Presentation [Title+Foreword/Description] 

Creativity wise, it’s not something that would catch my interest upon reading it at first sight but, it does make me ponder on what the story could be about. If I were to see it amongst the other stories, I would have thought your story could've been a sci-fi fic which wouldn't appeal to me honestly. I can definitely see its relevance title, and after realising its importance I grew to respecting it. Why? Because Yuri's brain is what brought the plot and characters together; it's the basic foundation. However, I have to admit, I don't recall any other fan-fiction where 'brain' was mention so I guess yours does have some originiality.

If there is one thing I want to point out, it's that your title when said out loud it doesn't sound nice. Try it. The title 'Brain', although short and simple, it just seems bland and tasteless. Personally, I find it a bit awkward and a monotonous, however I can't seem to find another word that would fit.

Let's start off with your description. I was quite iffy about it. At first I felt that you gave the beginning of story away, however you left the reader with a cliffhanger. Two things here; you basically gave the very foundation of the story away! As a reader, I'd want to find out the story and how it all began without being given a lot of information. Yes, although you left us hanging, I was distraught by the idea that you have the start of the story away. Why? I'd more or less know what might happen in the future. That, to me is a disadvantage as by looking at the tags of the story (as well as the  poster) I could tell that romance will be included along the way, and inevitably it'll be the main theme of the story. Also, you'd want your readers to be begging for more just by looking at the description. What I could suggest [if you wish to act upon it] is to perhaps hint what Yuri may have had. For example, amnesia is a common diagnosis, perhaps alzheimer if you really want to scare your readers! Or you could leave the audience with a cliffhanger so that they'd want to read the first chapter immediately. Other than that, I felt that it was a good description! It was concise and attention-grabbing just by looking at it. 

As for the foreword, you include some details about the story which I'm totally fine about. I do like to point out that you gave out of what I presumed was the 'prologue' of the story - as mentioned, you already have the readers wanting to know more, but by including this part, it somehow spoils it. I'd suggest to cut out the last sentence as it gives away Yuri's dilemma, also this would help increase the tension if you may call it. In addition, I liked the little extract you gave after; it gives a glimpse on how the story will be like, thus giving a flavour to the readers on what to expect. Also, the readers would be able to identify the character's personas, especially Yuri's, which I think is quite good as you'd want your audience to be familiar with the type of characters they're going to read.

On the whole, there were a few good things about the presentation about the story, as well as some bad points - but in general, I believe the story would've given a good impression so props to you!

Theme [Plot + Overall Message] 

I like it - honestly, I don't read a lot of fics where one of the characters do have some problems regarding their mentality so reading this story did made an impression on me. What I did wonder when reading the story is the actual reality of it - can this situation actually happen in real life? I don't think I've come across stories where something like this has happened. I have come across cases where someone hits their head and so become mentally disabled i.e. they have a mindset of a six-year old - but I'm not sure if I recall any of them growing mentally as they grow up so your story was quite interesting to read as I haven't encountered something like yours!

I do like to point out that what I liked about the story is the little arguments that Jessica has with herself. I would've expected her to fall into Yuri's trap and thus fall in love but drama ensues etc. - but you didn't follow that. I think that with Jessica fighting against herself that love should be between two people of the opposite gender highlights what happens in reality. I do admit that this may be the case in some fanfictions in this site, but the fact that Yuri was mentally disabled, I thought that Jessica may have returned her feelings out of pity, and then realised she actually liked her. But no, you showed a sense of reality within Jessica and it's something that I was quite happy about, so kudos to you! 

As for your overall message, I think it's clear what you were trying to say; true love prevails all. Now, although this does seem like a really cliché and cheesy message, I didn't mind it. Why? Personally, the story deals with two teenagers, where one of them is mentally disabled - to me, I can't help but think '________ really deserves to be happy after all that he/she has been through'. Ending the story on a light and happy note with a message that everyone knows is both comforting and relieving. 

What I could say to improve the plot is that you could’ve written a typical Yuri lesson. I did wonder on how their lessons went but I don't recall reading something like that - I think if you did that several times along the story, perhaps a lesson per each time she reached a new mentality, then the readers would've seen Yuri's progress - the readers would be able to empathise what Yuri have went though, it's almost like watching your younger brother turn from a little infant to saying his first words, do you know what I mean? 

To conclude, you were very strong in this section. As mentioned, your message was clear and strong whilst the plot was definitely an interesting one to read.

Characterization 

To start off, I thought Mrs Kwon seemed like the perfect mum in the beginning which gave me a negative impression. I simply cannot imagine someone as nice nor as understanding as her however as the story progressed I saw the other side of her. Initially, I expected her to still be supportive of Yuri and her ual orientation but that was not the case. I liked the twist you gave her, mainly because it's the type of reaction I'd expect from her. From that point where Mrs. Kwon realised that Yuri wasn't straight shows that she wasn't as perfect as I thought she was - and to be honest, I can see why she didn't approve of her daughter's and Jessica's relationship. Furthermore, despite this trait, I think every reader can agree that she is the epitome of a mum: caring, sweet, and well motherly.

What did confuse me was that in the second chapter, just after Yuri was discharged, the Kwons already decided to tell Yuri what actually happened. Now, if I was in that position, I would have expected for them to wait for a few days so that Yuri would adapt to the environment and then tell her - personally, if I was told that I was seventeen yet I still had a mindset of a six-year old, I'd be overwhelmed and confused. It doesn't help that she just got out of the hospital, not knowing that she got into a car accident as well. I'd also like to point out that in the story, the Kwons apologised to Jessica for asking her to babysit Yuri as they had to find jobs - I'm not an expert when it comes to hospitals but don't you have to pay for life support or something similar like that? Did the parents lose their jobs in the process that they had to find other jobs? That's what confused me, and hopefully you'd be able to clarify that!But other than that I believed that Mrs. Kwon, although too perfect at the beginning, was certainly a good character to read about.

