---9 days later---

I was in shock. Complete and utter shock. I stared from one boss to the other, trying my hardest to keep my jaw from dropping. I mean, I had just gotten back from taking a week off, and now this?

 

“We understand this comes as a bit of a surprise,” my supervisor said as she folded her hands and stared down at her desk. “And we really weren’t expecting it to come to this either but-“

 

She was interrupted as her boss spoke up. “But we really have no other options, you see.” He leaned against the wall and played with his tie as he avoided my gaze. “I hope you can understand why we had to choose you.”

 

Of course, all I could do was nod as I tried to take in what they were telling me. It made my heart stop just thinking about it, but looking at it from their perspective… it was only right that I was the one to leave.

----

Okay, sorry, let me back up a little.

 

The week after I got back was probably one of the strangest I went through in a very long time. I ended up having nightmares the first few nights until I went to talk to someone about what had happened with Chris. I felt a little silly at first, but after talking, the nightmares stopped which was a big relief. I also stopped feeling guilty for what had almost happened. Another big plus in my book. Oh, and after I had told my friends everything, they said they wouldn’t stop harassing me until I actually did go see someone. So while it had felt slightly embarrassing, it worked out for the best thanks to them.

 

Ah, my lovely friends. After getting back and spending time with them, I realized I actually had missed them more than I thought. Going an entire week without really talking to them was difficult, but they were more than happy to sit and hear all the juicy gossip about my trip. Until I told them what really happened.

At first they didn’t believe me. I mean, would you believe your friend if she came back from being silent for a week long ‘business trip’ and said she spent the entire time with her favorite band ever? No, probably not. You would probably try and get her to talk to someone about her delusions, right? Right. But after I showed them the pictures and the gifts and the numbers in my phone they believed. Actually, it was the Ellen clip that convinced them in the end. The minute they saw me they started squealing and screaming, saying how I looked adorable with the wig and they knew those pictures hadn’t been photoshopped and that I wasn’t actually crazy and on and on. I feel like true friendship means being able to see through little things like disguises and stuff. Oh, and thinking each other is crazy.

 

So I was excited when they finally believed me, but a little apprehensive to tell them everything. I mean, did I really want to tell them about my feelings for TOP? Or the situation with Chris? No, not really. Yet in the end they seemed to have this power over me. You know the one. Where they give you this look and you feel compelled to tell them everything? Yeah, that one. So in the end I did. I told them about TOP, getting close to Daesung, the stuff with Chris, the fight, the punch, everything. And boy, did they rail into me when I deserved it. Especially with the whole Top situation.

 

“I can’t believe you actually punched him!” Layla said as she took a swig from her cider. She shook her head as she continued. “I mean, I know you can be abusive sometimes, but that is a little much.”

 

“Oh come off it, Layla,” Jackie said and I smiled at her, thinking she was coming to my defense. Nope, wrong. “Nikky’s abuse is just her way of saying she loves you.” They laughed and all I wanted to do, once again, was bang my head against the table. “How would you feel if Kevin said something like that to you?”

 

Layla looked towards where her husband of a month was playing video games with a friend before she turned back to us and grin. “I’d kick him where the sun don’t shine.”

 

We all laughed as Jackie spoke up again. “Exactly! Which is why Nikky punched Top in the gut!” She smiled proudly as she gave me a thumbs up, but all I could do was blush and look down. See, by this point they all knew I had feeling for Top, and they were trying their hardest to convince me that I should have done something about them. The only person who was on my side was being extremely quiet for once, so, feeling the need for back-up, I gave her a small shove with my elbow.

 

“What, Heather, no ‘don’t blame Nikky’ today? I could use some more reinforcements here.”

 

She looked from me to her phone before she finally spoke. “Nikky, why didn’t you go with them?”

 

I felt the smile slip from my face as the other girls at the bar table quickly quieted down and turned towards us. “What do you mean? I told you why.”

 

But Heather was having none of that. “Come on Nikky, really.”

 

Finally I shrugged. “Because I missed you guys and... I need to grow up. I can’t just go around doing nothing for the rest of my life.”

