A/N: Hiiii readers!!! You liked the last entry, right? Right? Left? Ahhh, I liked it too! My awesometacular friends have helped me so much. I gave my Jaejoongie (code name for one of them) more credit than my Chunster (another code name). I feel bad because I gave the Chunster hardly any credit at all. I didn't really think about it until she mentioned it today that I'm being harsh on her >.< I feel bad. Like reallyyyyyyy bad! She actually tried 100% of her best to help me come up with a way to get Siwon to realize that he loves Kibum (when she hasn't even gotten that far on this story). The funny thing, though, is that we have such similar brain wavelengths that we practically came up with the same thing and she didn't know. She also finally convinced me to do polls to see who my readers wanted to see next when I had no idea. Soooo there's my credit to her! Also, my Jaejoooooong helped again! They don't realize this, but even if I don't use some of their ideas, they really help me. Just talking about story ideas really help me my thoughts up. I'm really grateful for those two, and I don't know what I'll do now that we're all back at our own homes which are all far-ish away from each other. That's alright, though, I'll make it work! ^___^ And now that I'm done giving credit and being mushy towards my friends, here's the entry! I'm off to go watch SuJu's comeback stage live! <3 Take care my lovely readers! Hopefully you enjoy this entry too! If you don't like the way I made the two fall for each other, tell me. If you like it, tell me! Comments are always welcome! Because they make my day a bajillion, gazillion times better! (And bright days would be gladly accepted because I've been feeling quite moody lately.) Also, I'll answer comments next time. 사랑해요!~~~~

(I know I've said this before and you could probably see my excitement buuuuut: SUPER JUNIOR IS BACK!! Are you ready to bingo?)

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Hello,

From my last entry, I thought I wouldn’t ever be able to say this, but I’m back again. I don’t even know why, but I’ve decided to stay and continue writing entries in my beloved diary/journal/book.

Actually, I do know why I decided to stay, but I don’t want to tell you right away. You’ll surely understand once I’m done writing about what had happened to me these past couple of days. It was quite hectic if I say so myself.

Around three in the afternoon, I came home from a long day of wandering around Seoul and thinking to myself. I was contemplating whether or not it was such a good idea to stick with the promise I made.

After I came to the conclusion that I would stay, I dug through my backpack for you so that I could discard the letters that I had already written. But, to my surprise, you weren’t there!

Thinking that I had left you where I was sitting last, I quickly ran to the random bench I had sat at, spending my time flipping through entries.

But…you were nowhere to be found. Even as I back tracked my steps, I couldn’t find you no matter how hard I tried.

By the time I came home, I was already set on the fact that I should take back all that I said in the last entry. Or at least I should take back the part about me leaving. The more and more I think about it, I don’t want to run away. That would be extremely cowardly of me. I just want to break a promise just once because I feel like it was a stupid promise that I made to myself and you.

It’s alright to break stupid ones, right?

I’m going to believe that it is alright for me to do that, because I feel like I would be a better person for sticking with my choice to stay and face the problems that I’m causing.

Ah, guess where I happened to find you?

In my room…under my pillow…where I never put you.

Kyuhyun said that Changmin had found it with the papers gone, and so he felt like it would be right to place it in my room so that it wouldn’t get lost. The funny thing is that I never told him about the papers that had gone missing from you. I feel like he tore the letters up. There was a very suspicious pile of paper shreds recently placed in the kitchen’s trashcan, and the only one who would go through such lengths would be none other than Kyuhyun.

It’s not like I blame him for what I did, though. He was probably looking out for all of our feelings, and I would have done the same if I came across such letters. Actually, I’m thankful for him doing that, because if any other person in our apartment—or in our string of close friends for that matter—found out it’d become complete chaos. I wouldn’t even know how to handle such an uproar if it did occur, especially since I already changed my mind against my rash decisions.

As I was considering how to react to Kyuhyun’s action—being as it was that they were clearly an invasion of privacy—the troublemaker grabbed a hold of my arm and pulled me out of the apartment as quickly as he possibly could.

For quite some time, he kept pulling me until he randomly stopped and turned to me in a huff. He then confessed that he knew about my plans of leaving them, confirming my suspicions I expressed earlier.

Since I felt like he was the only one who knew about what I thought of doing, I too let the news out of the bag and expressed what I finally decided on doing.

I guess he was so shocked due to my own confession that he immediately blurted out that he and Sungmin had something planned to keep me from leaving. Touched, I blinked a few times before deciding to go along with their little “plan” so that their planning didn’t go to waste.

From what it seemed at first, they just wanted to have Kyuhyun take me to extremely random places from the time we started going all the way through until it was really late the next day. However, when we got carried away at one place and stayed too long, Kyuhyun would receive a message of some sort, and we’d have to strangely sneak away to another place.

There probably wasn’t a place where we were able to stay for over half an hour. I felt as if we were being chased by some unknown figure.

Whenever I inquired about what was happening, our dongsaeng merely mumbled that we just needed to stick to the plan and nothing else. At that, I got slightly annoyed with him.

How could I have stuck to the plan if I didn’t know what it was in the first place? What kind of answer was that?

There were actually a couple of times when Kyuhyun didn’t notice the message until much later, and we’d quickly have to hide and act like ninjas to get away from a man that oddly looked similar to Siwon. I couldn’t really tell, though, because Kyuhyun would force me to focus on getting away right as I was about to get a closer look.

