caffeine was quite possibly the only thing still keeping me alive. i'm practically numb to everything else, even alcohol. void of all emotion, lacking everything but the skull splitting pain I was constantly in. i truly felt nothing else. i just existed, my purpose and happiness both long down the drain of humanity. had i ever known what happiness was, probably not. knowing love wasn't part of my education, never would be. being friendly wasn't something i did. i just existed, drinking what ever alcohol i could afford in my crappy little apartment. whatever money i had was whatever my parents threw at my face when i came begging at their doorstep. it often wasn't even enough for a couple days worth of food. i sighed, shaking my messy, greasy hair. i placed my now empty cup on the stained counter top and poured yet another glass of the steaming bitter liquid. i downed it in a series of long, hard gulps, i later regretted doing so. i groaned as i felt my throat swell slightly from being burned by the coffee. i had no other choice then to live with it and move on. i sauntered over to the fridge and opened it in a swift movement. the light flickered every few seconds as i stared at what little the fridge held for food. only a few bottles of beer, a quarter loaf of bread, and a jug of spoiled milk. i grumbled as i closed the fridge. my hands dug around in the pockets of my jeans, pulling out a handful of coins. "it's enough to by a cup of ramen at the convenience store. better than stale bread and spoiled milk i guess." i huffed before jamming the change into my pockets once again and heading out.