You walked out as you opened one of the door in the restroom. 

After that smoothie session, both of you and soojung heading straightly toward the restroom. but you taken back as you saw hyojin was there too. Soojung and hyojin shifted their eyes at your direction. 

"why are you here?" you asked her calmly as you walked toward the counter. slightly looked up at the figure in the mirror, your hair was still incredibly wet since you washed it before you came out.  after you patted it with the towel to decrease the water droplets on your hair, you the hairdryer and brushed your hair with your fingers as you dried it.

you stared at soojung through the mirror infront of you. she shrugged. 

a doubt was what written all over hyojin's face.

Soojung walked closer to your direction. she stood up next to you only for applied some light makeup on her flawless face. the only sound that you could heard was the hairdryer that you held. 

"come on guys, it's so awkward." Soojung stated as she swaying her hair, and put some lipbalm on her lip.

Hyojin took a hesitate step, but you didn't bother to shifted your gaze as you felt her presence came near you.

"unni." you heard she called you. but instead you continued to dried your bangs, messing it with your fingers.

"I'm so sorry. I know I was wrong to act that way." she bit her lip as you didn't respon her. hyojin took a quick glance before she straed at her feet. "um..-"

You turned off the hairdryer and put it on the counter. you sighed deeply, frustated over the fact that you couldn't mad at her anymore.

you exhaled deeply before you parted your lips, "what should I do to make this thing get better hyojin-ah?" you asked faintly. 

Hyojin lifted up her head. she knew you already forgive her. after all the cold shoulder that you gave eachother, the harsh words and everything. it was hard to believe.

hyojin smiled slightly before she reached and hugged you. "I don't know. but I think if you stay with sehun oppa, things will get better." 

it was good that Hyojin's understand what you meant. that was kind of answer that you want to know. either it was okay for her or not. but you couldn't expect her answer. she let you to have sehun for yourself. when she knew that actually you were still stuck on the same person.

"now it's more awkward" Soojung rolled her eyes, folded her arms against her chest. and hyojin released her hug and stucked her tongue out.

Soojung clicked her tongue as she remembered something, "tsk. how could the boys just stood there, was the show really that awesome? and kai oppa, aigoo how could he did nothing about her girlfriend was being a ."

"I know that. you envy her~" Hyojin sang-songed. Soojung was a girl that short-tempered and hyojin knew, everyone knew. 

"I'm not! yah Park yoora, told her to act nice towards me, how could someone can be this childish."

Soojung put her hands against her hip. you smirked at the scene in front of you.

you could felt the warmth inside your heart. you smiled faintly over it. you were glad. you were thankful. 

"you don't say. maybe if you fix your attitude Kris oppa will like you too, Jung Soojung." Hyojin laughed madly before she ran out of the room. Soojung widened her eyes and covered with her palms. you held your chuckled but pressed your lips together as soojung glared at you. 

"do you know too?" you nodded, holding your laugh. "how..when..aish. you better shut up." Soojung messed her long hair depressed

"I will." you help her to tidy up her belongings as she was still standing there stared at you disbelief. 

she took a deep breath and exhaled it from . 

"it's pretty obvious that you aren't 'in love' with jongin. but well I'm not planning on telling anyone" you stated as you handed soojung her make up bag. you felt a sudden clutch in your chest as that person name rolling from your tongue. but you ignored that feeling, it didn't important anymore.

soojung narrowed her eyes, trying to read your mind through your face. she was scared that everyone would know and embrass herself.

you lifted your eyebrows, realized that she didn't take the bag from your hand."what? you don't believe me?"

there was a slight pause before she finally gave up. and gave you a 'fine' look. you walked away and soojung staring at your back figure. 

it made her sad when you said his name so naturally, it made her sad for more when you had to meet him almost everyday and you still remained to act calm. it made her wondered how could you keep that staright face of yours like..ever. 

"you should't have to go that far."

you stopped your step before walked from the rest room. you choose to stood there, waiting for her to continue.

you listened her as her words echoed.

"even if you try to forget it, what's hurting will still hurt."

Jongin walked with Ahri hand in hand. He chose to be drowned in the serenity. he stared ahead, stared at the thin air infront of him. however his eyes weren't always so focussed those days, sometimes they were blank. blank eyes with no prescence in them.

"don't you want to ask me something, oppa?" her voice was cracked, it wasn't an easy thing for her to let out a word. not even a letter. it felt something stuck in . 

