“What do you mean?” I calmly asked Gaby.

Gaby murmured, “It’s a really painful topic to talk about.” What’s so painful? She heaved a sigh and continued, “You are so lucky you don’t have for Korean male idols. Especially the older generation like Leeteuk and Heechul.”

“I don’t really get you, Gab.”

Gaby checked her phone. She lazily said, “Every Korean man has to join the military for approximately two years in their whole life. Next year is Leeteuk and Heechul’s turn.” Such a simple and plain explanation. Yet the effect it brought to my heart was undeniably awful. Was that even true?

“Military? Two years?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore, okay? I’m not in the mood. I just met boys of my dream, I won’t let the military issue ruin the most important day in history.”

I took back what I said before. Headache was gone? My . It harshly attacked me again. Even though it was because of different reason. Unsure that I could still drive in this state, I pulled over the car. Gaby confusedly looked at me. “Are you okay? Let me drive.”

“Nah, we just stay here for a while okay? You’re not a pro driver, I can’t let you drive.”

“Okay, I call your mum. It’s getting late. Where are we now?” Gaby asked me while typing something on her phone.

I grabbed her phone. “No need to! I’m fine! Let’s go.” Okay. I just lied. I just didn’t want to meet any more people now.

Gaby observed me driving. I gathered all my concentration and tried not to hit anything. Must not hurt other people on the road.

I managed to reach home safely. Gaby was still suspiciously looking at me. “Go upstairs first. Check whether there’s bruise or something on your head. I’m getting some aspirin from your mum.” She really thought that my head hurt because I bumped my head to the door.

Inside the room, I just sleepily sat on the couch. I took out my phone and saw one new message. I didn’t feel it vibrated before. “Are you okay? Did it hurt somewhere?”

Reading his message, for a second, I flew to cloud nine. He was the sweetest man I had ever met in life. But then my conversation with Gaby haunted me again. She couldn’t be right, could she?!

I glanced at the clock before replying Jung Soo. 10 o’clock. I hoped he wasn’t asleep yet. “It hurt. But now I’m okay. Anyway, I’m not disturbing you sleep, right?”

It took him ten minutes to reply that I almost thought maybe he was already drifting off to sleep. “Sleep? Oppa wish he could sleep now! Still DJ-ing Sukira with Eunhyukkie. Are you sure you’re alright? You didn’t look so good back there L” AGAIN WITH THE OPPA. I blushed and wished I could just forget the military stuff. This text message would have been much more appreciated if Gaby didn’t tell me that. Dayum, I was the one who asked her more about it. Regret started to take place inside my heart. Just forget about that for a while, ______. Things will be just fine.

“DJ? Like in the club?” I tried to distract my mind from that thought. And the idea of Jung Soo DJ-ing with Eunhyuk was puzzling me. I ignored the part where he asked me whether I was sure that I was okay or not though.

“Haha, of course not! Radio DJ~ Kiss the Radio Cool FM~ Never heard of that? Ah yah, are you really okay? Oppa couldn’t help you there and now also can’t go to see you. Just sleep, okay?”

Can I cry now?A simple text message just touched me to the softest part of my heart. I didn’t even know why. There was something Jung Soo possessed, that made it extremely easy to like him. He could effortlessly make people fall in love with him.

“What time will you be done radio hosting?” I sent Jung Soo another text, not relevant to what he said before in his previous message.

Suddenly the door opened and Gaby came in. I almost forgot that she was in Korea... Whooa, it took her around thirty minutes just to get aspirin?!

“I’m sorry I went for what seemed like forever,” Gaby guiltily apologized. turned into a small pout. “My friend suddenly called just when I stepped out of your mum’s room. You know... it’s hard to control yourself while spazzing over idols.”

I almost said that no, I didn’t know that spazzing could make you forget what you were supposed to be doing, which was giving your ill cousin some medicine. But considering the fact that aspirin won’t help me either, I just said, “Nah, it’s cool. I just need a bit sleep actually.”

Gaby bit her lip, feeling so guilty. “I think you still need to drink this.” She placed a glass of water and some pills on the table. “I take a bath first, kay.” She got her stuff and went to the toilet.

Jung Soo didn’t reply me back, so I decided to do random stuff to kill the time. I went down to the kitchen, made hot tea, drank the aspirin, went back to room, tried on some socks~ Until Gaby was done showering and I got in the bathroom, my phone still didn’t show any signs of ringing nor vibrating.

Cold shower at night after a long, tiring day was just refreshing. Refreshing for the body, but not for the mind. My mind was screwed up by now. Rational mind had deserted me. Jung Soo will leave, Jung Soo will leave... That fact bugged me to the core. It ripped my heart into two and threw those two parts into a dark, deep abyss.

Wait, what did I say before? That fact? Nah, I had not heard it from Jung Soo himself. Nah, it might not be true. I had to confirm it with him first. I quickly finished my shower and got out.

“Your phone kept ringing,” Gaby said. She was now lying on the bed, with laptop on her tummy, typing hastily. “Do you feel better?”

I nodded. “Yeah, thanks. Um, anyway, Gab, did you see...?” I pointed at my phone.

“Oh,” Gaby shook her head. “No, I didn’t.” Okay, I’m still safe.

I grabbed my phone on the table. Three missed calls. All from the same person. Aw yeah, thank God Gaby didn’t check my phone! I am moron of the year for leaving my phone out here!

I went to the balcony and dialed Jung Soo’s number. Weird, he didn’t answer it. After two failed trials, I decided to go back inside. Hm this guy... If he didn’t answer me then why called in the first place?

Just when I closed the balcony door, my phone rang. I quickly got out again, gaining a judging look from Gaby. Yeah, Jung Soo is calling!

