I shot up in bed, heart pounding, covered in sweat, and wide awake as my alarm went off. I had to glance around to assure myself that yes, I was in bed by myself. No, there was no one else with me. And no, I didn’t have any fresh bruises on my arms. I let out a sigh as I pushed the dream, no, the nightmare, away. I had thought that I had put the situation behind me, but apparently not. Oh joy. I turned off the alarm and shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. And then it hit me. The other reason I slept so poorly.

I was flying home today.

The room was empty and I saw another note next to the clock.

Nikky,

We went to get things ready. We will be back

when it is time to leave.

Hae Jung

Maybe it was best they had left. I felt myself sniffle as I fought back tears. I didn’t want them to see just how hard this was going to be for me. I mean, I hadn’t even started packing yet and I was already feeling down. This was just going to be an amazing morning, I could already tell.

Actually, the worst part of the morning was that packing was a mindless task. Which meant my mind had a chance to wander, and I bet it only takes one guess to figure out where it immediately wandered to: Mr. Choi Seunghyun.

I felt absolutely horrible thinking about him. I felt horrible for hitting him, for being so angry with him, and for not apologizing last night. I felt horrible because of the way he talked to me, the contempt he had in his eyes when we fought, and then the absolute emptiness they held when we saw each other afterwards. The guilt that had been held at bay by my anger the night before was in full bloom. And now? I was leaving. After today I was probably never going to be able to see the guys face to face again. Well, unless they managed to go on another world tour. But as much as I would love that, a world tour just took so much energy out of them, so I hoped YG would scale it back next time. Pretty please?

Which left me with the problem that we lived on opposites sides of the planet. I didn’t have the money to fly and visit them, and they didn’t have the time to fly and visit me. Plus, did I really think they would keep in touch with someone they only knew for a week? I mean, I was going to hope and pray and try my hardest, but did I really want to hold my breath about this?

Still, I wish I could have patched things up with Top. I let out a sigh as I packed up the adorable accessories Hae Jung had gotten me. I a ring that reminded me of one Top had and sighed again. I wanted to apologize. So badly. Hell, I knew he was angry and there was a chance he didn’t mean what he said, but I really was willing to take full blame. I was willing to admit that I probably shouldn’t have gotten defensive, that I should have explained everything, if only… If only he would just talk to me one last time. I actually felt myself tearing up at that thought. I really didn’t want to leave on such a sour and horrible note but I was beginning to think  I didn't have a choice.

---

I was roused from my mindless packing by a knock on the door. As I approached, trying my hardest to make sure none of my sadness showed on my face, I heard a tentative voice. “Noona?” I almost stopped, not wanting it to be time, but the sound of Daesung knocking again had me moving once more. I opened the door to see Daesung standing there, no smile on his face, hands in his pockets. “Almost time to leave.”

I tried to smile, if not for my benefit, then for his. “Alright. I’m just about ready.” He nodded but continued to stand there, shuffling his feet awkwardly. I didn't know what to say or do, so finally I just settled on inviting him in. “Do you want to sit in here while I finish?” He looked at me and nodded again before walking past me and sitting on the bed.

I collected my toiletries and started packing them, the last things I had out actually, when I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I turned to the boy on the bed and moved forward until I was kneeling right in front of him. “Daesung,” I said gently, waiting until he looked at me before I spoke again. “What’s wrong?”

He tried to smile and held up his hands. “Nothing is wrong, noona.”

I gave him a look before beginning again. “You’ve been very quiet the past two days. I thought,” I had to look away for a second before I could smile at him. “I thought you and I were getting close.”

He sighed and dropped his head, shaking it as he started talking. “I am very sad,” he said, so quietly I had to move even closer. “You will leave and…” He let out another sigh before continuing in Japanese. “I do not want you to. When my noona joined the military, I knew I would see her in 2 years. But I may not see you again. And with noona I can visit her and she can visit me, but what if you do not want to come visit?” His voice cracked a little as he continued, but I did nothing to stop him. Sometimes you need to talk to someone and help them, but sometimes you just need to let them talk until they wear themselves out. In the days since I had first met Dae, I had come to realize that he had a tendency to keep things inside and not open up to others. I didn’t know why, but he was opening up to me right now, and what he needed most was just for me to listen.

