Really confused...
Never stopped loving you
Sojin POV
The walk home was quiet. We would occasionally glance at each other but would quickly turn our attention on the busy road again. "So why did you decide to stay with me? You could have chosen to hang out with the guys." I asked breaking the silence. He let out a small chuckle but kept refused to meet my eyes.
"It would mean that you would be alone. And I like hanging out with you." He said finally looking at me. I felt a smile creep on my face. Just those few words were able to make my heart flutter. That's why I love him. He's simple yet what he says has so much meaning.
"Thank you." I replied hiding my colored face. He gave me a confused look "For staying with me. It's really kind of you." I continued kicking a pebble as I walked. Ever since Infinite entered, scratch that more like barged, into my life I have become accustomed to always having someone around me. And now being alone is what I fear the most.
I turned to my left to see if he had something to say, but found no one beside me. I turned back and found him standing in the middle of the foot path. "Why did you stop?" I asked walking closer to him. He looked hesitant, as though he was having a debate with himself. I stopped in front of him and softly poked his shoulder. Seeing no response, I shrugged and spun around.
Just as I was about to take a step his hand grabbed mine sending shivers down my spine. My heart started pounding against my ribs, and I was thankful that he couldn't see my now colored cheeks.
"I-I..." He started to say. I could feel my palms go sweaty as I waited in anticipation. He let out a sigh and let go of my hand. "You know what, it's nothing."
My heart dropped in disappointment. I slowly nodded and continued walking down the path. The soft sound of footsteps filled my ears as the wind blew against my skin.
I tried to erase the dreaded feeling that was brewing in the pit of my stomach, but no matter what my mind kept flashing back to the moment a few minutes ago. I never knew love was this difficult and confusing. You can never be sure that you read the signs right. For all I know he could hate my guts. I don't remember my mom ever telling me that she had these problems when she was in love. Wait, that's because she married a jerk. I heaved a sigh as I watched in envy as a couple walk hand in hand through the park.
"You seem to be in deep thought." Dongwoo commented appearing next to me. "And..?" I asked raising my eyebrow at him. He let out a soft chuckle obviously amused at my oblivious state. "You walked straight past the house." I stopped walking and looked at the unfamiliar part of the street, finally processing what he said.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?!?" I shouted slapping his shoulder. He pouted causing his pink lips to stand out even more than they do. "Well I did call your name. But someone was off with the fairies." He teased flashing me a large smile that met his eyes causing them to disappear. My heart started to race at the sight, and to save myself from embarrassment I ran in the direction of the house.
When we finally reached the house we unloaded the groceries and started cooking dinner. It took a lot of persuading to get Dongwoo to help me prepare the food, but after promising to buy him ice cream of his choice, he soon gave in. "Jinnie, is this alright?" He asked showing me the chopping board of what I think was, or used to be, chicken. "What is that?" He looked offended but quickly replaced his expression with a smile. "It's cheese." My jaw dropped at his statement
"When I said can you get the cheese. I meant the already shredded cheese. Not if you can shred the block of cheese. That was supposed to be for the sandwiches next week." His shoulders slumped as he continued to stare at the butchered product. My heart clenched in guilt at his dejected expression. "Why don't I chop and you stir?" I offered. His face brightened at my suggestion, happy to be able to assist me in a way.
"Yah! Be careful!" He scolded. It was the second time that the knife just skimmed passed my fingers. I was quite skilled with a knife, but when you have someone like him towering over your shoulder scrutinizing your every move, makes it more difficult.
And here he is telling me that the bacon is chopped too thinly when he can't even slice cheese without causing it to become unrecognizable. "Why don't you do it?" I huffed, fed up with the constant yelling. "No thank you. Apparently my cutting isn't up to your standards." He said in a posh voice.
"And I wonder why..." I mumbled turning my attention back onto the chopping board. I didn't get far before he stopped me again. "You know, why don't I show you how its supposed to be done." He placed his hand on top of mine and held the knife in position. His arm s around my waist before his fingers brushed against mine as he took hold of the meat.
My heart started to race at his actions causing my face to tint a dark shade of red. "This is how it's done." He breathed. His hand started to move the bacon while the other one sliced the meat into the appropriate sizes.
He started to say more things but they were blocked out by the sound of my beating heart. Much to my disappointment he stopped cutting and let go of my hands. I turned around and met his eyes "That's how you do it." He softly spoke closing the distance between us. He rested his hands on the bench beside me, trapping me between his arms.
He bent down so his eyes were piercing through mine. I could feel his warm breath as his lips inched closer. "And this is how you do this." He whispered. Just before our lips could touch I quickly snapped out of my daze and wiggled my way out of his grasp.
As much as I would love to have his lips crash against mine. I'm just not ready. I would only like to be kissed if I am sure that the feelings are mutual. And right now I'm not too sure. He might not have even been trying to kiss me. My head hurts from all this thinking.