 

“Oh BS,” Layla said with a shake of her head. “You obviously had fun, right?”

 

“Yeah, and you were the costume and wardrobe goddess when we were in college, remember?” Jackie butted in with gesture of her now empty bottle.

 

I sighed before I spoke. “It’s just complicated guys.”

 

“Nikky,” Heather said as she shook her head once again. “You remember what your grandfather said before he passed, right? To take time to enjoy the world?”

 

I nodded, feeling myself becoming slightly depressed at the thought that I might have missed my chance. At least I was until Jackie spoke up again. “Plus we finally would have had a reason to visit Japan!”

 

“And go to a spa!” Layla chimed in.

 

“And go to Tokyo Disney!” Jackie whined. “I’ve always wanted to go there.”

 

“Oh, glad to see that’s why you all wanted me to go,” I said with pout as they started laughing.

 

“Of course it is!” Layla grinned as she said it and we all joined in on the laughter. Still, deep down, I couldn’t help but think of the fact that I had missed a once in a lifetime opportunity like that. Maybe they were right. Maybe I should have gone. But then again… There was Top. I shook my head and turned back to the conversation which had taken a turn towards our plans for the rest of the week. That’s right. The future was important now. All those feelings from the past? I just needed to let them go.

---

Friday finally came and I felt like I was on edge the entire day. And boy did my friends notice. Of course, we all knew why, but that didn’t stop them from getting a little annoyed with my fidgetiness.

 

“For the love of all that is holy, if you’re that impatient just go already!” Jackie said with a pretend scowl as she and the others concentrated on their video game.

 

“I’m not impatient,” I said with a scoff. “I just, you know, don’t want to miss it.”

 

“'It' being your da~ate, right?” Layla said with a laugh after she drew out the word ‘date’.

“It’s not a date!” I once again tried to defend myself, but Heather just laughed before joining in.

 

“You don’t have to wait around anymore, Nikky, we’re okay with you heading out. Anyways, it’s better to be early than late.”

 

I smiled as I realized none of them were going to hold it against me. I had been itching to leave for awhile, but I thought I had been hiding it. Wrong. “I guess I’m gonna head out then. I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow, ‘kay?”

 

I left with a wave as they all shouted some form of farewell with Layla giving one last parting tease about it being a date. But truth be told? I didn’t care. I was just excited.

---

You see, it was Friday night where I was, but the boys were back in Seoul to rest for a few days, meaning it was Saturday morning. And after a few emails back and forth, we had decided to have our first Skype call. Well, Daesung and I had decided on it, and then when Seungri found out what Dae was doing, he wanted to join in. And when GD and Taeyang found out, they decided they wanted to say hi as well. Which is why I was now sitting at my computer desk at 10pm on a Friday night talking with 4 boys on the other side of the planet.

 

“Noona!!!” I laughed as the screen lit up on Daesung first and then Seungri pushed as he pushed himself into frame.

 

“Noona, I miss you!” Seungri whined before a hand reached forward and pulled him back to the couch, revealing Jiyong and Taeyang behind him.

 

“Hey Nikky,” Taeyang said with a wave while Jiyong simply gave me a smile and a “Sup?”

 

I laughed as the four of them arranged themselves on the couch. ”Hey guys! I miss you! How was Peru?”

 

“So fun!” Seungri spoke up immediately. “I spoke Spanish and they loooved it!”

 

“He try,” Daesung said with a smirk, “but it was not good.”

 

“That’s not what I heard! I saw a few fan cams.” I thought back to one of my friends remarking on how well the maknae had done and felt myself glow with pride a little.

 

“You did?” Seungri spoke up again. “Was it good? Did you enjoy? Did I look good?”

 

I laughed as I tried to answer and the others tried to get a word in edgewise, but it was no use. In fact, our entire conversation basically went like that: Seungri being adorable and annoying at the same time, Daesung trying to get an English or Japanese word in around the chatterbox, and the two eldest flitting back and forth between working on some song and talking with me.

