She was sure she heard it right. It came right from Nana's mouth. She was certain she didn't hear it incorrectly in any way possible. The wedding was off. Nana cancelled it. She no longer agreed to marry Key.  She didn't know how to react. She was filled with joy that moment but she wanted to cry at the same time.  She remembered it. She cupped her face trying to hide the expression she had. It was a faint smile with a mild hint of tears verging on her eyes wanting to fall. But still, it was a lot to process. She was confused so she decided to leave. She didn't want Myungsoo to see her like that. She lied. She wasn't going to her business. She was going home to try and think things over.

----------

Amber was stunned. After an entire day of trying to process what Nana told her, she decided to stay home. She turned her cellphone off to avoid any disturbance from anyone that would try and contact her. She wanted some alone time. She wanted to take the time to think things through. 

She heaved in a big sigh. She's been uneasy since yesterday. Again, she was jumping for joy. But something inside her is telling enough. Something inside her is telling to let it go and just move on and have herself treat it as just another news. She was giddy. She kept walking around and about her living room. 

"Should she call Key? Should she just let it go? Should she ask someone close to Key?" She doesn't know. Those thoughts kept on running in her head. As she was too occupied thinking about it, she saw the item Key's grandmother handed her a few weeks back. 

"Open it when you know it's time."

She took it out of the cupboard where she was hiding it and took it to her room. She sat down on her bed and made herself feel comfortable. Again, she heaved in a big sigh. Her fingers made their way to the knot that was enclosing what was inside the cloth. Her heart was beating crazily. That was it, it's time for her to open it.

Amber actually closed her eyes as she untied the knot. That was it. It was open. She took a peek on what was it. She took it out of the cloth.

"A notebook?"

She flipped it from side to side and looked at the front and back. It was definitely a notebook. What she noticed however that the notebook was rather torn on some sides and the paper seemed really old. It has started to stain especially on the first few pages. She opened it.

The first page was empty but she noticed a note inserted behind it. She took it out and read it.

"Amber dear, I know that you'll open this in time. Here, everything in here.. All is that you need to know.." -Halmeoni

"This is halmeoni's?"

She flipped through three more pages and finally saw an entry.

June 22, 2001

My eomma gave me this. She said that it's good for someone to keep a diary. I thought, why? Don't girls do this? Should I continue writing? I don't really know.

Amber was a little dumbstruck on whose diary it was. She turned to the next page.

June 26, 2001

My eomma and I went out today. I'll be starting middle school in a few days. I don't really want to. Even my appa said I'm too smart compared to other kids. But I want to experience a normal life. Should I follow eomma or appa? What to do??

Amber finally realized whose diary it was. It was Key's. She was certain it's his.

September 2004

Has it been really that long since I last wrote? Three years? I'll be turning thirteen in a few days. I've decided to listen to my appa. I'll be going to business school. He said I can finish in no time. I really like our business. I'd usually go and join appa whenever I have the chance in his meetings. He said I should just watch and observe how our clients talk. I'm glad appa lets me join. I'll take over the business soon. I know I will.

January 2005

I passed by my former school where I entered middle school. I kind of envy everyone. They're having fun at the field while I'm stuck with textbooks to read since I have a paper due tomorrow. I miss my friends. I miss playing with Jonghyun hyung and Taemin. I've barely got the time. Speaking of which, I also miss playing with Onew hyung. I heard he's working well in high school to go to a prestigious university. I miss everyone.

January 23, 2005

I'm the youngest in our class. Sometimes I'd feel left out. I've always wanted to go abroad after I finish school but appa said I would take over a branch of our company. I was excited and sad at the same time. Sometimes I wonder is this the life a teenager like me should have? I'll be graduating in a few months. Can't believe I only needed one year. My professors keep on praising me saying I'm a prodigy for the business world. Am I?

