"yoora-ya..."

Sehun tapped your shoulder slowly. you hummed in respon, but not even move your body.

it's already 9 in the morning. from Kris, Chanyeol, Baekhyun. they tried to wake you up, but they just gave up in the end. 

everyone planned to go shopping and traveling around the island. today is the last day for all of you to spent your day in jeju. school's waiting. the not so well part.

your body was still lying helplessly on the bed, another sleepless night came over you yesterday, again and again. 

"yah. wake up sleepyhead." he shooked your body harder. 

"you called me a sleepyhead? you have that guts Oh sehun." you mumbled between your sleep. Sehun chuckled at the view, your long hair was scattered around the bed, with your eyes closed, your chest that rose up and down slowly, describing your rhytmic breathing. you looked so peaceful.

and it made him changed his mind to wake the sleeping princess in front of him.

he facepalmed before he laughed at his chessy tought.

what you have done to me Park yoora?

he moved his hands and placed it on your cheek, he caressed it slowly before landed a simple peck on your forhead. 

The bathroom door swung open and revealed hyojin that drying his hair with her towel. 

"oppa! it's you. I thought Kris oppa was here?" she raised her eyebrows and walked toward the mirror. 

Sehun smiled and he stood on his feet. "hyojin-ah, can you wake her up for me?" he walked toward her, hyojin turned her head and frowned. 

"why don't you do it by yourself? you're here afterall." hyojin rolled her eyes, she put some lipbalm on her lips. 

"just do it for me Lee Hyojin." Sehun flicked her forehead before he running out from the room.

"yah! stupid!" hyojin shouted, she rubbed her forehead in annoy. sehun flick was hard enough to make her forehead became red. she could hear sehun's mad laugh and she smiled a bit by it.

you opened your eyes slowly as soon as sehun walked out from the room. still not moving from your previous position. you glanced at the mirror, it reflected some part of hyojin figure, that stared at the door. 

you remembered what sehun did before he left this room. 

Sehun always that nice to you. he became a good boyfriend, with his sweet acts. and became bestfriend, with his chessiness and the tease that he did to you.

you raised your body into the half lying position. and leaned your back.

the holiday that you imagine would be, at least, lifted up your burden even a bit. yet, you felt more pressure on your shoulder. 

it made a progress, really. about what you feel toward sehun, you are happy with him. but not progressing that far that made you love him. 

it wasn't that easy, when you fell hard over someone, then in a second you had to forget him and fell in love for another person. you were just one of million girls that unexperience about that kind of love. 

kim jongin, how could you get rid of him from your mind? no, not only it. how could you get rid him from your heart? 

perhaps, rightnow he acted all jerk towards you, his coldness and arrogancy that made you sick.

but.. out of that bad side of him, back then, he was the one that created the colour in your plain black life. 

the bad side of him, was the first things that made you fall for him.

"jongin.." you whispered his name with your closed eyes. and your heart waved just by it. 

Hyojin turned her head toward you and she taken back. it was just a minute ago you were still in a deep sleep and now you stared at her blankly.

"oh unni! you scare me." hyojin half yelled. she walked toward the bed and jumped on it. both of you bounced slightly and you gave her a look. 

"I didn't even do anything and you scared?" you raised both of your eyebrows. she grinning widely, and you stared at her a while before you looked away and let out a deep sigh.

"what is it?"

"what?"

"the deep sigh? and why don't you prepare yourself, we will go out in minutes." 

you shooked your head. you let out another sigh and she furrowed her eyebrows, she took a pillow and put it on her crosed leg. she stared at you, obviously waiting for your answer.

"I'm not joining" you answered shortly. you slided away the blanket from your body. you raised yourself and stood up toward the big full sized windows.

"are you sick?" she asked you worriedly, she began to check you but you turned your head and smiled at her.

"nothing..it's just..-" 

"it must be about sehun.." she guessed, "or kai.." she added.

and with that your smile faded away. 

You're tired holding your pains when you had to see them, jongin and ahri, walking together. smiling and staring eachother lovingly. 

it hurt you inside when smiled at sehun and told yourself that you're okay when you weren't. and clinging onto him to get jongin attention, pretending you could standing and happy without him. and it hurt you when you realized, sehun, your bestfriend, was your runway. 

"He's happy with Ahri, hyojin-ah." you whispered and she just remained silent. "and I'm happy with sehun.." you shut your eyes, let the memories played on your minds. 

