After what happened this morning, I decided to take a walk by myself. But it didn't turn out to be a good idea.

   While I was walking, Zelo called me.

   "Hyung is out of jail."

   "Good." I was really happy, but I couldn't show it due to my mix of emotions because of that damn greek jerk god.

   "He could come here, you know?"

   "Yeah, he could."

   "You just have to ask."

   "What?"

   "I talked to him a few minutes ago. I told him to come, but he said you needed some time alone. I mean, without him."

   "Did you tell him about Shi Hoo?"

   "No, you should tell him what happened. But if you don't feel like it, I won't say anything either."

   "Thank-" 

   I was crossing the street. I should have been more careful. But I couldn't. My mind was filled with thoughts about Dae Hyun, thoughts about Shi Hoo, even thoughts about my mom. My mind was a mess. My feelings were a mess. I was a mess. So I got hit by a bus.

   I heard screaming. My vision was blurred, but I saw the driver running to me. I could see the sun right above my eyes, but it was getting darker and darker. My eyelids were getting heavier and then everything went black.

   When I woke up, I saw that familiar face. Was I in heaven? Nah, he would have to be dead as well. Or not, I don't know how heaven works. I touched his cheek and saw his mouth moving, but I couldn't hear anything. After some seconds, his voice started getting louder and I could finally realize he was calling my name.

   "Hi, Dae Hyun." My voice was barely audible.

   "Oh, thank God!" He was about to hug me, but a very familiar voice stopped him.

   "Don't do it. It might hurt her." He came closer and stopped by the bed. "Hey, sis." He smiled and that somehow comforted me.

   "Hi, oppa." Every time I tried to say anything, somewhere between my heart and lungs hurt, so I frowned, placing my hand on my chest, and just then I realized I had bandages all over both of my hands and part of my arms.

   "Are you ok?" Il Hoon's smile faded and was replaced by a worried expression. I just nodded slowly.

   "Wait. Why is he oppa and I'm Dae Hyun?" Dae Hyun sounded a little annoyed, a little jealous, a little everything. I giggled, even though it hurt.

   "Don't complain, just let me talk to her." He lightly pushed Dae Hyun to the door.

   "I'm just leaving because she is mad with me." He mumbled, leaving the room.

   After Dae Hyun was gone, Il Hoon sat on the armchair next to the bed and looked at me. "So, how are you feeling?"

   "I don't know... Tired. Sore. A little dizzy."

   "You've been unconscious for two days."

   My eyes widened. "What?" My voice was nothing but a whisper.

   "The doctor told us to test your memory. Your brain, in general. They don't know how much was affected in the accident."

   "What exactly happened?" I stared at the ceiling.

   "You were talking to Zelo when you had to cross the street. You were disctracted and didn't notice a bus coming. You were lucky that the driver was a nice person and immediately brought you to the hospital himself. Dae Hyun gave him some money as a sign of gratitude."

   "Hm."

   "Wait. It really was an accident, right?" I turned my face to him.

   "What?" I didn't really get what he meant.

   "What happened was an accident, right? You didn't really mean to be hit. Right?" I turned my face back to the ceiling.

   I don't really know. I never thought about it this way. What if, deep inside, I wanted to leave this world? This damn unfair world. What if, by being alone, I got the chance to put an end to this useless life of mine without showing I actually meant to do it? But is it really that bad? Do I really hate my life that much? I still love Il Hoon, I still love Zelo, and I still love Dae Hyun, even though he is a jerk sometimes. I would definitely give my life for them, but I don't think I would be stupid enough to end my own life for nothing. I still have plenty of things I want to do in my life. So the answer is yes.

   "Yes, it was an accident." I gave him a weak smile.

   He let out a sigh of relief and smiled, lightly ruffling my hair. "Okay, so let's begin your test." I nodded, even though I didn't think I needed it. "What is your date of birth?"

   "April 28th, 1996."

   "Did you celebrate your 17th birthday?"

   "No."

   "Why?"

    "Your mom didn't let you spend the day with me, Zelo was grounded because of his bad grade in Physics, and Dae Hyun was visiting his sick grandmother in Busan."

   "Apparently your memory is fine." He smiled.

   "Of course it is." I answered proudly, but I was actually relieved there was nothing wrong with my brain.

   "Ok, what is the square root of 729?"

   "28."

   "It's 27, Rika." He frowned worriedly at me. I also frowned at myself. Math had always been my strength, I knew every square root from 0 to 2500.

   I was half worried and half mad at me for not getting it right. Il Hoon let out a nervous laugh. "One mistake doesn't mean anything. Let's try again. What is the square root of 484?"

   "21."

   He sighed. "22." I closed my eyes, disappointed with myself. "One more try, come on. What is the square root of 196?"

   "13." I looked at him expectantly and he cleared his throat.

   "It's actually 14." I just didn't pull my hair out because I couldn't move myself properly. "Well, it could have been just a moment of confusion, sis. 169 and 196 can be easily mistaken." He smiled at me reassuringly, but I was too mad at myself to care.

   "Great. I don't know Maths anymore. Later I won't even know that 7 squared is 48."

   "It's actually 49." He lowered his head. I couldn't take it anymore. I hit both of my arms forcefully on the bed, but immediately regretted it, as a burning pain shot through my whole body. "Hey, hey, hey, don't do it! You're not fully recovered yet." Il Hoon gently placed his hand on top of mine, maybe trying to calm me down, maybe holding me down, I didn't really care.

   I started crying. The thought of my brain not working properly terrified me. Not knowing square roots is far from being the worst thing that could happen. But still, I didn't know what else happened with my brain. What other areas of it were affected? Do I still know how to write? Can I still see colors properly? What about my short-term memory? I don't want to think about it, but I can't help it. It's desperating.

   "Don't worry, sis. Maybe it's just a passing thing. You can learn Maths again, or maybe you will remember it in a few days, who knows?" He tried to cheer me up, but I wasn't even paying attention to what he said. 

   "Can you... leave me alone for a moment?" I managed to hold my tears for a few seconds. He nodded and left after wiping some tears that were still running down my face. 

   I took several deep breaths and stopped crying. After some minutes, Dae Hyun came inside.

   "I need to tell you something." He stopped by the door.

   "Just say it." I didn't look at him. I wasn't myself by then. It was as if my soul had left my body.

   He sighed. "Let's break up." Those three words just sent my soul even further away.