"Wow, he's really that smart?" Amber remarked.
The girl was so enthused into reading the diary that it was already past lunch when she stopped reading the first few pages. She skipped a few since they were really short.

Amber left the diary on her bed and went to the kitchen. She whipped herself a simple lunch. She wanted to get back to the diary so bad she didn't mind not feeling so full. As she was eating, her phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Unnie?"

"Sunyoung? Hey.."

"We're having barbecue, want to come over and join us?"

"Nah.. I'm ugh a little busy. Sorry."

"I see. Okay unnie. Bye."

"Bye."

She immediately put the phone down. Ran to the kitchen to gobble the food she cooked and ran back to her room.

February 14, 2005

Jonghyun hyung and his friends invited me for a small get together today. I didn't have school and their class ended early so I decided to join.. They also tagged girls along. I haven't been around girls my age. There was one that was cute. I asked hyung what was her name. He said it was Eunjung. She approached me when we were at the noraebang and gave me a pack of chocolates. They teased us bigtime. I thanked her. 

"And he said I was his first? Liar."

November 2005

I've started to run the company today. Appa is really happy with my performance. He said that when I'll grow a little older he'll be entrusting me the company. Though I notice lately that appa goes home quite late. I miss eating dinner with him.

November 12, 2005

Eomma and I went out for lunch today. She said I should relax from time to time. She's right. I miss my friends. I miss hanging out. I miss being a teenager. I had sacrificed so much to please appa. But I don't regret anything. Anyway, eomma made me laugh today. She said that when I should find a girlfriend soon. She said she wanted to see grandchildren soon. I didn't want to disappoint her, but I haven't found her. Soon perhaps.

December 2005

Appa hasn't come home yet from a business trip from Japan. Eomma and I went out for dinner. It has started snowing. I was out of it. I started crossing the street.. But a car came. Eomma pushed me but she was hit by the car. The driver was kind enough to help us. I'm really worried for eomma. God, please don't take her away from me.

Amber got a shock from what she just read. Key's mother was hit by a car.

December 20, 2005

It's been three days. I've been sleepless. Appa came home today after almost a month out of the country. Eomma.. She's.. It's all my fault. How am I supposed to face father now? He will despise me! Eomma! If only she could hear me right now. I am the world's worst son. How can I jeopardize the life of my own mother? Everybody will look at me like it's my fault! But I never wanted that to happen. No. I miss my eomma already.

December 25, 2005

For the entirety of the 14 years of my existence, this is the first Christmas I've spent without my eomma. Now that I remember it, she's right I should write in a diary. I can't talk to anybody here at home anymore except halmeoni.  Everybody is starting to see me as a monster who let demise come to his mother. It's not like I wanted it to happen. I'm still regretful of what happened.  I'm the worst.

Amber flipped unto the next page but several pages that followed were empty. Not until six pages later that writings can be seen again.

November 2006

I'm already fifteen.. The first death anniversary of my eomma is coming near. Can I visit her grave? When I know all of this is my fault? When her death was caused by my stupidity? I still remember her words clearly before she passed on. Eomma, I'm sorry. I don't think I can still do this. The pressure of the business, your death. Appa barely talks to me since eomma's death. He sees me nothing but as a monster.

December 17, 2006

Today has been the worst day.. I don't think I can still do this. Appa, he brought a new woman in front of mother's grave. I don't know her but people started saying she would be my new eomma. How can he move on just like that! How can he just forget eomma so soon? I hate this life. I hate my family! There's nothing left for me here.  My appa doesn't even care about me anymore. I need to get out of this hellhole.. I can't take it anymore.

Amber put the diary down after reading the last entry for 2006. The reason behind why Key had run away from home is that. He feels guilty for the death of his mother. He feels liable and the people around him started treating him really bad. Amber never knew the reason until then. She now understood why Key never wanted to tell her. It was a past he was trying to run away from. A past which still consumes him to that day. 

"Why didn't you tell me Key? Why suffer alone?"

