"Let's be friends." 

"Dongho ah, help me do this." 

"Can you help me buy lunch please? I forgot to bring my money." 

"Aww. You can help me take over, right? It's not a problem for you, right?" 

Dongho twisted and turned in his bed before he opened his eyes and let out a cough before breathing in shakily. He rubbed his eyes and breathed out, staring blankly in the dark room. He sat up and took deep breaths. He took a look at the time and frowned. It was only 3am. Luckily they didn't have school tomorrow or he would be super cranky about it. He stood up and walked around in circles, breathing in and out. In and out. He laid down and shut his eyes, trying to sleep again. 

"Ahh. I know. You like that boy, right? What do you think other people would do to you if you told them?" 

"You'll listen to me, right? If you don't, I'll send my friends to greet your brother."

"No, stop it. Stop." 

The laughing. The giggling. The jeering. 

"-up! Wake up, Dongho!" 

Dongho jolted awake and stared at Baekho with wide eyes as he panted. Baekho looked concerned and tired. 

"B-Baekho?" 

"You were screaming," Baekho said as he let his brother go and sat down beside him. "Had a nightmare again? It's been awhile since your last one. Want me to take you some sleeping pills?" 

"No... I'm fine." 

Baekho pouted and got up. He took a hand towel from Dongho's drawer and tossed it at him. Dongho caught it and wiped his sweat off. "How long has it been since the last one?" 

"8 months." 

"That's a record." 

Dongho nodded and rubbed his neck tiredly. 

"What was the trigger this time?" 

"Stress, I guess." 

Baekho crossed his arms and frowned. "You remember what the psychiatrist said about hiding things from me. You can choose to keep it from him but it'll be better if you told someone." 

"It was just... Something Jonghyun said today. It's not a big deal." 

"Dongho... I've been hiding this secret of yours for years but even I don't know what caused it to start. Isn't it about time you told me?" Baekho voiced out his concern properly this time. Dongho bit his lower lip and tugged at the towel in his hand. 

"You remember... That... That kid back in school who bullied you?"

Baekho stiffened and squeezed his arms. "You knew?" 

"Yes... I'm sorry I couldn't protect you back then. I..." 

"It's fine. I thought I hid it well." 

Dongho shook his head and stood up. He bowed to Baekho who jumped. 

"Woah? Dongho?" 

"I'm sorry. I... Its my fault that he bullied you." 

"What are you saying?" 

"I... Before Minhyun and this city, I already found out that I liked boys. He found out too and he used it against me. He told me if he didn't want anyone else to know, I should just... Do whatever he says but his requests became more and more ridiculous as time passed. It got to the point I snapped and told him that I quit being his lackey. That's why he went after you... I'm sorry. Its all because I didn't want to get exposed back then that you got hurt."

Baekho blinked, startled at the sudden confession. He rubbed his cheek and rolled his lips inwards awkwardly. He had always thought Dongho had no problems at all growing up but the more he knew, the more he realised how much Dongho had kept from him too. Just as he had kept from Dongho. He didn't know what to say since its already been years. "So... The nightmares?" 

"It's him. Always coming back to torment me and... Its not just that... Remember I said it's not like I want to be nice to everyone?" 

"Yeah." 

"People end up taking advantage of me because of that. I tried to stop but I can't. In my nightmares, all people want is for me to help them do something. To be at their beck and call. I know I might seem like I'm just complaining to you but being needed all the time isn't a nice feeling, Baekho. It's stressful and... You never know when someone is a genuine friend or if they just want something from you in the end too."

Baekho placed an arm on Dongho's back, slowly pulling him in. Dongho leaned his head on Baekho's shoulder and sobbed. Baekho gently ran his hand through his hair.

"I didn't know you were being threatened," Baekho whispered. "I... I'm sorry I couldn't be braver to protect us too."

Dongho shook his head. "I'm the older one. I should have been the one protecting us."

Baekho chuckled and squeezed Dongho tighter. "We should have been protecting each other instead of avoiding one another, pretending we aren't twins in school." 

Dongho bit his lip and nodded. They should have but they didn't. They didn't want to be labelled as twins. The two who was the same. They didn't want to be seen as the same person. 

So they tried to be different. 

Even now. 

"We will do better this time. We can help each other see pass our problems," Baekho said and Dongho nodded, calming down as Baekho patted his back gently. "I... I thought by changing my hair color and trying to act like a good kid would make me feel better about myself but at the span of this... Few weeks or so. I too realised... You're not me and I'm not you." 

"We aren't the same."

"That's right. That's why... Thank you for telling me all this, Dongho. I might be a few minutes younger than you but I hope you can depend on me too. I might not be socially independent but... There are things that I can do that you can't and vice versa."

Dongho nodded, breathing in shakily. "I get it... Thank you, Baekho." 

"Even if just a little, I want to help, okay?" 

"Okay." 

"Let me in." 

Dongho smiled and lifted his head. "I'll try." 

That night was the first night after they got their own bedrooms that they slept together again. Just the two of them in each other's arms, protecting one another from bad dreams and worse memories. 

