Ji Eun woke up in the middle of the night with a throbbing pain in the head which caused her to lose her balance when she tried to stand up.

Glancing at the clock, Ji Eun realized that it was already one o'clock and the only source of light was the tiny flourescent of the aquarium. She squint her eyes and looked around as she tried to recall what just happened.

It took her a long while to catch some of her memories and when she finally realized it, she smacked her head for letting herself be fooled by Chohee and Hara. 

They told her that Soju can make her forget all the pain that she's been feeling inside. 

But why is it that when she woke up, she still feels empty?

The memory of her break up with Luhan was still vivid and clear just like the ocean while her heart was still in pain. 

It was all ridiculous and somehow, Ji Eun thought that maybe there is no cure for her situation. Maybe she will forever be crestfallen.

Heaving a sigh, Ji Eun stood up and proceeded upstairs.

The door made a thin creaking sound when Ji Eun gently opened the door. Suzy was deeply asleep on her bed and the only sound that Ji Eun could hear was the ticking of the clock that was on the sidetable.

Closing the door carefully, Ji Eun walked quietly and plopped herself on her bed and dozed off.

~:~ 

It was five thirty in the morning when Ji Eun opened her eyes. She knew it was still early but her body suddenly became active which is probably weird but in the end, she stood up after deciding to go downstairs and take some fresh air.

However though, when she reached the first floor, she heard the sound of clanking dishes from the kitchen which caused her to walk towards it only to realize that it was Soo Ri who was busy preparing their Tuesday breakfast.

Soo Ri raised her eyebrow, showing how surprise she was because she didn't expect Ji Eun to wake up that early.

"Good morning, dear."

"Good morning, auntie." Ji Eun responded and sat on one of the chairs to enjoy a glass of milk.

Placing a plate full of fried eggs on the table, Soo Ri smiled at the younger one as she she savored the drink.

It was a little quiet and when Soo Ri went to the sink to wash the used kitcen equipments, she pursed her lips and without turning her gaze from the dishes, the latter said something. "Ji Eun?"

"Yes?"

"Are you...okay?"

Ji Eun blinked after hearing the question. After placing the glass back on the table, she stared at the woman's back.  

After hearing nothing, Soo Ri sighed. "You've been aloof these days. And I'm not naive to not know what happened."

The younger one pursed her lips and tried to gather some words that would fit in as a response. "Auntie...I'm hurt...and I don't get myself anymore."

"It's because of Luhan, isn't it?" 

Hearing his name, Ji Eun almost caught her breath. 

Soo Ri dried her hands with a towel and sat down on the chair that was facing the girl. "Ji Eun, don't let the pain that you're currently feeling take over you."

"But...it very hurts that I don't even know how to let this all go away."

The older one reached out and placed her right hand on top of Ji Eun's delicate hand. "Of course it hurts. That is pain. But what matters most is how you will conquer it."

"No, auntie. I'd already been defeated. I just..." Ji Eun shut her eyes as she bit her lip hard that she almost felt numb. "I just want to end everything now, auntie. I want to go."

"But, you still cannot go." Soo Ri mumbled.

"For goodness' sake. What do I still need to do here?! I've already felt my punishment here, auntie. What shall I need to do?!"

Witnessing her outburst, Soo Ri stayed calm and took a deep breath. "Ji Eun, may I remind you that you're here to learn, not to be punished. There's a difference." 

 The younger one drew out a deep sigh. "It's just so...preposterous."

Soo Ri bit her lower lip and was somehow hurt after seeing how stress Ji Eun was. Of course Ji Eun matters to her that's why seeing her like that bothers Soo Ri so much because she sees her as her unbiological daughter.

"You know," The older one stated. "It's also my fault."

Ji Eun, who was blankly staring at table, averted her eyes to Soo Ri, confused.

The latter pursed her lips as she gently caressed Ji Eun's hand. "I should've warn you that you shouldn't get too attached to people here."

Ji Eun shook her head. "I see...but don't blame yourself."

"I'm sorry." Soo Ri mumbled.

"Don't be, auntie," Ji Eun replied. "Maybe this is just how things work out for an uncanny woman like me."

"Ji Eun," Soo Ri said, "I want to tell you something that you should also need to learn."

Hearing that statement, Ji Eun gave a questioning look.

"Don't view yourself as a nobody because you are important. You're not a mistake, Ji Eun. You need to start reminding yourself that you must not let the judgement of people about you eat you up. Besides, they don't have the right to judge you anyway." Soo Ri discussed, "People don't determine your destiny."

Ji Eun pursed her lips and looked away. "I guess you're right. I'm more than what they describe me."

