A/N: Sorryyy (Sorry, sorry) guyyyys for the update being later. >.< I've been so busy today...and I didn't really like this post as much xD It was just too hard to do. >.< I'm afraid that the next few posts won't be too fun to complete. But I'll complete them, but hopefully you'll understand and still read. I just know that there will be a light at the end of this tunnel. Trust me on this one! ^___^ It'll be soonish! Ah! Did you guys see SuJu's MV teaser?????? What did you think? And I'll answer comments next time...it's kind of 4am at the moment. (Staying at a friend's and I was like OMG I NEED TO UPDATE when we were listing our extreme biases) xDD Love you guysss~~ Comment please? And please answer the question I have in red reallyyyyy soon because I'd really love to know who I should write for next. This one is going to be hard either way. Take care, enjoy!!! <3 <3 Don't leave me ^___^ 

Who should I write for next? Sungmin, Kyuhyun, Siwon, Donghae, or Eunhyuk?

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Dear Name that is Still Unknown,

Ah goodness, what do I do? I still haven’t figured out what to call you. You’re probably getting really upset with me because of this, aren’t you?

I guess that it’s to be expected.

A lot of people are getting upset with me. I’m constantly doing things that bother the people around me. I don’t mean to do those things, they…just happen. Take annoying my friends and co-workers because of my inability to act well as an example. I knew something like this would happen. I just KNEW it. Why did they allow such a rookie like me gain a big role like the second lead to a drama that is being produced by the biggest production company in South Korea?

I messed up. I terribly messed up, and I just keep on messing up. It’s as if all I do is make a mistake wherever I go.

What did I promise you that I would do when I messed up/let my feelings get in the way of me acting? What. Did. I. Promise. You?

…

Ah…this hurts. It really, really hurts to know that this is happening. I didn’t expect to mess up this soon. I mean, I did think that it might happen, but I didn’t fully expect it to.

I’m contradicting myself.

…

I don’t want to leave because of this. It feels like I’m being a coward because of the fact that I’m leaving over making mistakes. But I promised! And I’ve tried so, so, so hard to get this down. I’ve tried my best for days to change. I’ve even let others try to help, but there has been no result whatsoever. It’s so frustrating.

My feelings for Siwon have grown to be too great in these past few days, and it’s affecting the way I act. The damage was already done when I found out that Heechul has no feelings for the man, and I can’t pull myself out of this rift.

I think it might be because I know for a fact that my acting abilities are affecting everyone around me. Because I’m failing, I’m put in a bad mood, and it makes the people in my apartment worry about what I’m going through. I find it too embarrassing to actually confide in anyone around me—even IU and Yoona.

I make those two worry about me because I stopped confiding in them. They’re also worried about their jobs because I’m holding the production of the drama back due to my mistakes. I wish that didn’t happen.

Siwon is also affected. I see him try his best to help me. I think he always wanted to help me from the beginning when we met. That was one of the reasons why I fell for him. He always wants to help people around him, no matter who they are or where they come from. He just wants to help. However, I just can’t talk to him. It’s not possible at the moment for me to do. It’s impossible for me to talk to him without revealing my feelings.

I feel like he would think I was insane. What if I’m not his type? What if he doesn’t even care for me that way? (It sure doesn’t look like he does.) And I feel like he would tell me that it was ridiculous that I felt this way since we’ve barely spent time together to get much of a bias about him.

But I have seen so much of him. I feel like I’ve seen so much that I know more than I possibly could about him. I’ve seen most of what he’s done for other people around him, and it’s definite that God has made me fall for him because of it.

I didn’t want to fall for him. I tried so hard not to.

Even when I knew that Heechul wasn’t a problem—more like a motivation not to like Siwon—I tried my best.

None of my attempts succeeded. I’m stuck in this predicament, and I need to stop before it gets any worse.

I love my time here, I really did. But I can’t go against my promises. That is one thing I cannot do. Ever.

…I think I’ll write letters to each person I care about and give the letter to them right before I leave. That sounds good.