------------

Amber temporarily stopped reading the diary. It has consumed the entirety of her afternoon. Slowly, little by little, her questions about Key were starting to have answers. 

------------

April 2007
I've found a decent place for me and halmeoni to live in. I've spent the remainder of my savings on this. I don't want any money from appa. He's the worst. I know he only sees me as garbage now. But can I blame him? I killed the love of his life. Indeed, I'm the worst.  I will start looking for jobs tomorrow though Kangin hyung said he has a job for me. I don't think I'll accept it though. No.

Amber was to read the next entry but noticed the date. It was already set in the year of 2012.

September 2012

5 years? It actually took me 5 years to write again. I don't know. I wanted to. I just turned 21 today. I had work so no reason to celebrate. Halmeoni is sick lately so I'm not expecting anything. It's been like that for the past five years since I've left home. His people have been calling me. But I don't answer them. No. I'm not going back. Anyway, I met a weird girl today. I was on my way home and she was drunk. I think she was pretty stupid. She almost jumped off a bridge. I don't know. I had to stop her.

Amber had to read the entry all over again. Her eyes widened with her realization. Key was talking about her. It was the night they met. Now that she remembers it, indeed it was his birthday when they met.

November 2012
I've been in the hospital for the past few weeks. Halmeoni was confined. I finally knew the name of the girl, her name is Amber. She's really weird but I like her personality. Halmeoni seems to like her as well. We always meet at the weirdest circumstances. I called out for her. I've never done that in such a long time. Can I finally trust someone?

Amber was starting to get a little speechless as she started reading the current entries Key made in his diary. The entries were about the two of them and all the times they have spent together. The following just made her crumble.

February 2013
We're together for two months now. I didn't believe she'll fall for someone like me. I've never had experience with a relationship and I can proudly say she's my first everything. I love Amber. I know it from the bottom of my heart. The way she smiles, the way she'd hold my hand everytime we'd go out. Even when she's just away I miss her already. She's a good kisser I must say. But besides that, I feel safe around her. I know I can trust her. After so long.. If only eomma was alive. She'll be glad to meet Amber. I also took her to Namsan. I was kind of scared that she'd ask how I can afford the place. I still had some credit cards with me. Appa might trace where it came from but I cut the card soon as I went home. I'll just pay the debt with my salary.

Tears started to make their way down Amber's face as she read it. The way Key expressed his words, his love in such short sentences. Amber started to mumble sorries in between her sobs. The pain Key felt all that time. No wonder trust was such a big issue for Key. He closed himself off from other people. She was the last person Key expected to hurt him.

August 6, 2013
Amber's in Jeju.. I miss her already.

August 10, 2013
I'm starting to get worried. Amber hasn't been answering my calls lately. But oh well, maybe she's just busy. I miss her. I want to hug her so badly.

------------

August 10 of that year was the last entry Key had. Amber recalled that after that. It was when their relationship started falling apart. After her trip to Jeju, that's when she witnessed how broken Key could get. Once again, guilt filled Amber as she knew that she has crushed into pieces the already broken Key. 

"Sorry" was the only word she could utter.

------------

It was late in the evening already and Amber was preparing to sleep. She has fixed herself. She barely ate that day. She didn't feel hungry. She just wanted to read and read the diary. It feels kind of invasive but halmeoni must've wanted her to know the truth behind Key's life. Why he is so cautious around people. Why he barely trusts anyone.  Again, Amber was now on her bed lying down. She was about to put the diary away until she saw a tiny piece of paper inserted at the back page of the diary. She flipped the page to see where it was. It was thick. It was definitely a note. She opened it.

There was something written on it. 

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This is perhaps the longest chapter I've ever written in all of my three fics. I can't believe I was actually able to accomplish this in a few days. Sorry, there aren't much conversations but it is more of a narration. Lahh, this fic. Few more to go.. Definitely a few more.