 

We actually ended up having a lot to talk about. They were concerned because I wasn’t responding to text messages until I told them that it was too expensive. Lluckily, Seungri came up with the idea of using Kakao talk instead. With how talkative he was? I had a feeling that was going to save me a ton of money. Then after that we talked about their time in Peru, me trying to convince my friends I hung out with Bigbang, their plans for the other shows, how excited and exhausted they were, just on and on. Eventually we started hashing out plans concerning me flying in the morning of the Osaka concert, but when I realized they would of course be busy and having even one of them try to get to the airport could be chaos, I told them not to worry about picking me up. We decided that I’d talk to Cho Hee and Hae Jung and the three of us would figure everything out. They also let me know all of my travel information for getting there, since they had already booked the ticket, but I would have to talk to the travel agent and figure out when I’d be going home. I wanted to stay awhile, and the boys wanted me to as well, but with it being almost Christmas time I told them we’d have to see.

 

By the time we all had to sign off, it was close to midnight. I had managed to go the entire time without asking about Top, so I was glad when they used the last few seconds to fill me in.

 

“Oh,” Seungri cut in just as we were saying goodbye, “noona! 2NE1 noonas and Minzy say hello! They are doing good. So are the other noonas and all the hyungs like manager hyungs and band hyungs.” He smiled at me and I gratefully smiled back. All the worry I had been feeling piling up, wanting to spill out so I could ask about the one person that wasn’t there, was gone. Even as we said goodbye, I couldn’t help but think about how happy I was to know that Top was doing well and what a life saver that maknae was without even knowing it.

---

That next Monday, the 19^th, was when the bomb dropped at work. I just know I’ll remember that day for the rest of my life.

 

I came into the office like it was any normal day, but around 11 I was called into my boss’s office. I could go into huge detail about what went down, from the revelation to my shock, the talk we had to discuss why me and not someone else, and finally my acceptance of the situation, but I’ll just give you the short version.

 

You see, my company was expanding. They had been an international company for years, but finally they were branching out to the next country on their map: Japan. They were planning on opening a lab there come early next year, but they needed people to help get things up and running, to plan how the lab needs to be set up, point out what the needs for each lab would be, and help figure out the best flow for all of the samples they were going to be processing. Which, it turns out, is where I came in. In my undergrad time, I had helped my school bring a leading research lab up and running. In my current job, I worked with sample processing, meaning I basically knew what went into every lab-pie. The higher-ups decided they needed someone who had experience doing that, knew a bit of the language, could pick up more easily, and last but not least, someone who could leave now.

 

Well, not right then, but before Christmas. Since it was such short notice and it would only be for 6 months and then after that just as a contractor, part-time as needed, they preferred to move someone from already in the company, who was single, and had no family tying them to the area . And that is why they offered the position to me.

 

I was shocked. The pay would be much, much higher than I currently made, typical for a contractor position like that actually, but it would only be 20-30 hours a week while everything was getting set up. After that 6 month period, they would still need someone to work as a liaison and contractor, but the hours would be much shorter. Or, if I didn’t want to stay, I could come back to another position in the company, but it would be a cut in pay and an increase in hours.

 

And all of that is what lead me here.

 

“I, um, I think I will need to, you know, think it over,” I eloquently pointed out as my superiors nodded.

 

“We understand,” my supervisor answered solemnly. “Just try and let us know as soon as possible, alright?”

---

Good LORD did that day drag on. I had to do my work and act like nothing was wrong, but the whole time after that all I could think about was going to Japan. How exciting it would be, a second opportunity, etc etc, as well as the fact that it was insane, I had a good job, I would be leaving my friends, it was a stupid idea, more etc etc. But in the end, I knew I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. And I knew that I needed to talk it over, in person, with my friends. Why in person? Because I tried texting and that just didn’t turn out well. As much as I love them, there was just too much repeating of “WHAT” and “ahjdfasjlfkjdahlkfsja” to do much good.

 

So there I was, sitting at dinner with my three best friends, talking a mile a minute about how excited I would be but how I shouldn’t go because of this and that and I just kept coming up with reasons against it until finally Heather held up her hand when I took a breath.

 

“Nikky, do you want to go?”

