The rate of my heartbeat went faster. My hands were trembling in fear. Dropped jaw, weak knees. Never ever in my whole life I received this kind of treatment. Never. Ever. Not even a single one.

What was it? Hateful messages? Death threats?

Tears started to form. I might as well choke any minute now.

I was never trained for situation like this. I completely had no idea what to do.

Mom was never really a mother for me ut she always hid the bad things away from me. And Dad... I gotta admit that he was relatively protective over his family he would never let this kind of thing happen.

There were times when I went rebel and such. But I faced all the consequences, straight and plain. No hiding behind anonymous messages like this.

How am I supposed to react?

Another mention came: D-I-E!

Whoever it was, they just told me to die...

I turned off my phone and crawled onto the bed. I covered my whole body with thick blanket until I felt kinda safe. My heartbeat was still not going down to normal. Despite the cool temperature of my room, I sweated heavily.

I screamed my lung out. But no voice could be heard. I was terrified.

--

"______! ______!"

Tok! Tok!

"______!"

What time is it?

I opened up my eyelids and realized that it was daytime already, the sunshine barely coming inside my room through the half closed curtain.

Mum was shouting my name and knocking on my door. Ugh, can she just shut up? My brain refused to wake up. My body refused to get up.

I ignored it all... and soon, it became quiet. I fell asleep again.

--

Massive headache succeeded to wake me up few hours after that. I had always been like this. When I slept too much, I got bad headache immediately.

I forced myself to get up. Ugh, getting up was never as difficult as this. It felt like I was trashed last night...while I actually was not. All the reason why I slept too much was... oh right. As if I wanted to recall it again.

But too late, anxiety started to take control of myself again. My heart thumped with fear.

I dashed quickly to my bathroom and got the emergency box. Taking some bottles out, I didn't breathe normally and my hands were shaking. Headache was still there and it bugged me so much.

I ran back to my room and took a glass of cold mineral water on the table. Furiously, I drank the pills. Serotonin, monoamine oxidase, I was no longer which one I took but the function was the same anyway.

Anxiety disorder . Panic disorder . Neurosis .

I sat down on the bed. My morning was not good at all... and nothing significant had happened so far yet.

Glancing over my room... I was alone. Good. I was safe. Nobody could hurt me. Nobody could do any harm towards me. Nobody could find me. I probably didn't...get what I thought I got yesterday. I was probably hallucinating, who knew if I was actually suffering schizophrenia too? Bottom line was, I was safe, everything was cool... and then there was it. An unfamiliar package on top of my study desk. I groaned at my suspicion. Mum must have barged in and put it there when I was asleep. How many more times did I need to tell her that that was the thing I couldn't tolerate the most? I never went inside her room, with or without permission, so why could she not do the same to me?

I took the box angrily and examined the look of it. Wrapped with random ripped newspaper, the address of the sender was not written and so was mine. However, there was my name largely printed on it so I was sure that it belonged to me.

Curious, I began to unwrap the package. The sender must have put extra effort just to wrap it up. The layers of the newspaper were almost frustrating that I decided to stop unwrapping it so nicely and just tear it here and there... until a medium sized, wood box dropped to my lap. I opened it up and found an envelope inside.

I didn't have very good feelings about it. First, I didn't get so many mails and packages in Korea. Everyone in my howetown practically contacted me through the internet, and it wasn't like there were so many of them either. Lots had moved on with their lives and forgotten me. Second, the whole concept of this package was just too odd. The pills might have worked, but sometimes the rate of the anxiety just went up even with the medicine I had in my blood. However, curiosity still won over anxiety. I took out what was inside the envelope.

Written in good handwriting:

죽을래?

엿먹어.

I swore I wouldn't be as afraid as I was now if only I didn't get similar messages on my Twitter yesterday... and if only it was not written in red. I knew it wasn't paint, it wasn't ink. I wasn't exaggerating. It had this blunt yet so distinctive smell, which I instantly recognized as the smell of blood. Animal's, probably.

I felt like vomiting. My stomach turned upside down. I would have puked if only the tummy was not empty.

Frustrated, I threw the cursed package to one corner of my room. No... Just no... Let it be a dream, please.

I became weaker and ended up on the floor. My room was ing cold, but it wasn't as cold as my freezing heart.

--

"She hasn't eaten anything yet since yesterday. She looks like zombie. Ok dear, I will try to get you talk to her."

Soft whisperers tickled my ears. I was curling up and hiding beneath my thick blanket.

"______," Mom called my name, and a couple of knocks on the door followed. "Ye Eun is on the line and is wanting to talk to you.  Can I come in?"

Ye Eun... So she called my home. I uncertainly remembered that I turned off my phone yesterday and had not touched it until now. She was probably angry at me by now. Hhh, I sighed deeply. I didn't feel very much like talking, but I knew I couldn't escape her forever.

"Come in." I let Mom in. It was just frustrating. I couldn't stand on my feet to open the door and just grab the telephone from her.

Mom slowly came inside. She walked towards my bed, handing me the telephone. She mouthed, "Are you OK?"

I gave her weird look, and she went out of my room, leaving me alone.

"Ye Eun...," I weakly said. I didn't mean to sound so weak, but I couldn't help it. I was thankful I still could say something at least.

"Where were you?! Why did you turn off your phone? Why did you not call me, Minho? Why did you sound like this? Are you OK?" Ye Eun attacked me with questions. She was very worried of me, I could tell.

"I'm sorry...," I said with regret. "I didn't mean to do it..."

"Apologize accepted," Ye Eun quickly stated. "Now tell me, what happened to you?!" She sounded demanding.

Should I tell her? Should I?

Will I put her in danger too?

not the best i could write. i am in rush T_T

anyway, ss4 seoul finished today! im still in hype~ kkk thank you so much peacelovehugs for the youtube links. /never ending spazzing/ ;P <3

kdfjkdsjfdsjfdjfaeut i'll reply comments later fkjdskafjeiur rush rush rush D: sorry D:

anyway, i am sorry for my words!!! ;_; this chapter is kinda an angst D: kdjflsajfdsjfj 죽을래? basically means YOU WANT TO DIE?!?! (in a threatening way) 엿먹어 means you. I'M SORRY !