Chapter 3; One Minute One Second.

I the tv and it played a song you always sing.
It pisses me off so I turned it off.
I went to the kitchen to cook something, my tummy crying for food.
I opened my cupboards and out poured your messily placed instant noodles.
My stomach twisted into knots and I went into my room.
I lay myself on my bed but I couldn't feel comfortable so I turn to sleep on my table.
Again, I disappointed myself.

And stupidly, like that again, I allowed myself to cry.

I wonder if its this hard for you to forget me.
Because its these little memories that’s haunting the out of the rest of me.
I try, I try so damn hard to forget you but when the memories of you come rushing, really, theres nothing I can do.
I become almost simply braindead like that and I just think of you.
It’s a painful cycle.

No matter how much I try, I cant and no matter how hard I deny, it just doesn’t happen.
I just don’t forget you. Its stupid how your voice is still my ringtone, how your face is still my wallpaper, how your perfume is still the thing I use to spray on my pillow.
Its crazy.
I keep spraying your perfume on my already soggy-with-tears pillow and hug it like its you after your shower.
I miss you that much, do you miss me too?

Sincerely I hate how this love thing works.
I hate how when all things seems fine, it just tears apart.
It kills me how things always ends up like this for me, Khun.
It’s stupid and its crazy. Its crazy when all the faces I pass by in the streets take the features of you.
Its crazy when people call my name, I hear you calling me.
Its crazy when I sit alone at home, I feel you next to me.  
Absurd, Khun.

I got crazy to an extend that I even keep bugging Yanin and Nichan, Khun.
I don’t know how that makes you feel but I cant seem to be bothered.
Isn’t this what a heart-broken woman supposed to do?
Isn’t she supposed to keep fighting for the one she loves?
Or is she supposed to just give him up the way he gives her up?

Thing is, Khun, no matter what you do, what you intend to do, me hating you, it just doesn’t happen.
I just cant hate you.
Not when all my life ive been loving you, I don’t know if im pathetic but I think I am and I think its because of that Yanin and Nichan tolerates me.
I think its because they know how may hearts you’ve broken.

I know. I knew so well of the consequneces of being with you, still I keep going all the way.
I keep insisting that it was okay to  fall for you.
Even you thought it was fine, Khun. I thought you didn’t lie.
Another one of your charades?

Honestly though, Khun, it doesn’t really matter what you do because im not giving up on you.
Especially not when im this much in love with you.