A/N: Guess what my lovely readers? It's been a full month! (Well a couple of days past a full month) <3 When I reached the full month mark, I was lucky enough to reach 950 views. Ohhh myyy G-Dragon! Do you know how much I'm grateful for that? That's just 50 views away from what I was hoping for! I'm so proud. ^__^ And look! After a whole month I have soooo many updates! :) I'm excited for the next few months until this is completed. Please stick with me until then! Also, I kind of wanted to write longer for you guys as a special treat. ^___^ Normally the posts are close to 1,000-1,500 words but this time it was around 2,500 ^______^ Hope you enjoy this! I tried my best to show Siwon's thinking change. Love you ALL! Like soooooooooooooooooooo much! <3 <3

Alsoooo my friends and I are such nerds. I've been with them for the past five days, and I guess we have kpop code names. My wonderful Jaejoongie helped me with this idea. I mean I did a lot of it, but she helped polish the thoughts ^__^ I wanted Siwon to go search for him, but she helped me come up with the idea of a scavenger hunt thing. It was GREAT! My Chunnie didn't help as much. I asked her since we didn't even meet up with our Jaejoongie until Sunday, and she didn't help onnnnnnne bit. Well she did, but she didn't. ^__^ Anyways, enjoy the entry that I got help with! I love my awesome friends <3333

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Journal,

I can’t find him. I’ve looked just about everywhere I possibly could, and he isn’t around. Because I was feeling disheartened, I went to a nearby church and earnestly prayed for him. I barely just left and now I’m sitting down at a nearby café.

It’s been so rough for him these days. He’s had to deal with so much weighing down on his shoulders that it’s a given that he would run away, right?

I’m tired of this. All I want is that he would be happier than he is at the moment. I don’t want him to be this discouraged. He shouldn’t feel so much pain that he should run away from the only ones who are there for him. It doesn’t make sense.

Why isn’t God doing anything at the moment for him? I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed, and yet nothing has happened. Kibum really needs God’s help more than anything at this moment. Why is His help being put off further?

My stomach is twisting uncomfortably, and my heart is in so much pain right this minute. My mind is asking so many questions that I normally wouldn’t ask. I don’t know what to do at the moment.

Where in the world is Kibum? Why won’t he show up after all the time that I’ve spent searching for him? Where did God lead him?

I’m a mess—I’ve been a mess for a little bit—and I think the others have noticed.

I was crouched by the fountains in Olympic Park just a handful of hours ago. Seoul itself is so big and packed with people that it’s impossible to find someone. If he left and went to another place, then I would be doomed.

I was so tired after running everywhere and I felt like my head would explode from the stress, so I stopped and let the emotions rage through me. Coincidently, Leeteuk was walking past as if he was looking for someone. I decided that he was also looking for Kibum, which eased my heart a slight bit. It would make a lot of sense if he was. We all care about our friend that we would all be looking for him.

Catching sight of me and my depressed state, Leeteuk walked up to me and began to console me. He reassured me that all of our closest friends were looking for Kibum, even Heechul, and that our friend will be found. Even if it took a little bit of time, we would find him.

I was informed that there were a total of twelve of us searching, along with five others: Junsu, Changmin, Jaejoong, Yoochun and Yunho. From this news, I quickly gained courage and motivation to search for Kibum some more.

I will put my all into searching for our friend.

What stuck with me though about my meeting with Leeteuk was that he mentioned how he didn’t understand why I was trying so hard to find Kibum that I stressed about it to the extremes. He said that he feels like if it was another person, I wouldn’t try so hard. Supposedly, the others aren’t trying as hard. Although they love Kibum a whole bunch, they aren’t putting as much thought and energy into finding him. Yet here I am putting my all into everything I’m doing for him. Even if I drop down and can’t search any longer, I will still try no matter what.

But is it true that I really wouldn’t try this hard? Is anyone completely positive about that? I’m not even entirely sure about it myself. I badly want to say that I would, but for some reason my heart is saying that I definitely wouldn’t. Not to these extremes at least. And I can’t stop this feeling now that I think about it. I’ve been worrying for him for so long that it’s become normal to me to go through these lengths. I’m always around him, I always want him to look at me and see the fact that I want to help him out.

Kibum missing is probably one of the hardest things for me to experience so far. My heart is so full that I feel like I’m going to burst any minute now. All I want to do is find him and gather him into my arms to comfort the man. But I just can’t find him. It’s not possible. I’ve searched for five hours after I met up with Leeteuk. I’m tired and helpless, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve prayed so many times about the same thing that I feel like my mind will go mute.

…

Sorry about the delay. Donghae came by. I was shocked to know that he was still looking for Kibum as well. It’s been so long since he went missing that I thought I was the only one who was still outside.

