Note: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJpXkZGTopQ I feel like this song perfectly conveys the feeling the "you" character has, and if you don't speak Korean or something and wanna read the lyrics I really think it helps add to the story. Plus I'm obsessed and it's been on replay for a long time. Thanks~!

You're pretty sure your heart just stopped too, as you feel your entire body go numb. 

"Kai, come back to me please...I dno't now what to do without you. Look, you lil' , I need you to get up for me now, or I don't think I'll be able to live anymore. Kai..." Your eyes spill over with a waterfall of tears. You shudder as you remember the desperation, helplessness, and desparity you felt when your appa died. You couldn't lose another important man in your life. You need Kai.

Your mind takes you back to the first time you saw him; you had some weird tripping over each other type of thing going on, and how he had smirked and told you that he had never "pushed you up against a wall before." You remember how strong and steady his arms feel, and how safe you always feel with him. You remember his sweet smile and how you no notice nothing other than him when you're together. You remember how he's the perfect listener and the most loyal friend. 

You'd do anything just to see that sweet smile again, and right now the only thing on the planet that matters to you is the boy inside the limp body before you. You don't notice that the auditorium had been cleared, and only you and EXO remain on stage. No one really had the heart to make you leave. You look absolutely awful. After what felt like ten million years, but in reality was only about 5 minutes, the paramedics arrive.

"We're going to have to ask you to leave," one of the paramedics says as everyone is taken to another room.

"NO," you yell, "I can't leave him...!!" 

"There's nothing YOU can do for him right now ma'am, I'm sorry, We'll do our best. Please we need you to clear the stage." 

Sehun tenderly grabs your arm and pulls you backstage; your whole body is limp and you follow him with dead eyes and a lifeless feeling in your entire being. 

For the first time you manage to take in the scene. Baekhyun sat in a corner, hands covering his face. D.O stares down at his hands folded in his lap. Suho paces back and forth worriedly while Chanyeol sits facing a wall, dead silent and dead still. 

Dead. You hate that word. You plead with God to bring back your beloved Kai.

"Guys, let's follow the ambulance. They're taking him to the hospital," Sehun says carefully. His eyes are moist as well, and you can tell he's trying his very hardest not to let them spill over. "I'll drive," Suho responds, quietly.

"I'm coming with you," you state firmly.

"Yeah, of course," Suho approves quietly. Sehun sighs and silently walks towards the car. Everyone else follows, worldlessly, because what kind of words can you really say about a loved one being dead before your eyes. You can only pray that the paramedics can revive him.

The ride to the hospital is a blur, you thinking nothing but of Kai and his twinkling eyes and selfless personality. You decide you've taken him far too much for granted, and beg silently for him to return for the fifty millionth time that day.  When you arrive, your stay in the waiting room is tortorous. You look around at your friends and they're all silent and staring at either a particularly interesting spot on the wall, or their own hands.

"What's wrong with him, guys,"  you demand. You need to know.

Everyone silenty stares at you. "Tell. Me." 

"Well...a while ago Kai started having a little pain in his heart and his chest. Like it was weird, and we kind of ignored it for a while until during one of our practices he passed out. It was different though, than this time, and he kind of woke up pretty soon after, so we didn't call an ambulance or anything. It's been getting worse though, and the doctors don't really know to fix it, per say, but they gave him pain meds that he takes a lot. It really really hurts him," D.O explains. That explains that time you walked in on him taking all those painkillers.

"So he had a heart atttack?" You ask, slowly, trying to process all of it.

"We don't know. His heart stopped, but we don't know exactly what's happening. He's strong. He'll make it through..." says Suho a little hesitantly. The doctor walks out and you hold your breath.

"We've done all we could..." your heart sinks.

"We've steadied his vitals, and he's breathing and his heart is beating normally," he says. You spring up, excited. 

"But...he isn't waking up yet, so you have to be patient. You can come in now if you wan't." He didn't have to say that twice, you bolt off into the room to see your beloved Kai.

Once in the room, you notice how weak he looks. He's hooked up to all kinds of machines and IVs and all that unpleasant hospital stuff. You feel like the air has been deflated out of you again, and you rush to his side. Sitting in a chair, you grab his hand and kiss it. You cry some more, feeling it's warmth. He's alive. He just hasn't woken up yet.

"Kai, listen here you. You've gotta wake up, okay? Or I'm gonna cause all kinds of trouble. You're gonna wake up, and we're gonna go eat chicken and ramen and ice cream and...Well I mean I promise I'll be better to you, Kai. If you just open your beautiful eyes I'll be the girl I always should have been to you. You offered me everything and you confessed your feelings to me and I didn't even say I like you back..." You choke on your words, and you don't even care that the rest of EXO is sitting on the other side of the room, staring. You kiss his hand again, and tears flow from your eyes more and more. 

You think about how you viewed love in the past. You thought of love as the feeling you had for your complete of an ex-boyfriend. But then you realize.

Love.

Love is the kind of love your appa had for your umma. Love is the kind of thing that D.O feels for his sister. Love is more than a feeling, it's a way of life. You know if you lose Kai, your way of life will no longer seem worth it.

You really realize for the first time. For the first time in your life, you're in love. You love Kai. You really do love him. It's weird for you, because you've never loved before, but now you know. You know the feeling that you can't lose him, you know how your mom felt for your dad. You just know it all. 

It dawns on you, sitting in the cold, bare, awful, hospital, this is the moment that you truly have fallen in love with Kim Jongin.