Here's another chapter! theres a kiss in this one btw :)

This is the song that they perform, by the way. [x] It's such a pretty songggg. 그래?? -xxharachixx
 

You sat in the waiting room after you fixed your makeup and tried to calm down. There was only 15 minutes until your performance and you couldn't keep still. You weren't sure whether you were going to do the performance fine or not; after all, Sehun had just confronted you and you were nervous out of your mind. 

"Jeongah, are you alright?" Myungsun asked, patting you on the shoulder. "You look completely freaked out. Even more than me."

You shook your head. "It's alright. I'm alright."

You smiled up at the two of them and tried to calm your breathing. By the time it was at normal, you heard a knock at the door. Your heart nearly jumped out of your chest. The same man who was at Junghye's room appeared.

"You three are on in 5."

You turned to Yeonghee and Myungsun as the man shut the door. Yeonghee nodded and pulled you up as the three of you walked out, Myungsun shutting the door behind. You walked down the hallway and followed Myungsun down the stairs, people with clipboards and headsets starting to appear. Staff ushered you to a dark room where you had to walk up several stairs to a flat area surrounded by a curtain. You wanted to go back to the waiting room. Leave the school. Go back to Busan where your brother was. But you couldn't; it was too late to turn back.

As you continued to walk further down the dark hallway, you heard the sound of a boy singing. Standing behind the curtain was completely nerve-racking as you heard the crowd shout and applause after the boy finished. Your body was shivering and you felt as though you were going to collapse out of nervousness. You felt a hand grip yours and you looked over, Yeonghee smiling at you.

"Jeongah, it's okay. You're going to do great. Don't be nervous, it'll finish before you know it."

You swallowed and nodded. You heard the tapping of the microphone as the curtain brushed against your legs.

"Thankyou, Kang Hangyong. Now, we have three beautiful girls from the first year of the Korean National University of Arts. They will be performing the song, If, by Taeyeon! Shin Yeonghee, Choi Myungsun, and Kang Jeongah!"

The crowd applauded as a staff member told you to go. Yeonghee and Myungsun nodded as they walked in front. You followed behind. The stage was dark and the curtain had been drawn infront of the audience. You caught up to Yeonghee and Myungsun and stood in the middle, Myungsun to your left, Yeonghee to the right, like you had rehearsed. You heard a wolf-whistle from the crowd as the rolling sound of the curtain started to become audible, the curtain opening. You closed your eyes. You were too scared to look at the crowd. The music started to play and you remembered what Yeonghee had told you.

"You have twenty five seconds before my part starts. I'll be singing first. Then Myungsun, then you. In that time get comfortable. Just like when we were in Grade 1, where we'd sing songs to each other. This is your one chance to show the school that you're better than what Misook did to you."

That twenty five seconds went faster than you thought it would. Yeonghee started to sing. Her voice was sweet and she was awfully talented. Although your eyes were closed and you were looking down, you could tell how large the auditorium was by the echoing of her voice around it. Seconds passed before Yeonghee finished and Myungsun began. Your stomach was full of butterflies and your neck was heating up. You could nearly even feel the eyes plastered on you as your arms felt warm, as if they were going to fall off. And then Myungsun finished, and it was your turn.

You opened your eyes. The auditorium was full and it felt as though you were being watched by the whole world. Cameramen from press conferences were standing around the front of the auditorium as the flashes went on and off. You looked around the auditorium for your parents, but then you saw Sehun standing near EXO. Looking up at you as he stood near the corner of the hall. You could see his face clearly and  it felt as though he was the only one in the auditorium. You lifted the microphone up to your lips and began to sing.

내가 바보 같아서

Because I'm a fool

바라볼 수 밖에만 없는 건

I can only look at you from a distance

아마도 외면할지도 모른 니 마음 과

Maybe your heart will turn away

또그래서 더 멀어질 사이가 될까봐

And so like that, we will become distant again

정말 바보 같아서

Because I'm really foolish

사랑한다 하지 못하는 건

I can't say I love you

아마도 만남 되에 기다리는 아픔에

Maybe waiting for meeting again would be painful

술픈 나날들이도려워서 인가봐

And I'm afraid my days would become sad

You lifted the microphone down and to your side as your part finished. Yeonghee began to sing again as you looked over to where Sehun was standing. He was smiling at you and you felt as though you were going to breakdown in happiness. Just as the song reached the , the three of you sung the same lyrics in a harmony. You closed your eyes as you reached a high note, your eyes tearing up as you did.

When the music finally came to an end, the audience erupted into cheers. You turned to where Sehun was before but he wasn't there. You frantically looked among the crowd for him but he was no where to be seen. Yeonghee held your hand and you held Myungsun's, and the three of you bowed together, before you walked off the stage as the curtain drew.

As you were ushered down the dark hallway again, the sound of words being thrown across the room to different staff members as you left the stage, you were finally brought to the waiting rooms again where the staff members started to disperse. You sighed loudly as you leant against the wall.

"That was amazing. Jeongah, you were freaking great."

You smiled as you ran your fingers through your fringe. A staff member hurried past the three of you and down the other end of the hallway.

"I'm going back to the room," Myungsun said. Yeonghee nodded in agreement as the two started to walk away.

"Jeongah, you coming?"

"I... need to do something first."

Yeonghee nodded as they walked back to the room. You turned back down the hallway to where you met Sehun before, in hope to see him again. The hallway was quiet as you walked near their room. There was no sound of boys laughing or practicing singing. Even though they had already performed, they were probably still backstage.

You walked further down the hallway in hope to see him. Still, he was no where to be seen. You sighed in dissapointment as you turned around, walking slowly down the hallway. You came across EXO's room. EXO / Line up no. 12.

You gripped the door knob and turned it, pushing the door open. The room was obviously larger than yours to fit six boys in. Their clothes, makeup and belongings were neatly placed in the room. The flickering light bulbs around the large mirror infront of a vanity table illuminated the room from it's darkness. You could see yourself standing in front of the mirror, the door open behind you.

You took a few steps forward as your shoes balanced against the carpeted floor, their tables in front of you. You could tell that it was Chanyeol's belongings scattered on the table and Baekhyuns were next to his. You noticed Sehuns things next to theirs. You walked over to his table. Black eyeliner, hair spray, safety pins, his phone, his wallet and  a piece of paper were lying on the table. You watched in the mirror as your arm reached down to pick up the paper; but your arm wasn't the only thing moving in the mirror. 

You spun around quickly and saw Sehun standing in the doorway. His hair was toussled and messy and he was breathing heavily, as if he had just run a marathon. You were so shocked for a second that you thought that you were imagning things. You took a few steps towards him, until you were a few metres apart.

"Jeongah-"

"Don't," you answered, cutting him off. "I'm sorry, Sehun. You give me butterflies whenever someone says your name and whenever I say your name it sounds heavy; even scary to me. I hate your guts, but I want you so much, and there's things in the way that need to get solved before I can say I love you. It will take a while to resolve those things, and there will be a lot of hurting during the wait. But before I fix those things, I wanted to give you this."

Just as he was about to speak against what you said, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down, pressing your lips against his in a hurried kiss. You shut your eyes closed as he did, your feelings for him overwhelming the side of what was best for you. You felt his heartbeat race against your chest as a tear fell down your cheek. You realised that this boy - the one that you had wanted to be with for so long - you couldn't be with, because of things that were in the way. You pulled away from him slowly before looking up at his eyes.

"I'm sorry."