I never thought that an ordinary evening could be so painful like this. It wasn’t only because Jung Soo was going to leave soon, nor only because Heechul was also going to leave soon... What hurt me the most was the fact that he, Jung Soo, the guy I started to love, was feeling sad. Watching him cry was a nightmare. Seeing him in deep sorrow was heartbreaking.

We didn’t go out and eat, instead, we just stayed inside his car and talked.

Jung Soo grabbed two water bottles from the back seat and gave one for me. He drank his own before talking. “I never thought I’d cry in front of you.”

I bitterly smiled. “I never thought I’d cry because you cried.”

He softly looked at me. “Sorry for causing you cry. I always have troubles with controlling and expressing my feeling.” He sighed. Yeah, I guess so too, Jung Soo-ssi... “I wish I could be funny and witty in front of you. I wish I could act just like what I usually do on TV in front of you.”

I murmured, “But then that means you’d fake yourself in front of me.”

Jung Soo suddenly giggled. “Well, I don’t completely fake myself all the time, little girl.” He patted my forehead. “When you see me with my members and I smile, most of the time, it’s a sincere smile.”

It was a great relief... Knowing that he had lots of brothers behind his back gave me some hope. “Will you be okay?”

Jung Soo’s jaw hardened. He knew exactly what I meant. “I won’t be.” He looked at me with a very sad stare. “But it’s Heechullie’s decision. I support him no matter what.”

I knowingly nodded at him, but no words could go out from my mouth. Heechul was leaving and Jung Soo was very gloomy about it.

To tell the truth, I liked Heechul. I had only met him several times, but he left remarkable impression to me. It was easy to befriend him. Obviously the prettiest man I had ever seen in my life. He was very funny, honest and bittersweet at the same time. He might not be everyone’s favorite, but I found him very bold and endearing. Heechul shone so brightly. He knew how to draw attention to him. No, he didn’t even do it on purpose... Everyone was simply captivated by the things he did.

I didn’t want him to leave.

I strongly didn’t want him to leave. Especially because that made Jung Soo depressed. It was very selfish of me, I was aware of that. But I couldn’t stand seeing Jung Soo like this.

Jung Soo slowly started the engine and began driving. The sun set in the west and we were heading exactly towards it. His face shone and glowed because of the orange sparks sun emitted. The figure of him driving was beautiful. Human beings should not be this perfect...

Jung Soo looked fragile and strong at the same time. He was annoying and lovely at the same time. He was very childish, yet also was very mature. This boy didn’t deserve to be called “boy”, but to call him a man was also overrated. Jung Soo cried a lot, but his smiles could be found everywhere. It was easy to love him, but it also didn’t take any particular efforts to find his flaws. He faked himself a lot, yet no men were truer than him. Jung Soo was a contradiction. A very sweet one. At this point, understanding this man wasn’t simple... but I didn’t mind taking some more time to reveal his true self.

In front of my house, still inside his Audi, I firmly spoke to him, “Jung Soo-ssi, be true to me. Always show the real side of you in front of me. Do not worry, coz I will make you happy. I will put smiles on your face and you will cry no more.” Then I bade him goodbye and went inside my house. I had never really meant what I said more than this before. It was all true. I just made a promise to myself. Keeping him happy was my goal. If he was to cry, then it gotta be happy tears. If he was sad, then my job was to make the sadness leave him. Jung Soo must be happy and healthy.

Yes, true that I didn’t know much about him. But if I used to live for my own, then from now on, his happiness was my happiness and his pain was my pain.

Why would I want to do this all for a man I just knew for a relatively short period of time? Because without me knowing, the “like” had turned into “love”. And every time I fell in love, I fell hard, so hard.

Jung Soo wasn’t the center of my life for now, but I had a feeling that he would be an important part of it.

Later that night, I played my Mr. Simple CD and listened to the songs in it. I gotta admit that I liked the title track the most. Upbeat song with meaningful lyrics like Mr. Simple was definitely my favorite. ‘Mr. Simple is the best song in your new album! :D’ I texted Jung Soo. Whooa. I just put an emoticon there... Haha. I must have been contaminated by Jung Soo’s kind of text messages, so joyful!

‘My favorite track too! We’re really compatible to each other, ______-ah ^_^’Jung Soo texted back. EARTH, HOLD ME TIGHTLY BEFORE I REACH CLOUD NINE AND NEVER COME BACK HERE AGAIN!!!

I couldn’t decide whether I should reply it with a cold or cheesy reaction, so I didn’t text him back and ignored it instead. My awkward self!

“Where did you go today? Didn’t see you the whole day~” Gaby suddenly appeared from behind my back and shocked me. GAWD! PLEASE BE LESS SURPRISING!

“School,” I shortly answered. Gaby sat next to me on the bed and pulled out her laptop. I then asked her, “What are you looking at?”

Gaby pointed her laptop screen, “This? Um... You know, Super Junior stuff. You won’t understand.”

I pouted. “Show me something about them, I want to see.”

Gaby turned to me and with eyes opened wide, she looked at me as if I had gone crazy, “YOU SURE?!?!”

I unsurely nodded, “Yeah, guess so...” Then I quickly continued, “But only Leeteuk and Heechul!”

Man she was pleased. “You need to see these videos.” Then she opened Youtube and typed quickly. After some time of buffering, finally the videos she wanted to show me were ready to watch. “Which one do you want to see first?”

