Diary,

Although yesterday was fun and all, I was hit tenfold with emotion. I forgot that if you try to push away the misery, it will come back to you without your permission. I didn’t/don’t want to be sad anymore, but it must be inevitable at the moment.

This morning, I walked out of my room without a care in the world only to stop and see Sungmin and Kyuhyun passed out on the couch. At first, I thought it was sweet, but then the sight reminded me of the times when Soo Ri and I would wake up together on the couch because we had been watching a movie or talking until late the night before. At once, the image twisted my heart into tight knots, and I couldn’t breathe. To this moment, I still feel extremely lonely. I don’t even have my fish to hug to make things better.

Soo Ri was so precious to me, Diary, I don’t understand how she could have done that to me. It hurts so much that I don’t want to believe that it’s real. But it undoubtedly is real.

Although yesterday was fun and all, today was meant for work so that we could still stay in the apartment that had been graciously given to us. Siwon and Kibum had to go to the company really early for their drama, so by the time I woke up, they were nowhere to be seen.

Since I was the first among the four remaining to wake up, I quickly got ready before going to wake Sungmin up so that I could get over the depressing feelings that were creeping up on me. However, that didn’t work.

I tried shaking my hyung awake, but he’s such a deep sleeper like me that nothing worked. Standing in front of the two was harder than seeing them from afar because Kyuhyun had unconsciously wrapped his arms around Sungmin as I was trying to wake up the older one. A few seconds into my mission, I began to cry.

They looked like a perfect couple, cuddled up on the couch like that. Why can’t I have someone like that to carelessly fall asleep with? I did have Soo Ri, but then she decided to tear my heart to pieces and spit on it.

I really do need to go visit my father soon. Not going to talk to him is really harming me more than helping…

Aish, enough, enough! I just want this sadness to be OVER! >.<

Let’s focus on the first day of work, shall we? That would be wise. It’s the best thing to focus on right now or else I might cry in front of Eunhyuk for the millionth time today. Actually, I cried once in front of him, but he gets so awkward around me when I do that. In the end, it just feels like I cried a million times when I’ve only cried once. I feel quite bad for him, and the others, since they have to deal with my tears and sadness.

Well, before we headed off to the company this morning, Mr. Soo Man appeared on the television again, making me freak out once more. (I swear he has magical powers. That’s the only explanation as to how he could possibly manipulate our TV the way he does. What else can he manipulate? Our toaster? Do we even have a toaster? I mean, we don’t really need one since we don’t really eat toast, right? Anyways, he’s starting to scare me. Can’t he refrain from using magic around us?) On the TV, he told us that since I had better skills at dancing than Sungmin, I should be Eunhyuk’s assistant. (How did he know that? I never danced in front of him…I’ve only danced in front of the…TV!) Feeling like there would be a lot of crazy—and fun—times while working with Eunhyuk, I smiled for the first time today. (It actually felt so good to smile, Diary. More so than crying my eyes out all the time. I need to find ways to continue smiling instead of crying all the time. Then my heart would be a bit lighter, right?)

Kyuhyun was told that his voice was so good that he could be a vocalist teacher, leaving Sungmin to be his assistant for the time being. However, the two would work with an experienced teacher by the name of Leeteuk. I guess it’s so that they could get the hang of teaching before they take on any trainees to train. The two were quite satisfied with what they were told. Before we could express our thanks to the crazy President of the company, the TV had flashed off! (I’m growing really terrified of his random coming and going!) With that, we left for the company to start our first day of work.

Kyuhyun wanted to take the taxi, but he didn’t want to pay for the others so Sungmin, Eunhyuk and I had to ride the bus together. The three of us huddled close together on the crowded bus which made it easier for us to talk nonstop without bothering others around us. Aside from the disgusting pink color everywhere, I feel like Sungmin is a pretty amazing person. Actually, all of my housemates are pretty amazing. Eunhyuk is just a step above them all because he loves fish like me.

By the time we stepped off of the bus, the three of us were laughing and talking animatedly. We even concluded that we should all buy matching backpacks to carry around, but when we told Kyuhyun about it, he was strongly against it.

I guess it hasn’t been an extremely sad day after all, now that I think about it.

Once we dropped Kyuhyun and Sungmin off at the room where Leeteuk taught and went to Eunhyuk’s dance room, everything changed. I had to forget about my personal life and focus on what I was doing so that we could efficiently teach the newest group of idol trainees how to dance. When I could take a break, I remembered the sadness and cried in front of Eunhyuk for the first time today. But now, I am realizing how much writing out my thoughts controls my sadness so that it’s actually bearable. I’m pretty happy with these results.

Also, these trainees are cute. That kid named Kai was pretty interesting. He seemed to be the center of attention with the other trainees. Everything he said, the others agreed to listen. Even when he tried to give Eunhyuk and I trouble. The one named Suho seemed like a miniature Siwon, which was slightly unnerving. At least he controlled the others immediately when they got too out of hand for us.

There were also a few Chinese trainees. Mr. Soo Man never fails to amaze me with whoever he brings into his company! The only Chinese one I can remember at the moment is Lay. He looked too much like an Alien—which was why I can remember him. Maybe Hyun Joong wasn’t lying when he said he saw a UFO in Japan that one time. It must have been flying to China to drop Lay off! Is Mr. Soo Man friends with the aliens? Or does he know the secret of Lay being an alien?

Oh! During our break, Sungmin came to let Eunhyuk and I know that he and Kyuhyun invited Leeteuk, Kangin, and Heechul to our house. Good thing I wrote to you, Diary, before everything happening tonight or else I’d still be an emotional mess. I guess Eunhyuk is noticing the change in my mood because he just said that we need to stop by the store to get more things to play with. So, I’ll have to leave you for today. But thank you for making me feel better Diary, I love you!

~Not So Depressed~