Soo Ri smiled with a nod. "Now don't let the judgement of people in your world control you. Get up and show them that you can change."

"But," Ji Eun stated, "It's hard to get up again after of...what happened."

Soo Ri blinked and recalled the event that happened lately which caused this innocent girl's heart to be shattered into pieces. 

"You know, everything happens for a purpose. I am pretty sure that it happened because it will help you learn something. Why don't you start seeing that problem as an opportunity to become a better you?"

Ji Eun let her stare bore into Soo Ri's motherly smile and with a deep sigh that has a pint of courage, she managed to curl up her lips. "I'll try."

  ~:~

Chanyeol and Ji Eun were walking through the empty hallway since they're too early that's why there weren't a lot of students that time.

Remembering what happened last night, Ji Eun pursed her lips and tried to glance at Chanyeol. They both met each other's eyes but Ji Eun quickly looked away.

"I'm sorry for last night." Ji Eun mumbled as she looked at her shoes. "It's just that...I've been so depr--"

"It's alright."

She looked at him which causes Chanyeol to give her an assuring nod. 

Ji Eun stopped from her tracks as well as Chanyeol. She fixed her eyes on him and after a while, she heaved a dejected sigh. 

"I've always been a burden to you, Chanyeol. I'm really sorry." 

Just before Chanyeol could speak, Ji Eun shut her eyes close. "Ever since from the start, I've been so dependent to you but still, thank you for not getting tired of me."

Processing her statement, Chanyeol ruffled her hair. "Hey, it's no big deal. I know what you're going through anyway."

The both of them continued their walk again and just before silence could conquer them, Chanyeol spoke. "Ji Eun, how're you feeling?"

"Oh, well, my head kind of ached because of that Soju. Actually, I'm having a hard time recalling all of that happened last ni--"

"No," Chanyeol cut. "I'm not asking that. I mean, how's your...heart?"

Ji Eun shut upon hearing his question which cause her to check her current condition.

"I don't know...it's learning, I guess."

Chanyeol smiled and suddenly held her shoulders which caused the girl to give him a questioning look.

"It'll be a long day but hey, keep reminding yourself that you'll be okay, alright?"

Ji Eun chuckled and nodded. "I will."

Chanyeol walked ahead and just before Ji Eun could continue her walk, she smiled as she observed him.

Because somehow, she felt happy at the thought that Chanyeol never gave up on her when she almost gave up herself. 

  ~:~

The first three subjects were a battle to Ji Eun. She sat on Yoseob's former chair again as she kept on reminding herself that from this day onwards, she will regain her strength. But it was hard because Luhan finally went to school.

Of course it was easy to her to fake a poker face and focus on the discussion but she had to admit that somewhere beneath the layers of her heart, there was pain and uneasiness. 

Whenever they will have a free time, Ji Eun would somehow feel Luhan looking at her and to fight it back, she will just bury her head on her arms as she reminds herself to try to forget his existence inside the room.

By the time the bell rang, Ji Eun quickly stood up and strode off without even looking back or caring that she's alone.

When she finally got to the cafeteria, Ji Eun scanned every table to see if Suzy's already there but much to her disappointment, she wasn't that's why in the end, she proceeded to get a tray.

Just before Ji Eun could order, she fished out her wallet from her skirt's pocket only to realize that it wasn't there. With a sigh, she put back the tray and strode back to the classroom.

Staring at her shoes as she makes every step, Ji Eun was trying to empty her mind because she was hoping that that simple individual act may somehow ease her. Just as she was about to reach the door of the room, Ji Eun stopped upon hearing other voices. To her, she could've just ignore it but Ji Eun knew that it was Luhan so instead of walking in, she decided to stay rooted on the ground. 

Luhan was about to get out that time when he realized that Sehun was by the door with an unreadable face. The latter sighed and walked towards him.

"So how about Minah?" Sehun asked. "She's been pestering me since yesterday after receiving the news about you."

"Can we just stop talking about this like for a day? I'm getting tired of all this crap."

Hearing his friend's statement, Sehun stopped Luhan just before he could walk out of the room. "Oh so you're tired? Let me just remind you that this is all your idea and running away from it is just stupid."

Processing his reply, Luhan faced Sehun. "I know, okay?! I am a reckless idiot who acts without thinking and I don't know what to do anymore! I just..." Luhan heaved a sigh as he felt the nervous beating of his heart. "I just want a break."

Sehun watched him as Luhan sat on the floor and leaned on the wall with a downcast soul.

"I'm lost." Luhan mumbled as Sehun sat beside him.