“Uum, Heechul.” Save the best for the last.

Gaby showed me a video of Heechul singing live. The title was  “110706 Heechul – My Love Stay with Me w/ Jungmo @ShimShimTapa” (watch here). The intro of the song was really sad and when he began singing, God, my heart... His voice was really beautiful. It might not be the best voice out there, but the way he sang it... My heart just broke.

“Gab, what is this. Why is he like this?” I asked Gaby. I felt sudden pain inside my heart. “Why did you show me this video?” I felt so hurt. This video had put me into sorrow.

Gaby bitterly smiled. “Isn’t he just so beautiful?”

Yeah I know he is! But don’t you know that he’s leaving next month and watching this video doesn’t help me at all?! Crap! Studying Gaby’s expression, she really seemed to not know anything about it yet so I managed to not mouth all that crossed inside my mind. But really, seeing this video is seriously depressing and I don’t know what I should do now. Despite of the fact that him leaving made Jung Soo’s heart break, letting Heechul go should have been fairly easy if I didn’t see this video!

I harshly closed the Youtube tab. “Show me Jung Soo’s!”

“Chillax yo’ girl.”

Another video appeared before me. “110219 SS3 in Japan Leeteuk Solo Hitomi Wo Tojite” was the title (watch here). “This isn’t as sad and painful as Heechul’s. Trust me,” Gaby assured me.

I watched the video and Gaby was right. It wasn’t as sad and painful as Heechul’s. In fact, Jung Soo’s voice was calming me down. He had a very beautiful and soothing voice. I just knew this... This song he sang was in Japanese and I understood nothing..., yet I just could feel the emotion he delivered within this song. Jung Soo sang and played the piano. Boy he was glorious. Epic, I could say. And not to mention that the way he smiled in the end of the performance was very adorable. I needed to listen to more of this.

“Amazing performance,” I complimented.

Gaby nodded, “Absolutely.”

“What’s so special about Super Junior Leeteuk and Heechul?” I asked Gaby.

She warmly smiled before answering my question, “Heechul seems very outspoken, but he has troubles with expressing his feeling. He’s not my favorite person in the group, but if he’s not around, I really don’t know what I should do without him. His tweets are hilarious and I completely those times when he was still a DJ in Youngstreet. A guy like him... you definitely don’t want him as a husband, but you just simply want him to be the father of your future children.”

I giggled. Agreed. I could totally imagine Heechul being completely ignorant to his girlfriend or wife yet so fond of cute, tiny animated figures. That was just so Heechul. And now I’m sad again to think that this quirky man is about to leave T_T

“Leeteuk...,” Gaby said. “He’s the person I respect the most. He’s the one who has been taking care of the other fourteen boys, which is completely not an easy task to do. He has done so much for the group that I just want him to take a rest and be happy. Get married and have a family seem good for him.”

Get married?!?! But I don’t want to marry him this early! I’m only eighteen for God’s sake! “Marry?! Isn’t that a bit too fast? He’s still a superstar! I don’t think his fans will like it!”

Gaby giggled. “What? ELF isn’t delusional. It’s okay if oppa gets married, we will still support him no matter what.” Then she frighteningly continued, “Only if the girl is suitable enough for him though.”

I gulped. I AM CLEARLY NOT SUITABLE ENOUGH FOR HIM.                                                                      

“She has to be a warm and understanding woman. She has to be able to cook. Leeteuk needs to eat a lot. She must be pretty but not a dumb one. Very smart, indeed,” Gaby listed down her opinion about the suitable woman who deserved to marry Jung Soo... which was completely not alike me.

THIS IS COMING FROM JUNG SOO’S FAN. I AM SCREWED... FIRST, JUNG SOO SAID HE’S LEAVING SOON. SECOND, HEECHUL IS LEAVING NEXT MONTH. AND THIRD, THE POSSIBILITY OF ME BEING JUNG SOO’S WIFE GIRLFRIEND IS... ZERO.

Hallo! I'm updating~

I wrote this to distract my mind from Heechul... Idk, writing this somehow gave me some strength to let him go. He's not leaving for good anyway. He's gonna be there. Space Big Star is there, we just cannot see him because it's daytime...

Guys, I know you're sad because of him, but now... let me give each one of you a hug okay?

If you need some support and feel like talking to someone about Heechul or something, personal message me. We can talk through Twitter/Tumblr. I am an awkward person, but I'm pretty good at listening to people ^^

Anyway, just in case you missed the links of the mentioned videos above, it's http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drQFr8rXebw for Heechul and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Rl90QmkiZ0 for Leeteuk. I suggest you to not watch the Heechul one if you still feel so sad about his military enlistment. I cried my eyes out for two freaking days just because I watched that video. Exaggerated~ :P BUT LEETEUK'S IS A MUST SEE!

@peacelovehugs: I will :)

@lovelight32: me too. It's hard, but I'm sure we can get through this...

@Sujushineebang: yup reality but we all gotta face it ugh

@_tHeeViloNe_: I will make him happy! Wait okay? :)

@LilacFairy-Chu: everyone is leaving, the question is, are we willing to wait until he comes back? I am, how about you? :)

@TheKpopfreak4life: he's leaving today ;A; I cannoooooot! ;AAAAAAAAAA;

@kpoprox9764: thank you XD

@soulsistah: it does :( Aaaw thank you >.<

@aigooo: ...until? ;P