Kyuhyun falls down silent, unable to process any more response because of the guilt that’s taking over him. Because apparently, he just hit a guy that kind of forced that guy to hit him, too, and thus exerted too much effort that his body can handle with a con heart disease and anemia. What’s worst than him?

The dimness of the room covers the feelings that have been going on to Kyuhyun and Jongwoon. Kyuhyun wants to confront Sooyeon why she did that. Jongwoon wants to say things to Kyuhyun without holding back, without having to think that he’s not enough.

But also, thanks to the dimness of the room, even though they can’t really say everything that’s clouding their minds, the dimness of the room creates a world that’s not aware of the outside and for that moment, Jongwoon feels like they’re alone on their own.

“Um, that disease,” Kyuhyun starts because he really feels like he should know.

“What about it?” Jongwoon asks, prompting the younger one to speak his thoughts because Kyuhyun seems to be hesitating.

Strangely, Kyuhyun feels like he should know all about Jongwoon now. Is it because he learned that Sooyoung and Joohyun really did nothing wrong? Is it because he learned that Jongwoon was, in fact, only protecting them? Is it because he hit Jongwoon who he didn’t know has dangerous and can be fatal if not taken care of illnesses?

Or is there something more that Kyuhyun can’t pinpoint on?

He’s worried, yes. But he can’t think of any rational reason why.

He just knew Jongwoon. He didn’t even know Jongwoon’s a junior, as the other man had pointed out. So why?

More strangely though, Kyuhyun has completely forgotten about Yesung that moment. And exactly just like what Jongwoon feels, it’s seems like they’re on their own transition, on their own world.

They say that if two people have the same thought at the same time, their hearts are beating in sync.

“The con heart disease, what is that?”

Jongwoon raises his brow first because why’s Kyuhyun asking him about his illness now? But then, there’s this bliss in his heart that tells that there might be nothing more than mere curiosity in Kyuhyun’s inquiries but then and again, there’s also hope for Jongwoon.

“Basically, it’s a heart defect. There are many kinds of con heart diseases and most of the time, they start even before a human is born. From the conceiving period, it’s like if a baby has a con heart disease, it will be visible from there on. Some are hereditary but not always. There are many kinds of con heart diseases but most of the cases are holes in the heart or weaker than normal hearts like they’re not beating as much as it can on a normal basis and an overall weak heart which means he can’t do heavy tasks than requires a lot of effort.”

Jongwoon stops because Kyuhyun isn’t saying anything. When he’s talking with Kyuhyun as Yesung, the younger always has something to say so Jongwoon tries to keep it short because he might be boring Kyuhyun.

But what Kyuhyun said after Jongwoon explains the illness surprises Jongwoon.

“I’m asking about your con heart disease.”

The small, “Oh,” with surprise that escapes Jongwoon’s mouth didn’t go unnoticed.

“What?” Kyuhyun asks, raising his brows.

“Nothing,” Jongwoon says, fidgeting and looking down. He’s praying that, Lord, if there’s just this small chance that Kyuhyun will like me back as me, as the real me, please, Lord, please, let it be.

Kyuhyun waits for Jongwoon to regain his composure.

Then, Jongwoon explains again, “My con heart disease isn’t hereditary although I’ve had this ever since I was born. There are no holes in my heart but according to the doctors,” Jongwoon is about to say my doctor but fortunately remembers that it’s Kyuhyun he’s talking to and it’s better not to scare Kyuhyun that much about facts about him, “apparently, my heart is like five times weaker than normal. Adrenaline rushes are strictly prohibited because getting excited over a basketball game can kill me.”

“So,” Kyuhyun nods, looking like he’s listening from an academic lecture, “are these fatal or something?”

Again, Jongwoon raises his brow. What’s gotten into Kyuhyun? This is literally their fifth conversation only and he’s discussing his health matters with him now?

“It’s not fatal,” Jongwoon begins, “with proper measures and care. But it can be if not taken care of well. And people with con heart disease are most likely to have a short life span.”

“Why?”

“Because of our heart. When people are young, there are people who will take care of their hearts with them,” Jongwoon begins and Kyuhyun interrupts him,

“Like Sooyoung and Joohyun?”

Jongwoon, then again, raises his brown. Seriously, when he’s talking to Kyuhyun as Jongwoon, it’s like raising a brow is being as necessary as breathing to him. “No,” Jongwoon says. “Like parents and siblings and your family,” he elaborates. Then he murmurs almost inaudibly enough to hear if you’re not listening carefully, “Sooyoung and Joohyun don’t know I have this illness.”

“They don’t know? How come they’re so worried of you?”

Jongwoon smiles. “More than friends,” Jongwoon starts and Kyuhyun doesn’t realize holding his breath, “those two are like my siblings, Kyuhyun-ssi,” he tells him and Jongwoon wonders what’s Kyuhyun’s sigh of relief is all about. “We take care of each other regardless of what.”

Kyuhyun doesn’t know why but he feels jealous of them. He has friends, of course, Donghae, Hyukjae and Sungmin, but he feels like no matter what, he’ll never be on the same level as Jongwoon is with Sooyoung and Joohyun as he is with them.

