I didn't want to endanger Ye Eun and all of my other friends. I didn't want to endanger anyone. But keeping this only for myself would just eventually kill me.

"Tomorrow when you reach Korea, please come to my house. I can't go out and pick you up in the airport."

Ye Eun sighed. "Can't you tell it to me here, now?"

"I can't." We're watching you, closely. I recalled the hateful message. "Ye Eun... Just come alone. Don't bring anyone else. I'm begging you. And also... Please wear something to cover your face. Hat or something."

"Why?" Ye Eun was confused.

"You'll find out tomorrow."

I ended the phone call. It was amazing that I could manage to have a peaceful and calm conversation. No anxiety, no fear, no insanity.

But the peace didn't last long. I put the telephone on the table beside my bed, and I regretted answering Ye Eun's call and letting her come here tomorrow.

It was really frustrating. I didn't know what would happen, I was clueless. Totally clueless. And what I said to Ye Eun was so reckless. I could have phoned her again and told her not to come, but she would know that something wrong was indeed happening and it would just worry her even more.

--

Ye Eun read the package I received yesterday in horror.

She dropped it just like that and looked at me in the eyes. “Who sent this?” Her voice cracked. She stood up, approaching me and wrapping me up in her warm embrace.

“I don’t know... I got same messages on Twitter too,” I said. Surprisingly, my voice still could be heard, even though fear was present there.

“That’s why you didn’t activate your cell phone,” Ye Eun stated. “I’m confused.”

Me too... The whole incident was perplexing. Before, I did not own clear mind to think it over, but now with Ye Eun beside me, I got to admit that she brought me some sanity and a bit of courage. A tiny bit of courage.

“Can you log in to your Twitter account?” Ye Eun suddenly asked.

I choked, having sudden breathing trouble, as the memories came creeping in again. “What for?” Goosebumps all over my body.

Ye Eun typed the qwerty pad on her phone. “Just put in your password here, please.” She handed me the phone.

Shakily, I took it from her. Twitter for Blackberry. I felt as scared as hell but managed to type LEE1983TEUK in the password box.

I quickly gave the phone back to its owner and crawled inside my blanket again, not wanting to hear anything. As much as I believed that I already got some guts, I knew that I didn’t have that much of guts.

“There are no threatening mentions for you. They must have deleted it already.” Ye Eun let out a sigh.

Unknowingly, I did too. “Really?”

She nodded. “May I know how the messages were like? Maybe I can help.”

“It’s a lot like that goddamn package!” I cried, still inside my thick, thick blanket. “They called themselves God of the Death and they cursed me a lot. They told me to go die!” I yelled, almost frustrated because of the unwanted recall.

And to inflame the burning hollow inside me, Ye Eun, who was never aware of people’s feeling, just had to ask me, “By any chance, do you still remember the username? We can report her ID and ask for the IP number to Twitter. I awfully need to murder her. She deserves a payback.” Her voice sounded ominous. She was being serious and at this point I did not want any bloodshed to occur.

“I don’t remember any username.” I really did not.

Ye Eun furrowed her eyebrows angrily. She shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t let her live a comfort life after doing this to you!”

Well, that sentence seemed wrong. I removed my blanket. “It’s not a she. They said “We’re watching you closely”. There are some of them!” I shouted as a piece of memory appeared in my mind.

Beside me, Ye Eun was breathing furiously. She was totally angry. “Who did this? Why do we have no clue?”

“I don’t know... I have some enemies. Or more accurately, frenemies. But that was back when I was in my hometown. Now I basically talk to just you, Krystal, Minho and your friends from SM. I don’t start any wars here.” I was frustrated. Did I get hated for not socializing?

“Oh no.” Ye Eun said out of the blue. “Sasaeng fans...” She fearfully whispered. She faced me and looked at me. “Sasaeng fans...”

Ye Eun repeated those two words twice but I still did not get her meaning. What are sasaeng fans?

