Chapter 31; Right Now 

“I” here being you, the reader. 

You know, I’m a strange person.
You know how I live?
I live while waiting, hopefully that by the end of this torturous wait, you would be with me again.
You know what makes me weirder?
The fact that you abandoned me and yet I’m still unable to hate you.
How could I even forget you when I can’t even bring myself to hate you?

For the same reason too, here I am, in front of your home again, Seunghyun.
I don’t know why but whenever I come here, the memories of us just come flowing freely back at me.
Do you remember the times when we would sit on your doorsteps just listening to music, my head laying on your shoulder?
I bet you don’t.
Maybe I was the only one who did.

With every second that passed me by, I would count the memories we made one by one.
Memories that I bet that your forgot, Seunghyun.
Do you think of the pretty past sometimes?
I do, like I do now and as always, tears fall down my face.

There was once when you said you’d love me to death.
No. Not once, at least ten times, every night before I fall asleep, you would call just to say that.
It was such a beautiful thing to say to bid me good night, to wish me a sweet dream.
But what is that all now?
I could just pray that it wasn’t a lie, Seunghyun.

I remember that once when I asked you why you left.
You ignored me.
I told you I needed to know.
You looked away
. I begged you to tell me just one reason.
You yelled at me that you were in love with someone else and asked if I’m happy now that you told me the truth.

How could you even ask me that?
What makes you think that it would make me happy knowing that you have some other girl to be with and not me?

Why, Seunghyun, the person that gets hurt is always me?
I just wish it would be you who feels pain once in a while so that you would at least sympathize me a little.
Not like you do now.
You’re bringing a woman into your house, fully knowing that I’m out here.

There were times when we would cuddle all night and just stay like that till morning.
Please remember at least that, Seunghyun.
I would do anything at all for that to happen again.
Just once, I want to stay in your arms for one night so I could have a night’s rest.

No one could ever need you more than I do.