-

Dongho yawned and stretched, sitting up and blinking his tired eyes. He blinked again when he caught sight of Baekho sitting at the edge of the bed with a paper in his hand. 

"Morning." 

"Morning, Dongho." 

"What's that in your hand?" Dongho asked curiously. Baekho pursed his lips and handed it to his twin who rubbed his eyes before scanning it. He froze when he saw what it was, eyes opening widely. "A recommendation letter for a sports university? Where did you get it?" 

"Daniel handed it to me the other day. He got one too and... Told the uni about me and got another one for me." 

"But..." 

"I know I said I didn't want to do sports but Daniel went out his way to get one for me." 

"You can't be serious. You want to... Go for sports after all?" 

"I don't know, Dongho. I mean, that'll make mum and dad happy, right?" 

Dongho shook his head and held back the urge to tear the letter in his hand. "No. No. You shouldn't." 

"Why not? It's where the future is the brightest for me."

"Because..." Dongho bit his lower lip and put the paper away from him before he crushed it in his own hand. "Don't be like me." 

"Dongho?" 

"Don't... Don't let people put in a mold. Don't let others choose who you should be or how you should be. That's what makes us different, remember? If you want to do something else, do it. I know it's hard for a recommendation letter to come by but... Would it be worth it?" 

Baekho shrugged. "That's what I'm trying to find out. After our talk yesterday, I know I should quit trying to be like you and just try to be... More honest with myself too. Not the bad boy people think I am either."

"I'll support you. If mum and dad has anything to say about it next time we talk about it, I promise you I'll help. Okay?" 

Baekho smiled and nodded. Dongho reached up and ruffled his hair, surprising Baekho slightly. 

"I haven't done that in awhile." 

"Yeah... Minhyun does it more often than you do." 

"Oh. What do you say we both go to the salon?" 

"What for?" 

"Get some hair colors. Why else?" 

"Eh? You want to get a different hair color too? But your image." 

"I think I want to get out of my mold too for just a little. I've been playing the good kid for too long. It's eating me up but of course, I won't be going as crazy as you. I still have a part to play in all this."

Yet it made Baekho happy somehow. As if Dongho was finally stepping into his world a little more. "What hair color are you going for?" 

"Hmmm. I don't know. We will see when we get there." 

+

"Minhyun, have you made any plans for your future yet?"

Minhyun looked up from his plate, still munching his food. He gulped it down and shook his head. "Not yet, mum."

"I see but do you have anything in mind?"

"Uh..." Minhyun poked at his food a little before shrugging. "I thought maybe medicine or... Something along the lines."

"Oh. You don't want to try something different?"

"Different?"

"Yes. Maybe engineering or law? Maybe even... I don't know, what's different? An event planner? A journalist?" 

"Well... I don't know just yet," Minhyun replied his mother with a smile. They barely talked about this. Hell, he barely even had a proper lengthy conversation with his parents so this felt awkward. His mother breathed in and nodded. 

"Okay. Okay... Well, if you find something, just let me know." 

"I will, mum."

"And what about the twins? Have they find something yet?" 

"Uh... Dongho plans on taking something related to science and... I'm not too sure about Baekho." 

"Oh, not soccer?" 

Minhyun frowned a little and shook his head. "No... Not soccer." 

"I see. That's good to hear." 

Minhyun raised his brows in surprise to hear his mother say that. "Why is that good?" 

"Hmm? Well, it means he found something he likes, doesn't he?" 

"I mean... Yeah but if you consider the circumstances and..." 

"Minhyun, if you like something, I want you to go for it too."

"But what if I'm not good at what I like?" 

"Then, you'll figure it out, won't you?" 

Minhyun chuckled softly and nodded. "Yeah, I will. Thank you, mum. Oh, mum?" 

"Yes?"

"Um... What... What do you think about... Dating?"

"Oh?" His mother flashed him the questioning look and Minhyun flinched a little, guilt clear on his face. "You have a little crush on someone?"

Minhyun played with his hands, a little antsy. "Uh... Not quite?" 

"Well, as long as it doesn't affect your studies and mental well-being, I don't see any problems. Also as long as you don't get them pregnant, though I'm pretty sure guys don't get pregnant." 

Minhyun froze and his cheeks became pink. He blinked multiple times in shock. "What did you just say?"

"Which one of the twins are you with?" 

"E-eh? I-I-" Minhyun panicked and couldn't stop looking around frantically. His mother laughed at his reaction and shook her head. 

"I'm just joking. But I'll be relieved to know that my son does feel love even if it's towards a male friend."

Minhyun gulped and smiled nervously. "Really?" 

"Yes. I won't be expecting grandchildren for sure but... At least I know you won't be alone." 

Minhyun felt relieved to hear that. "Thank you, mum." 

"So tell me, which one?" 

Minhyun laughed and shook his head, unwilling to tell as he curled his lips inwards. How was he going to say both? 

"Okay, okay. Keep it a secret then but don't run away with either of them, okay? You're smarter than that." 

"I get it, mum. I won't."