“Can you break up with him?”

“What…”

            I couldn’t believe what he said. He told me to break up with Jongin? What? But I love him so much, I love him with all of my heart.

“You should think about it. Because I won’t release any official statement again if you haven’t decided about it.” Mr Sooman said. “Now go home. If you change your mind, let me know.”

“Ne, thank you.” I walked out as Manager Song followed me.

“You know that you’re ruining his image and all the fame he achieved for the past months?” Manager Song suddenly spoke.

“I’m sorry,”

“Huh, sorry? You think that this problem will go away after you’re saying sorry?” he snapped. “Do you exactly now what are you doing?”

“Yes, I know it.”

“Then why you didn’t stop?”

“What? I love him.”

“Love, huh? That’s how love does to you? Ruined your life, his life, his fans’ life also our life?” he said sarcastically.

“Manager Song ssi, where is Jongin?”

“You have the courage to ask it? How incredible. He flew back as soon as SMTown in California ended. Now he’s in his dorm. He’s being punished by Mr Sooman for violating the rules. You can’t see him. He can’t go out anymore and he can’t appear on variety shows.”

“Wh… what?” Then he pulled out a cellphone from his pocket.

“And this. Remember this? This is Jongin’s phone. I seized it so that he can’t contact you anymore.” He patted my back. “Think about it again, I’ll wait for your answer.”

            I cried as I got home. I don’t know what I should do. I can’t accept the offer because I love him so much. But if I don’t accept it, his image will be damaged and he can’t shine again. This is his dream, being a star that shines all over the world. I can’t do this. Oh god, what should I do?

“Hey, where are you going?” Minsoon asked as I took my car’s key.

“I wanna go to my parents’s graves.”

“Okay, just don’t go home late.”

            I cried again as I saw their graves in front of me. I walked near and placed two buckets of flowers on top of it. I prayed for them in heaven. After that, I told them all my problems. All that I’ve gone through these past years without them by my side.

“Umma, appa*, your daughter is much stronger now because the problems that she has gone through. Appa, omma, please take care of yourself there. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be brave to solve this problem by myself. There are many people who cherish me and support me aside from you guys.”

            I felt sun rays around me. I opened my eyes and realized that I slept in the middle of their graves. I stood up and clean myself from some dirt.

“Omma, appa, I’m going. One day, I’ll come here again bringing a good news that I’m solved the problem and I’ll bring Jongin along.”

            I drove around Gwangju. Yes, I’m in Gwangju. My parent’s grave are in Gwangju. I wore a cap when I got in to a minimarket. I was picking some soda and snacks when I realized that the cashier is watching a news about me on tv. I patted my chin and drown my head inside the cap more. I went to the cashierand tried to hide myself by looking away from the cashier.

“You kinda look like the girl on tv.”

“Oh, really? It’s not me, I’m ugly. The girl on tv is so beautiful.”

“If you called yourself ugly then what happened to me? Huh? Hahaha,” She laughed loudly. “It’s 10.000 won.”

“Here, thank you.” I took my shopping plastics as I walked a bit fast.

I drank my soda as I drove the car. I haven’t made a decision yet. I’m too confused, the options are too risky. But I have to, I have to make a decision and I’ve decided that I’m going to break up. I really don’t wanna to ruin his image that he’s been built for these past months. This is his dream, I have to support him although I should sacrifice my heart, my feeling, my love for him. This is all the true love about right?