Approximately eight seconds later (and Kyuhyun should have mentioned to call him after five minutes because he’s still inside the university, the library even, and right then, Kyuhyun only wants Yesung), Kyuhyun’s phone beeps and he immediately scrambles out of the library to answer his phone while trying to dodge the librarian and everybody else’s glares in the library.

“Yesungie-hyung.”

“Baby Kyu.”

There’s a moment of brief and comfortable silence. Kyuhyun misses this and he misses Yesung. For a long time, while he is trying to be of any help to Sooyeon’s issue, it’s been Jongwoon who’s been there with him, helping Kyuhyun in whatever way Jongwoon can. Kyuhyun isn’t forgetting Jongwoon. No, not at all. It’s just that when it’s Yesung, it is Yesung, and when it’s Jongwoon, it is Jongwoon. It’s not like he can forget either of them at all, anyway.

“Are you okay?”

It’s vague question, really, right? But there are so many things Kyuhyun wants to answer, so many things he wants to tell Yesung, if only they’d be granted the time and the chance. The chance that’s yet to happen, Kyuhyun thinks, smiling in spite of himself. If he was able to meet Yesung that night, during the Thanksgiving Ball, then maybe, everything would turn out to be different. Yesung would be beside him, clasping Kyuhyun’s hands between his, and asking him if he’s okay, not Yesung on the other end of the line, wondering what’s going on with Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun continues to run even though he’s long out of the library, continues to run even though he’s long out of the vicinity of the university, continues to run even though he’s long out of the talks and mouths of people who don’t understand anything.

But really, don’t they?

He stops, short for breath and pants, hands tight on his phone over his ear. He can still hear Yesung’s rhythmic breathing and he doesn’t know about what he’s gladder: that he’s finally out of the suffocating confines of the university (and everybody, to be honest) or that Yesung didn’t hang up and yes, he’s still talking to Yesung. Kyuhyun looks around and finds himself nowhere.

“I – I don’t know where I am, hyung,” Kyuhyun pants heavily, trying to even his breathing.

“What?” Jongwoon’s not sure if he’s following.

He is sure that Kyuhyun ran out of the library and the university and while Jongwoon will stop for nothing to see and make sure that Kyuhyun is alright, he can’t exactly while he’s being Yesung on the phone, too. He knows he can’t be Jongwoon in front of Kyuhyun. He’s talked and spent time long enough with Kyuhyun (both as Yesung and Jongwoon) already to know that if he revealed everything to Kyuhyun right there and then, along with everything that’s happening with Sooyeon – and Jongwoon is sure that Kyuhyun is blaming himself for what’s happening with his childhood friend ­– it wouldn’t go well, not for him or Kyuhyun.

“I’m not sure where I am, hyung,” Kyuhyun repeats, looking around at the dark alley he ran himself into. He can hear sounds but he’s not sure he wants to find out where they’re from. He sighs and calls himself stupid for running with no destination but sighs some more because can he blame himself? He just ruined his childhood friend’s life.

“Why’d you run?”

“How did you know I ran, hyung?” Kyuhyun squints eyes in confusion.

“Um,” Stupid, stupid, “I could hear your panting over the phone, silly.”

“Oh,” Kyuhyun answers. He doesn’t know why he sounds disappointed even to himself but at the back of his mind, maybe he wishes for Yesung to look after him, even though he wouldn’t know if it’s Yesung or he wouldn’t be able to differentiate Yesung over any other criminal, but he still likes the idea of Yesung watching after him. It’s comforting and it makes him feel a little bit safer.

Kyuhyun walks out of the alley, not wanting to hear anymore of those sounds that he’s not sure if they’re really there or if his mind is working too much for one day. He sees himself in an unfamiliar street, probably several blocks away from the university.

“Where are you, Kyu?” Jongwoon asks worriedly, thinking that maybe, he can explain that he’s friends with Yesung (which will be stupid because Kyuhyun isn’t stupid – he may be dense and a bit of an idiot but he’s not stupid) and that Yesung can’t come to him (which is again stupid because why can’t he?) and Yesung asked Jongwoon to come for Kyuhyun wherever the hell Kyuhyun brought himself to (which is, for the third time, stupid, because why Jongwoon, of all people?). Anyway, no matter how faulty Jongwoon’s logic and reasoning have become, he’s worried about Kyuhyun.

“I don’t know, hyung,” Kyuhyun manages to answer. “I just, sort of, ran? You see, I didn’t want to stay at the university for another second and you called and I kind of really wanted – and needed – to talk to you and get out of there and so… I ran. Yeah, I ran.”

“Are you okay?”

Yes, because I’m still alive and didn’t manage to get myself in a hit-and-run while I ran around Seoul aimlessly?

