues. “And so there we have it, he has a boyfriend.”

Jongwoon doesn’t really understand why Youngwoon is telling him all this but he listens anyway.

“Some relatives are still stubborn to accept him,” Youngwoon tells him. “Some say it’s immoral and some idiots say it’s disgusting but hyung doesn’t really care about what they say, simply because it’s not true, I guess? I don’t really understand.” He laughs again.

“But I think I do,” he says afterwards though. “I asked him one time if he’s gay, you know. Because what gender will I label him after if he’s not gay, right? He told me he’s not and that he’s only in love with his boyfriend. I didn’t really understand but seeing them now, after eight years since he introduced his boyfriend with the family, I think I can understand.”

“He’s a good hyung, too,” Youngwoon finishes with a roar of laughter. “He buys me drinks and treats me to dinner all the time even though he’s already graduated from the university.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Jongwoon asks, still not understanding the point of Youngwoon’s story.

“No particular reason,” Youngwoon easily says. “Maybe I just want to share how it’s not always difficult and maybe, it will come a day when it’s okay.”

Jongwoon doesn’t say anything for a moment before grabbing his piece of notes again and announcing that their twenty-minute break is over. They resume their practice.

He knows Youngwoon is being nice, not judging and even trying to make him feel better and he appreciates his kindness. He has long realized that kindness isn’t always easy and free in this world nowadays but he thinks about what Youngwoon said and he thinks about the time he believed in that, too, that it’s not always difficult, that one day it will be okay, and how it’s still difficult now and how now, Jongwoon believes it will only be okay if they will be apart.

And honestly, despite making himself believe it and trying to keep his promise to Kyuhyun, he doesn’t know how it will be okay again if they are apart.