Jongin was silent for a moment. he wasn't in the right situation to avoid that question. he was prepared.

"you saw it, didn't you?" he asked her in his low voice. the voice that would melt every girl's heart. Ahri wasn't an exception.

didn't hear anything that came out from , Jongin stopped walking, made Ahri stopped her track in shock. "you should be angry with me, ahri" he stated softly. He had no idea how could the girl infront of him just stayed silent when her boyfriend kissed another girl.

"I'm too scared to do that" she lowered her head as she answered him. not wanting to had any eye contact with her boyfriend. She never thought of jongin would leave her. because jongin love her so much, right? 

it wasn't supposed to be a question. nor an option. but she doubt it that time. 

Jongin was in a deep thought, he examined her face. tried to organized every possible answer of her words. 

"I'm sorry. It was my fault." his eyes was softened, he lifted up her chin, his eyes bored into hers. he meant it, he was in guilt. 

Ahri stared at his eyes in silence. his eyes was unreadable. she always couldn't read his mind. not ever once. she couldn't tell that he was lying or not. he was sorry or not. 

just in time Ahri wanted to give in and said that she forgave him, Jongin turned his head to the side. she followed his gaze rightway. He sensed the figures in the corner of his eyes. he locked his eyes at the figure of you and sehun hand in hand, walked at corridor juntion. smiling and laughing. 

you shifted your gaze and you, too, locked your eyes on him. you squeezed sehun's hand unconsciously. it wasn't the right time to face him or his girlfriend. when the three of you knew what happened. yet, sehun was with you. no, he wasn't worth the pain. 

Sehun narrowed her eyes. "what happened?" he stopped as he looked at your sudden uneasy face.

"I forget something, let's go back for a while." you turned around as you dragged him away from the place.

but you slipped a second moment when he looked at the direction you saw before. where jongin had his eyes glued at both of you and him, with Ahri standing in front of him. 

Sehun smiled bitterly before shifted his head. 

"you cannot be 'in love' with two people,oppa."

Ahri stated suddenly. and it caught jongin's attention back. he puzzled for a while before he finally understood what she meant. 

jongin never thought that he would loving two people in the same time. it was impossible for him to have a split heart. he gave his heart to Ahri from the very beginning, and it would be like that till the end. 

"you doubt me." jongin said and she shook her head.

instead of asking her, it sound more like statement. he was in condition to ask her if she was doubt about his feeling or not. and if it was a 'yes', why was that. he should had asking her like that. but he didn''t bother to ask her anymore when it clearly written on her eyes. 

"Ahri-ah, how could you do this to me? you shouldn't be doubting about my feeling for you when I through years just for regreting our past." he let out his frustation voice that he beared nicely before. "and if it is all about yoora. my feeling toward her, it is all out of pity. don't you get it? I thought I told you before." he breathed out as he swept his hair back. "I'm sorry.. I really am."

jongin was waiting for her respond, he was so tired actually, yet he had to deal with this crap.

expressing his thought. he didn't like it since before.

 "If you ever think of leaving, oppa. I'm not ready, I will never be ready." she finally said.

 Jongin smiled at her as she ruffled her hair. he grabbed her hand and interwined their hand together. "Silly, I won't."

Ahri smiled, mirroring the boy thet held her hand. she relieved that jongin said that. she wished that it was true. that he loved her as much she loved him.

she wanted to believe that. she really did.

I'm trying desperately to move on with my life. I've made choices that should help me do that, and yet I find so much internal resistance that I'm frozen in place. I'm just ambivalent - Yoora

 I'm trying to see my ambivalence as an opportunity to practice radical acceptence of my reality. I can only control my own decisions and behavior. I can't choose how to feel or what others will do. I'm just ambivalent - Jongin

I'm having one of those days where I think I'll give up. I should probably be angrier than I am all about this.. but I'm not. I don't know what I feel. Im just ambivalent. - Sehun

I'm trying to not screaming even this thing starting to hurt me. I'm in the state that I want to open my grip and let it go. but I guess, I'm too scared to do it since I know... I will be died soon by the time it slips  from my hand. I'm just ambivalent. - Ahri

Today's update.

sorry fort the last part. I don't know I just..feel that way this time. I'm ambivalent rightnow ;;--;; *uglysobs

And I'm sorry if there's an errors (grammar, words,name, anything) . I'm too lazy to check it. maybe next time~ O<--<

I'm just dizzy and sad :((

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