 

“Well, yes, but-“

 

“Is this an opportunity of a lifetime?” Layla cut in.

 

“Well, yes, but-“

 

“Isn’t this your dream right now? Especially since it might just give you a chance to work with the boys again?” But it was that, what Jackie said, that really did it for me. Because you know what? She was right.

 

Hae Jung had said the position would be open starting whenever, right? So that meant I could work for my company for the 6 months and then switch over and work for YG starting in June, right?! My friends gave me a minute as I quickly ran through everything in my head, but the second I realize that yes, this was what I wanted, this was perfect, this was fate, they all could see the grin spread across my face and they immediately grinned back and started talking about what the move would mean.

 

It was as they were helping me plan out who I needed to talk to, dates for moving and starting, how to find an apartment and such that I realized it was actually going to happen. Well, the moving to Japan was going to happen. Working with YG? That was still another story.

---

Two days later I finally managed to get Hae Jung-unnie on the phone.

 

“In June?”

 

“Yes, that’s when my contract with my other company will be up.”

 

“Hmm,” was the only reply I got as I heard furious typing from the other end of the phone. “What about weekends?”

 

“Weekends?”

 

“Yes, weekends now.” I could hear Hae Jung smiling through the phone as she spoke. “With a lot of performances in Japan and YG trying to stabilize their Japanese promotions, they have started looking into renting studios and apartments for artists who are there. We need someone who can travel on weekends to look into different cities and places and take the artists around when they are there.”

 

“Oh…” I trailed off as I tried to think. Was that something I could do? Probably, yes. Was it something I wanted to do? Of course. Did it feel like they were throwing me a bone? Oh hell yes, but was I going to not take it? Hell no!

 

“With everything going on, we will not be starting anything until January, but do you think you might want to?”

 

“Don’t you need to check with YG?”

 

I heard more furious typing before Hae Jung’s laugh. “I currently am via email. He said,” she paused as I heard her hum. “Okay, he said you would be running a lot of errands and the pay will not be as good as it was when you were a noona, but-“

 

“I’ll do it!”

 

More laughter rushed out of the phone before Hae Jung continued. “How about you think about it and let me know in a few days. Don’t want to seem too eager, right?”

 

I took a deep breath as I tried to calm down. She was right. I didn’t want to rush into things. Even though I knew this was what I wanted, knew it in the deepest part of my heart, I still needed to take things slow. “Alright, I will.”

 

“Good,” was the only response I got.

 

“Oh! Unnie!” I quickly called, hoping to catch her before she hung up.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Could,” I trailed off as I thought of the best idea ever. Like seriously! Best. Idea. Evar. “Could you keep it from the boys for now? I sort of want it to be a surprise.”

 

Again I heard that laugh and I couldn’t help but smile along. “I promise. Now call me soon!” And with that, the conversation was over.

---

One week later, and I was ready to go. I know, it seems sudden, huh? I don’t mean I was packed, good lord no. I mean I had everything planned out. In that week I had accepted the position in Osaka with my company and was going to start on December 26^th. I had accepted the position with YG and was set to become an “Administrative Assistant” on January 1^st. Hae Jung had helped me work out the plane ticket situation so that I was coming in early and didn’t have a return flight. Somehow she had made it so that the boys wouldn’t be able to tell. When I asked she said it was magic, so I just laughed and left it at that.

 

Something else amazing happened in that week. I was a little worried about finding a place, so I asked Hae Jung what I should do. She apparently took matters into her own hands and next thing I knew I was getting emails from Minzy and Bom. Within a few days I had also caught back up with CL and Dara and found out just why Hae Jung had reached out to them in the first place. They were busy with the last leg of their tour, but since they would be finished around the beginning of December and would have nothing to do, a trip to Osaka to help find a place for me and then outfit it once I got there seemed like the perfect vacation for them. I think they were lying and it was mainly Minzy and Bom-unnie who were gung-ho about it, but they said they wanted to go see the concert on the 22^nd anyway so I just went along with it. I mean, who am I to argue when everything was falling into place?

