Pathetic

Never stopped loving you

 Sojin POV

 

I stared at my red stringed bracelet and felt the memories come rushing back. Unlike before, the string didn't offer a sense of warmth and security that would enter through my finger tips and flow through my veins.

 

The soft smile it would bring me no longer returned. The soft tingling which would linger near my heart until the beams of sunlight turned into stars, was no longer there.

 

And for the first time in a while I felt alone.

 

 

"Yi Fan? What are you doing here?" I shyly asked, my tiny hands clutching the straps of my pink backpack.

 

The boy in question turned and greeted me with a warm smile. "What else? I go to school here." He replied pointing his thumb in the direction of the front entrance. My cheeks grew warm in embarrassment and I silently cursed myself for asking such a stupid question.

 

"And what are you doing here Sojin?" He asked, raising his eyebrows mockingly.

 

I scuffed my foot against the gravel, "What else? I go to school here." We both erupted in a fit of laughter.

 

Our laughter slowly died down and in turn silence engulfed us.

 

Thoughts filled my mind as I furrowed my brows in confusion, "I haven't seen you here before though."

 

Yi Fan bent down to tie his shoelaces "That's because I'm new here."

 

"Oh." I breathed, "Well in that case, would you like me to show you around?" He stood up and dusted his pants before taking off his Pokemon cap and placing it in his bag. "Ok."

 

 

A creak was heard signaling the opening of the door and almost automatically my head turned towards it. Dongwoo slipped inside and softly shut the door behind him before leaning against it.

 

His eyes pierced into mine and for the first time I could see hurt flash across them. He folded his arms over his chest, letting out a sigh. "We need to talk."

 

I chewed the inside of my cheek as I uneasily stared at him. "There's nothing to talk about."

 

I immediately regretted my comment as I watched his face contort into a look of pain.

He huffed, pushing himself off the door making his way to the foot of my bed.

 

Staring down at me, he pursed his lips and clenched his jaw, "Fine then, you talk and I'll listen." The tone in his voice was cold enough to send chills down my spine and I quickly sat up keeping my eyes focused on his. This side of Dongwoo makes my heart pound in guilt. He's never been like this before - cold and aggressive - yet it's all my fault.

 

I pushed him away.

 

"I don't want to." I sternly said with equal the amount of harshness.

 

And I did it again.

 

"Sojin please tell me what's going on." He pleaded finally deciding that arguing wasn't going to get this conversation anywhere.

 

"Not now Dongwoo, I'm tired." I huffed growing uncomfortable under his intense gaze.

"No Sojin, I'm tired." He confessed throwing his arms up in the air. "We've always been so honest with each other, why is it that once he walks into your life, you change."

 

I threw him a look, "I haven't changed at all." I said defensively, "Maybe this is who I actually am!" I spat fed up with this mess. It wasn't supposed to be like this - none of this was.

 

Kris wasn't supposed to have this big of an impact on my life. He wasn't supposed to control me.

 

"No it's not! You're not like that Sojin. He made you like that."

 

Bang.

 

He hit the nail right on the head. Kris made me like this.

 

"Sojin, you have the world on your shoulders but won't trust me to help you hold it." He sighed, "I don't want you to bear this burden alone."

 

 Anger brewed from the pit of my stomach, "I want to Dongwoo. I want to be crushed by my problems. That way you won't be hurt by the disaster it creates." I screeched tossing the bracelet onto my desk.

 

Dongwoo stormed up to me and pulled me by the arm, forcing me to face him. "I'll help you face them." He softly spoke, "Just trust me." I slapped his hands away and placed mine on my hips.

 

Taking a deep breath, I shoved him away and glared at him, "I don't trust you!"

 

He stumbled slightly as he staggered from one end of the room to the other, "Relationships are built up on trust which develops from love. The moment we said those three words, we made that vow to never loose faith in the love that connects the two of us." He snapped.

 

You don't understand, I don't want you to get hurt if my problems become too heavy for my shoulders. I would rather suffer in order to spare you the pain. I inwardly said.