“We just started to get to know each other,” he continued. “I like noona a lot and you helped me and I liked having someone else to talk to. You knew when to be nice and when to be strict and… and… Now you are leaving and I just... don’t want you to….” He finally trailed off, elbows on his knees, head hung low as he stared at the floor.

I quickly got up off the floor and sat on the bed next to him. Without a word I hugged him, feeling both happy and horrible. Happy that I had gotten to know such an amazing young man, and horrible that I was hurting him and the others by leaving. I opened my mouth to speak to him when there was a knock on the door and it opened.

“Noona?” I looked over to see Seungri stick his head in. He didn’t say anything about the scene, just held up the key card. “The noonas are back. Time to go.”

All I could do was nod as I let go of Daesung, rubbed his back gently a few times before I picked up my bags to load onto the luggage trolley. This? This was going to be hard.

---

The ride to the airport was long, but not quiet at all. Actually, the guys seemed to be doing their best to fill the air with as much laughter and talking as they could, but I knew better. Or at least I knew better now. If I had seen this exactly scene a week ago, I probably would have thought they were all happy and carefree. But after living with them for a week I could tell. They were trying their hardest, but I could tell. Then again, it could just be me projecting my feelings onto them. I was talking and joking and laughing along with them, but it was so forced, it hurt.

Yet laughing and pretending everything was okay was better than thinking that my time with them was running out and that there was still an empty spot for the one remaining member…

---

When we arrived, we were lucky enough not to encounter any fans. I have a feeling it is because they all knew the boys weren’t leaving today, so why go to the airport? The only flight of significance, mine, was one that they wouldn’t even be able to guess. And truthfully it was better this way.

I quickly checked in and then went to talk with the boys as Cho Hee and Hae Jung left us alone and took care of everything else, knowing that the six five of us would need a little time alone.

We stood awkwardly for a few seconds before Daesung cleared his throat and took a step forward. "Noona," he stuffed his hands in his pockets as he spoke. "I never give you a present."

"You know you don't have to, Dae," I gave him a smile even as he shook his head. "It's alright."

"But I want to. So," he dug his hand out of his pocket and handed me an envelope. "This is for you." he smiled at me and I couldn't help but feel a certain sense of deja vu.

This scene? Well it reminded me so much of the first time I talked with Daesung, right after meeting Top when they were both about to leave. At that time he had given me an envelope with a ticket inside, and I couldn't help but wonder... I tried to hide the fact that my hands were shaking as I opened the envelope and pulled out something that I was definitely not expecting. A ticket to the concert in Osaka on the 22nd of December with a backstage pass and lanyard. I took a deep breath as I put the ticket away and just looked up to stare at the boy in front of me. "Daesung, what is this?"

Instead of answering the question, since it was obvious I knew what it was, he just continued to smile. "Noona, please come? Promise?" When I didn't answer he gestured to the others. "We will fly you." They all smiled at me and nodded.

"Dae, I don't know," I looked between the boys and my gift. "It's just so expensive to fly over seas."

"We want you to come and visit," Taeyang spoke up and gestured at the envelope in my hand. "And you can think of that as a Christmas gift also."

Daesung spoke up again, this time his face and voice both pulling at my heartstrings. "Please?" I looked at him and felt my heart melt for what I knew wouldn't be the last time that day. And really, how could I turn down coming to visit them? I was so ready to accept that I would never see them again, that they would forget about me and this would be the end but, well, everything happened for a reason. And maybe, just maybe, they wanted to keep in touch as much as I wanted to.

"Of course I will, Dae," I said with a smile, trying to keep my voice from cracking. Dae opened and closed his mouth, looking as though he was trying to figure out what to say when GD cleared his throat. The others moved back a little and I couldn't help but smile. I felt like I was in some sort of Korean Drama with the four boys lining up to say goodbye. That thought is probably what saved me since after that keeping a smile on my face became slightly more difficult.

Jiyong stood right in front of me, hands in his pockets as he spoke. “I will miss you, Nikky,” he smiled at me as he spoke. “Who else will kick my when I need it?”

We both laughed as I shook my head. “Don’t worry, Jiyong. Just have one of the guys call me and I”ll fly over just for that.” I gave him a smile as I reached out and hugged him.

