Suzy

I woke up the next day without any eyebags. Surprisingly , last night I had a nice sleep. I didn’t have any dreams but I guess it was better that way. Right after I woke up, I did feel tired. Maybe I wished everything my mom said from yesterday was a dream, or that I had forgotten about it. But I didn’t. I remember everything clearly.

I don’t know what I’m feeling. I feel nothing. Did I get my wish granted? I did wished so I could feel numb. I got ready for school and walked to school. I just needed fresh air and my own private time. I was so caught up on my thoughts that I didn’t realized I had already reached school. I felt like a dead person walking around without a soul.

“Suzy !” someone patted my back,making me flinch. I turned to see Jonghyun. His smile disappears suddenly. “  Sorry, did I hurt you?”  he asked,his eyes scanning my face with worry. It must be because I didn’t reacted like I always do –which is telling him off.

“You look pale. Are you okay? “ he asked.

I shook my head and smiled “ I’m fine, Jonghyun” I said. I gave him the brightest smile I could make and it seems to convinced him. “ Okay then. Let’s go” he said and put his hands on my shoulders as we walk together inside.

The whole lesson didn’t make me feel better in class. I tried focusing but I just couldn’t stop thinking about my mom’s words last night. Moving? I might feel okay if we’re just moving houses but moving schools too? I have to leave my friends. I’ll have to go to a new school, live in a new neighbourhood –I had to live without them. I just can’t imagine at all.

“ Suzy” I heard someone hissed from in front of me. I looked up to see Eunjung looking back at me with raised eyebrows. Then, I realized the whole class’ attention is on me. I felt flustered and puzzled. The teacher sighed. “ Pay attention, Suzy. You did poorly in last exam. It’s so disappointing” she said, shaking her head and proceeded with the lesson. I had my head down.  I feel embarrassed and sick. My chest feels like building up. I tried breathing like normal just so nobody would realized my fasten breathing. I hate this class. I just want to rebel and leave in the middle of it like how they always acted out in dramas, but I lack the guts to do so.

Why can’t I be like my friends? They look happy with whatever they do. Part of me is feeling guilty for having these ungrateful thoughts, but I couldn’t help it. I feel like life is being unfair on me at the moment. Why can’t today just go by smoothly. My heart is carrying enough pain, why must other people torment me any further?

I know there’s more unfortunate people than me on this planet but I can’t help but feel like among my friends, I’m the unluckiest.

I sighed again and tried calming down in my seat. I look forward and try to focus on the lesson. At least if I tried memorizing  all these history facts, I would forget about my worries for a while.

Soohyun

“ Don’t you think Suzy’s being weird? She’s acting unlike her today” Eunjung joined Jiyeon and I at lunch, at our usual table with the others. She said it to Jiyeon and I perked my ears to listen.

“Really? “ Jiyeon asked, puzzled. I suddenly feel worried. Is Suzy sick? I kept avoiding her and now I feel guilty. “ She didn’t pay attention in class at all. It’s like something was on her mind. Usually she just doze off if the class is boring. “ Eunjung explained as she began to eat. Jiyeon and I nodded in response. She shot a questioning look at me and I just shook my head. I don’t have any idea what is wrong with Suzy.

I quickly finish my food and left. Jiyeon asked me where I was going because she wanted to come along but I lied I was going to the locker room. I walked quickly and act as calm as I could to the library. I have a feeling Suzy is there. I caught her sometimes when she’s not eating lunch. She always hung out in the library, taking a nap because it’s quiet.

As I arrived, I walked in and look around the library. I immediately spot her at the far end of the room. She was leaning on the wall beside the book shelf. She has a book in her hand but she didn’t seem like she’s reading it –she was staring at it.

What Eunjung said seems to be true. She seems troubled ; like she has so much on her mind. I don’t know if I should just walk to her and comfort her. Part of me wanted to turn around and leave because I feel like it’s not a good time for us to talk. She seems like she needed the time to herself. My body betrays my mind. I started walking slowly towards her. As I got closer, I noticed someone reached her first.

It was Jonghyun. I stop in my tracks and hide behind a book shelf. I peek through the books on the shelf. Both of them were chatting normally. Nothing suspicious and Suzy suddenly doesn’t look too troubled anymore. Was I wrong? Did I overreacted? Maybe nothing is going on with her at all. I sighed and take one long last look at her with Jonghyun. Then I turned around to leave the library with a suffocated heart.

Jonghyun

Right after I sent Suzy home, I went straight back to my house. We didn’t talk much as we got home. She was quiet and I respected her space.  I just think she needed someone right now, looking at how depressed she looked.

I know what’s bothering her actually. Of course, Suzy would never tell me. I found about it through Soojung. She told me that Sulli and her whole family are moving away from this neighborhood. It’s a bit outside of town and is about an hour from school and that’s why they have to change school too.

It must’ve affected her badly. Suzy, IU, Jiyeon and I had all grew up in this neighbourhood. She’s especially close to IU and Jiyeon. She must be broken right now.

I threw myself on my bed. I feel kinda upset Suzy doesn’t want to tell me. I comforted her all day and waited for her to tell me. Am I not important enough for her to tell these things about?

I sighed. I should respect her decision. Suzy isn’t a girl who likes showing her feelings much to begin with. She must find it hard to open up about this so she prefers to keep it to herself. I’ll wait. She’ll tell me eventually. Would she?

It pained me too when I got the news. I don’t want to not be able to see her everyday like I am now. Day by day, my feelings only grow and it has been quite hard keeping it to myself these days.

Suzy

The house got quieter. My parents aren’t at home. My dad is at work and my mom is packing some small stuff in preparation for us moving. I feel like I wanted to scream. It irks me to see her pack so early. I thought she said we aren’t leaving until the school year ends? Then why is she packing now? I looked away and walk upstairs to my room. I feel like if I started talking to my mom, I might erupted. So it’s better for me to just settle in my room.

I feel so hurt but I couldn’t show it. I don’t want to burden my parents and friends. I know it’s hard on my parents to handle Sulli’s tantrums everyday ever since the moving news. The house might breaks down if I start erupting too.

I walk pass Sulli’s room and it was surprisingly quiet. There was no sounds of laughing and video games. I feel bad for her. I know it affected Sulli the most as Soojung is her one only friend since young. They can’t even be apart from each other for a day.

I got in my bedroom. I didn’t change my clothes and just lie down on my bed. I wanted to avoid my friends for a while. Everytime I see them, I feel like crying. It’s hard to keep up the act but I don’t know how to break the news to them. I sighed. I really want to cry right now, desperately. My chest feels so heavy and I feel suffocated. But for some reason, I still couldn’t cry and it annoys me because all I want to do now is cry myself to sleep. I feel numb all over my body. I stare at the ceiling expressionlessly and soon fell into a deep slumber. I was thankful for that because for a moment, I don’t have to worry or think about anything.

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do you have any hyunzy fanfic recommendations for me to read? i'm so bored these days. also, I'm obsessed with BTS Pied Piper :>

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