A/N:  I wanted to apologize for taking longer to update than I normally do. >.< There's just been a lot, a lot, a lot of things

that I need to do. xD And I've been too frazzled about 6jib. I was seriously shaking when I wrote Eunhyuk's entry.I'm kind of

still phased due to Siwon's teaser that was released today. (Hopelessly biased >.<) Anyways, I hope that everyone enjoys this. 

Love you guys~! You make my day shine brighter~ <3 

Take care and enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Journal,

It’s been a few days, I know, but at least I’m stopping by to say hello. From the few days that I haven’t written in you, it’s been a stressful couple of days. I guess it hasn’t been as stressful for me as for others involved, but I’m definitely affected.

Kibum hasn’t been doing well these days what with the drama just starting to be filmed. He hasn’t caught a hold of what he’s supposed to portray for his role. Or that’s at least what the Director stated. I think it’s a different case, though. I can sense that he knows his role pretty well, but he has something that’s really bothering him. Unfortunately, he hasn’t figured out how to separate that something from his acting. I feel like it’s understandable that he wouldn’t be able to do that just yet since he’s the newest of the new, but the director obviously wants him to do better.

I feel bad for him, really bad. I want him to figure this out, or possibly help him to the best of my ability. If only he would look my way…

This situation is definitely weighing on everyone’s hearts. All of our co-workers are forced to work harder due to the schedule being pressed back. (Supposedly, all of our meetings caused the actual date to be pressed back already, so this is an added schedule change, and it isn’t making the company which will air the drama too happy with us.) It’s probably hurting Kibum’s heart because he’s now forced to focus on whatever it is that’s weighing him down and has to deal with the thought of disappointing everyone. It’s weighing on the hearts of those who want to help him, because nothing has worked and we’re all worrying.

Everyone who sincerely wants to help Kibum out for his sake has constantly tried to work with him and help him fix his problem, but no one has progressed.

Every time I try to get to him to see if I could possibly help whenever I’m free, he avoids me or someone else with a worse problem calls for my attention. Trying to get to him to at least talk is probably the hardest task for me at the moment.

If only he could see that I want to talk to him because I’m worried about what he’s going through. I’m even praying harder than usual about this, but it’s as if God is telling me that “it’s not time yet”.

When will it be time for him to at least open up? I just want him to be happier. The only way that can happen is if he releases all that he’s holding in his heart. I hope God doesn’t make it last on until he bursts…

If his problems keep affecting his acting, then he could be kicked out from this drama project. Being kicked out of a drama really doesn’t bode well for one’s job in the future, especially if they’re a rookie and if they went through the press conference. There’s a high probability of him losing his job since he’s so new. If that happens, he could possibly be in worse shape than he is now. I don’t want that.

This situation is just so frustrating that I want to be over with it. I’d rather not be placed here, but if this is what God is willing, then I will listen and find a way to learn from what’s happening. I’ll also find a way to help Kibum.

No matter what it takes, I will help him.

I want him to be able to feel like he can lean on me when things are hard. I’ll take care of whatever he needs help with if he leans on me. If only he knew that…

Aside from this frustrating and stressful part of these past few days, life at home with the others is growing to be even more entertaining than usual. We have more people hanging around our house than normal, so every day is an adventure in itself.

Added to the usual three—Heechul, Leeteuk, and Kangin—there are three more guys who have started to come over almost all the time. It’s as if they live in our apartment as well.

So the other guys are also from the company. Ryeowook and Shindong—a radio host and a gag man—started to come over after we celebrated Ryeowook’s birthday. Yesung—a famous soloist—wasn’t able to make it to Ryeowook’s birthday due to the fact that he’s recording a new album. He was pulled to the apartment one day when he had an hour of free time by Donghae and Eunhyuk, but he hasn’t been able to come as often because of his intense schedule. The few times he’s been over and when I was able to run into him has been quite fun.

The time when we’re all together is probably the best time we’ve ever experienced, because all of our personalities just fit well together as if we were pieces of a puzzle fitting together perfectly. There definitely isn’t a moment when we’re bored when most of us are together. We all enjoy each other’s presence—even if Kyuhyun likes to act as if he hates Heechul’s guts.

The only problem, though, is that Kibum rarely spends time with all of us. I feel like he should try being around a bit more. It’s not the same without him, and I think we’d have an even better time with him there.

If Director allows us an actual day off in the near future, I think I’ll take Kibum out to play—even if he doesn’t like me. There has to be a way to get him to open up about his feelings, and playing might help me figure out a way. I’ll figure it out no matter what it takes, even if playing doesn’t help.

I wonder if he’d like to open up to someone else in our group of friends. Someone like Leeteuk, Yesung, or even Shindong would be a good replacement. Would that be better?

I mean, I would love if he got over his harsh feelings towards me and talked to me instead, but I’d be perfectly content if he just fixed this problem and grew happy again. I don’t want him to sink under any further.

Ah…I slipped back to Kibum…didn’t I?

It’s just that whenever I want to think about something else, my mind slips back to him. It can be extremely frustrating at times. I have so much that I need to think through and focus on, so why do I always result back to him?

I know that his situation is heart-wrenching, but can’t I focus on other things as well?

I guess this problem doesn’t matter as much, does it? All I need to do is try my hardest to change and think of the other problems. If I think of him, then I’ll think of him. But I’ll do my best to not let it take over. Maybe I’ll experiment…

So, last night a group of our coworkers for the drama went to eat and then a smaller, more intimate group decided to go play a bit more. A bunch of our fans followed us—especially mine—so we were forced to play it safe and go to karaoke.

I felt bad for my fans.  They always put everything in their life aside just for me. I don’t like that they do that, but it must be hard to do that. I don’t even get a chance to give them much attention what with all that I need to focus on.

I might try and set up a specific fan meeting just for them. It isn’t that rare for an actor to host fan meetings for their fans. I know that my friend, Lee Min Ho, does that quite a bit for his fans everywhere. He even serenades them.

Ah, but my voice isn’t that great. Maybe I’ll create a worship session during the fan meet and praise God with my fans. I think they’d like that. And they might figure out that they shouldn’t try so hard to get me to become a singer. They’ve been trying so hard to get me to become an all-rounded idol like most of my friends in the entertainment industry, but I just can’t. I’m too nice to be in variety shows, let alone be an MC. I don’t know what to do when it comes to being in a variety show. I’ve been in a couple and they were hard. I don’t really sing unless I’m praising God. All I do is model and act to my heart’s content. Oh, and I dance on occasion.

Maybe I will serenade my fans for the fun of it. They love me anyway with all of their hearts, so I should do my best to try and pay them back. I’ll even ask Min Ho for some pointers. That would be wise. I’ll consult my manager tomorrow.

Ah! I forgot about the karaoke! It was interesting to say the least. I had a lot of fun with IU, Yoona, Kibum and the others. Yoona and Kibum got drunk together with most of the other coworkers while IU and I refrained from it. I wanted to be nice and make it easier for the poor girl who was still not old enough to drink. (I also only drink wine at times…and the karaoke building only provided other alcoholic drinks.)

Let me tell you, Kibum becomes so charming and outgoing when he’s drunk. He holds his liquor well, but you could tell that he was drunk just by the way he talked more than usual. I kind of liked it. But I couldn’t really talk to him much during that time since there were other people around. If only…

Ah, I’m thinking about him again. I should go work out to see if he can get off my mind then.

Take care~

~y, Free, and Single (And thinking too much)~