 

Filling my friends in on all the details was easier than I thought since they were excited to visit me. We promised to keep in touch with Skype and facebook and everything, and plans were already being made for a girl’s trip next June, so I didn’t feel quite as bad about leaving as I probably should have. I mean, I was leaving all of my friends and moving to a new country. I should be terrified, right? Wrong. And that was one of the things that made me realize this was the right path to take.

 

Of course after that I had to tell my family, and that is actually where the rest of my strength ended up coming from. I had expected them to throw a fuss, my mother crying and my father getting silent and angry that I was leaving, but it was the exact opposite. They both just smiled and said they were excited for me. Yes, tears were shed all around, especially from my sisters, but I guess having been away from home for 7 years already made the thought of moving that much easier for them. They said it helped that they knew I had always been interested in Japan and that I was slightly unhappy where I was, something I hadn't even realized they had picked up on. Then again, they are my parents. Turns out they were a bit more in tune with my life than I gave them credit for.

---

So why was it that I was sitting in my almost completely empty apartment on December 19th, the day before I left for Japan, looking at the clothes I was packing and crying?

 

A couple reasons actually. Some of the tears were happy tears and some were not.

 

I was happy, so very happy, to be getting a chance to do something like this. And I was incredibly grateful that I had met Dara and Bom and CL and Minzy and had been given the chance to get to know them even better over the past few weeks, because without them I would have been going to Osaka with no place to stay but a hotel room. Instead, the first thing I would be doing was going to be signing a six month lease on an apartment.

 

I was also terrified. I was moving across the world. Leaving a country where I knew the language, knew the culture, and basically knew what to expect in my day to day life. Now I was going to be in a place where I would look different, I only knew some of the language, in a completely different job than I had had before, and the culture shock? I could only imagine how hard it was going to be.

 

But I was still happy. Excited really, because I was getting a chance to follow my dream and to spend time with some of the sweetest boys I had ever met. Every time I thought about telling them and how they are going to react, I’d get all smiley and giggly. Of course, that would fade almost immediately.

 

Why? Because every time I thought of the boys, I’d think of Top. The first few weeks I had kept worrying about telling him. Would it be too late? Would he ever be able to forgive me? After thinking about what had happened, I will admit that I had already forgiven him. An actually apology would be nice, but just having the chance to see him again? To hug him and speak to him? I’d forget everything that happened just for that. How silly.

 

I finally came to the decision to talk to him just last week. I had been keeping up with the boys, Daesung and Seungri more than Jiyong and Taeyang, but that was expected. But I had yet to talk to Top. It was only when I happened to watch a fan cam from the MAMA after party that I realized how much I wanted to hear his voice again. So, I decided I was going to send him an email. Just to gauge his reaction, you know? Of course, I kept chickening out until finally I came up with a work around. Before talking to him, I was going to find out just how he was doing from someone else. If he was happy or sad, how upset he had been after the fight, if it had effected anything, all of that stuff. You know, so I could be prepared when I talked to him. And to get those answers I knew just who to talk to: the unnies.

 

What I hadn’t expected was their response.

 

“Oh he is doing fine.” Fine? Like, perfect fine? Or just okay fine? “He actually was moping for a few days after New York, but something happened and now he is better than before.” Before… before what? ”Before New York. He is back to being playful and happy and smiling a lot more. Cho Hee is convinced he has a girl, but with his schedule? No. I think he just has finally gotten back into the swing of things and is happy with his life.”

 

And so that was that. I thanked Hae Jung of course, told her I was happy that he was doing as well as the others, but inside? I was devastated. I shouldn’t have been, since he was happy, but I was. Selfish me, I was upset that he was happy. So it was then that I decided to just let him be. I wasn’t going to contact him via email. I wasn’t going to test the waters. No. I was going to go to Japan and when I saw him I was going to act like nothing was wrong.

 

But there I was, the night before I was supposed to move, crying over my luggage as I worked on closing those emotions into a box. I had no right having feelings for Top, and it would just complicate things. I needed to focus on my real job, my weekend job, and just taking care of the boys. All 5 boys. Their happiness and well being needed to be my top priority. And that was that.