Anyways, he said that he was still looking because he knew how much I care for our dear friend. He cares for Kibum, yes, but he knew that if I couldn’t find him, I would be so heartbroken that I couldn’t do anything. He also mentioned that Kibum was lucky to have me because I cared so much.

Although Donghae seems happier and more at ease these days, he’s still hurting over his past and wishes that someone would be able to express their worry just as much as I do for Kibum.

I never really noticed that I didn’t care for him or the others as much as I do for our other friend. I thought my feelings for everyone were all evenly expressed, but Donghae says he feels that there’s something more between Donghae and I. Something more like what? What does he mean?

To tell you the truth, most of their problems really have passed my mind. Even my own haven’t been bugging me as much lately. Only Kibum’s have messed with my head and heart.

I miss the time when he laughed so freely with us. I miss when I could easily be in his presence without him clamming up and ignoring me. Where did that Kibum go? I miss it so much.

As I search for our friend, I’ve grown to be convinced that if I find Kibum, then I could work hard on fixing whatever’s wrong between the two of us. Once that’s fixed, then I would be able to help the others, right? Or no? What if nothing’s fixed between us? What if it is and I don’t focus on the others?

Who cares? I’m going to find him. I’ll fix everything even if he’s against it.

I’ll look some more, but I won’t end this entry just yet. Not until I find him. I’ll be back soon.

…

…

Seoul is so big, yet I’ve met so many people who are also looking for Kibum.

This time, I came across Yoochun, Yunho, Jaejoong, and Junsu. They seemed tired out, and I don’t blame them. It was surprising to see them outside still as well. They talked to Kibum less than I did, so their looking meant a lot. Since I knew them and wanted to thank them for taking part of the search, I stopped and talked with them.

Jaejoong began to tell me how this disappearance reminded him of how he had run away once to see if Yunho really loved him. He had fallen so deeply in love with Yunho that he couldn’t bear it. He just wanted to run away to see if Yunho would try to find him, and see how much effort he put into looking for him. Luckily, the place he hid in wasn’t that hard to find and Yunho instantly found him only to profess his love in tears. The two fell deeper in love and have no plans of ever parting. (May God be with their relationship always.)

Once they were done with their story, Junsu spoke up and told me the story about how Yoochun always made him worry about the multiple crazy things that he did in the past. He has always been crazy, in a slight way, so it was a given that he would make anyone around him worry. He worries me at times. However, I never thought that Junsu was the type to worry, but he surprisingly was. He even stated that he worried so much that he didn’t know whether or not he loved Yoochun or just worried for him. But he was somehow tested on whether or not he loved the man.

The answers were so clear to see that I wondered if I ever find someone to love. I always think about others’ well-being more than anything, so I believe that I would probably do the same as Junsu. If I ever loved someone, it would most likely show through the amount of worry I go through each and every day.

But I wonder if that’s what love is. Isn’t it something more? What exactly is love? Worrying for their well-being? Expressing through actions? Hearts being affected more than usual? All three? More?

I act as if I’m in love all the time in dramas, but I never truly understand what it’s like. Do other people know the definition?

After our little discussion, we all went off to search for Kibum. Yet again, I stumbled across another’s path. In fact, it was Heechul of all people who was lounging in a park. He said that he had worked so hard on his hunt that he felt like he deserved a break. Also, the search had reminded him of Han Geng, so he couldn’t look any further.

I felt bad that he was still hurting, so I listened to the usual story of his and Han Geng’s love. It was obvious that the man still loved the other. Everything about his story and the way his eyes lit up when he thought about Han Geng was so bright and pure that I was amazed. I wanted to shine that brightly. I always find it so inspiring to see how two people who didn’t know how to communicate properly (not only with language, but also through personality) fell in love.

Heechul said during his story that he would often get jealous of even the littlest of things that Han Geng did. To get back at him, Heechul would ignore his lover or disappear for a few days to purposefully make him worry. The worrying—to Heechul—was one of the few ways that expressed Han Geng’s love so much that each bad thought that Heechul had would fade away.

My friend then asked me if I had someone I really worried about. Why were they all talking like this? Were they trying to console my worries? (Ah, I apologize if I sound redundant.) As I think about it further, there isn’t someone I think about more than Kibum. But does that really mean that I love him? I am so unsure. My heart is completely confused and mixed up at the moment.

I think I’ll look some more for Kibum. I’ll be back, don’t fret.

…

…This is taking longer than expected, and it’s getting stranger and stranger. I’ve probably run into twelve of the fifteen people looking for our dear friend.

But that doesn’t matter. I’ve been thinking so hard these few hours that the last five were extremely helpful. I don’t think that running into Changmin was strange at all.

