Heechul isn’t very please with Jongwoon disappearing like that and he has a reason to be. He makes sure Jongwoon realizes that when he appears so early in the morning at his younger friend’s house the following day. He ignores the bags and the bloodshot eyes. He ignores the swollen face and the injection wound on Jongwoon’s arm.

“DON’T JUST SUDDENLY DISAPPEAR LIKE THAT, YOU IDIOT!”

Jongwoon, who doesn’t have any plan to get out of his bedroom that day and talk to anybody but he knows Heechul won’t just go away, is suddenly awake. He almost laughs at the thought of disappearing and he so wants to tell Heechul that no matter how many times he already thought that, planned that, have that crossed his mind multiple times, he couldn’t and he wouldn’t still because of them.

But he can’t exactly fuel Heechul’s anger more because he knows Heechul is right.

His father wasn’t exactly please as well when he arrived home and although the disheveled hair and red eyes certainly call for questions in top of arriving home at almost two in the morning, his father only asked him one question: “Do you need anything?”

Fortunately, his mother was already asleep, thanks to some prescribed antibiotics.

“I’m sorry, Heenim,” Jongwoon says genuinely, pulling the blanket to cover himself more. He wants to be swallowed by the blanket and by his bed. He wants to rest so badly and Heechul sees that immediately, even before he fires daggers at Jongwoon.

“You’re not going to class?”

“No,” he answers.

He doesn’t have to be a genius to know what happened, or what might have happened. He would usually start prying now, pestering the other to tell him everything that happened so he would know what to do. Like if he’ll beat the crap out of the bastard or he’ll let him live even just for another day. But seeing Jongwoon, Heechul doesn’t know if he can.

If he can bring it up.

If he can bring the pain up when it’s still obviously in Jongwoon’s face.

“You know, hyung,” Jongwoon suddenly says, stealing Heechul away from his thoughts. “I think I really love him.”

“What?”

“Because it really hurts when he told me he can’t,” Jongwoon says with a blank expression.

“Jongwoon –”

“I’m sorry, hyung,” he interrupts Heechul. He knows Heechul is worried, so are Joohyun and Sooyoung, and if they’re going to understand what’s happening to him, they have to at least know the gist of what happened.

Well, basically, it’s just Kyuhyun telling me he can’t love me back, Jongwoon thinks amusedly to himself.

“Can you tell Joohyun and Sooyoung I’m alright?” Jongwoon says. “I won’t be at school today… or tomorrow… or the next.”

Heechul’s mind is yelling “WHAT THE HELL YOU’RE ALRIGHT, JONGWOON?” but he doesn’t say anything and only looks at Jongwoon’s eyes. Empty eyes, might he add.

“Okay,” Heechul says and leaves Jongwoon’s house because Jongwoon doesn’t need him right now. Jongwoon doesn’t need Joohyun and Sooyoung and even Kyuhyun right now. Jongwoon needs himself and he needs to think and reevaluate what’s (or who’s) worth suffering for, worth all this pain for. He needs to know if it’s still worth it, if the bastard (Heechul’s word) is still worth it.

Jongwoon kept his word. He doesn’t come to school that day Heechul came to his house or the day after that or the day after that next day. They might have thought that he’ll come to school already, after those three days and the weekend, but Jongwoon is still nowhere to be found in the university.

Despite Heechul telling them that he’s okay and adding, “Or as okay as he can be, I think, because we all know he’s ed up, right? Someone ed him up so badly he just wants to sleep to make the pain go away. Which will not happen unless he suffers amnesia like that jerk and forgets how much he is hurt,” that didn’t really make Sooyoung and Joohyun feel better, they are getting more and more worried.

Other than the fact that Jongwoon is missing a lot and he’s already a junior, they haven’t heard so much as a word from him ever since Heechul’s and even Heechul is getting concerned and he knows he can’t ask Jongwoon anything so he comes to the source of everything.

“What the hell did you say to Jongwoon?”

Kyuhyun recognizes him. How can he not?

“I’m late for my next class. Excuse me,” Kyuhyun curtly says and moves to turn to the other direction. He hasn’t seen Jongwoon ever since that day and he doesn’t know what’s happening to Jongwoon but seeing his friend’s reaction, it’s probably not good and Kyuhyun is damning himself.

Heechul won’t let him get away easily. What does he take Heechul for?

“What the hell did you tell Jongwoon?!” Heechul repeats and this time, his hands are on Kyuhyun’s collar and he has Kyuhyun pinned to the wall. Other students are already gathering around them for all Heechul cares.

“I told him I can’t,” Kyuhyun answers quietly, meeting Heechul’s death glare and not moving to break free. He figures he deserves this. He figures he deserves more than this.

“You can’t what?!”

“I can’t…” Kyuhyun drops his gaze.

