~Yuna~

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I wasn't sure if he forgave me, but his heart must have softened up since he hugged me and was holding me tightly right? I guess so. I couldn't stop crying because finally, all the anxiety and the concern, the worry and fear over the nights of being sleepless was finally disappearing and finally, I could be in Jae's arms where I should be

"Guys.. it's been a long day... how about we go back to the company? The two of you can rest. Changmin as a photoshoot for the new collection and I have a meeting with Donna Karan in a few minutes" Yoochun said

"As for me, I have a meeting as well" Yunho said

"You guys go ahead.. I'll take her back" JaeJoong said

I let go of JaeJoong and was given a hug by all the guys and when I met Changmin's eyes, he kind of reassured me that JaeJoong did forgive me. It was probably just because of the stress that he was being like this. I hope

The guys soon left and JaeJoong helped me to put on my coat and we then left the building in his car, hurriedly driving home, since I recognized the road. The silence all the way home was more than uncomfortable, it was so tense

We stepped inside his penthouse and the staff took our coats as JaeJoong went to the livingroom and sat down at once, me on the other hand was pretty much unsure if I should right next to him or if I should just stay where I was at the moment

"You can sit down, I'm not mad.." He sighed while staring at the open fire place

"You are... aren't you?" I asked and walked over to him, sat down and looked at the fire place as well

JaeJoong let out a sigh and he then twisted, and spun around to face me. I looked up as I felt him grabbing my hands

"My family Yuna.. it's.. a.. very complicated story. There's nothing filled in it, no memories, no happiness, no love. Nothing" He said

I swallowed hard

"I've been trying hard to let it go, to let it be in the past and not to dig it up again. And I just don't want to be a part it, and as for you, I wish the same thing for you"

"JaeJoong.. I"

"No Yuna, Listen to me. I don't want you to be a part of it because not even I want to give you those burdens of worrying for me. I don't care, I don't think about it and I certainly don't miss it. I didn't plan to tell you anything about my family at all, well not unless I was forced to but you do see the point right?" He said

I sighed as I took a hold of his face and smiled at you

"Taking you, having you JaeJoong, means I want everything. I just don't want 50% of your life. I want all of it and I don't care if it's burdens, it's happiness, filled with memories or pain. It doesn't matter to me, I just want to know"

"Know? What for? It's unnecessary things to talk about and certainly not representing who I am" He said while sighing

"That's where you are wrong Jae" I said and forced him to look at me

"I'm not wrong" He rolled his eyes

"No, the past made you to the person you are today. This coldness, this fierce and angry person. Don't you think you became like this because of the childhood you had to go through?"

"This is not a good time to talk about that" He said and released himself out of my grip

"This is the time. It can never be a good time to talk about painful memories" I said

"LOOK ! I HAD IT ROUGH OKAY? I STRUGGLED, I FOUGHT AND IT LED ME TO THIS PLACE!!! I'M NOT GOING TO SEE MY MOTHER BECAUSE SHE NEVER WAS ONE TO START WITH!"

"I'm not.. asking you to see your mother" I whispered and took a step closer to him

He breathed heavily as he was looking at me

"I'm just asking you to open up yourself to me" I said

"Why is it so important? Isn't enough that you know who I am and that I love you?" He asked, as if he was pleading

"Getting to know your past is a part of getting to know who you are Jae. Some things are hard to talk about but in the end, wouldn't it be a relief to have someone to rely on? I'm here for you and even if all I can do is listen, I'd do that because that would be better than nothing and the same goes for you being quiet.." I said

He sighed heavily

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~JaeJoong~

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Eventually she fell asleep, quietly, tired and exhausted from all the things that have happened today. And so was I. I was more than exhausted. I felt like I was emotionally worn out.

It took us 2 hours just to get through the childhood of mine, my relationship with my parents, my mom abandoning me, Yunho, the guys. The company, yes practically everything.

I don't think I've ever told anyone my inner and sincere thoughts like this before and I was more than afraid that she was going to judge me, think of me as an , or change her opinion, anything. But that was not the case. She was more than understanding and no matter how much I didn't want to admit it, she was right

Getting to know my past is a part of getting to know who I am. And yes, it did feel better when there was somebody who actually loved me, understood me, knew me and how I felt in those kind of situations. It was a relief to let it all out and for once in my entire life, I felt like I was free from all of my burdens which had grown heavy on my shoulders. I was exhausted but I was filled with joy

I looked down on my girlfriend, the supportive, kind and warmhearted caring girlfriend that I could actually call mine.

I smiled briefly as I leaned down to kiss her forehead as she was sleeping quietly

Now... I had finally been honest with her about my life.

Now, all I had to do is to be honest about my illness.

I sighed heavily as I thought about it. I hadn't told her about me taking test and that there was a slight chance that I could have the illness as well. I was praying everyday for it to not be true and that my test would be negative. Because I couldn't afford having that illness now. When I finally found someone, and when I for once finally could rest assure and feel that my life was finally complete, I had to face another obstacle.

Life was surely not showing me any mercy.

I had no idea how I was going to bring the subject up because after what she said today, about afraid of losing me, afraid of me having the illness, how am I suppose to face her and tell her that I have it if my testresults are positive?

I sighed heavily

All I could do now was pray, pray that I didn't have the illness. Pray that I wouldn't lose my memories, because now I finally had happy ones..