[Current timeline: 111018 – Leeteuk filming underwater for SS4 VCR with Hyukjae and Sungmin]

Days passed without significant communication between Jung Soo and me. He texted whenever he was not busy―which meant that he texted me once in a while. He asked me how I was doing and such simple, light stuff. It felt a lot like how he and I were like during those times when we just started to get to know each other better. The differences were, Jung Soo’s intention, and my reaction.

In the past, he was trying to get close to me, building a conversation so we both might talk more and thus, understand more about the other person’s personality. Now, he did it to keep our relationship alive. It was obvious that despite his crazy schedule (yes, idols are not mean to get sick―Jung Soo got back to work just a couple hours after being hospitalized), he still made some effort to win my heart back.

In the past, even though I did not show it verbally or with the action, I would be, at least, excited when he sent me something as simple as “Good night! See you in my dreams ^^”. Now, I coldly replied those messages; “OK, take care”, “Good night, sleep well”. Only enough to let him know that I still cared. And that was it.

Few days ago, Donghae celebrated his 25^th birthday (or 26^th―Korean age). Well, he did not hold a party or what, but it was obviously puzzling and weird for Donghae because I did not even appear in their dorm to see and congratulate him face to face. (I mentally noted; memorize all Super Junior members’ birthdays and send them personal gifts that are not too personal but sufficient to make their baby souls happy.) The conclusion we could take from Donghae’s simple phone call was... Jung Soo must have not told anything to Donghae―one of few people he trusted the most in life. This time, he did not share anything to Donghae.

And so did I. I did not tell Minho anything. I did not even plan to. It was impossible to tell Krystal and Ye Eun because the girls were still clueless of me dating the stupid ahjussi. But Minho was a completely different story, yet I did not tell him anything about it.

This time, I did not need advices. I knew what I had to do. Giving it a break, what I really needed was time; time to be alone without Jung Soo, time to get some fresh air and leave the distress alone. It was hard to do it. I had to brace myself from going to SM and seeing him. But the guy needed to know that I was sick of him. At that time, I was really sick of him.

“I am having underwater filming with Sungmin and Hyukjae today,” a newly received text message read. Of course, from no other than Jung Soo.

“Good luck. Don’t drown,” was my reply.

“Can I see you after I’m done with it?”

Hmm, so it’s time, isn’t it? I could not avoid him forever. I knew I had to face him. “What time? Where?”

“It’ll finish around 6. Let’s meet in the café you usually go to with Minho and Ye Eun. What’s the name?”

Huh? “Baek Eok?”

“6 p.m. in Baek Eok. Thank you for giving me this chance.”

Wait... this did not seem right. Baek Eok? “Change the place.” Was he kidding? It was crowded. Minho needed several layers of disguises every time we went there. I did not want to go to such crowded place with Jung Soo!

But bad luck for me, he did not reply to my message again. He was busy, probably.

--

Stupid Jung Soo. Even with us being not in good term, he still took control of everything in our relationship. Baek Eok, huh? Did he even know the place? Did he know how crowded the restaurant could be? Even though it was relatively hidden and remained as a secret treasure for some people, it was located in Gangnam area, mind you -__-

I did not say this because I hated how I barely had any say in this relationship, but... Jung Soo, don’t be ridiculous. I did not want any unexpected things happen to us in public places. Learning a lot from past experiences and previous accident, I knew that seeing Jung Soo publicly won’t do any good to me.

And what I did not understand about myself was..., even with all those thought above and my hatred for Jung Soo, I still prettily dressed up and hailed a cab, going to Baek Eok at 5.30 p.m. sharp. A moron, I knew. By ‘prettily dressed up’, I meant ‘really pretty’ and ‘really dress up’. Feminine, simple top, draped mini pencil skirt and stylish pumps... I ensured myself that I did this because I did not want to feel humiliated by other customers there, not because I wanted to look dashing in front of Jung Soo.

It was a bit shocking when I arrived at Baek Eok and found  it, surprisingly, not crowded. Weird. Baek Eok was a two story café and there were practically no visitors on the first floor, only the empty tables and unoccupied chairs.