Heechul stares at his pathetically and drops him. He shakes his head and mutters full of spite, “You’re pathetic, Cho Kyuhyun. You’re a coward. You’re a real coward.”

Yoona, who is just turning the corner, sees just as Heechul walks away. Honestly, she’s in luck she didn’t run in Heechul like that. Heechul is just in his last thread to not beat the crap out of Kyuhyun. His veins are already showing and his face is turning red because of anger. Too much anger for his young friend.

“Coward,” he continues muttering, walking back to the botanical garden, which had become his headquarters whenever he’s inside the university.

“Why do you have to fall in love with such a coward, Jongwoon?” Heechul asks cryptically, eyeing the turtles, trying to climb up their turtle pond, and clamping his shaking hands together. “Even turtles are braver than that coward.”

Kyuhyun ignores the stares and the murmurs and the whispers as he quickly fixes his collar and picks up the books he dropped when Heechul grabbed him. He ignores Yoona calling after him and he ignores Yoona asking him if he’s alright. He can only think of Jongwoon and Heechu’s words.

You’re a coward, Cho Kyuhyun.

He is. He really is.

Yoona follows Kyuhyun until they’re outside the university building. She follows Kyuhyun until Kyuhyun is outside the library. She follows Kyuhyun until Kyuhyun decides his mind is going to explode if he does any more thinking. She follows Kyuhyun until Kyuhyun decides to go home instead. She follows Kyuhyun until Kyuhyun turns to the university dormitory and sees Sooyeon outside.

She follows Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun doesn’t see her.

“Kyuhyun-oppa!”

“Sooyeon-ah? What are you doing here?”

Sooyeon doesn’t look like her usual bubbly self, doesn’t look like the excited-t0-see-Kyuhyun she is. She looks like she hasn’t gotten as much sleep as Kyuhyun has and she doesn’t even smile when Kyuhyun looks at her.

“I need to tell you something, oppa,” Sooyeon says seriously and Kyuhyun hasn’t even asked, hasn’t even decided if he wanted to listen to what his childhood friend has to say when Sooyeon started blurting everything she was trying so hard to hold. Because this isn’t about her anymore. This is far about her anymore. But she can’t just let it end this way.

“Stop doing things you will regret! Stop thinking about other people and stop doing things just because you think that’s what everybody wants you to do!”

Kyuhyun looks astounded and Sooyeon looks like she might cry. She turns his back on Kyuhyun and is about to go away but stops shortly because there’s one more thing.

“Stop hurting those important to you! Stop hurting the people you love!”

Then Sooyeon runs back to the high school building. She honestly doesn’t know what she said, or if those would be applicable to Kyuhyun at all, or if they even got through him. But remembering Jongwoon’s words and how much he’d done for her and Kyuhyun, seeing how painful his expression was, Sooyeon knows she can’t just let it be. She can’t do much but if she can at least knock sense into Kyuhyun, then she’ll shout endlessly at him.

She leans back on the wall, feeling unusually tired, and holds her hands together.

Please, please, please, don’t let it end this way.

Meanwhile, Kyuhyuh stands there and doesn’t move until Yoona shakes his arm.

“Oppa, are you alright?”

That’s only the time he notices Yoona and he doesn’t even have the energy or the will to snap at her anymore.

“What are you doing here?” Kyuhyun asks in complete nonchalance.

“I followed you.”

“Huh? Go home, Yoona,” he says tiredly.

“I just want to ask you one thing,” Yoona insists, looking at Kyuhyun’s eyes.

Kyuhyun stares at her, feeling dead tired to argue.

“Do you love him?”

One question and he can only think of one answer. Yes.

He stares at Yoona and forces his words out.

“We can’t… We can’t be together. He’ll forget me. I'll forget him. And we’ll be okay.”

He remembers Jongwoon’s words. He remembers how he turns away from Jongwoon and how he turns Jongwoon away from him and he knows it’s mutual now but why doesn’t it feel okay? Why does it seem like Kyuhyun will never feel okay again?

He turns his back on Yoona and walks into the dormitory.

Yoona doesn’t follow him anymore. She doesn’t move. She watches Kyuhyun’s retreating figure and just in time, looks at the ground as something falls to the ground. She hides it because that’s not like her. She’s not supposed to feel this way. She’s not supposed to feel anything.

She’s only supposed to play, right?

“That's not what I asked.”

Maybe Yoona knows all along.

Maybe she's just the one who refuses to accept it.

Maybe she’s just the one who refuses to realize that this is far more fragile than the game she’s playing, far more breakable, and far more painful.

A/N: So sorry for updating really, really, really slow, guys. Life is… well, still life. Hope everything is fine in your end. ^^ I will try harder. Sorry again! >< Love you always! <3 – Elle