"I.." hyojin hesistated for a moment, before she continued, "I really know how you're feeling." you shifted your gaze and waiting for her, she stared at you and smiled bitterly, "The person I like, doesn't look at me, but looks at someone else, smiles for someone else. I can't be jealous either." she smiled again. 

"and for sehun oppa, he looks at you the way you look at kai oppa. he was in hurts, like you, too. "

you got it, you knew it. there was no way you would step between other's relationship. and messed it. 

the old you, you would get what you want, if it needed, you would ruin people's life to get it.

but with this person, you didn't know why you couldn't even dare to think of touch his life again. 

"I get it what you mean hyojin-ah. I won't hurt sehun." 

Hyojin stood up and walked toward the door. "just act the way it should be unni." she said, with a transparent emphasized on her words. "I'll tell them that you're not feeling well." she said again with a slight smile on her lips.

"yeah..thankyou."

"I'm sorry Ahri, but I'm tired."

jongin flashed an apologetic smile to ahri. the forced one. he slumped his body on the couch in his room.

Ahri pouted as she tugged his arm that was placed on the side of his thigh, he leaned his back and rested his head on.

"please oppa, let's go together. everyone's there already." she whined, and shook jongin's arm in frustation, but it still soft enough for him. 

jongin let out a deep breath. "I'm tired."

"you already like this for three days oppa.. you always said that you were tired when I asked you to go out with me.." Ahri said softly, kai knew that she was irritated. 

"Ahri-ah.-"

"you always said that you're not in the mood, when everyone asked us to join them.."

"Ahri-"

"it happened a lot since..since that morning..yeah..the morning when four of us talked at the dining room.after yoora unni-"

"song ahri!" jongin shouted and he rubbed his face with his palms. Ahri jumped by his voice. it was the first time he shouted at her like that. that was not like she wated to bring up that topic. but she couldn't ignore the fact that she was disturbed by the thought of his boyfriend past with you.

"it's enough....it's enough." jongin stared at the floor. Ahri ran toward the door and decided to left him in the room.

kyungsoo walked in and he confused with the running Ahri and stressed kai on the couch.

"what happened?" He stared again at the door where Ahri was gone. 

"she makes me crazy." kyungsoo raised his eyebrows, made his eyes look bigger then it already is.

"I know it, you're crazy over her...I know it since years ago?" he said as he sat down on the opposite couch of jongin.

jongin sighed, he shooked his head before he leaned his head against the head rest of he couch.

he wasn't that kind of person that easy to express his feeling. he wasn't the person that good if it's about words. nor a person that could express it through his acts. he wasn't the person that smart about those things. sometime, his closed personality, made everything seemed hard for him, to be handled by himself. kim jongin, it's not that he wanted the things went that way. it's not that he didn't want to let it, he just couldn't. that's why, he ended up made others hanging and guessed the answer by themselves.

"it's not that... I just..just..I don't know." he managed to say after a slight pause. kyungsoo didn't have to ask him further to understand what he meant. 

jongin never try to tell them his feeling, but his friends understand him. just like that. his friends knew what he feels, more than jongin himself. that's what jongin should be glad about, and that's why he had a bunch of friend, bestfriend even, with his personality.

"I see.." kyungsoo said. his words flew with a deep breath. "she's your girlfriend kai..no wonder she acted that way." he stared at the younger boy that had a stiff expresion all over his face. 

"it doesn't mean, she has to bring yoora in every conversation of ours. she has nothing-" jongin's voice was rose up. kyungsoo realized it, jongin was uneasy "of course she will, because it's the truth.." kyongsoo said. everytime they talked about yoora, jongin would be a sensitive person. it read all over his face. he didn't like it. somehow, it made jongin remember what he had done towards her. 

"what do you mean?" jongin shifted his gaze toward kyungsoo, his eyebrows furrowed, and his forehead wrinkled. kyungsoo snorted at the sudden change of jongin's face. "I love ahri hyung, I really do. I spent my years to love her. spent my years to hate sehun, because of that stupid misunderstanding.she..she means a lot to me. don't you know that? you were right there with me." he kept his voice low, even inside he want to burst it. he want to shout that it was the fact that he felt. he wanted kyungsoo to know the truth.

kyungsoo laughed a bit and he stood up, "your feeling toward ahri huh?" he walked away from him, decided to join others to hang out. jongin heard the sarcasm on kyungsoo words, but he decided to ignore it.

kyungsoo said something in a very low voice before he smile and closed the door, loud enough for jongin to hear. and it got his attention. he was deep in thoughts after he heard that. 