They had some tables outside in the garden, and there was the only place full of people. But no one was inside, except the waiters and waitresses.

I was going to approach them and ask why it was like this (did they make new policy or renovate the building?) when a waiter walked to me and politely said, “Are you Ms. ______?”

HOW DID HE KNOW MY NAME. I awkwardly nodded my head.

“Follow me, Miss,” he instructed.

“Huh?” I got confused yet followed him inside the café. We went up to the second floor and......... Oh, it was also empty here. And there was only one table placed in the middle of the room. I smelt something fishy.

The waiter motioned me to sit so I did. He smiled at me saying, “A moment, Miss.” Then he left the room.

Okay, this was weird. Strange. Odd. Peculiar. Baek Eok was always beautifully decorated like this. But the current atmosphere was somewhat different. Maybe it was the wooden floor... or the slightly dimmer than usual lights... or the faint smell of fresh roses... or the pinkish floral curtain... or the white piano placed in the corner of the room. Or the combination of all those things. Baek Eok was insignificantly more romantic tonight than any other nights. And that was enough to let me know; something was indeed going on.

My thoughts were interrupted by the footsteps meeting the wooden floor. Immediately being aware, I looked up to see who it was, and found Jung Soo walking towards me. He was smiling nervously and literally stunning with expensive looking black suit on. My heart skipped a beat. Or two.

I stood up from my seat as he said, “Hi.” An anxious smile was there on his beautiful face.

“Hi,” I shortly answered.

“May I hug you?” still in that same nervousness, he asked me.

Without really thinking, I nodded and soon, was in his warm embrace. Jung Soo caressed my hair. “I miss you.”

I did not answer and hug him back, I just let my body trapped in his thin, slightly toned arms. I let myself drown in the scent of his body. “You smell like candy.”

He let go the hug and we both sat on the chairs. He was grinning like a silly person and then something hit me, like really hard. “You’re not incognito!”

“Yes, I’m not.”

Our conversation was cut when the waiter appeared again and placed the two glasses of drinks on the table, not showing any hint of shock that he was serving Leeteuk of Super Junior and his girlfriend. SOMETHING HAS BEEN UP SINCE THE START. “Dinner is to be served in fifteen minutes.”

After he left I continued the delayed conversation. “You reserved the whole place, didn’t you?!” I skeptically asked.

Jung Soo grinned and I glanced at the whole surroundings again. This... this felt a lot like... “Yeah, I rented the place so we could have dinner in private and in peace,” he innocently answered. “Do you like it?”

I immediately facepalmed. This felt a lot like Hana Yori Dango―a Japanese drama. They had the Korean version of it, right? Boys Over Flowers? “You’re being a lot like Goo Junpyo right now.”

Jung Soo widely smiled until the wrinkles around his eyes became visible. “I didn’t buy the whole building! Only rented it for a few hours and forbade anyone else to enter, especially the second floor.”

WHAT. sdfaskfoasegeutieutejfsadkflaskfdjg. He is not doing this for me, is he? It must have cost a lot. A usually stingy Jung Soo... I could not believe it. But I had to remain cool. Don’t fall for his trick.

In the middle of the dinner (filet mignon with rosemary and mushroom gravy! So delicious!), Jung Soo complimented my appearance shyly. “You’re so beautiful tonight.”

“So I’m usually not?” I just had to be hard on him.

He got panicked and clarified his statement quickly. “Ani! That’s not what I meant!”

Rolling my eyes in boredom, I said, “Quickly finish your food. We have some talking to do, remember?” He pouted and I mentally laughed at him. Haha, Jung Soo. You think you can have my forgiveness so easily? In your dream, kid.

“Hey,” Jung Soo started after we both finished the main course and the waiter served the dessert; mint chocolate ice cream with rainbow sprinkles, nuts and chocolate syrup! “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry,” he said seriously. “I’m sorry for always being such a bad boyfriend. I have told you so many times and I am ashamed to say this once again now; sometimes... I don’t know what happens to me. I don’t know what’s gotten in me. I throw tantrum like a child, but then I soon regret it. I am happy, excited and active, but then I turn gloomy, offensive and hurtful. Maybe I suffer bipolar disorder or it’s just part of my personality.”

