Chapter 39; Hope Is A Dream That Never Sleeps

"Congrats on your promotion!”

Your colleagues congratulated you as they gave you a pat on the back.
You were new in the business but you were really good.

You worked long hours and talent was a given.
You thanked them all and after the long party they thrown for you, you left.

You live alone in an apartment.
Everyone envy you.
Such a young woman yet slowly building up successfully.
As you sat on your sofa, tired from the day’s event, you closed your eyes.

“How is it up there? Do they give you enough?”

You asked, a tear falling out of your shut eyes.
You hated how weak you get when you think of him but it’s worth it.
He’s worth you tears, everything.
Ryeowook’s worth anything.

You got up and grabbed a bottle of Soju as you made your way to your balcony.
Accompanied by the beautiful lighted landscape of the nightlife of Seoul, you drank your sadness away.

After Ryeowook’s death five years ago, you still stayed the same.
Still living in this damned apartment where you both used to live.
You knew it hurts living here still because every single thing reminds you of him but it’s okay.
Even if it does and even if it rubs the fact that you’re lonely, you still smile.
Because the ability to still think of Ryeowook is a blessing.
It’s the living memory of him that allows you to breathe better.

You’re so tired.
Sometimes when life gets too hard and you just want to give up, you can’t do nothing else but just imagine Ryeowook’s soft face in front of you.
Each day is tiring for you.
You have to feign a smile every single day.
Every single day.
But it’s okay.
Because at the end of the day, you get home, back to where time always stays when Ryeowook’s still alive.
You smile too because you knew Ryeowook would only want to see you smile so no matter how painful and how tedious it is, you would.

Your throat felt dry and hot as the after effect of the alcohol starts to kick in but all you did is stay standing.
Imagining Ryeowook by you.
Its these pleasant precious memories that keeps you alive.
It’s the happiness you felt in those times that makes the hard times feel so much simpler.

Everyone thinks you’re such a strong person because even after the death of your long-time boyfriend, you’re still able to live well.
Better than doing well, getting promoted even.
But this all were just a mask you were, a façade you put up so people wouldn’t look at you as weak person, however, beneath all that you knew it better than anyone how weak you are.

People sometimes asked you what your success secret is.
But there is no secret.
Thing is, no matter how the world try to make you cry or how the world try to tear you down, you just couldn’t because you have Ryeowook with you.
When you have him, what’s anything to you anymore.
Nothing can hurt you.
That’s why you smile.

Another reason: you are filled with love, you have every reason to smile.

You drank the last of the Soju and passed out, tears drained, on your balcony couch.