“Hey,” I said. “Done with the radio stuff?”

Jung Soo sighed. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“You’re done with the radio hosting?”

He sighed again, “No, I’m in the toilet right now. Why aren’t you sleeping?” So we basically just kept repeating the same question. He was just as stubborn as me.

Not answering his question again, I said, “Why are you still working? It’s super late. Besides, you already performed in the evening. You should be resting by now.”

“______-ah,” Jung Soo sounded desperate. “Do you have any idea how worried I am right now? I am calling just to check whether you’ve slept or not. You’re obviously not. Now, just hang up okay? Get some sleep. Oppa will call in the morning.”

I don’t want you to call me in the morning! The irony is, you’re the one who told me to sleep, yet I won’t be able to do that and that’s because of you. Previous accident had nothing to do with it. I can’t sleep after knowing that you’ll be leaving for two years very soon, Jung Soo-ssi! I wished I could say that all out loud. It stuck in my throat and I couldn’t get it out.

I tried not to cry, I tried as hard as I could to make the tone of my voice stable. “O- okay. Good night, Leeteuk-ssi. You have to sleep too.”

It was the longest sleepless night I had ever been through. I didn’t even sleep for a second. My eyes were shut but my mind never stopped working. Will he be gone? Does he really have to? If he leaves, then what will I become? Why does it suffocate me so much?

--

Jung Soo lied. He didn’t call me. I didn’t know his reason for doing that, but I was sure he had one.

It was the toughest weekend ever. No certain information from him was just plainly stifling. Not being able to talk to him was just depressing. I was lucky cuz Gaby and Evan went with Mum and Dad to the opening ceremony of new museum site or something today, but I couldn’t avoid Ye Eun.

She showed up on my door on Saturday morning. Due to lack of sleep, I accidentally shooed her away. But noticing my puffy eyes and sad facial expression, she pushed me inside my bedroom.

“It’s almost 11 a.m. Go, take a bath,” Ye Eun softly said. Whooa, surprising...

I groggily answered her, “Not in the mood to.” I climbed into my bed again.

Ye Eun stopped me from doing so and locked me inside the bathroom. She had done this twice. I reluctantly took a bath.

For the rest of the day, Ye Eun stayed at my house. She insisted that we needed some time together and I needed to cheer up a bit. Good thing Ye Eun didn’t ask why I looked gloomy. We made popcorns and watched some chick flicks. I managed to not think about Jung Soo until Ye Eun ordered Burger King for our lunch. That reminded me of Jung Soo and I felt like crying again now. Why am I so fragile now...

Ye Eun and I called Minho who was currently in Japan. “Minho oppa! When will you go back to Korea? We miss you!” Ye Eun nagged exaggeratingly. “Haha, Minho you should come back ASAP, our ______ is not in the good mood.” I wanted to shut .

“______-ah, what happened to you?” Minho worriedly asked. “I’ll come back there next week, okay?”

I said to him, “No need to worry. Just come here soon. I miss you.” I really, really missed Minho. Krystal too. Should have bonding time with them soon!

Minho chuckled, “Ye Eun-ah, ______-ah, when you have a bit free time, always call me. I’m longing to talk with you. I only see SHINee members and the managers here. I need to listen to girls’ voices at least.” He chuckled again.

I made poker face. Ye Eun sourly said, “Ha, Minho you sound like a desperate womanizer.”

“Womanizer, yes. Desperate, no,” Minho denied. OMG, what’s gotten into him right now?! I wanted to sob. This guy... Why so randomly weird out of the blue? Hahaha.

Sure that we could no longer take this man’s weirdness, Ye Eun and I hung up the phone call.

The next day, I accompanied Gaby to shop. We went to several boutiques and she harshly spent all of her money on clothes. Girls go crazy when it comes to shopping. I took her to the karaoke bar I once went to with Ye Eun, Krystal and Minho. Everysing in Gangnam. This place was a heaven for her. So many K-Pop groups merchandises here. I tried so hard to keep Gaby calm. I bought Super Junior’s newest album with Jung Soo on the cover. It was surprisingly huge and I wanted to cry seeing him in ropes and fishnets.

“Whooa, you’re buying that?” Gaby asked me, looking at the album I was holding.

I nodded. “Yeah. Why?”

Gaby laughed. “Do you even know who this guy is?” She pointed at Jung Soo’s picture.

Eh, how to respond...“Yes. Leeteuk of Super Junior. He’s the leader,” I proudly said. “So far my favorite Super Junior member.”

Gaby looked amused. “Wow. Leader.” She chuckled in disbelief. “Good choice. He’s not gonna be around next year, but I can turn you into an ELF in two years before he comes back.”

That reminded me of what I should do. If Jung Soo didn’t call, then why didn’t I make the first move? I couldn’t wait until I got out of this place and found a time and a bit space to dial him.

"Happy belated birthday to Yesung~"

Sorry for the super late update T_T

I'm not trying to make myself less guilty, but well yeah... I gotta study and work at the same time. I can barely find a time for myself T_T

I was thinking of updating it the day after Kibum's bday, but then Heechul's thing came up and I couldn't think straight anymore D:

So guys, tell me~ Did you manage to survive after knowing that Heechul's gonna leave us in less than a week now? I'm not even a Petal and I cried like Donghae the day I found it out T_T

I'm much calmer now tho... He'll be serving for the country, which is a good thing. We gotta be proud of him, aight? Two years is gonna be quick anyway. Raise your hand if you'll wait for him! Kkk~ We'll wait for Heenim together! XD

p.s.: I felt like this piece wasn't the best that I could write. If you think so too, don't hesitate to tell me! I will never stop learning how to write better!