"you're just too oblivious to realize it, jongin-ah." 

you were lying on the couch while watching the tv that playing your favorite.

you placed both of your legs on the table, your focus was deep in the movie. you gulped your coke and stared at the clock on the wall. 2:15 PM. it was aftenoon and they didn't come back. 

kris wrote a stick note on the refrigator, it said that everyone had eaten so they left some food, that you already ate 4 hours ago. 

"I don't know that you like a mellow drama." you jumped by his sudden voice. you turned your head and see him standing there, his smirk was the first thing that catched your sight. 

"act the way it shoud be."

you heard hyojin voice on your mind, "it's good that you know it now" you answered him, you saw him snorted before you shifted away your gaze back to the screen. he walked toward you and placed himself next to you.

"why aren't you with everyone?" he managed to ask you without looking at you. 

"I'm just..tired?" you answered him, he laughed a bit by it. "and why aren't you, kai?" 

he,hate it when he heard the words 'kai' from your lips. it sounded sarcastic in his ears. he never let anyone called him 'jongin', not even his bestfriend, not even ahri, not even his parents. 

but, somehow, it felt better when you called him like that.

"same here." he answered with a slight smirk. 

it was the first time you talked with him without the tension, without shouted at eachother face. or perhaps, both of you controlled it very nicely.

both of you were in silence, until you decided to break the ice. 

"how is it with ahri?" you placed the coke on the table, you your lips, the sweetness was still lingering on there.

"good" he simply said, "how about you and sehun?" he asked you back, you barely hear his voice. 

"good too."he hummed before he asked you another quetion, "are you happy?"

you silent in a while, glanced at your fingernails and lifted up your head. you looked at him that stared at you. "I'm happy." you smiled at him slightly. 

he didn't smiled back, nor smirk. he just stared at you with his expressionless face. you just let the moment slipped away. and instead, you stared at the screen again.

both of you just drowned in a comfortable silence. you could heard his soft breath that flew next to you. you saw him from the corner of your eyes. he crossed his leg to get the right position, you didn't help but smirk at his action.

the movie was nearly the ending, that was a scene where the girl and the boy hugged eachother warmly. you admited it, a slight pain that felt in your heart. you let out a deep breath as you saw the boy stared at the girl sweetly before he kissed her. 

"do you...do you ever wonder, what will happen to us if we choose the another option of fate?" you said shamelessly, you didn't know from where the sudden change attitude came. 

he stiffened a bit by your quetion. " I wonder if...if it all wasn't a lies, everythings you told me wasn't a lies, the acts you gave to me wasn't a lies. then perhaps, rightnow, this time, what do you think about us?" you stared deeply in his eyes.

jongin catch the painful in your eyes. "yoora.." he said softly as he raised his hands. but before he reached your shoulder, you lowered your head and put your palms on your face. 

"what am I doing?" you muttered, "what am I talking about?" you said as you began to disbelief with your words. you complately lost just now. "it's obviosly, we won't happy either, Ahri was back, and of course, there won't be us anymore. in the end, it will all the same." you laughed bitterly as you brushed your hairs back with boh of your hands. you stared at him, you felt burned inside. you wanted to cry in front of him, let him knew how much pain that he gave to you, let him to know how many days passed for you to suffer because of him. 

"yoora.." he held your hands, but you pushed him softly. "in the end..."you continued and he stared at your lowered head with the hurtful eyes. "love is just a game for you..like a starcraft, your favorite." you lifted your head to face him. "I shouldn't have wonder it, I was abandoned like trash anyway, if you choose another options, it would be the same, you would dumped me like a trash. I'm not one of your jongin. you didn't have to dumped me like that to make me go away." 

"I..." he stated as he brushed his thumb on your cheek. "I never think that you're trash. I never think that way." your heart flipped as you felt his intense stare to your eyes. you missed his sweetness. this jongin that used to be your boyfriend, your lovely boyfriend. 

"just act the way it should be."

"no..." you whispered and pushed him softly. he furrowed his eyebrows. "do you know jongin, let's go back to our relationship like before. go back to when we're just stranger. then nothing will end, because...there's no beginning." you said bitterly. 

jongin held her shoulder tightly. "yoora, look at me." he said, but you remained with your state, stared at the black screen. "damn it! look at me yoora!" he warned you, and you glared at him. " we can't go back, to that time. you know why? because we can't acted like one when we aren't stranger anymore."

"jongin , I don't want to hear it."

"do you even hear yourself? you want me to hear your words then you didn't want to hear mine? I know I hurt you so much that-"

"I said that I don't want to hear it!" you struggled from his grip and covered your ears.

