At the lunch time I finally got to see my friends again. I sat behing the table with Kyungsoo, Minseok, Jongin and other boys.

"Baekhyun, why didn't you come to the classes? I was afraid that Park tried to kill you again!" Jongin was the first one that spoke.

I shook my head and cleared my throat. "No, I'm alright. To be honest, I actually liked today's training with major,"

Everyone started choking on their food. 

"Baek, I think you aren't okay. Please someone call the doctor for him!" Jongin joked, while still coughing and choking. "Or did I understand you wrong? You liked his training? You are joking right?" 

"No, that's what I said and ment," I shrugged with my shoulders. 

"What made you think this way? I think he gave you drugs and now you are high and don't know what you are saying," Kyungsoo commented, but I shook my head again.

"We were at the gym," I didn't want to mention that it was major's because he would most likely kill me after that. "Yes, I had to work hard and training was hard, but later when major found out I misssed my breakfast and that I was hungry, he "helped" me get one." 

"Sorry, Baek, but you for sure got some drugs in that breakfast," Kyungsoo sounded worried, but I knew he was just joking. "Do you even know what drugs are? You don't seem like someone who would know much about that, which makes you an even bigger target!" 

"And like you know much about that," I narrowed my eyes and looked at my roommate. 

"I know quite a lot," Kyungsoo told me. "Once I was helping my friend's brother to illegally buy some drugs from a local gang in my hometown. It really wasn't hard to get to them and I think Park could know how to get to something strong, which could effect your little brains so much, to speak nonsense like that. Believe me, I've seen how people look and act when they are a bit high!"

"Kyungsoo have you ever done drugs?" Minseok asked.

"I was close, but I've never-"

"-Can we stop talking about drugs and stuff like that?" I asked quietly. I didn't like to think about drugs. I've been throught too many hard moments which included that and it was never nice. Even the medicine I got from doctors and psychiatrists, which were supposed to help me, were like a nightmare to me.

"Are you okay?" Kyungsoo looked at me worried and put his hand over my shoulders. "Is there anything wrong with that? We know that Park didn't add anything in your orange juice-"

"Stop it!" I said louder and he did as I wanted.

"Okay," he said. "We will talk about something else! Does anybody have any topics ideas, which aren't connected to drugs at all?"

"Shut up, Minion!" Jongin eventually hit Kyungsoo. "You are making everything even worse! Well Baekhyun, tell us what did you eat with Park!" 

"Actually he gave me Lay's chips and Cola, and a few smaller chocolates," I slightly laughed.

"Does he want to make you fat with all these?" Jongin asked "It doesn't sound like a healthy breakfast, but hey you really got Lay's?!"

"Yes."

"Where did he get them?" Minseok asked. "I mean, where did that Park get all that? I was looking for Lay's everywhere! There aren't any in the school's vending machines, because everyone eats them before I could even look at them and it is not much different in the city! So unfair!" he crossed his arms and looked at me very mad.

"He got one machine for himself, belive me," I said and laughed. It was true that major had his own vending machine, but it sounded so unreal that I had to laugh.

"THAT FAT BOY!" Kyungsoo complained.

"Yah guys, anyone wants to rob Park's snacks?" Minseok rised his voice, so everyone behind the table heard him and suddenly most of the boys agreed with robbing him. "It sounds like he has everything!" 

"Eyyy, I want to! Common boys lets do it!" One of the members from Kyungsoo's unit called. 

"That's right! Tonight then?" Minseok asked and everyone agreed. Literally all boys from my, Kyungsoo's and also other units wanted to do that. "Well, Baekhyun... Just tell us where it is and everything is in place!"

I shrugged with my shoulders and gave him a sign that I don't know. I actually knew, but the fact that they wanted to rob major alarmed me and I decided not to tell them. I also wasn't sure if there was enough snacks for everyone who had just decided to steal and I didn't know how would they survive, if major Park caught them in his gym.... Probably there would've been much more place at the campus, because he would get rid of them all in a week.

"Seriously?! How are we supposed to find it?!" Minseok got upset.

"He probably has it in his own room. Where else would he keep it? He is in his room all the time," Minho said and everyone agreed again. I was delighted that they thought this way, because they weren't going to find it there. Or maybe they will, if major has one more in there too...