 

Dongwoo breathed in and out a few times as he waited for my reply. Realizing that I was just going to be absorbed by the silence he shifted his eyes to meet mine, "You know what? Just call me when you want to finally commit to this relationship."

 

Then the door slammed shut, the sound echoing through the air,

 

 

"And these are the class room buildings." I announced, holding my arms out in a presenting fashion. "What class are you in?"

 

Yi Fan pulled out a slip of paper from his pocket and quickly skimmed over it, "Grade 2C, you?"

 

My shoulders dropped slightly, the thought of being separated from my first friend dawned on me.

 

"1C" I muttered. The ends Yi Fan's lips curled upwards causing his eyes to disappear, "That means you're 6 years old, right?" He asked. I looked at him in confusion, "Well...yeah." I slowly answered.

 

"Good." He declared. "I'm your Oppa then."

 

I stared at him and felt a warm feeling brew in my heart, "Yeah, Yi Fan Oppa."

 

 

I glanced at the bracelet that sat on my desk and felt that same feeling I felt 11 years ago come crawling back.

 

I'm holding onto broken promises and it's only making me crumble into pieces. It's causing me to push all my loved ones aside.

And it's no one's fault but mine.

 

I trudged over to my desk and picked up the bracelet. Unlike other times, my mind wasn't filled with those heart warming memories I've so carefully filtered from the rest. Instead all I could remember were the memories I chose to ignore.

 

Those that caused me to hide behind the person I never was.

 

Those that pushed away my friends and the one who always believed in me.

 

Those memories darkened my world yet I grasped onto them with false hope.

 

"Pathetic."

 

And just like that, the bracelet fell into the trash just as fast as Kris had left my life 2 years ago. 

 

---

A/N: 

Well, that's chapter 42.

The heading for this chapter is not just aimed at the current situation in the story. In the previous chapter I had stated that I had pre written a few chapters, and look at me... 2 months later and I'm finally updating. Man I've stooped to an all time low. Pathetic

I've been very airy fairy lately, so it's been hard for me to consentrate on one task. (Don't blame me. I went to the B1A4 ROAD TRIP concert and I've been like this ever since) >.<

Because of that, I've been thinking of writing antoher story about B1A4. (Chill, I'll start after this one is finished.)

Anyways, I hoped you enjoyed that chapter.

Untill next time... my awesome subscribers and silent readers!

~ Michellez_014

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Michellez_014
6/27/15 I swear to god, I am the worst updater ever

Comments

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Iris1697
#1
Chapter 44: Don't worry my little yondongsaeng, I'll support you till the very end!~ Your story is still as incredible as it was the first time I read it, and it always will be!
Iris1697
#2
Chapter 39: Oh my it's soooo good!!!!!! :)
Nya-Nya_08 #3
Chapter 37: I loved it!!
Iris1697
#4
Chapter 37: Haha merry Christmas to you too yondongsaeng!!!!lol looks like me and Dongwoo both hate spiders lol (^ω^)
Nya-Nya_08 #5
When r u updating?? *waiting in anticipation..*
Nya-Nya_08 #6
Chapter 36: Aww! I'll be praying for the victims of the super typhoon!! Be positive yeobo, I'm sure your family will be ok! (~_~;)
Iris1697
#7
Chapter 36: Oooooh I like this, and unnie hopes you did well on your exams!!!!! XD
Iris1697
#8
Chapter 35: Aww how sweet!!!!! Lol Dongwoo's creeper status!!!! Lol XD!!!! Aww my yondongsaeng advertised for me!!!!! You didn't have to!!!! XD I'M such a lucky Unnie!!!!! Lol great now I have to advertise your story too!!!! Lol XD KAMSAMNIDA YONDONGSAENG!!!!!!! :D
Meronew
#9
Chapter 34: Hi~ new subscriber is here :) i have decided to read a dongwoo fanfic and choose yours to be the first for me and i really like it ^-^ waiting for updates fighting~
Iris1697
#10
Chapter 34: Yay a chapter!!!!! Lol I question how long this happy stage will last? T.T XD