“Or your awful attitude,” I silently whispered.

“Yes, or my awful attitude.” Oh, he heard me? “I’m sorry.”

The bitterness and guilt in his voice were noticeable. It hurt. “It’s easy to love you, but it’s also easy to hate you,” I said, looking at him right in the eyes. “Can I be honest to you now?” He reluctantly nodded. “I don’t know how it is for you but for me, this relationship―our relationship―sometimes gives me sadness, emptiness and ache more than love, affection and happiness itself.”

Jung Soo’s eyes started to get wet and I hoped his tears won’t fall out. I was never good at dealing with a crying him. “I am so ashamed right now. I am so ashamed to beg forgiveness from you.”

“Explain to me,” I muttered, crossing both arms in front of my chest. “Why did you join that show? Why did you not tell me anything about it? Was I not important to you?” Jeez, my heart ached so much. Especially while uttering the last sentence.

“No! You’re important. You’re always important to me!” he immediately denied. “I, actually, did not plan to tell you. At least until you found it out by yourself. I am sorry you had to know from Kyuhyun. I just... didn’t want you mad.”

My eyebrows creased. “So you did realize that I would be mad when I found it out, didn’t you? And still you took part in it?!”

“You don’t understand,” Jung Soo said in spoiled tone. I gave him a mental scowl. “It’s one of the shows I have always wanted to participate in!”

“Oh my God, Jung Soo you’re unbelievable,” I uttered in English. “Wae? Why did you insist so much to take part in it? Why did you need a virtual wife when you have an actual girlfriend right next to you? You know you can do many more things with me than with her!”

The man in front of me heaved a tired, ultra tired, sigh. “We both know that isn’t true. We can’t do many things as a couple, remember?”

“H-Huh?!” I choked a bit, shocked. “You’re not complaining, are you? Shouldn’t it be me who does that? Gosh... I am so sorry that you are a celebrity and had to waste so much money just so we could have a proper dinner. I am also sorry that I’m only a highschooler and so useless that we can’t do many things as a couple!”

“It’s now what I meant!” Jung Soo snapped. A short moment later, he managed to compose himself and put his hand on top of mine, caressing it carefully. “I corrected myself; it’s not like you don’t understand. You misunderstand. I want to show people―the Republic of South Korea―another side of me. I am not sure whether you have come across it on the internet or now but no, I don’t have a very good image.” I guessed my puzzled facial expression was obvious, because Jung Soo quickly continued, “I’ve done something stupid before. It made my name somehow notorious. The band’s image was also affected. Nobody has ever directly told me, but I know... there are lots of people out there who hate me. I’ve been called names, I’ve been told to off and die. My only intention in doing something is to keep Super Junior’s name alive... and clean. I believe if people get to know me better, it won’t be as bad as it is right now. So please...”

“I don’t understand most of what you said.” Why did I have to be so clueless about my own boyfriend? “How could people unlike you? How does joining WGM...” I stopped. His pleading eyes were miserable. Saying anything would be just wrong. Jung Soo was wrong. I did not misunderstand. I simply did not understand. What an incompetent girlfriend.

“It’s okay. Don’t feel miserable, I understand that you don’t really pay attention on K-Pop stuff.” Jung Soo tightened his grip on my hand. He flashed me his famous, dazzling smile “I have to do it. I don’t have much remaining time left. I am leaving another legacy for my fans and the general people before I enlist in the military.”

:(

“Oppa...,” I got shocked as I started calling him oppa again. Where did the grudge go?! “Don’t fall for her. See only me,” I said in such low voice, feeling so shy.

Jung Soo burst into laughter and my face turned red immediately. He got up from his seat and kneeled down next to me. Looking up to meet my eyes, he said, “Don’t have such thoughts. I have kidnapped and put you inside my heart. I locked my heart and threw the key to the deepest ocean. Nobody else can enter. Even if I want it, which of course will never happen, my heart can’t let anyone else in.”