"you're always running away! that's why-"

"just let's pretend! let's pretend that we're stranger! I've had enough. I can't go like this anymore." you shoted in a despareted voice of yours. your hands trembling by the fear you felt inside. 

"yoora, it doesn't make a sense." jongin gripped your hands, trying to pull it away from your ears, you struggled too much, that made him doubted to continue this conversation. he just wanted to make the relationship between you and him better than before, no more hate. no more yelled eachother, no more forcing. just like a friend like used to be. 

you yanked your hand strongly from his grasp. but then, in second you gasped loudly as you saw his right cheek was bleeding.

you stared at your bracelete that he gave to you, it scratched his cheek. "jongin!" you widened your eyes in worry.

"no, it's okay." he said in whisper and he let out a deep breath. "that thing is really useful, isn't it?"  you didn't speak a words to him, you were too confused that time. he stood up and left you there. 

you stared at his figure he never looking back at you. it slowly faded away. 

"yoora.. you're stupid." you muttered as you covered your face with your hands. you couldn't forget his shock face when it happened. it was heartbreaking when you saw the boy you loved had a regret expression on his face. 

jongin closed his door and walked toward the mirror. he eyed his cut and sighed. 

"!" he banged the drawer with his fists. "what's wrong with me?"

Everyone came at night at dinner time, it was a bit awkward for you after the scene between you and jongin. he naturally sat and choose to didn't say anything when you were ate. 

after you walking to your room, sehun came to your room and asked yu if you were okay. again, he told you to not force your smile when you didn't feel happy. but that time, you decided to not cry on his shoulder. it had enough for him to see you crying over someone else. you're crying over his bestfriend, weren't you acted too ungrateful? he loved you. sehun loved you, even you gave your heart to another guy, he still loved you.

you remember what you said to jongin before, it wouldn't make any different, even if he lied or not. both of you wouldn't be together in the first place. it was just like before, everyone that you love probably left you. it was natural like that. 

"Sehun, you know, I like you so much."

 he smiled and answered you, " I know " he chuckled and ruffled your hairs. you slept after that and he left after he made sure you already in a deep sleep. 

why can't you love him instead? it would be wonderful when you had a byfriend that loved you with all of his heart. you could imagine how your life will complate just by sehun's presence in your life. he won't get mad easily, it was the best part. with your annoying attitude, and cold behaviour, you wonder how he endured it all this time.

"it was your fault yoora. dad isn't here anymore it was your fault.."

"I'm sorry.."

"what are you sorry about? your sorry won't make him back.."

"I'm sorry mom..I'm sorry.."

Hyojin rubbed her eyes and stared at you. "unni?" he shooked your arm.

"I'm sorry..." you whispered in your sleep. you gripped your blanket tightly. 

"unni..wake up." he called you again. "please..I'm sorry." you begged with your eyes was still closed.

"unni!" 

you shot opened your eyes and panted hardly. you sat up and put your palm on your chest. "what happen?" she asked you.

"this nightmare again." she rubbed your arms to comfort you. you stared at the clock. 1:13 AM.

"you want me to take some water for you?" you rubbed your sweat on your forehead before you shooked it. "no need, I'll takeby myself."

it was the dream that always came to you for the past few days, the same nightmare. 

the situation your dream wasn't really happen. irony, how you felt like it was the actual feeling that your mom had for you. you coldn't shove it away and pretend it was nothing, when it was still clear in your mind how you mom face appeared there, with her hateful voice in each words. 

you walked toward the kitchen and saw a body lying on the couch in the living room. you knew who it was, but you decided to take a glass of water and gulped it first before heading toward him, but you stopped right in front of the first aid kit box and brought it to the couch. 

you kneel down in front of him. stared at the empty bottle of beers on the table that wasn't placed nicely. and then you touched her cheek before you gave his cut with an antiseptic and gave it an aid kit plaster. 

he flinched a bit, and it made you startled. scared that might make him awake. but you relaxed after you saw his calmned face. he looked like a baby when he was like this. it wasn't the arrogant face that you usually saw. 

when you remember it, your meeting with him wasn't that kind of sweet meeting when you talk about it.

"jongin.." you said softly and caressed his cheek. 

it's weird.. it's just happened in a blink of eyes.

you remembered it.. how he smiled and ruffled your hairs, or when he back hugged you in front of peoples, or when he said 'it's secret' and put his index finger when he made a plans for both of you, how he would bit his lips when he hesistant about something, or how he smirk before he kissed you.

it was full of happiness, but it was gone. perhaps, he was still doing it, but not to you anymore. 

your eyes felt burned when you saw him like that, you didn't even angry to him. how? how could you? the only thing that you wanted to do was embracing him rightnow. 