When Kyuhyun doesn’t answer, Jongwoon continues, “So, as I was saying, when people are young, there are people who will take care of their hearts with them but as people grow old, they tend to be more and more careless with their health. Some also say that it’s psychological, though.”

“Psychological how?”

Jongwoon smiles weakly and looks down and for that moment, he lets it slip, a part of him to Kyuhyun. He’s been careful not to let anything slip because he’s worried and he’s being careful but while he’s talking to Kyuhyun, it’s like the more and more he talks to Kyuhyun as Jongwoon, the more and more the wants to give a piece of him to Kyuhyun as well, not as Yesung but as Jongwoon.

They say that you give a part of yourself to those you love, letting them take care of it and trusting them with it.

“There are things in your life that you really want to do, right?” Jongwoon says and Kyuhyun nods. “So do you know what it’s like being deprived to do those things?”

“What?”

Jongwoon looks outside the window of the infirmary and sees the orange glowing sun entering the in betweens of the window blinds. “It’s like being deprived of life,” he says, still looking outside because he’s afraid that if Kyuhyun sees his eyes, he’ll see what’s more to it than meets the eye.

“Being deprived of life once can be survivable. But imagine because deprived of it over and over and over again. And knowing that tomorrow, it will happen again. Unless, of course, one day you’ll luckily get a heart donor which, I should tell you, doesn’t happen for most people who have con heart diseases’ cases.”

“When there’s nothing to live for anymore, how do you live then, Kyuhyun-ssi?”

Jongwoon turns back to Kyuhyun and meets the other’s eyes. Kyuhyun doesn’t avert his gaze and looks back at the other’s eyes.

“What about anemia?” Kyuhyun suddenly says, then again raising Jongwoon brows.

“Are you asking about anemia in general or my anemia?”

It doesn’t even take for Kyuhyun to answer nor does it bother him. “Your anemia.”

“Well, anemia is basically low RBC or red blood cells,” Jongwoon starts, still finding it odd discussing his health terms with Kyuhyun. Of all the things about him, seriously? This isn’t really his favorite topic but he does want to talk to Kyuhyun, regardless of the topic really. And besides, Kyuhyun already knows about this so there’s no point trying to hide it or deny it.

“I’m not producing enough red blood cells to equal my white blood cells and that’s not alright,” Jongwoon continues.

“What do you do about it?”

“On normal days, I eat foods with lots of iron and protein.”

“And on not-so-normal days?”

“Well,” Jongwoon stammers, not knowing if he’ll say it or not but decides that he basically reveals his entire health history and information to Kyuhyun already, what’s more to hide? “I get hospitalize and receive injections and medicines that will counter the overpopulation of WBC in my blood and will help me produce more RBC.”

“Overpopulation?” Kyuhyun chuckles, covering his mouth to stifle his laugh.

“Well, I can’t think of a better term,” Jongwoon shrugs, crossing his arms on his chest and turning red.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” Kyuhyun says, gesturing to Jongwoon.

“So,” Jongwoon says, turning serious. “Why are you asking me all this?”

“I told you, I’m worried,” Kyuhyun says nonchalantly, like it’s the next normal thing after the sun is rising from the east and humans need to breathe but for Jongwoon, that’s the next bizarre thing after how Venus flytraps eat flesh and talking to Kyuhyun after hitting him.

“Worried? Why?” Jongwoon asks incredulously. “Please don’t humor me.”

“Can’t I get worried?” Kyuhyun asks back.

“You can,” Jongwoon answers, “but not of me.”

“Why is that?”

“Because,” Jongwoon says bitterly, “I don’t deserve that.”

This time, it’s Kyuhyun who raises his brow. “Um, don’t I get to have the say on that?”

They say that when two people talk to each other like they’ve known each other for a long time even if they don’t really, it’s either those people are lovers from their past lives or in their present lives, they’re soul mates.

Jongwoon only looks at him, disbelievingly. He finally mutters, “You do realize you’ve only talked to me for a total of five times including now, don’t you?”

Kyuhyun nods, “Yeah. Come to think of it, I’ve only talked to you for four or five times but it seems like we’ve already talked more than that. How come is that?”

Jongwoon froze. “I – I don’t know,” he stammers, looking down and not knowing what to do.

Kyuhyun raises his brow skeptically at Jongwoon. “I don’t get it as well,” he says, thinking hard about the times when he could have talked to Jongwoon. “Hey?”

“What?” Jongwoon looks at him.

“You can let other people in,” Kyuhyun says softly, his eyes smiling to Jongwoon’s worried gaze. “Not just Sooyoung. Not just Joohyun. You can let other people in.”

They say that the most significant emotions cannot be conveyed in mere words but actions. And they say that the most meaningful feelings cannot be conveyed in scripted words but in vaguely, disorganized lyrics.

Charity…

Acceptance…

Courage…

Kindness…

Love…

A/N: I… didn’t… expect this chapter to be this long, I swear. I just wanted Jongwoon and Kyuhyun to talk, I promise. >.<

My loves, my dear readers, subscribers and commenters, thank you very much. I’m really sorry for the late replies in the comments but you see, I want to update fast first for you guys. I’m sure you want updates more than my replies, right? Kekeke. But I will reply eventually. :)

Thank you so much!!! *throws virtual hearts* – Elle Kim