---

My new life in a new city in a new country on the other side of the world started pretty dang sweet, if I may say so myself, and I swore that I was going to keep that upbeat attitude going. Which actually turned out to not be as hard as I imagined it would be. I arrived at the airport on the 21st to find an email on my phone saying that CL was busy, but Minzy and Dara and Bom-unnie would meet me at the apartment. At first I was worried about how to get there until I saw something that made me grin: a man holding a sign that said my name in somewhat shakily written English. I quickly checked my email as I heard another notification and shook my head as I read “Osaka can be confusing. Having a driver should help! Hope you made it safe! <3 Bommie” That’s right. My new life started with me being chauffeured to my new apartment to meet the two unnies and the maknae of 2NE1. Gotta love life.

 

The rest of that day consisted of arriving at my place and having a much needed reunion with three girls I had gotten to know much better since I first met them. We went out and furnished my small apartment, which actually took much less time than I thought, and had a nice dinner at my place followed by just hanging out. I never thought I’d end up sitting around a TV drinking and laughing with 2NE1, but there you have it. When they finally left to head to their hotel room, it was almost midnight, but we had hashed out the plans for the next day, concert day, and I was so ready for the reunions that it would bring. Most of them at least.

---

But before the reunion with the boys, I was able to have the other reunion I was dying for: Hae Jung and Cho Hee unnie. Oh the tears. The happiness. The broken English as Cho Hee tried to tell me that she knew I would come back. We ended up having lunch just the three of us and I couldn’t stop myself from asking about the boys, mainly just to make sure they had no idea about the surprise or that I had finally arrived. Turned out they knew the unnies were picking me up from the airport right now but it had taken Bom, Dara, CL, and Minzy showing up to “hang out” with them to keep them away. Which was just part of the plan since it gave us time to fill out all of the paperwork that I would need for my new YG job. Thank the lord for 2NE1!

 

We finally finished everything up and with a quick check of her watch, Hae Jung announced “It’s time!”

 

I felt my heart start to flutter and butterflies invade my stomach. Cho Hee gave me a look as she asked “You okay?”

 

It took me a minute before I could take a breath and smile, but it was a real smile when I formed it. “Oh yes, very much.”

 

“Nervous?” Hae Jung asked with a smile.

 

“No,” I answered truthfully, thinking of the faces I was about to see, “excited. Just very, very excited.” And yet, with every other beat my heart thudded for a completely different reason. I was excited to see the boys, but in order to do this, to work with them again, I was going to have to have my heart crushed tonight. But at least I was ready for it now. Maybe.

---

Thanks to the amazing timing and planning we put forth, the three of us managed to arrive with approximately 15 minutes left to sound check. As soon as we came to their dressing room, I felt myself become nervous again. Dara had texted me on the new phone I had and let us know that all five boys were in the dressing room with them and all I could think was ‘I’m ready to see them all, aren’t I?’

 

The 3 of us just stood there until finally Cho Hee prodded me forward with her elbow. When I glanced at her she just smiled then shooed me with her hands. I nodded, took a deep breath, and knocked.

 

I heard a voice answer and, taking another deep breath, I opened the door slightly and peaked my head in. “Hello?” I asked with a grin as I glanced around the room. I honestly don’t know what reaction I was expecting, but what I got just about bowled me over. Literally.

 

“Noona!” I heard about 2 voices shout followed by “Nikky!”, “Hey!”, and I think one or two “Finally”s, but I didn’t have a chance to see who said what as I was hit with what I can only describe as a man-sized ball of energy. Of course I am talking about the one and only Seungri who decided that attacking me with a hug was the best way to greet me. And truthfully? I loved it.

 

“Seungri!” I said with a laugh as I hugged him back, squeezing him as tightly as he squeezed me before a pair of hands pried him away.

 

“Let Nikky breath,” Taeyang said as GD laughingly pulled the maknae away. “Hey,” they both said as I was suddenly hugged by both guys at once. I giggled, that’s right I giggled, as I was squashed with one hug from my left and one from my right.