I believe it was nearing four in the morning and he must have been starving. Or that’s what I guessed since he was at a restaurant that I happened to pass by, yelling at an older man who seemed to own the place. The owner wanted to close up shop while Changmin was so hungry that he wouldn’t leave until he got food. Feeling generous, I saved the younger one and helped the owner calm down. To thank me, the man cooked only food for me, and I gave some of that food to Changmin.

As we ate, I took it as a good opportunity to ask Changmin what he thought love was. He couldn’t really say much because he was unsure about the answer himself. He was still trying to figure out whether or not he loved IU, and so he couldn’t give me an efficient answer. But the wonderful old man told me that it was what the individual’s heart felt. Like how each person is different, love is different depending on the person’s heart. When the heart wants to love, it will love and only the owner of that heart will know when that happens.

Finding this acceptable, I apologized for keeping him out so late and left Changmin to finish the food that I had left untouched. At that, I headed on my way to search some more. Later, around seven in the morning, I crossed Kangin’s and Shindong’s path by Deoksugung Palace.

They told me something extremely shocking.

…Kibum loves me. He loves Me!

He doesn’t hate me? He doesn’t detest my presence? Then why did he ignore me?

If I take everything that I heard today during my search, does that mean that he was like Heechul and was jealous of something? But what was he jealous of?

I…did spend a lot of time and care on Heechul. But he’s my friend!

When in the world did he start liking me? What about me liking him? All I do is worry about what’s happening with him. I want him happy. My heart beats faster when I see him smile. The thought of wrapping my arms around him invades my mind. But isn’t that because I want to comfort him?

The other two, Yesung and Ryeowook, told me that they found Kibum. But he didn’t want to come home unless I showed up. They also warned that unless I cared a lot about Kibum, it would be no use to go visit him. They told me that they couldn’t make him budge an inch.

I don’t want him to stay away. I don’t want him to leave. Just the thought of it kills my heart. It’s as if his leave would rip me to pieces.

Is this love?

…

Out of the few times I ask God for a sign, it has finally worked. I asked for a sign to help me decide whether or not I should go to Kibum’s side or let him leave us forever.

The sign worked. I think I’m going to Kibum and figure out whether or not I love him. I’m not going to let him leave again.

~Wild Goose Chase~

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REPLIES!! YAAAAAY REPLIES!~~~

gegegaby: Don’t worry about Kibummie! The others will figure it out!

Kyuhyun is definitely selfish. But he’s cute when he’s selfish <3 (Well aside from the latest chapter, he was kiiiiiind of mean in his latest entry.) Yes, Sungmin knows now ^__^ And Kyuhyun will get over the karaoke, no worries <3

Thanks for the comments! Can’t wait until you comment again~~~ Please keep reading! <3

SilentViridianTears: Ahh, yeah that makes sense. That’s really cool that they have something where you can write reviews for each chapter. I’d really like to see the results of reviews. ^__^

About Sungmin, I know that he’s really strong and knows martial arts, but he’s anemic. Doesn’t that make it hard to run for long? I guess he could have broken away from Kyuhyun when he caught him, but I forgot. xD So that was a small mistake, and if I’m mistaken about being anemic, then I apologize for not expressing that right. >.< Thanks for the comment and making me think about Sungmin’s ‘weakness’. Hopefully you keep reading, and comment more! <3 Thanks soooo much! Love your comments!

Poko24Makashi: Yaay for a comment~ Lol, yes, yes they are! They’re going to do their best to make him stay somehow some way. Even if Siwon’s “attempt” is a bust. I hope you liked this entry, I tried to make it funnyish in the way that people were randomly showing up whenever Siwon was growing tired of looking. <3 Thanks for the comment! And for reading! I don’t expect my readers to comment ALL the time! Just as long as I know you’re still around reading! Thank youuu~~ <3 You’re amazing!

hopelessly_hopeful: Omo! I’m sooo sorry for frazzling you with all of the updates! I was just update happy! And read it whenever you want! No pressure at all :) Hopefully you enjoy it! Thank youuu for reading<333

RaichuLove: I loved his short entry as well! I wanted to put my readers on a cliff-hanger until I figured out what to do with Sungmin’s and Kyuhyun’s “plan”. But no worries, I figured it out thankfully! ^____^ I agree about how it shows how much he cares for Kibum because he seriously will drop everything for Kibum. No matter what it is. <3 Hopefully this entry was fun for you to read as well <3 Thank youuu for the comment! It makes my day! <3

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Dear readers,

Thank you so so soooooooooooooooooooooooo much for commenting and reading. It really makes me smile. I'm so blessed to have you guys! I love you all! You're sooo amazing! Please keep commenting and reading! ^__^ <3 Love you! Take care! Keep smiling! And don't let your hearts trouble you tooooooo much! 

Also! Watch SuJu's new MV if you haven't! Please? It's amazing <3 <3 You'll possiblyyyy love it <3

Annnnnd Poll Time!! Yaaay! <3