I over think things to the point where even the most simplest thing can become confusing. However I managed to calm myself down and continued with the meat, trying my hardest not to glance over at him. I don't get how he can just act like nothing happened while my hearts feels as though its about to explode.
---
I was anxiously watching him cook the pasta sauce in the pan. The way he stirs things makes me fear that he is going to hit himself with the spatula or, the frying pan is going to fly off the stove with its hot contents pouring over me. Either one involves one of us getting hurt. A loud bang followed by a yelp was heard, interrupting my thoughts. My eyes darted over to the boy and before I could register what happened, my feet automatically ran over to him. And just what I didn't want to happen, happened.
Dongwoo was examining his red hand with hot carbonara sauce dripping off his apron. The frying pan was upside down on the floor with a wooden spatula abandoned next to it. "Yah! What did you do?!?" I yelled placing my hands on my hips. He looked down at the sauce covered floor and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "You up for Pizza?" He grinned stepping over the mess.
I shook my head in disbelief "Come on, lets get scrubbing!" I threw him a rag and we started to wipe the mess. Every now and then I would catch him looking at me, which I thought was quite cute, until I realized he wasn't doing anything. I looked up and our eyes met. I let it a small chuckle "Finish this while I go choose a movie to watch." I threw him the rag and left the room. I walked into the lounge room in search for anything we haven't already watched, but to my luck, found nothing. "Oppa! Do you have any movies in your room?" I called. I stayed in my position waiting for a reply before hearing a muffled 'yes' come from the kitchen.
I proceeded down the hall before arriving in front of his room. I opened the door and walked in. I went over to his desk and looked for any DVD's that was lurking around. I traced my fingers along the different books that were neatly placed on the table. My eyes drifted towards the mushroom keychain we bought on our first 'date' that was sitting on the shelf. A small smile crept on my lips as I remember the look on his face when I showed him the silver accessory.
I opened the drawer and my eyes lit up at the pile of movies that were sitting there. I picked them up and looked through them. After choosing a good movie I placed the other ones back in in their respective place. I was about to leave the room when a small pink sticky note caught my eye. Curious, I picked it up and read the content. Memories started to flood my mind as I remembered the time he tried asking me to hang out with him, and how I left this note when he was too busy daydreaming to remember what he was doing.
I left the note where I found it and exited the room. "I found a movie!" I announced walking into the lounge room. He patted the space next to him on the couch "Sit here!" He called. I put the DVD in and joined him on the couch. I picked a romantic comedy, so at times it was a little awkward. Whenever the on screen couple would kiss, we both would always turn away. But in the end it was a good movie and we shared lots of laughs.
The door burst open just when the movie ended. "Hey guys! We felt bad. So we decided to come home and spend some time with our two favorite people!" Sungyeol exclaimed plonking himself next to me. I narrowed my eyes at the boys that were slowly entering the room. Sungyeol cowered under my intense gaze and quickly shifted his eyes onto something else "Hey is that Pizza?" He took a slice and ran off before we could stop him.
"If I had known that you were ordering pizza and not cooking, I would have stayed with you." Hoya grumbled grabbing the box of pizza and devouring the rest of the slices. "I want some!" Myungsoo whined pulling the box away from Hoya. Woohyun snatched the slice off Myungsoo before he could eat it and shoved it in his mouth.
"Hmm...Pepperoni, my favorite!" I rolled my eyes at their childish behavior and jumped up from my seat. "I'm going to bed. You guys are starting to go crazy, and I don't want to have to deal with the aftermath." I said watching as they tackled each other.
"Good night~" they called not bothering to turn away from their little 'game'. I shook my head and walked into my room. I needed to get a good night sleep before the competition tomorrow. I don't see how the boys can be so calm despite the competition tomorrow. I can't detect one hint of nervousness in their faces. I think I'm more anxious then them. Oh well, we'll see how well they pull tomorrow.
I lay in bed and mentally went over the dance moves before letting sleep take over me.
---
So short update today. I tried to do I double update today since it was the release of INFINITE's Destiny. But that didn't go to well. I realised that the next chapter is going to take much more thinking then I thought. So expect an update tomorrow.
And while I'm on the topic. Who melted with INFINITE's epic MV? I swear they were awesome. And the blockbuster effect made it much more dramatic (but their stares and still more intense)
So I now just want to thank all of you guys. Even if you haven't subscribed or commented, just knowing that there are pairs of eyes reading makes a difference.
Now that I've said that. I'm going to start editing some of this story, because I just realized how ridiculous it was. So if you see this story says 'updated' please don't get your hopes up. (I doubt you would anyway.) I would put a '*' beside the chapters I've edited.
Thankyou. And I will see you soon.
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