 

“Hey yourself, Youngbae. Hey Jiyong,” I replied, slightly out of breath still from the Ri-squash earlier before Daesung made his way over. We glanced at each other before breaking into almost identical grins. I was quickly pulled into another hug that threatened to squash me, but I just laughed.

 

“I missed you, noona,” he said quietly as he pulled away.

 

“I missed you, too, Daesunggie” I said, trying not to get teary eyed as I kept an arm around his waist and he kept one around my shoulder. “I missed all of you,” I smiled as I glanced around the room until my eyes fell on the last remaining member. “Hey Top-ssi,” I tried to keep my voice as pleasant and casual as possible as I gave him a small wave, not moving from my spot.

 

“Hey,” he said just as casually. “How was the flight?”

 

I nodded and continued to smile. “It was good. Longer than I thought it would be.” I looked down. I felt so awkward at that moment, and I had no idea if the others felt it too or if it was just me, but the way he was acting? You would almost think… Well, let’s just say that if there had been any tiny spark of anything, it seemed to be gone now.

 

“Yes, it is a long flight,” Ri spoke up quickly. I grinned at him as he came over to me again. “But you are here now! Are you excited for show?”

 

“You have no idea,” I said with a laugh as I stepped away from Daesung. The two other unnies stepped in and closed the door as I walked over towards them. “Actually, I’m really excited about something else. But I didn’t know how to tell you.”

 

“Oh?” Jiyong looked from me to the grinning unnies and suddenly his face broke into the smuggest smirk ever. I knew he had figured it out, so before he could say anything, I quickly started talking.

 

“My company transferred me to a new job. A new location even. Here actually. Osaka. I start next week and,” I glanced at the two unnies who were just smiling, “starting January 1^st, I am an official member of the YG entertainment staff in Japan.” I smiled and bit my lip nervously as I clasped my hands in front of me, waiting for a reaction.

 

It took a second, but finally Daesung and Seungri both grinned and shouted, pulling me into another rib breaking hug with Jiyong standing next to us saying “I knew you could not stay away,” and Taeyang standing next to him, hands in his pockets as he laughed and muttered in Korean. Only Top stayed out of the way, which I honestly expected. What I didn’t expect was once the commotion died down and they were heading out, for him to stop as he passed me, put a hand on my shoulder and smile. “Congratulations,” he said quickly before continuing out the door. And there it was. I watched him walk away and realized it was over. Whatever I thought might have been there was now gone apparently.

---

After what felt like forever, the sound check finished and the concert finally started. The boys were busy getting ready, so I hung out with 2NE1 in the wings and backstage until it was time to watch the entrance. And while I had seen the show before, watching it plus hearing and seeing some 50000 fans? Talk about breath taking. The sea of yellow, the cheers and the screams for the boys, it all made my chest feel so tight. I was so, so proud of them, and I just could not look away during the entire show.

 

Minzy kept flitting back and forth between where we were allowed to be and the dancer’s green room, while CL was chatting with Cho Hee whenever she had the chance. Dara and Bom kept going back and forth between here and there, talking with just about everyone, but me? I stayed where I was. Silly, I know, but I really just wanted to enjoy the show. There would be plenty of time for talking later but now? Now was the chance to experience something. Not to mention where I was I had absolutely no chance of running into any of the boys. They all entered and exited either through the front part of the stage or one of the back exits. In the wings? I was safe.

 

And why did I need to be safe? Because even though it was over, my heart still was pounding. Anytime Top did something adorable or y or just about anything at all, especially if he looked towards the wing, I’d feel those butterflies. I was actually starting to hate that feeling. I had worked so hard to shut that part away, put all of those emotions out of my mind. Hell, when he had acted as he did in the green room, I thought that would be enough to finally convince myself to let him go. I was wrong. I was oh so very wrong.

---

The show was drawing close to the end and I was caught up in the energy, smiling and trying my hardest not to sing along even as my heart pounded. Daesung had just finished one of the best performances of Wings I had seen when things sort of changed. Normally there would be a little bit of time for him to get backstage with the others before they all went out together for Haru Haru. But instead of waiting for him, suddenly Taeyang and Seungri walked out on stage, the two of them alone.