No, because after helping my childhood friend who is the closest to a little sister that I could ever have deal with her parents about who she is, now it’s my fault that she’s dealing all over again with everybody else about something she isn’t supposed to be defending about herself?

No, because I knew who trashed the entire university with not-even-obscene posters of Sooyeon and Miyoung and everybody’s talking about how disgusting they are and their relationship to each other is but I don’t have any evidence to support my claim and most likely, the person who did that will get away?

No, because right now, I’m confused about a lot of things?

No, because right now, I don’t exactly know anymore what’s right or wrong, who’s telling the truth or who’s lying, whose opinion is the twisted one or not?

No, because right now, I have so many things in my mind and I’m feeling guilty because I should be feeling guiltier about what I did to Sooyeon rather than dealing with my own mixed feelings?

No, because I still don’t know you, hyung?

Kyuhyun sighs again and says, “Yes, I’m okay, hyung,” even though he’s not, clearly, and he’s far from being okay. He is seriously close to banging his own head on the wall just so he can lose consciousness for a day or two and maybe, he can forget about everything that happened, that’s happening and he thinks, will happen in the future.

“You’re not,” Jongwoon knows, of course.

Kyuhyun is silent because of course, Yesung will know. Of course, Yesung will see right through him. Hasn’t he always had?

“Kyuhyun,” Jongwoon begins. He’s not sure how else to say it but no matter what, even when he’s being Yesung or Jongwoon, he wants to tell Kyuhyun this, like what Hyesung used to told him before, because it’s the truth and because it’s going to be, “It’s going to be alright.”

Kyuhyun sniffs.

“It’s going to be alright, Baby Kyu,” Jongwoon repeats, more confident in his words this time.

Kyuhyun bits his lower lips so much he thinks it will bleed.

“It’s going to be alright.”

Kyuhyun cries, “Hyung~”

It’s stupid because Kyuhyun rarely cries. He can’t remember anymore when’s the last time he cried but that moment, he’s not sure what else to do but to let it all out and Yesung is there, even though only over the phone, even though only on the other end of the line, Yesung is there and Jongwoon wants to be there, too. Jongwoon wants to hold Kyuhyun and tell him up front that it’s going to be alright, hold him close and wipe the tears from his eyes, but Jongwoon knows better. Who Kyuhyun needs right now is Yesung and no matter how much it hurts Jongwoon to not be there for Kyuhyun, he’s willing to do it if that’s what Kyuhyun needs. He is always willing to.

“It’s my fault, hyung! It’s my fault…” Kyuhyun sobs over the phone.

“I’m so stupid,” Kyuhyun tells, in between chokes, sobs, and hiccups, “If only I’d done what Yoona asked me to, if only I did what she told me, then none of this would have happened. Sooyeon and Miyoung shouldn’t be suffering right now. I should be the one, hyung… I should be the one. Not Sooyeon and Miyoung! It’s my fault, hyung… It’s my fault…”

Kyuhyun sobs until he can no longer sob and if it’s stupid that he cries when he rarely cries, it’s more stupid that he’s crying on an unknown street he ran himself into. People stare at him as he walks and sobs, looking for some place where he can sit. He finally finds a quiet solace in the form of a park, a very familiar park, Kyuhyun muses while he continues to go on and on about how ‘it’s his fault’ to Yesung on the other end of the line. It’s like he’s been there.

“Hyung?” Kyuhyun says, finally calming himself as he sit behind the tree of the park. It’s weird because when you look at the park, you won’t know there’s that tree unless you know it and Kyuhyun’s not exactly sure if he’s been here before but the park seems utterly familiar, anyway. He looks around and sees empty wrappers of candies around the tree. “Are you still there?”

“I’m still here, Kyu,” Jongwoon answers.

“Hyung?”

“Yes, Kyu?”

“It’s my fault, isn’t it? That this kind of horrible thing happened to Sooyeon and Miyoung.”

For the entire hour that their call has been going on, after Kyuhyun asked Yesung to call him and Jongwoon called eight seconds after, after Kyuhyun ran out of the library and the university to exactly nowhere, after Kyuhyun bawled over every guilt feeling he has on his heart and Jongwoon listened patiently on the other end of the line while trying to restrain himself over and over again not to run to where Kyuhyun is and be Yesung, that’s the first Kyuhyun addressed the issue to Jongwoon (or Yesung, for Kyuhyun) and asked the older’s opinion.

Jongwoon is sure that Kyuhyun hasn’t told Yesung about Yoona and her threats to reveal Sooyeon to the university. He’s not sure how to put it. He knows it, as Jongwoon, but Kyuhyun will surely suspect if he already knows everything. It’s true that he doesn’t want to lie to Kyuhyun anymore and what he promised Kyuhyun is also true. No more lies. But right now, that’s not what Kyuhyun needs.