I sigh when he hugged me back just as hard. ‘Please,” he whispered in my ear, “think about the job.”

I almost tried to pull away, but the hug kept me in place. “Ji-“

“Shhh,” he interrupted me before pulling away with a smile. “Just think, okay?”

I quickly gave in and smiled back. “Okay, I’ll think about it.”

He nodded again before moving away and this time it is Taeyang who moved towards me. He looked down and I am once again reminded that the Yougnbae I am used to, always smiling, confident, and funny, is not the one he normally shows when he is alone with a girl. No, it is this shy, adorable Taeyang they get to see. Poor them. Finally he looked up at me and smiled. “Nikky,” he started before shaking his head, still smiling.

“Ah, Youngbae,” I finally broke the silence and took a step towards him. “Make sure you keep everyone in line, alright?” He looked up at me, nodding. “I’m counting on you to keep Ji in line too.”

That time he laughed a little as he replied, “I will, noona.”

Once again I reached out and the two of us hug, only this time I am the one who whispers. “Thank you so much, Youngbae-ya.” I felt my breath catch a tiny bit as I remembered just how much I really do owe him. “For everything.”

He pulled away and smiled. “You are welcome, noona.” I quickly leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek, causing him to blush. I couldn’t help but laugh as he covered the spot with his hand.

“Hey, no fair!” I looked over as Jiyong pouted before taking a few steps over and giving him a quick peck on the cheek as well.

“Happy?”

“Of course,” he replied with a cocky grin. I gave him a quick push and he and the others move away so it is just the maknae and I left standing there.

I felt my heart sink to the floor as I realized he wasn’t smiling. In fact, there wasn’t a hint of a smile anywhere. And when he spoke? “Noona…” he trailed off as he sniffled and looked away. “Do not go.” His voice cracked a tiny bit as he looked back at me and I can his that his eyes are extra bright from the few tears he is trying to hide. But it was the “Please?” he let out that really did me in.

“Oh Ri,” I said as I pulled him into a hug. Not one like the others, where we were hugging each other. No, in this hug I was holding him, his arms around me as I patted his hair. I thought back to the night before and how strong he had been there. Had he used up all of his strength then? Or had it been the alcohol that had given him that extra boost? Or, just perhaps, it was the fact that he finally realized there was nothing he could do? The fact that I was the reason he was crying though… It really did break my heart.

I gave his head a pat as I spoke. “I will see you again soon, I promise. So don’t worry, okay?” He simply nods into my shoulder so I do the only thing I can think of. I kissed the top of his head, that I could reach at least, before I whispered into his hear. “You will always be my knight in shining armor, Lee Seunghyun.” I could feel my throat stick a little at the name, but I continued with a smile as he picked up his head and looked at me. “Make sure to keep everyone’s spirits up, okay?” He nodded. “If you don’t keep the others feeling young and on their toes, no one else will.” He finally smiled before presenting his cheek for me to kiss. I gave an exasperated sigh, though I knew the smile on my face gave me away, before I lean in. Of course, at the last minute he turned and it turned into a small peck on the lips instead. Needless to say I pulled back, startled, as my face became a nice shade of red, but all he could do was like a maniac. That was until Jiyong came over and smacked his head, dragging him away and chastising him in Korean. I laughed as Youngbae followed after them, shaking his head, leaving me and Daesung alone.

Daesung stood there and smiled at me. I smiled back and without a word we stepped forward to hug. “Noona…” he started softly, but couldn’t finish.

I took a step backwards and held onto his hands between us. “I’ve gotten to know you so well, Daesungie.” He smiled at the nickname. “Some of your quirks, what you like and don’t like,” I smiled as I sighed. “I feel like I’ve known you for years. Like you really are my otouto,” he smiled again at my Japanese, but I could see a tear form in the corner of one eye. “Ah, Daesung-ah,” I reached up and pushed his hair away from his eyes, smiling. “I mean it. You are like the little brother I never had. Promise that even if the others lose touch, you and I will stay in contact?” He nodded and I felt my own eyes start to tear up as I continued smiling. “And I promise to keep in contact with you even if you don’t want me to.” He laughed as I continued. “Through skype and texting and instant messaging and phone calls whenever I can, okay?”