“There is this one type of idols’ fans,” Ye Eun began explaining, knowing that I was clueless. “Sasaeng fans. Ugh. How to say it in English... Um, are you familiar with the term ‘stan’?”

I gulped down my saliva. Oh no. Stan. Stalker fan.

“You get it, right?” Ye Eun asked. A smile widely printed on her face, a sign to show that she felt proud of herself for solving the mystery. “The sender of these threats could be the fans of... well, my feelings told me that it was Minho’s sasaeng fans.”

Minho’s? I doubted that. “What do they usually do? How far can they impact your life?” I asked curiously.

Ye Eun shrugged her shoulders. “I never have any experience with them. But I kinda remember that once Leeteuk and Heechul got into a car accident caused by fans who were chasing them. DBSK and Super Junior have most problems with sasaeng. Changmin continuously changes his phone number because of them.”

Uh-oh.

That might be not Minho’s.

 “Should I call Minho now?” Ye Eun’s question drifted me back to reality.

Wh-What?! “No! Don’t!” I snapped at her. “I’m sorry. I mean like, I think it’s best to keep it all for ourselves.” I could not involve Minho, especially because I knew big chance he did not have something to do with it. I could not involve anyone in this issue. “He is busy enough with his packed schedule. Don’t add more weight onto his shoulders.”

“But we need help!”

“No we don’t. They might do it because they knew you guys were not with me. But you’re back now, I don’t think they have the courage to do it again. Not with all of you beside me.” Okay, continue, _______. Fake it. Fake it all. I smiled. Good. “I was scared yesterday and the day before because I had no one with me. But you’re here and I have no excuse to feel afraid.”

Ye Eun looked at me in disbelief. “We should reveal their identity.”

“Give it one more shot. If they still do it, then we’ll go talk to Krystal and Minho about it,” I bargained. Anything to keep Ye Eun away from this. “Okay?”

Ye Eun unwillingly nodded. “You have to tell me if something happens!” Her lips formed a pout. “I think I better go home now. You should have some rest. Your face screams “I’M TIRED”.”

I emotionlessly giggled. Ye Eun gave me a Girl-You’re-Pathetic look. “Thank you for listening to me.”

And then my best friend halfheartedly left.

Things were getting more complicated and more horrid than before.

After a round of continual deliberation, I came down with a conclusion that it was sasaeng fans. Stalker fans were badass. I did not need to be an expert to know that they were in the lowest part of the strata of a fandom... if they were still considered as part of fandom. Assuming that it was truly the work of sasaeng fans, at this point I could effortlessly believe the ones who did it all to me was Jung Soo’s and not Minho’s. When did I look romantically close to Minho? I could not recall any moment. But Jung Soo was different because he himself was my boyfriend for real.

I realized, any interaction could lead into unwelcome reaction, and thus, I needed to be very careful about this relationship. I should not meet Jung Soo for a while now. And probably Minho too, because however, there was still a chance that it was his sasaeng fans. Stalker fans did stalk and I better took no risk.

Hhh, I sighed heavily. Speaking of Jung Soo, I remembered that I had not contacted him yet since Friday evening. How should I explain to him the reason behind my absence? I did not want him to misunderstand. But I also had to avoid him... Why is it so complicated?!

I gathered all my bravery and my cell phone. No nightmares on my Twitter anymore, that meant I had no excuses to still keep it off.

As expected, there were so many missed calls and text messages. Minho, Krystal and Donghae were contributing to the ridiculous number of those missed phone calls and texts, but mostly it came from Ye Eun and of course, Jung Soo.

‘______-ah, why are you not calling oppa again?’

‘______-ah, did oppa somehow make you angry?’

‘Oppa is sorry if oppa ever hurt you...’

‘Why are you deactivating your phone?’

‘Babe, answer me... Please.’

‘Did something happen to you?’

‘Are you okay?’

‘Pick the goddamn phone up! Why won’t you answer my call?!’

‘Are you really gonna do this to me?’

‘You’re making me crazy.’