"Good luck with it," I rolled my eyes. I took my plate with food, which I didn't think about eating anymore. I left and then headed to my room.

Kyungsoo caught me before I could leave dining room alone and walked by my side.

"Baek, are you thinking about coming back to our room? It's a bit boring without you... I actually miss listening to your sleep-talking and it is painful to wake up and have no best friend on the other side. I want to complain about so many things, I want to tell you much more, than I actually tell you when we see each other at meals and free time! You wouldn't believe how many interesting stories and moments you missed!"

For more than a week I had been sleeping in a room on the second floor, which Jongdae offered me. The room was for higher ranks, but I got permission to be there as long as I wanted. "You miss me? Really? Awwwww, so sweet!" I laughed and hit Kyungsoo's shoulder. "Can I just still sleep there? They got better beds, you know? But I promise you that I will come down to you as soon as I wake up!" 

"Ahhh, I envy you so much. Do you think I could get one room like that too? They are bigger right? Better beds? Jongin usually doesn't answer when I try to speak with him, unless you are around...."

"Still?" I asked.

"Didn't you hear him today?" Kyungsoo was disappointed. 

"I did hear," I confessed, but still didn't get the problem they had with each other... Maybe was Jongin just to competitive to fully trust Kyungsoo, but after everything Kyungsoo had been through it just seemed to be a bit over the top. "By the way, I would like to have a friend in a neighbour room!

"I probably should just pretend that I got a panic attack and then go insane and maybe eventually the doctor would offer me one room too!" he joked. "Just come back soon, okay? I won't act like a psycho for you!" he glared at me.

"Okay! I promise I won't stay there for long," I promised and the answer satisfied him.

Luckily Minseok and others didn't find any vending machine and also didn't get into trouble.

Next few days were more or less normal for me. I had trainings with major Park most of the time. I got used on being alone with him. However, major didn't think about being nice with me. He gave me a lot of hard exercises and wanted me to be well trained. I used to give up very fast and major Park was highly annoyed by it. He would give me extra work, everytime I gave up and made sure I would remember that as a warning that I shouldn't have given up. 

He did not let me to his gym again and we were mostly working in University's. It was a bit bigger, but the equipment was old and already out of shape. I was working as hard as I could, but nothing effected me like I and major Park wanted, because I was still weak and much behind all my mates. 

I still didn't think about returning back to Kyungsoo, but he also didn't have problems with it, because I kept my promise and spent more time with him, so we got used on it. Kyungsoo also liked to change beds in our room, so sometimes he had just decided to sleep in mine, or he had simply took my blanket and pillow, since he obviously hadn't been satisfied with just one...

On friday evening I noticed that major Park was in a hurry and he ended the training earlier than usually. He also wasn't bothered by my mistakes and didn't give me any extra work. I didn't mind asking why he was like that and just dealed with it. He told me not to ask questions, on which he wouldn't have answered and I just had a feeling like this was one of those.

I actually liked all that, because later I had more time for myself and could relax after a long and hard day. I ended before Kyungsoo and others so I ate the dinner alone and then went to my room on the second floor. 

I was reading a book again. I wasn't allowed to have my phone so book was my only solution. I should be studying too, because I hadn't really paid any attention to the calsses, but I wasn't in the mood. I also got plans about meeting Kyungsoo later in the night and maybe talk with him or play games with others like Jongin. I really wished they wouldn't be in each others hair all the time, like Minho and Jongin were. I just wanted to be friend with them both, without worrying when will Jongin say that Kyungsoo should've stayed away from me.

I had almost ended  reading the book, when I decided to go out of the room. It was almost midnight, but I didn't feel sleepy. I didn't care, if I would wake Kyungsoo up, because it wouldn't have been for the first time. He had usually just got up for me and we would've talk, until I'd gotten sleepy and gone back to the second floor.

I left the room with bare feet. I didn't mind the cold floor and just went down the hallway. I walked slowly, watched all the shadows dancing around me. I didn't mind, if I would bump at anybody, because I could just tell them that I got permission to be there. I went down the staircase and in the moment I reached the first floor, I heard laughs from the other hallway. I slowly moved to get the view of who was laughing, but I only saw darkness. It was much darker here on first floor, because there was no window and all the lights were shut down.