…

I wonder where I’ll stay. I know that Gong Yoo hyung once told me that I could stay at his place whenever I wanted. Maybe I’ll take him up on his word. I met him once when SM was trying to get me to mingle with other very important actors. Somehow, he snuck into the group of actors, and we clicked. I think he’s quite important, right?

Maybe he can give me good advice about this situation. That would be good. I think I’ll do just that.

Now about the letters, I’ll ask Siwon in my letter to him if he could hand the others that aren’t in this house the letters I couldn’t hand out. It’ll be easier than finding them personally before I find Gong Yoo hyung. So here goes:

Dear Mr. Soo Man,

                I first want to apologize greatly for this misdemeanor I have caused. If you possibly read my “diary entries” in the journal you provided me, you’d see the promise I made near the beginning. I know that leaving like this is against my contract with you, but I just can’t do this anymore. I promised myself and the “diary”, and my feelings aren’t stable right at the moment. I’ll come and visit you to clear things up later when I have complete control over them. I can’t do more at the moment. So, please forgive me, and please wait for me to come back. I can’t thank you enough for all that you’ve done. Please take care, and not get too mad.

Sincerely,

Kim Kibum

Dear IU and Yoona,

                You both are wonderful friends to have. I’m glad that I met you. Please know that you’re both beautiful both inside and out, and I love each of your personalities. I love Yoona’s tricky ways, and I love whenever IU laughs. They’re so wonderful to experience. Thank you so much for caring for me the way you two did. It meant a lot to me. Lately, I worry that I’m bringing you down in your career, and it’s obvious that I am. I don’t want you to fake that I’m not, and I’ve decided not to hinder either of you any further. I care for you guys too much. So this is a farewell to the two of you. I’ll miss you terribly, and I’ll think of you each and every day for the rest of my life. IU, tell Changmin to treat you well because his hyung says so. If you ever need someone to lean on, I know he’ll be there for you. He’s a good kid at times. Yoona, I know that you will go far in your life, and I’m proud of that. Don’t let your boyfriend treat you badly either. I’ll secretly know if he does. And I won’t be too happy with that. Anyways, I love both of you like you were my sisters. You’ve really touched my heart. So, take care of yourselves, and I’ll wish with all my might that you get what you want most in life. Don’t miss me too much, okay?

Love,

Kibummie

Ah…I can’t write much more at the moment…my heart is killing me, and my eyes are blurred by too many tears. I’m afraid that my last page to you will be soaked by too many tears by the time I’m done. So I’ll quickly end this here before that could happen.

I’ll write the letters in the morning when I have a clearer head.

I’ll miss you my dear, sweet journal/diary. You’ve helped me stay sane and keep calm in the hardest of times. You’ve even brought me joy.

All of the people in this apartment have actually brought me the greatest joy that I have ever experienced. I wish that things were a little bit different compared to what they are now.

I have such hopes and aspirations for my life. I felt like I was stepping closer to them bit by bit with this new environment. Now, I’m merely thrown back through the progress I’ve made to start back at step one.

But that’s alright. I won’t give up hope. I’ll take more care of myself and the feelings I have in the future.

Gong Yoo is a great person, as well, so it won’t be bad living with him for a little bit. So, you don’t have to worry too much.

You better take care of yourself. If not, then I’ll be hurt even more. You’re a dear part of me now. If you don’t take care of yourself, then I’ll be at yet another loss in my life. I don’t know how I could handle that.

I love you so much. Maybe even more than I love Siwon. I’ll miss you. Stay well, and don’t miss me too much. Don’t forget me.

Farewell my dear journal/diary/whatever you are,

~Kim Kibum~

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Ah guys! I have a poll! Please, please, pleaaaasee answer it! I'd love you! It'll help a lot! Especially after you've read this one and know kind of. :) Love you guys sooooo much. But don't worry too much about Kibummie, he'll see happier days, okay? ^^ Commentt <3 <3