‘Fine, just call me when you feel like it.’

I read all the texts from him with a broken heart. This man was devastated because of me. Why was I very selfish and why did I cut every access for him to contact me? Even if I myself was depressed and could not think straight, why did I do this to him?! I was mad at myself.

I broke down, and all of a sudden a knock on the door stopped me from getting more emotional. Quickly I wiped away my tears and ran to the door.

“There’s  a package for you,” Dad awkwardly said the moment I saw him behind the door. He held a similar package from one I received yesterday. Oh no... My heartbeat went up and to cover my anxiety, I took it away from him.

“Thanks!” And I closed it again.

I understood that opening it would cause more pain. I realized that taking a look at what was inside would hurt me more. But still, I was dying to do it all. I needed clues, and who knew whether it contained any of it or not unless I saw it with my own eyes?

Sweating heavily, I ripped the package…, and a card fell to my lap. ‘OUR OPPA DESERVES SOMEONE MUCH BETTER THAN UGLY LIKE YOU.’

No blood, no ‘die’ word. But the words ‘Our Oppa’ had successfully proved Ye Eun’s hypothesis right. Question was, which oppa? This was better than the previous message. Yet, I still had panic attack because of it. My head was spinning like crazy and my body was trembling in fear. I frantically gasped for air, but it seemed like my lung was still empty. With little amount of remaining calmness, I grabbed a bottle from my drawer and took out some pills from it.

It was only two days and this was getting much like a routine now. Threats, neurotic, pills. Hateful messages, panic attack, pills. Started with intimidation, ended with medication.

My thought slowly floated away... I had stopped consuming this kind of thing since almost one and a half years ago. I first drank it when I was fifteen, when my beloved Grandpa passed away. The sadness was more than devastating, it was killing. Dad took me to the psychiatrist without Mom knowing and they prescribed me low dose of serotonin. He did not know that I still kept it, in bigger dose than before, even though I had survived the painful depression.

I never got to personally know Grandma, but Grandpa used to live with us. He was the most daring person ever. People should never judge him by his age. Even if he was old, his spirit was so young. He was lively. The coolest Grandpa ever. I was never as close to people as I was to him. No one understood me more than him. We would sometimes sneak out and he would take his enormous Hummer out of the garage, driving us both to the park and having fun by our own. He made fishing exciting. Simple dinner would be fun with him around.

Grandpa was the one who taught me how to smoke. His favorite flavored of cigar was awful but he told me to taste it. So I did. The moment I started enjoying it, he said, “You’ve known how it tastes. Now, quit smoking, darling. You’ll end up like me.”

“What? Being cool like you, Grandpap?”

“No, baby boo. Lung cancer.”

And my world went down just like that.

Months later, he passed away and I fell to deep abyss of depression. It was the most upsetting thing ever existed. Even though... yes, gotta admit that what was happening to me right now was also terrible.

‘Mwo ireohke eoryeobna uri jal meokgo jal jago ddo jalhamyeon keureohke hamyeon dwoeji~’ My favorite voice suddenly surprised me and I got back to real life again.

I checked the caller ID. Ugh. No. Jung Soo.

Ok so I’m sorry for not updating. My internet ugh dead. Nao updating in mum’s office lulz. So yeah. Rushing -_- I just wanna say thank you for still waiting for me :)

And it’s a bit late but BABIES >.< Congratulations for winning big in MAMA 2011 :D :D :D It was glorious ;_; Them boys cried and I broke down too ;_; ;_; ;_; Happy tears~ but still ;_; anyway, congratssssssss I’m a proud fan of you boise ;A; kdjfkajskgjeituregjkrjgkjtgrtuoerg aoegkekt

I might update tomorrow but we’ll see :)

OH GUISE, ANYWAY, IF YOU WANT TO KNOW THE IDENTITY OF THE ANON WHO SENT HER THREATS, LET ME GIVE YOU A HINT: the twitter username. ;) it shud be easy and i hope no one would be offended. it's just a story!