onho; angst

“Hyung! Hyung!” Minho waves, trying hard to get Jinki’s attention. “Jinki-hyung!” Desperately hard by anyone else viewing the pitiful scene. Still, Jinki does not acknowledge Minho, so the younger gives it up, shrugging it off that Jinki didn’t hear him. He just sometimes couldn’t hear Minho – he couldn’t hear Minho a lot lately…

Minho is stepping away when Taemin calls for Jinki with a wave, wanting the older’s attention now. Minho is about to tell Taemin Jinki can’t hear from where they stand, but the older is suddenly turning around, waving back at Taemin with a wide smile. He calls for Taemin to come stand beside him, and Minho watches Jinki wrap an arm around Taemin to pull him closer, head resting on the younger’s shoulder as he giggles.

Minho frowns, but is seen more as a sulking pout. He walks away, refusing to look back. He and Jinki were friends he thought, maybe even like family, so this acting like he’s not there, it doesn’t make sense, and worst of all it hurts more than he wants to admit. He’s too old for such things, so Minho leaves to find someone else to hang off of and laugh with, Jinki pushed from his mind, but certainly not from his aching heart.

Jinki isn’t the only friend Minho has, but for some reason he can’t explain or understand he’s the one person he seeks attention and approval from the most out of all those friends he does have.

He hates it.

—

In the nights, Minho tosses and turns in his own bed; dreams of Jinki’s sweet laughter and reassuring smile, shoulder there to lean on and arms to cling at playfully for Minho. Touches Jinki would make as if thoughtful, gaining a feeling and excite in Minho he wasn’t even sure how to express. Small eyes would give Minho a glance that looked sad for some reason, Minho didn’t understand when he thought they were just fine and on good terms. Then Jinki telling him flat out, no beating around the bush, that he hates Minho, has for a long time, doesn’t want to be friends anymore. Minho had never meant as much to Jinki as Jinki had meant to Minho.

It was far more upsetting than a broken friendship should be. It hurt.

Minho would wake in shaking sweats, not remembering the end of a recurring dream.

It shouldn’t bother him, he has lots of friends, he’s surrounded by so many people who do care. 

It shouldn’t bother him so much.

“Don’t go, I love you!”

“But I don’t love you.”

—

It’s days later when Minho finally confronts Jinki on his cold behavior that seems to just be with him. If he did something wrong he should at least get a chance to try and fix it. The two are alone, and any small chat Minho tries to muster up is fallen on deaf ears. His annoyance grows, eyes narrowed and tone of voice not as calm as he had wanted it to be once he asks “Why? Why are you ignoring me?”

Jinki swings in a swivel chair, legs crossed and attention on his cell phone held in both hands at his lap. He doesn’t answer.

Minho nearly storms out, slam a door and stomp away to show how angry he is, but instead he takes a deep calming breath and moves closer to Jinki, really honestly trying to gain a tattering friendship back. His voice breaks with more emotion this time, showing embarrassing weakness and making him regret not retreating. “Why are you doing this? What did I do? Are you mad at me?”

Jinki smiles with a shoulder-bouncing chuckle, but it only seems to be something he’s viewing over his phone. 

“Lee Jinki-ssi!” Minho shouts, nerves getting the best of him now. He wants answers, he wants them right now.

Jinki looks up then, smile gone and expression nearly of disgust at the sight of Minho in front of him, younger almost shaking and big eyes showing more hurt than intended. Jinki stands and pockets his cell, readying to leave the room. But as he tries to step around Minho, the taller gets in his way, not allowing him to go.

Jinki turns the other way but Minho continues to block the exist no matter what, so Jinki shakes his head, tongue clicked and smile back as he looks up at Minho. It’s not a happy smile at all, more of annoyance he has to deal with someone like Minho. Narrowed eyes hold an anger that is almost frightening, but Minho stands his ground, not backing down now. 

“You wouldn’t understand,” Jinki finally speaks to Minho, voice void of real emotion.

Minho still blocking the way yet again, finally finds his voice that falls out about as angry as Jinki’s expression is. “What’s there not to understand.”

“Move, “ Jinki demands.

This time Minho doesn’t answer, instead staring Jinki down, refusing to give Jinki what he wants if he won’t give Minho what he wants – just to be friends again, the weird tension between them forgotten. 

Jinki breaks eye contact first, lips bitten and gaze fallen, as if in defeat. It’s enough for Minho’s guard to fall, and with that Jinki suddenly lashes out with a hard shove that sends them both into a wall close behind the two, door blocked from Jinki even worse now. Minho gasps at the air knocked out of him and he’s surprised he it even happened. His anger boils though, and the action was enough to make him send back a shove to Jinki’s shoulders, knocking the older back a couple stumbling steps, using the shove instead of words too. It’s much easier that way. 

Through Minho’s temper and hurt, a small voice reminds him if this goes too far it could possible never be undone – he and Jinki would never be friends again, not like they were. Not like Minho liked most. It gives a hesitation to Minho’s next move, and Jinki’s next action is most unexpected as Minho waited for another shove or maybe even a punch.

Instead Jinki grabs Minho’s small head between both his hands, angry face moving so close their mouths smash together in a clumsy kiss that’s too quick to even think through. 

Minho stands frozen, not even sure how to read the situation or what’s going on. It’s clear enough though as Jinki pulls back slightly, leans in and kisses again, tongue run along Minho’s dry lips and teeth nipping at a bottom lip.

It was meant to be a kiss, a real kiss. A kiss between two young men. That’s.. not right?

Jinki pulls back further, narrowed eyes looking up into Minho’s wide, possibly horrified stare. Minho squeaks a breath and Jinki whispers low and clearly, “We can’t just be friends. Choi Minho, do you understand now?”

With that, Jinki let’s Minho go, shoving the taller aside to leave out through the no longer blocked door.

Minho stays in the silent room by himself, and Jinki was right, he doesn’t understand, not at all. Everything has just grown more confusing and tangled. Minho had hope he could fix whatever was wrong between the two, but now he’s not so sure he can, even if given the chance to.

Minho brushes sore lips with the back of his hand, head hung.