Sehun had to admit that he was worried but he cannot deny the fact that he sometimes wants to punch his friend for being so careless and it takes him a lot of self control to stop himself from doing it.

"That's what you get for using Ji Eun." Sehun replied.

Luhan pinched the bride of his nose and took in a deep breath. "Look, I did it because I want Minah to realize how it hurts to be left behind. I...I thought using her might be a big help bu--"

"It made things more complicated. I know." Sehun pointed out.

"And I don't have any freakin' idea why it hurts this much." Luhan mumbled.

"You know, why do you keep on running away from the fact that you fell in love with Ji Eun?"

"I didn't!" Luhan defended although there was a pang in his heart. "I just...do--"

"You seriously have troubles in knowing the difference of truths and lies."

During that moment, Ji Eun was having a hard time catching air as she leans on the wall.

Her left hand was pressed on her chest because she was hoping that it may lessen her pain but it didn't.

Just before she could let out her sorrow, Ji Eun turned around and ran with watery eyes that lessen her vision. 

She was trying to wipe it away when she suddenly bumped someone and much to her surprise, it was Chanyeol.

Chanyeol was taken aback after seeing her puffy face which caused him to hold her shoulders and curl his brow. "I was looking for you."

Hearing his words, Ji Eun stared at his face that was basked in concern and after a second, she pursed her lips and looked up, trying to stop the downfall of her tears.

"Help me," She blinked and settled her eyes at him with a pleading look. "Help me run away from what I'm feeling."

Chanyeol looked at how she settled her left hand on her chest and how she tried to stop her lips from trembling.

"You cannot run away from it." He pointed out. "But maybe I can help you lessen the pain."

With that statement of his, Chanyeol smiled after receiving a nod from her.

~:~

The both of them settled at the empty staircase after disregarding their hunger.

Ji Eun leaned beside the wall with a dejected face while the boy just quieted himself, staring at his polished shoes.

"You know," Chanyeol mumbled, fighting the stillness of silence. "There's no one here instead of us so...you can cry."

"I should've just stayed at the cafeteria." The girl mumbled. 

"Can you tell me why you suddenly became like this?" Chanyeol questioned. "But hey I'm not forcing you to tell it though."

"I heard Luhan and Sehun talking at the classroom." 

Chanyeol perked his ears, somehow surprised that this girl was willing to share what just happened.

"He..." Ji Eun blinked. "He said that he just used me because of Minah."

Hearing her explanation, Chanyeol caught his breath and didn't say anything.

"Right now, I am bothered because I am wondering if he really loved me."

"It's coming back." Ji Eun continued as her lips tremble. "...pain."

Chanyeol clenched his fist and took in a deep breath. "I know how it hurts."

Hearing his statement, Ji Eun averted her gaze to him while the boy tried to plaster a smile.

"Minah..." He mumbled. "Did it to me."

Ji Eun held her breath, snapping back from the reality that she's not just the only person who's feeling the same way. Just before she could even express her pity, Chanyeol shrugged and patted her shoulder because he is the kind of boy who doesn't want to be pitied.

"It's moronic and selfish, isn't it? To be used by someone just to escape the pain they're feeling." He explained. "But hey, don't let the pain eat you up...you need to conquer it."

Ji Eun stared at him, trying to search something beneath his eyes. "Did you already get over it?"

"I guess so."

"Do you think my heart will endure?"

The boy vehemently nodded his head. "Yes of course. It may seem impossible at the moment but you can do it. One day."

"One day," Ji Eun repeated.

"But you know, I want to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"Don't let that pain take over your heart and give you fear." He mentioned.

"Fear of what?"

"Fear of welcoming another chance." Chanyeol replied. "Look, Ji Eun, your heart may be hardened right now but promise me that you'll open it's door again."

Hearing his words, Ji Eun stared at him and when a tear escaped her eyes, she looked away. "One day,"

One day, she will be able to defeat it.

One day, she will be able to forget his name.

One day, what happened to her will be just a dull memory.

One day, the pain that she's currently feeling will be just a shout into the void.

One day, she will be able to take courage in opening her heart for the wonders of love and its chances.

Chanyeol nodded. "One day,"

Greetings,

I absolutely feel awkward right now because I've been away for such a long while and probably some of you got mad. I'm really sorry. Life's tough but I thank God for helping me get back up again in writing. 

I'm truly grateful for all those who commented, subscribed, and upvoted. 

Also, thank you for the consistency of some of you in tweeting me to update again. 

God bless you. :)

Yours with a sincere apology,

FindingSunshine

FindingSunshine 2014|04|26