“You’re too cheesy!” I gently giggled and lightly pushed his shoulder. “Ugh, I hate it. I hate you. You’re too corny it’s not even romantic!”

Jung Soo chuckled and winked his eye at me. “You haven’t seen the corniest!” He got up and approached the white piano in the corner. Instant growl escaped my mouth. Aargh, no! Not that one!

I quickly followed him, groaning “It ain’t fair! Don’t play the piano!” It’s my weakness!

He grinned in victory. “This is a song that reminds me a lot of you. Have you watched Notting Hill?”

I nodded my head, still pouting. “Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant. Of course I have.” Notting Hill...? Is he going to sing Ronan Keating’s When You Say Nothing At All―soundtrack of the movie?

“Good. I’m singing the soundtrack. This is for you.” Without any further ado, he began playing the piano, and I quickly noticed the melody. It wasn’t Ronan Keating’s song. It was Elvis Costello’s She.

[a/n: OH OK. LET ME SPAZZ FOR A MOMENT. YOU HAVE TO WATCH THE PERFORMANCE IF YOU HAVEN'T. His solo in SS4 was sdljkflksdjfak;seotioewitoewiaaefkjaeroitoiet. So beautiful ;__; The best quality video of his solo I could find is this from SS4 Osaka. Turn it 1080p and faint in happiness, my babies XD Kkk.]

She 
May be the face I can't forget 
The trace of pleasure or regret 
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay 
She 
May be the song that summer sings 
May be the chill that autumn brings 
May be a hundred different things 
Within the measure of a day

She 
May be the beauty or the beast 
May be the famine or the feast 
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell 
She may be the mirror of my dreams 
The smile reflected in a stream 
She may not be what she may seem 
Inside her shell 

She 
Who always seems so happy in a crowd 
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud 
No one's allowed to see them when they cry 
She 
May be the love that cannot hope to last 
May come to me from shadows of the past 
That I'll remember till the day I die 

She 
May be the reason I survive 
The why and wherefore I'm alive 
The one I'll care for through the rough in ready years 
Me 
I'll take her laughter and her tears 
And make them all my souvenirs 
For where she goes I've got to be 
The meaning of my life is 

She
She, oh she

I mentally sang along with him. Not vocally, because I did not want my voice ruin his beautiful performance. It was my weakness.  I could not hate him because this kind of thing. No matter how messy our relationship was, if I just ignored the around us and focused on him, I knew I had found my happiness. Jung Soo was really beautiful and precious, and he had such warm heart, actually. He seemed distant and not friendly, but I thought he was just being careful. He did not trust so many people, also did not have wide circle of friends; besides Super Junior members and some SM staff, he was close to few entertainers such as Boom and Kang Hodong. My man was so sincere and he loved and treasured his family, friends and fans. Being next to him was difficult but I thanked God for letting me meet him.

“I am still taking time to figure you out. I haven’t known you completely, you confuse me most of the time. I feel like you hide a lot of things from me. I will probably never find it out. Our relationship is full of uncertainty. So are my perceptions of you. I am never confident to describe you in words, as it is hard to do so. I am somehow thankful when you got mad at me, because you showed me another emotion of yours. Jealousy. Thank you for being jealous,” Jung Soo paused his speech and got up to face me. “I am going to perform this song for my solo in our upcoming tour. I will sing this song for other thousand girls, but you know I sang this first for you, and who in my mind while singing it is you―the meaning of my life.”

Red, my face was red. “I can’t handle the corniness anymore, oppa. You want me fly to cloud nine?”

Jung Soo laughed and suddenly hugged me. “Turn redder, baby.” Another chuckle. “I love it when we are in good terms. We are such a cute couple.”

“That is because I am cute, oppa.”

“No! I am!”

“Ew! You’re not! Let me remind you something; YOUR AGE!!!”

“It has nothing to do with my age! I am cute because my face is!”

This won’t work. We are naturally not a cute couple. But at least, we still make it until now. “Smooch,” I quickly pecked his lips so he’d just stop arguing.

“You! Naughty! Girl!”

this chapter is such a mess.