He nodded and pulled me into another hug, only this time we weren’t hugging eachother, he was hugging and comforting me, and it took the last bit of restraint I had not to actually start crying. “Noona, you really are my noona.” He took a breath before continuing. “I love you a lot, noona.”

I took a breath as well, quieting the sniffle and sob I could feel starting up, until I could finally respond. “I love you too, Daesung.” We stayed like that for a few moments, though whether it was for my benefit so I could get ahold of myself or for both of us, I don’t know. By time we pulled away and saw the others walking back towards us, both of our faces were dry and there were nothing but smiles left.

I glanced around as the others reached us, trying to make it look like I was looking for the unnies, but at the same time scanning the people walking through the airport entrance. I thought I was being somewhat discreet, until someone spoke up. “Who are you looking for?” Jiyong asked, glancing the same direction I had been.

“Oh, no one really,” I replied with a smile that apparently couldn’t fool anyone.

The guys glanced at each other before Youngbae spoke up. “He left early this morning. We tried to call him but he is not answering his phone.”

I raised my eyebrows and tried to look confused as I answered “Who?” But the look I was given had me sighing and quickly looking down at my shoes. I didn’t want to admit it. Couldn’t admit that I desperately wanted him to show up. That I wanted to see him, hear him, be held by him just one last time. Even after what he said, even after what I did… Sure, I wanted him to apologize, but at the same time I wanted the chance to apologize as well. To apologize and… to say goodbye.

But as the unnies walked up, a large envelope in hand, I realized the time for that had come and gone. Sure, there was the chance that I could see him again after this, what with the concert in Osaka, but the chance of mending what I had broken? Soothing the hurt he must have felt? Slim to none now.

Yet all I could do was smile as though none of that was going on in my head as the unnies stood in front of me and handed me the envelope. “This is your paperwork from YG,” Hae Jung said. “He put your pay statement in there and said all of it is on the debit card for you to use.”

“Oh, right,” I had completely forgotten about the debit card. Even though I had been in New York, the only time I really had to use it was at Karaoke and then on Fifth Ave. Maybe I should have used it to buy something else for the boys, or maybe even the unnies. Oh well, too late for that now I guess. I started to put the envelope in my purse and saw something else. “And, I’m guess you’ll want this back?” I said as I pulled out the work phone I had been given.

I felt the mood become solemn as we all realized that that was the only physical thing I had that connected me to being their official noona. Hae Jung slowly reached out and took it from me. “You have our emails and phone numbers, yes?” I nodded and bit my lip lightly, trying to keep my face calm. It was difficult as first Cho Hee and then Hae Jung stepped forward and gave me a hug.

As Cho Hee stepped away she smiled. “I like working with you. You come back!”

Hae Jung nodded as she pulled away. “You should. The offer doesn’t expire. Remember that, okay?” I nodded back as she smiled. “As long as we are there, you will always have a spot.” I kept smiling as I managed to blink back the tears. I could see the others, besides Jiyong, exchanging confused glances, but ignored it.

“I will remember, I promise.” I felt my chest become tight as I leaned forward and gave each of my unnie another hug.

I opened my mouth to say something, but couldn’t, so instead I went down the line starting with Jiyong, giving each guy a long, tight hug, trying to convey as much of my feelings as I could. The admiration I felt for Jiyong, the gratefulness I felt towards Taeyang, the protectiveness I felt towards Seungri, and the heartache I felt leaving Daesung, as well as the love I felt for each and every one of them. As I stepped back, I was proud of myself for having managed a much more believable smile than I thought possible. “I love you all. Keep in touch!” I waved as I turned and walked towards the security checkpoint, listening to their goodbyes follow me down the hall. I made sure to wait until I turned the corner, out of their eye sight, before I reached up to wipe away the tears streaming down my face as I walked away from one of the best things that had ever happened to me.

----

A/N: I couldn't wait any longer to post this, so I'm sorry if there are errors or typos or whatnot. But ohmylord... this chapter was hard to write. I was going to give it to you in two pieces, but I felt it read better this way, so I hope you forgive me for taking so long >.< 

So, yeah... not that many chapters left. How are you all feeling? Heh. I hope you don't hate me, and just remember that I love you all, k? <3<3<3