Onto Yuri, I like her development in the story. Even at a 'young' age, the readers can tell that she's someone she was strong-willed and a happy-go-lucky person. I want to point out that in chapter three, I felt that you rushed the puberty phase. Although this could actually happened in real life, it seemed a bit unrealistic on how Yuri had to face the 'big' world really quickly. As mentioned, she was just told in the last chapter that she got into an accident, and now she had to face Girl Problems 101 in the next - I would've suggested that perhaps you should've given a few chapters, perhaps one or two at most, so it doesn't feel like you're bomboarding us events after events. In addition, I think one can say that Yuri is strong-headed and well quite cheerful. However, she can be stubborn which definitely shows she isn't perfect.  What I can say is there was one part where it did make me question Yuri; she didn't seem fazed about the idea that she could possibly be in love with Jessica, wouldn't have Yuri thought that perhaps she felt sisterly love towards Jessica rather then proper love? Although it was hinted here and there that she did like Jessica, I didn't really see her questioning on whether her feelings were genuine.

Moving onto Jessica, as mentioned before I liked her inner-conflict that love should be between girls and boys - it gives a sense of reality and that being said, South Korea is known to still be quite 'old-fashioned' i.e. they think that love should be between the two genders. To start off, I liked the twist you gave to Jessica. I believe people regard her as the 'ice-queen' and fair enough I have a reviewed a story where Jessica had that title. So it was interesting for Jessica to have a completely different person from what I expected. Even from the beginning of the story, you could see that Jessica's a responsible woman which was shown through her maturity. But one trait that you can tell from Jessica is that she's caring; from their first trip to the carnival to when she was shocked that Yuri slammed the door at her mother after their argument, it's clear that Jessica does care. I like to point out that Jessica seems a bit more softer in comparision to Yuri, who's exciting in persona, which is why I can tell they're compatible.

On the whole, even though there were a few minors here and there, I believe that the characterization on the whole was alright.

Flow

The pacing of the story was fine! As mentioned before, even though I felt that you rushed into the story with the puberty phase I believed that other that that, the flow was alright! I would say that perhpas you could've given us a chapter what life was like for normal six-year old Yuri before the accident. I understand that you want to get on with the story but by including a small extract on what little Yuri was like, it would give the readers a glimpse of how normal life was for Yuri. Other than that, I liked how you didn't immediately plunged into the love life of Yuri and Jessica, but rather took your time instead - I would have thought that halfway through the story, they would have been together by now, but they weren't. In general, the flow on the story was alright and I don't think you don't have to fret about this section a lot.

Writing Style

You have a very simplistic writing style - which I don't mind! For a simple story, it would make sense that the writing style should be simple as well. I believe that if you had a complicated writing style, it would somehow confuse the story plot as well. In addition, the story itself is light-hearted and is a fluff fic, so why settle for something that doesn't match it? I also like to point out that as well as having a simplistic writing style, you're both balanced when writing explicitly and implicity which I think is good! What I see around in this site is that the author tends to be either explicit or implicit when writing, but you showed that you can balance between the two which I like.

Grammar and Vocabulary 

To start off, I see that you used some Korean words in your writing. To some, they might find this irrelevant whilst others don't mind it. For me, I'm both. I can see that you used it to make the story a bit more realistic, also you didn't overused the Korean language throughout the whole story which was I didn't mind it. However, I couldn't help but feeling a bit uneasy when reading it. I assumed you used Korean in the right context but I did feel a bit uneasy about. Why? When reading it, it sounds a bit awkward. But I do like to stress that since you don't do it often, I didn't fret about it too much.

On another note, I didn't notice any major grammar problems! You got the basic foundation right so I didn't have any problems when reading your story, but I did managed to spot a few flaws which I'm sure that you can fix.

Example: Yuri-ah  
Correction: Yuri-yah

I'm not Korean or anything, but I think that if the name ended with a vowel, the term that follows after is 'yah' rather then 'ah'.

Example: Jessica pulled out a some money
Correction: Jessica pulled out some money

I believe the 'a' was placed there by accident, afterall, it was really minor, I almost didn't notice it.

Example: "Sicaa~" Yuri called out.
Correction: "Sicaa," Yuri called out.

Lots of authors don't realise that the '~' is not a punctuation we use in the English language - heck, I didn't even know until I went on this site. I understand why used it however it is incorrect. Instead, I just italicised the word to show the emphasis that the '~' would have done.

Chapter 19 - Lincoln Street

Yea, aren’t we in South Korea? This got me confused as I thought the situation was set in South Korea - this isn't a big problem but I'd like to suggest to proof-read as little details like this can be picked up, and so can be corrected.

On the whole, you don't have to fret that much in this section but rather just proof-read to avoid little flaws.

Enjoyment 

I have to admit that there was one part of the story where I found it amusing, I believe it had connections with Jessica's sanity but nevertheless I think that was one part where it really got me smiling. On the whole, I can say that I did enjoy the story - it was a light-hearted story with a clear, strong message that was sprinkled throughout the story. I do admit that I don't read a good deal of yuri stories, but yours certainly made a good impression!

Reviewer's Comments

Congratulations to being featured! I believe you're the first [and probably the last] story that I had to review that actually got featured so kudos to you! I deeply apologise for the very very late review but school was in the way as well as some some house plans as well. Neverthless, I hope you found the review useful and perhaps take into consideration of what you could improve for your sequel! 

Review By: Cloudy Day, Cloudy Day Reviews