 

“Wow,” Taeyang said, as the crowd erupted in cheers. “How was that?” He continued on in Japanese.

 

“D-Lite is an amazing singer, isn’t he?” Seungri picked up before the stadium became deafening once more.

 

“Now, we know you all are excited for the rest of the show, but we had to change it a tiny bit.” The crowd, of course, let out a groan and I swear I heard gasps from the standing section near me. Truth be told I was just as shocked.

 

“Do not worry!” Seungri shouted over the noise. “We aren’t getting rid of anything, but we wanted to give you a surprise, so we added a song!” Cue crazy fangirl cheers once more.

 

“But it is an older song. Does anyone want to guess what it is?” Taeyang laughed as he and Seungri listed to the crowd who had started shouting and screaming, and I shook my head, smiling. It was adorable to watch the boys try to get close to the crowd to make out what they were saying. I mean, the fact that they could hear anything, or even pretend to hear anything, still was shocking to me.

 

I was about to turn around and ask one of the stage hands what the extra song was when it happened. I felt someone behind me and before I could move, I was being hugged from behind. I froze. Completely and utterly froze. I didn’t even have to turn around or hear his voice to know who it was. The way he was hugging me, the feel of his arms around me, hell even his smell as he put his chin on my shoulder and whispered into my ear told me who he was. “I am sorry. Words cannot say how sorry I am. For everything. I hope you understand… I hope this explains.” I felt my breath stop completely as he gave me a squeeze and continued. "This song is for you."

 

And before I had a chance to say or do anything, he was gone again, walking past me out onto the dark stage. The music started up and I recognized it immediately. It always had been and always will be one of my favorite Big Bang songs, but also one of the saddest in my opinion. Never once did I imagine I would see or hear it performed live, and now for him to say what he said? I felt tears come to my eyes as they started singing and the English translation scrolled through my head. One of the only songs I knew the entire English translation for: A Good Man.

 

[Chorus]

I wouldn’t be like this if I was a good man

But I am not a bad man, right?

Please don’t say it was a misunderstanding

A wrinkled sentimental heart, my last pride thrown away

 

[Jiyong] I met you after long, long wait; this is heaven’s play (a joke)

Rain stops when it comes down, I just have to hide when lightening strikes

In a dream without you, I wander around everyday, 24 hours

I am anxious to know if you are doing well, if you fell asleep already

 

[Daesung] Oh please on more time dance with me tonight

A sweet time with you in my dream again tonight

Stories we shared as we matched our feet calmly

 

[Jiyong] Stream water is like a toxic

Looks for key to maze of reality

 

[Youngbae] Is my stunning love a tear of misunderstanding

A bouquet that I put my last hope in

 

[Daesung+Youngbae] Heart that was stepped on is harassing me

 

[Jiyong] OK think in a different point of view, I am sorry dear

 

[Repeat Chorus]

 

[TOP] Lost appetite, a wallet to take out a picture again

Checking an empty inbox in cell phone like a fool

 

[Seungri] I will erase everything because of yearning, the way of doing it without any evidences

 

[TOP] One man’s pureness is romantic, a shout from deep inside of his heart

Time will solve it, a stinging whip called separation

(Please have only a bit of caffeine and alcohol)

My reflection in the mirror ignores me

[Repeat Chorus]

 

[TOP/Youngbae] Pride that I persisted turns into tears on eyes that didn’t move at all

Rain drops lightly; She can’t forget about me yet (You can’t forget me) (x2)

 

A good person (She can’t forget me)

A bad person (I forget you)

A good person, a bad person

I, I, I am a bad person

 

[Repeat Chorus]

----

A/N: I thought of breaking this into multiple updates but... I just couldn't. Also- It wasn't until I was at this part that I realized just how fitting this song was to the story. 

 

So there you have it! Not exactly a cliff hanger, I know, but I promise the last chapters won't disappoint. Anyways, I hope you all can forgive me for the tears from last chapter and know that even though this story is drawing to a close, I still love you all and remember- its not over till the fat lady sings ;p