I walked on to get a better look at the person laughing, but then noticed it wasn't only one person. There were two boys laughing and walking in my direction, while talking about something. They were walking like they were on a ship, trying to keep their balance. 

I did a few steps back and then started to look for a swich to turn on at least one light, to see who it was. I was looking around the dark walls for a long time and they were slowly getting nearer which alarmed me. I didn't know why I was so anxious, but I really didn't like the fact that two random persons were walking in my direction.

Finally I found the switch. I was happier than ever that I found it. I turned it on and the light on the ceiling brightened the hallway. 

The boys were now about 15 feet away. I needed some time to get used on the light, but as soon as I did, I got shocked. 

In front of me were major Park and general Oh and both of them were drunk. They had obviously just come from the party, which I saw from their dark outfits. However, they were dirty from dirt and I could smell alcohol already from the distance. Major park also had a bottle of Soju in his hand and with his other arm he was leaning over general's shoulders. 

They both managed to make a few steps more, before clumsily collapsing in front of me. For a moment I was just standing there numb and didn't know what to do. 

"Ahh, let's stay here. I- uhh-" general Oh said and collapsed on the floor. Major Park was trying to get up, but he lost balance again and collapsed next to the general. "I think someone is here," general spoke again and glared at me, but his eyes rolled around from everything he had drunk. 

Major didn't mind checking me, but just tried standing up again. I got the strenght to move and decided to help them. I knew where major's room was, so I decided to at least carry them to there. 

I tried to get a hold on his hand and pull him up, but he snapped my hands away.

"What do you think you are doing?!" he looked at me with cruel look and sent shivers over my body.

I was confused and just stepped a bit away. "What? I- I just-" I felt stupid to even try talking with a drunk person, but it was the only thing I could do. 

Major got his strength back and pushed himself up. "Are you crazy?! You dare touch me, huh?" he suddenly hit the wall right next to me very hard and I jumped away. He was looking at me with disgust, like something about me was really bothering him.

I didn't say anything, but just tried to wait so he would calm down. I was also thinking about leaving, before they would decide to hurt me or anything else. You never know what a drunk person can do... So we just stared at each other for a few moments, until Sehun rolled on the ground. "Yeol, leave him. Maybe he just wants to join us," he said and then fell back to the floor with his face first.

"Common- I would just like to-" I tried to speak up, but major Park interrputed me.

"-You got nothing to do here!" he sounded serious. It was obvious that he was drunk, but at the same time, I felt like he was well aware of what he was doing and saying.

"I actually do-

"-What are you doing here, Byun? Huh?" he called me by my surname and gave me the sign that he actually knew what he was talking. He was drunk, but not so much that he would talk nonsense. 

I didn't understand what was happeneing and just took a few steps away. I didn't want to have anything with that. I knew that he liked to drink, but I never wanted to experience him talking to me drunk. It was already hard when he was sober.

Major followed me and tried to get closer while holding himself up with help of the wall. "You don't have to answer actually. It would've been a lose of time!"

"Why?" I asked.

He smirked and then the smirk slowly turned into a laugh, but it wasnt really joyful. It was closer to the kind of a laugh in films when the main villain decided to do something really bad. "A bit*h like you never belonged here!" he said and his face suddenly turned into a very serious and intimidating one.

"What-" I got shocked of what he had just said.

"Chan, leave it," Sehun interputed me and covered his mouth. "I am drunk and I can hear that you shouldn't have said that! Jun will kill you!"

"Oh shut up, Sehun. You agreed with it!" major rised his voice.

"I did?"

"Don't speak like that to me!" I said and tried to walk away, but major spoke again.

"Byun, that's the wrong way. Exit is in the other way!" he pointed to the door that led to the university's yard. "That is the only way you should go! And don't forget your stuff, I am pretty sure nobody wants to watch it here!"

"You are drunk, now you shut up," I said roughly, but then ran away like a scared deer.

"Yah! Where do you think you are going COWARD!" I stopped on the staircase. I felt anger rising inside me becuase I was called a coward. I was really afraid and didn't want to deal with him. I was also called me things, for no ing reason at all. I turned around to face major again. My fists were tightly closed and all my muscles were ready to fight for my life, if anything would've went wrong.