“What about it, Kyu?” Jongwoon asks, like he doesn’t have a single clue of what’s happening.

“Oh, right,” Kyuhyun murmurs, remembering that on the entire ordeal of helping Sooyeon get a hold of her father, he hasn’t exactly told Yesung about what’s happening (also, because Jongwoon has been on his side all the while and all the time and there’s Kyuhyun’s thing about when it’s Jongwoon, it’s Jongwoon, and when it’s Yesung, it’s Yesung – of course, not that Kyuhyun is exactly aware of that).

“Kyuhyun?”

“Hyung, if there’s something that can make you hate me, what’s that thing going to be?”

Kyuhyun isn’t sure why he asked Yesung that.

“What?”

Jongwoon’s not confident he understand what Kyuhyun is trying to ask him.

“If there’s something that can make you hate me, what’s that thing going to be?”

“I don’t know, Kyu,” Jongwoon answers because really, he doesn’t know and he still doesn’t understand what Kyuhyun is trying to ask or tell him. “I can’t hate you, that’s for sure,” he continues. “Hate is such a strong word and I don’t think I can ever feel that for you, Kyu.” Jongwoon smiles weakly at himself. “But you know what’s another thing that’s sure?” Jongwoon thinks he can finally get what Kyuhyun is asking him.

“What, hyung?”

“I will not hate you for being who you are.”

After that, after Kyuhyun calms himself for hyperventilating because he’s not sure over what he’s crying anymore, if it’s still about what Yoona did to Sooyeon or Miyoung or if it’s because of Yesung and what he told Kyuhyun.

Because everything that’s going on between Kyuhyun and Yesung is vague.

Because everything that’s going on between Kyuhyun and Jongwoon is ambiguous.

Because Kyuhyun is sure and yet, he isn’t sure.

Because Jongwoon is sure but he knows, Kyuhyun isn’t.

Because then and again, there’s still Jongwoon and Yesung and Kyuhyun doesn’t know about them – him.

Then, he told Yesung everything, starting from the beginning up to what happened that day. Jongwoon listened because Kyuhyun needs Yesung to listen. After Kyuhyun is done, he asks Jongwoon again, “It’s my fault, isn’t it? That this kind of horrible thing happened to Sooyeon and Miyoung.”

“No,” Jongwoon answers because it’s the truth. “No, it’s not your fault, Kyuhyun.”

“If I did what Yoona asked of me…”

“Then Sooyeon will be hurt,” Jongwoon continues. “What happened to Sooyeon and Miyoung isn’t because you didn’t become Yoona’s boyfriend, like what she wanted. It happened because of Yoona and it happened because it’s the truth. Do you think Sooyeon and Miyoung would be happy if they found out you became Yoona’s boyfriend for their sake? Do you think Sooyeon would let that happen to you?”

No, Kyuhyun thinks. Sooyeon will probably tear Yoona’s hair off.

“Do you think you’d be happy if you became Yoona’s boyfriend?”

No, Kyuhyun thinks. I’d be happiest if that Satan’s daughter will be permanently out of my life.

“Do you think Sooyeon and Miyoung will be happy to hide who they really are forever?”

“No, hyung,” Kyuhyun answers, “It’s just that, Sooyeon and Miyoung don’t deserve that kind of treatment and judgment they’re getting from everybody. They’re just high school students, hyung! They don’t…” Kyuhyun trails off, doesn’t know what to say anymore. He exasperatedly and tiredly looks down on his feet and mumbles, “They’re just being who they are. Is that so wrong?”

“It’s not,” Jongwoon answers, “but we also have to accept the fact that that’s not how everybody sees it. It’s difficult, but not impossible.”

“That’s nice,” Kyuhyun muses, finally smiling for the first time that day.

“Huh?”

“‘It’s difficult, but not impossible’,” Kyuhyun repeats Yesung’s words.

Jongwoon laughs.

Kyuhyun smiles some more.

Kyuhyun plays with the candy wrappers around the tree he is leaning his back against. He’s not very much of a sweet-tooth but he thinks that these candies look delicious (or felt delicious, like he tasted them before). He reads the label and mumbles unintelligently, “Peach… Rings…”

“What, Kyu?”

“Oh,” Kyuhyun remembers that he still has his phone on his ear and Yesung in still on the other end of the line. “Just some candy wrappers here on where I’m sitting, hyung. They look familiar, you know. Not just these candies that I think I’ve eaten before but this whole place, this park, I mean, and especially the tree!”

Of course, Jongwoon thinks, vaguely getting the idea of where Kyuhyun might be.

Of course.