“Are you sure you have everything you need?” Mr. Kim asks Jongwoon, handing him a small envelope containing the plane ticket and boarding pass for his son.

Jongwoon wakes up early that morning. Not getting much sleep anyway. His father and mother need to see his mother’s doctor one last time before going to Europe but he tells his father he’ll be going first. He doesn’t need to bring anything with him because his parents and he decided it’s better to leave their things in Korea.

So they can start brand new.

It’s a nice thought for Jongwoon. Not that they’re necessarily forgetting Hyesung and everything painful that happened in that house before, during and after his sister’s death but they need to start new without all those pain so they can come back to that place and to those memories without feeling nothing but pain.

The thing about pain is, it’s not going to completely disappear because a person’s mark in our lives is that person’s mark. It may be filled by the presence of another person or it may be filled by time but it will not completely be filled simply because it’s that only person in that space of your heart.

Jongwoon’s always thought it’s poetic because he does believe that there are people in our lives that even if they are gone and not with us anymore will always remain in their space in our hearts and no one else can fill but at the same time, it’s sad. Because that means that once they’re going and they’re never going back, that space will never be filled, right? So we continue to live without them with a part in our hearts missing.

He’s not going to forget about Hyesung. Despite everything that happened, he loves his sister so much. But he wants to go back to the place they once called home and had become a home to their family, remember Hyesung and the times they spent their together and he wants to remember the memories that may come with pain from time to time but will also bring sweet memories they shared as a family.

Sometimes you leave not because you want to but because you need to.

His father told him he’s going to finish his degree in Europe. Maybe not at once after they come to the foreign country because he still needs some time to adjust. After he finishes his degree in Biology, which he originally took as pre-medicine course because he wants to become a doctor, it’ll be Jongwoon’s choice if he’s going to continue it to medicine.

“I really want to be a doctor, Dad,” Jongwoon tells his father earnestly.

Mr. Kim gives him a fatherly smile and puts his hand on his son’s shoulder, a gesture he hasn’t been able to do for a long time that it feels nostalgic. “Then be a doctor, Jongwoon,” he says with an approving smile.

He tells his father he wants to finish his medicine degree in Europe as well.

“And are you going back after that?”

“I don’t know, Dad,” Jongwoon answers truthfully. “Maybe… Maybe not.”

His father knows it’s not easy for Jongwoon to leave as well and as difficult as it is to leave, it’s also difficult to come back. So he puts both his hands on Jongwoon’s shoulders and looks at his son on the eyes. “It’s okay,” he tells Jongwoon. “You think about it so you’ll have no regrets.”

No regrets.

They’re such big words. But can you really live without any regrets?

He looks at his room, at his neatly arranged bed, at the window he loves looking at the stars from, on his cabinet and on his study table just beside his bed. There is not much on that room, just normal things necessary for someone to live with, but all his life he can remember, that room has been his sanctuary, the place he can lock himself into and cry his heart out without fearing to be caught or be judged, the place he can pour out everything by singing by himself, the place he can think freely.

It’s nothing special really but he still gives it a bittersweet smile as he locks the door.

Walking down the corridor, he passes Hyesung’s room, where he used to dress himself as his older sister, learned to put a little makeup to look more like her and asked his sister every time his father forced him to dress as Hyesung why she left him alone. To be honest, his sister’s room feels like his room as well for the past three years.

“Noona,” he stands before the room and speaks to it as if he’s talking to his older sister. “We’re going for a while.”

Jongwoon heaves a deep breath like he is really telling his sister that they are leaving. He stares at the room and he sees a flashback of memories, both bitter and sweet. He gives it a small smile and shakes his head before walking towards the steps because he needs to go now or else he’ll be late for his flight. “It doesn’t matter,” he mutters. “I know you’ll be going with us anywhere anyway.”

Despite everything, that made him smile genuinely.

“Just one bag?” Mr. Kim asks. “Do you really have everything you’ll need in there?”

Jongwoon nods again.

“He’ll be fine,” Mrs. Kim tells her husband because he still doesn’t seem convinced, having asked his son that for over five times since Jongwoon comes down with indeed only one bag. “We’ll buy everything he needs there anyway.”

“Right, Dad,” Jongwoon agrees and he looks at his watch. “Oh, I need to go!”

“The driver’s already outside,” his father says even though Jongwoon said it’s okay if he commutes, he doesn’t want Jongwoon to commute. “I’ll take your bag.”

“It’s okay, Dad,” Jongwoon says with a light chuckle. “It’s one bag,” he stresses.

His mother hugs him tightly and tells him, “Take care of yourself, okay? We’ll be there tomorrow anyway! We can shop as soon as we get there. And, Mr. Vogt will be waiting for you at the airport so don’t walk around, okay? Don’t get lost and try to buy a booklet in how to speak in English at the airport.”

Jongwoon smiles through his mother’s long hug of telling him to take care of himself and necessary reminders. “Yes, Mom,” he says. “I’ll be waiting for you and Dad in our brand new home in Amsterdam!”

“It’s a beautiful home!” Mrs. Kim exclaims.

“It is,” Jongwoon answers. I hope it will be.

“Jongwoon, you need to go if you don’t want to be late now,” his father says.

“Alright,” Jongwoon says. He kisses his mother’s cheek, “Bye, Mom. I’ll see you and Dad tomorrow.” And he kisses his father’s cheek, “Bye, Dad. Take care of yourself and Mom. See you tomorrow.”

And Jongwoon is headed to the airport.