"how much do you gotta hurt me before you satisfied?" you whispered at him. you knew, your word wouldn't be heard by him. you knew. but that was the point. you couldn't say it when he was standing in front of you, staring at you with those eyes that you favored.

"I have to move on..don't you think?"

Jongin

"how much do you gotta hurt me before you satisfied?" 

I could heard her said in a very low tone voice. it was sounded so desparate and trembling. so fraigle that might be crack soon. if I want, I can just opened my eyes and forced her to talk to me like before. but no, this is the first time she told me what's in her mind. freely. 

"I have to move on..don't you think?" she managed to say again. and I didn't know where the hard air came from. it was like a stone that fell on my chest. 

I didn't know what she had been through all this time, the only thing that I know..it was hard for her, and I let her to face it alone. I felt the guilty, I admited that, I wasn't that cold-blooded person that couldn't see the pain in her eyes. every words that she said to me, even she tried to cover it with the sarcasm. I knew it, the fact that I hurt her. 

"May be that girl loves you more than I did. nevertheless, it doesn't necessarily mean that my love is less for you. but what can I do right now. I disgust you, and I'm sorry for that." she chocked in her word, she nearly to cry. I could feel it, her hand that she put on my cheek was so cold. she held it inside her, her anger, her sadness, her dissapointment. 

I didn't hate her. I never did. it was my fault that I had to drag her into my problem. back then, I thought after what that happened, everything would went back to the normal easily, like before. she with her life, me with mine. but I was wrong, she was too close to me to pushed her away. 

She brushed the bangs that covered my eyes. put it aside that made her could see my forehead. 

"It pains me, knowing that soon enough I will hear that from your lips. I wanted to cover my ears and put my hands in your mouth to stop you from doing that. why did you have to do that? why did you have to make me feel special and...and..and just leave me alone like that? just leave me alone in a snap of finger. I wanted to stop you but how would I do that? I can't even stop myself from whining like a baby. I don't want to see you go because I'm afraid that those bottled up feeling will explode." She leaned and whispered against my forehead, she probably think I didn't hear those words that burried deep down in her heart from long time ago. 

I became confused with what I actualy feel about Ahri after I spent my time yoora this aftenoon. just for sat in silence until she muttered the nonesense sentence and refused to listen to me. it was even more funny when I couldn't even described how I felt over yoora.

and the feeling, it was obviously different one of each. either towards ahri or yoora.

yoora sticked her forhead on mine. I could smelled her minty breath that flew from her lips. it was still the same as the last time I kissed her. 

"I.." she gulped, she pecked my eyes and nose, before continued, "I hate it..when I love you this much. Let's pray that in our next life, we don't love each other, not even one of us." she finished it.

She kissed my lips. 

long enough that almost made me hugged her in my arms and kissed her back. 

she sobbed in silence. and sometime, she would blew her breath on my lips accidently. 

she kissed me, not the passionate one. just a tender desparate kiss, that made me know, how many pains in it. 

she kissed me between her warm tears, that one by one, fell down from her eyes, and dropped on my face. 

she kissed me, in her fraigle state. when I actually know, she didn't want to let me see it. her weakness.

it weirds, when my chest clenched by this feeling, by her silent sobbing and how she poured it all by the kisses. 

"I love you.." the last sentance that she manged to say before she sticked her forehead again and stood up, heading toward her own room. 

I heard her weak step that slowly disseapeared. after minutes, I opened my eyes. 

Jongin opened his eyes. he stared at the ceiling and sighed.

"so, you were lying." he whispered, he smirked bitterly before added. "when you told me you were happy..you were lying." 

he touched his cheek, the part where your tears dropped. it was dry already. 

somewhere inside his chest tightened when he remembered a moments ago, when you were here. somewhere in that place, wanted to say sorry to you for million times. hoped that it would make you stop from crying.

"what am I suppose to do to you rightnow?"

A/N:

Hello~ I'm back.

this is the very long update I guess? I'm sorry that there's a wrong spell or what so ever.

there's something I want to tell you, about the plot, I forget that actually, the school graduation is happen before summer breaks -_-

and instead in this story, they didn't graduate yet even the summer breaks already come. lmao I'm so sorry. I really forget ><

just pretend that the graduation happen after the summer breaks okay? kekekekekek xD

by the way, comments! subscribes! enjoy! :D

aren'r they cute????? >D<