Note: Long chapter. Bear with me, guys! Some things I want comments on: (not limited to) WHO TO END UP WITH , LENGTH OF CHAPTERS , FREQUENCY OF POSTS , AND ANY SUGGESTIONS ON THE STORYLINE. 

Your heart is pounding, your mind is racing. Your blood is coursing through your veins faster than...well faster than Key spreads gossip, and that's saying something. Everything is just so overwhelming. SNSD chatters excitedly around you, but you don't process a word they're saying. You look in the mirror. Yoona had done wonders with your makeup, and you and your whole group of friends look like models out of a world famous K-pop star poster or something. If that exists. Posters usually aren't famou---whatever.

Get your head in the game. Okay. 20 minutes to showtime. Your group performs first, and you can't help but be slightly aggravated with Hyoyeon for volunteering like that. You're happy, though, because you can watch EXO and your friends from SHINee perform without TOO high of a stress level. 

"_____-ah! YOU LOOK PERFECT!" Taeyon gives you a tight hug, and you smile at her. She looks fantastic, and you can tell she's nervous too but her exicitement radiates around to everyone within a ten mile radius. Tiffany touches up your hair, and Jessica even gives you a half smile. You take a deep breath, and you decide to get up to go see Kai before you have to perform. He did, after all, help you with your dance since the beginning. 

"_______, you look beautiful!" Baekhyun's voice startles you a little, but your face breaks out into a huge grin as you give him a hug. You remember how comfortable you are around him, and your mind goes back to that day you two spent in the hospital waiting for your mom after her accident. You smile at him. 

"I really can't wait for you guys to perform! It's gonna be amazing," you beam at him. 

"Thanks, ____! I can't wait to watch you!!! You....r group.... yeah you're group! You'll do awesome." He gives you one more reassuring hug, and scampers off to do some final touches on his own face. 

You scan the room, looking for Kai, but can't find him. "Hey Suho," you say walking up to your "guardian angel." "Have you seen Kai?" You swear you see a flash of worry flicker across Suho's face but as just as quickly as that look came, it went. 

"No, sorry ______-ah, I haven't. You look fantastic though, by the way. Your performance is gonna go so well!" he beams at you.

"Thanks Suho! You too." You walk around, and have basically the same conversation with D.O, and Chanyeol. Well Chanyeol's conversation included him walking into a wall and tripping over his feet a few times, but that's just Chanyeol. He's a great guy. You hope his home situation is going alright.

You see Sehun leaning against a bathroom door, talking to it. Well you knew that Sehun was pretty weird, but you didn't think he talked to bathrooms...

Out of nowhere, Taemin pulls you back. "SHH, noona, listen from here! I've gotten good at this, see? I don't even need fruit to hide in to listen in on people!!" You smile, and concentrate on listening.

"Kai-hyung..Please. Don't do this. One showcase isn't worth making this whole thing worse, you know!!! What'll you do if you fall again and this time you can't get up? Kai, please. I've said it a million times but I'll keep saying it until you really understand. You're the only family I have, and I can NOT see you hurt and miserable." You hear Kai's voice faintly. 

"Sehun. I really appreciate your concern," a sharp intake of breath on Kai's part confirms your fear that he was in serious pain again. You just want to rush over and hold him tight. Except that would probably hurt. You sigh. "I really appreciate your concern, Sehun-ah...but I need to do this. You've all worked too hard and I promise I'll be (groan) fine." 

Sehun sighs, exasperated. "I'm tellng you Kai, this is a really bad idea..." You wish you could hear more but Tiffany grabs you and yanks you over towards your hair and makeup station. 

"_________ WE'RE LATE!!!! GET YOUR OVER HERE IT'S ALMOST TIME TO START." She frantically attaches your mic, fixes your hair, and pushes you into line with the rest of SNSD. 

You get on stage, and everything is a blur. There's a ton of people, the crowd is filled up, but you surprisingly aren't nervous. All the moves Kai taught you flow easily and you think of all the good times you've shared with Kai. You think of the day beneath the tree when you told him about your appa. You think back to the time you first saw him leaning against that wall. You think about the kiss in the middle of the classroom. You think of the way you feel whenever you're with him. You're happy. You're on top of the world, and everyone's eyes are glued to you. In the front row, you manage to see all of EXO sitting there. You immediately look for Kai as you and SNSD get to the chorus of "My Oh My." Kai's beaming, and the pain you imagined would be etched on his face isn't there. You feel relieved, and get back to your dancing. Your singing part comes up, and you nail all the notes flawlessly. When your performance is over, you exit the stage, leaving behind the roaring applause from the audience. You're a little disappointed to see that EXO had already gone backstage, because their performance wasn't even supposed to be for a while.

Your face flushed, your heart elated, you leave backstage and go to the front row designated for performers to view the rest of the show. SHINee performs "Lucifer," a song they'd written a while back, but wanted to perform again. F(x) performs "Electric Shock," one of Amber's favorites. Groups after groups go on, and finally, you see your five...okay fine, maybe at this point 6, favorite boys in the world get in formation. They perform the song "Growl" and you're absolutely starstruck. The song has been going on about 2 minutes, and everything about it is so powerful, so impressive, and so...y. You're so excited for them, but your eyes are mainly glued on Kai. 

Kai manages to transform into even more of a god when he's on stage. His smirks are smirkier, his moves are smoother, and his iness is...well...ier. The whole thing is perfect. He seems to falter a little, and you're concerned. He never makes mistakes.

Oh well, everyone makes mistakes. Even a god, I guess. you think to yourself. 

His energy seems to drain, and no longer are there smirks and you can't see the joy he usually has while dancing. You know before anyone else something is seriously wrong. 

The whole crowd gasps as Kai drops to the ground and starts shaking. The boys onstage all stop everything, and drop to their knees, trying to revive their beloved friend and bandmate. 

You don't care there are hundreds of people watching. You bolt up onto stage, and get on your knees next to him. 

"KAI?? Kai...Please wake up.." Tears begin flowing down your face faster than you can wipe them away as your time together once again flashes before your eyes; this time you're thinking about what it would be like to lose this boy.

Kai's eyes flutter open slightly, and his body continues shake. He manages to look at you, and smiles every so faintly. "___________, I'm so proud. You're beautiful."

You sob harder as his eyes roll back, and his whole body goes limp again.

Suho quickly tries to take Kai's pulse while multiple people begin calling for an ambulance. 

Panic rises in Suho's voice as he tries to choke out words and tears slide down his face. Suho then says in deathly quiet voice that eerily echoes around the silent, large, full, room; four words you know you will never be able to forget.

He looks directly at you. 

"Kai's heart isn't beating."