During the chase, I wondered if our dongsaeng had upset the man who was following us. I also wondered about how this was his and Sungmin’s plan to get me to stay. It didn’t make much sense—no it didn’t make any sense whatsoever.

I was so lost and confused about what they had in mind during the time I spent with Kyuhyun. And it never did become clear to me, especially when we slowed around midnight the second day.

Now that I think about it, although it was confusing, I had quite a bit of fun with our little maknae. At times, he could be really caring towards his hyungs, and I really enjoy experiencing that side of him. Our little adventure made me realize that he has so many redeemable points about him that I’m glad that I’m noticing them bit by bit as time moves on. Everyone in my life has hidden redeemable points. It would be a shame to leave them all behind without finding them all as I foolishly “kept my promise”. Thinking about it further makes me realize how idiotic my plan had been. How could I have come up with such a stupid idea? It was ridiculous! The plan would have put me through more pain, and it would have troubled everyone else around me more than usual. I’d really rather that it wouldn’t happen that way. I don’t want to hurt anyone worse than I am now.

Anyways, back to the story. Around thirty minutes after midnight, Kyuhyun sat me down at a bench near the Han River. He then told me that he’d be back with snacks and coffee before he left me to sit there alone for an uncomfortable length of time.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the sight of the river—especially at night—but when one has spent their energy on constantly moving for more than twenty four hours, they would quickly grow bored. And that’s what happened to me. My eyes began drooping, my head nodded, and I was ready to sleep the night away right there on the bench.

However, I wasn’t allowed to drift off into actual slumber because someone’s voice startled me out of that state as they called out my name as if they were desperately trying to find me. Glancing around, I spotted the man who had been following Kyuhyun and I around the entire time we were out. At first, I grew nervous that I was found. But when I was able to look at him longer, I found out that it was in fact Siwon who had been following us.

The plan dawning on me, I grew to be so annoyed that I didn’t know what else to do but abruptly stand up to leave.

The movement must have caught Siwon’s attention because he called out my name again, this time sounding as if he was extremely relieved to see me. My heart clenching uncomfortably, I forced myself to step away from the bench and away from the man who had spent this entire time looking for me.

I wasn’t able to get far, because before I knew it, the man had grabbed a hold of my shoulder, turned me around and folded me into his arms. Although my heart was overly giddy at the fact that the one person I cared for the most finally held onto me, I didn’t let myself get too attached. Kyuhyun probably wanted me to believe that Siwon loved me too so that I wouldn’t leave. Just the thought of him slightly trampling on my feelings made my happy heart stumble in its tracks.

As I was about to pull away to get away from the pain that was beginning to engulf me, I felt the man who was holding me shake with what seemed like sobbing. He began whispering over and over that he had thought he had lost me forever.

Stunned by what seemed like genuine feelings which were being expressed, I pulled away just enough to get a look at the man’s face. The pain in his water-filled eyes was so imminent that my heart began to hurt as well. All of the sudden, tears spilled out of my own eyes and I unconsciously threw my arms around him.

We stood there for what seemed like hours until Kyuhyun interrupted by clearing his throat. Scared half out of my mind that he had randomly appeared, I hiccupped and pulled away from Siwon’s comforting arms. The two of us wiped at our eyes and decided to head home.

I don’t know if Siwon actually loves me, but the fact that he really did care about me has affected my heart in more ways than can be expressed. I’m so grateful to have him, and I feel awful for ignoring him for so long.

I don’t think I could thank Sungmin and Kyuhyun enough for making me realize that even if Siwon doesn’t love me, I’m perfectly happy just being in his presence. I’m happy even by just resting my eyes on his perfect face.

I don’t know if Siwon ever will love me, but I’m perfectly content at the moment. I don’t think I could ever ask for more than what I’m feeling right now.

I was being depressed and full of angst for so long that now that it’s gone, I feel as light as a feather. I feel like I could fly away and live among the clouds in pure bliss. And this is all due to my amazing friends.

Where would I be without them?

Nowhere, that’s where. I’d probably not be here if it wasn’t for them.

Ah, Siwon just entered the room and wants to talk. I don’t know whether or not I’ll have more things to say after we’re done, so I’ll just leave you open. If nothing more needs to be said, I’ll end this entry then. So I’ll be right back.

…

Wow. Just…Wow. That’s all I can say.

He told me about what had happened to him during his search for me. He even expressed what he had felt during the entire time he was looking for me. Feeling bad for what he went through, I told him that what had happened was entirely Kyuhyun’s and Sungmin’s plan.

I didn’t even know that they were trying to get him to figure out whether or not he loved me. I might just have to thank those two—and the ones who helped them—some way somehow for helping me and caring for me this much.

Siwon went on to say at the end that he’s not 100% sure, but he feels like he might…love me. He doesn’t really know what love feels like, but he’s pretty certain that he feels more for me than anyone else he’s encountered.

Him not knowing doesn’t matter to me as much.

I mean, think about it! He! Siwon! The prettiest and most perfect man on the face of the planet might like ME!

Why is God favoring me so much?

Well, I think I’m going to go spend some more time with Siwon and the others. I haven’t been that great of company lately, so it’d be best if I started now. I’ll take my leave, then. And I have this feeling that I’m closer to figuring out your name. So, it won’t be much longer.

Take care~ Thank you so much!

(Oh…and I don’t want to believe it, but…Siwon…kissed me. On. The. Lips.)

~Dazed and Feather-Light~