"What did you call me?" I looked at him with furious eyes.

"Coward?" 

"Don't say something like that to me!"

"You asked me what I called you!" he hit the wall with his fist again. "You are more than just that, if you don't know yet! I am sure somebody has already told you, if not then I am glad I am the first!" he spoke like it was something normal to say.

"You dare-" I couldn't end. My voice cracked and no more words came from me. 

"I'm just being honest! You are not worth anything. A wh*re is better than you idiot!"

I couldn't belive it. On major's words general laughed and gave him a thump up, like he said the right thing. "I have no ideas what are you talking about. But I like it! Are you talking to Junmyeon's aunt? Because that would be even better!" He suddenly leaned to the wall like he was about to sleep there. 

"That one is even more annoying!" major said and I stepped away. 

"You have no ideas what you are saying," I felt as my body started to tremble, I wanted to ignore his words and stay strong but it was hard to deal with it. I felt my knees getting weak and my breathing got deeper.

"You want to know more about yourself?" major suddenly asked.

"No, but do you want to hear what I think?" I fought back. 

"Tell me, Byun! I don't think it can be something that would actually hurt my feelings... You cry even after somebody tells you the truth! You really should get away from this university and never step through that gate again!" 

"Shut up!" I said. "You know nothing!"

"I do know," He said and drank some more soju from the bottle in his hand. "And you should realise as well!" 

I didn't reply, but just walked away. I saw that he tried to follow me, but he was too dizzy for that. 

Without turning around I went back to the second floor and forgot about visiting Kyungsoo.

Tears fell down my cheeks and I sobbed, as I reached my room there.

Deep inside me I knew I shouldn't belive major's words, but in that moment I was too weak to push all the thoughs away. I couldn't help but belive it.

I was sitting in front of the door in my room. I couldn't find the strenght to do anything else. What I feared the most were the memories that started to appear in my mind. I cried and quietly begged for them to disappear, but I just fell deeper into them.

Again I remembered my childhood. How I had grown up and played with my brother Woosuk. We had been playing a lot outside and a lot of times we would've just do fights. It wasn't a real fight, but I was always afraid of them.

I had still been a child and I couldn't help it, but be afraid my older brother. He was much older, smarter and stronger and I had always eneded up on the ground with my face down in a dirty ground. He hadn't had any mercy over me, however I belived he would never want to hurt me for real. It had been just a game. 

A lot of times I had decided to run away and hide behind my mothers back, crying and telling her that Woosuk had been about to fight me. 

She had helped and protected me. 

But Woosuk had always called me a coward for crying like that, telling me that I had been weak and easy to beat. I had started to fear our fights more and more through the years. 

I found myself growing older. I remembered myself in school.

I had always been the quiet one in the class, but when someone had talked bad about me I had wanted to stand for myself. Others in my class had liked pointing at me for being weak and scared of everything. They had liked it even more when I had decided to fight them. They had always won, just like Woosuk did. 

My vision changed. This time Woosuk was a grownup. He was much older than from the memories before. He was holding me to the wall and in his eyes I could see his cruel thoughts. At the same time I felt afraid and I wanted to escape.

The memory wasn't much, but I could hear the same words that major Park told me today, but they came from Woosuk and it sent shivers through my body.

"Wh*re, b*tch, coward..." these words were repearing all over again and ringing in my mind.

I was covering my ears with my hands. I was lying in the front of the door and I could feel cold sweat trickling on my face and all ower my body. I was still trembling and my breathing didn't slow down. For some reason I couldn't remember a thing that had happened before, but I just kept thinking about the memories that suddenly appeared in my mind.

I was afraid. I didn't know what exactly I was afraid of in the moment, but inside me I felt like I had to be protected and I felt like something was about to attack me and hurt me even more.

I was sitting in the dark and, but I didn't dare do a move to at least turn on the light.

I also couldn't force my thoughts away. I kept repeating the memories in my mind. I started to belive all the words that had been said and later I rememnered major saying the same. 

I have been sitting there for a whole night. I didn't dare close my eyes or do any bigger moves. I dared to move only when the first sunlight shined onto me and that was when I realized just how very tired I was.

That day I was sleeping for less than a hour and even when I did I only gained more nightmares and lost even more energy.