"Oh my god, you're kidding." 

I laugh at her reaction, she stands up from my lap and covered with both hands. "Am I? I don't know – of course I'm not kidding, you silly." I respond casually. I lean more on the couch as I fold my arms. "Babe, this is just a future plan depending on how you would respond right now, I'm sorry if I don't have any ring to show, I thought you'd prefer getting the rings together. So. . . I want to discuss this with you with a mature mind." I explain myself. I grab her hand to make her sit back down on my lap once again. "Also, I just thought I'd let you know. . ." I muffle and tap the tip of her nose. "That I'm very much willing to marry you." I finish my sentence with a chaste kiss on her lips. "Really?" She hushes while staring back into my eyes. "Yes. So would you?" I answer before asking back. She gave me an eager nod before hugging me tightly.  

"Maybe after I give birth? I want to go back in shape before getting married. I look like a whale right now." She asks. I pull away from the hug and pinch her cheek. I just had to, she's too cute. "You don't look like a whale, you don't look like anything else other than my future wife." I answer and sure thing, it made her smile. "But getting married after you give birth sounds good too. Perhaps, we can start planning on it after a few months just so we can at least adjust ourselves with Hansol first." I add. "I know. It must be really stressful to prepare for a wedding. Expensive too." She muffles with a pout. I respond with a smirk. "Have you forgotten what my business is, honey?" I ask with a smirk on my face.  

She seemed to have facepalmed herself for a little while before laughing.  

"Right." She muffles while scratching her neck. "Just relax and never worry about anything else. Okay? I'll take care of it." I assure her before giving her another chaste kiss on the lips. "Wow. This is different. Usually, it's the woman who takes care and worries about all the preparations for the wedding." She muffles while wiggling her brows. "Of course, I'm different. I'm the best." I answer as a matter of fact and she just rolled her eyes in response before standing up. "Come, eat the porridge before it gets cold again." She grabs my hand and drags me to the table. As we were both seated across each other on the table, I begin eating. "But. . . Baekhyun, are you sure getting married is all good? You're not like, obligated to do it because of Hansol?" She asks. I chew the food out for a while before speaking. "I'm going to be honest, I do feel that getting married this soon is not normal, it is kind of rushed but for me it is the best decision for our situation. I mean, I am really willing to marry you, of course, if we had a different situation, I could have waited a little longer too but you know, I don't really mind too. Besides, I know you're a good person, you're kind of insane but you're good. So I am never worried of getting tied to you." I explain my side. "Oh yea?" She asks mockingly but laughs anyway.  

"By the way, someone called in the home phone about an hour ago." She then says while her tummy. 

"Really? Who?" I ask in between chews. "I'm sure you wouldn't like this. It's Lee Jeongja." She casually answers but her eyes shows worry. "The does she want." I muffle before taking another spoonful of porridge. As much as possible, I don't want to make myself miserable because of her any longer, I'm just. . . so done with it. "She wants me to tell you that she's hoping to talk to you. At The Bean Café tomorrow at 7PM. She said she's going to wait. Isn't that just a few blocks from the agency?" She informs and asks. I roll my eyes. "You should have told her no. I allow you to decide for me." I mutter. She only responded with a frown. "Babe, is there something going on that you're not telling me?" She asks.  

I run my fingers through my hair.  

"I really don't want to talk about it. I'm not going anyway so it doesn't matter." I answer with a simple chuckle. Receiving that silence from her after what I said, I heave sigh. "Oh god–I just said it doesn't matter." I hiss knowing she's getting upset because of it. "If you allow me to decide for you, why don't you allow me to be concerned about you? Tell me what's wrong." She said sternly. Oh my god?? There is nothing wrong, why does she keep on insisting. "Babe, really." I chuckle while shaking my head. "I'm okay, it doesn't matter, she doesn't matter so let's not argue about this." I continue. "She knows about you, doesn't she?" She asks and this time, I stand up. "Bull–you keep pushing it, I said I don't want to talk about it." I grunt before walking into the bedroom.  

I am so tired of thinking about my mother.  

it, I don't even want to call her my mother okay?! 

Why can't she understand that? 

Why can't women just let it go? Why do you have to know every single thing?  

It would have been fine with me but the thing is, I just told her I do not want to talk about it because it doesn't matter.  

I mean. . . what's not clear about that? 

I flop down the bed and put my hands on my head. "I ing messed up again. ." I hiss to myself before getting up once again. I rush out of the room and saw her still sitting there with her very upset look. "." I muffle as I kicked an imaginary ball on the floor. "I messed up didn't I? Babe, I'm sorry. Don't get upset. , why do I always make you upset. . . this ing mouth." I hush as I lean on the wall, I give myself a good tap, almost a slap, on the cheek. "I was just concerned about you, you don't have to be too harsh." She murmurs, her voice already trembling. "I know, just – ugh, like I said, it doesn't matter. Can we just. . . ugh." I messed my hair up before walking back to the table.  

I sit back and continue eating the porridge.  

"I don't want to think about her anymore, I'm being honest. I really don't want to talk about her." I softly mutter while chewing. I hear a sigh coming from her. "You know. . . if my guess is right, why don't you just talk about it with her one last time and completely cut every possible contact with her if this one still doesn't turn out good." She suggests. I stop eating as I simply stare in space, her words echoing in my head as I try to sync it in. "Baekhyun. . . this issue has affected you all your life, everything that you are right now, she has something to do with. Like. . . for one last ing time, face it like a man. If facing it for the last time still doesn't work, then that's your cue to walk away and really move on, at least you have tried your best. Isn't this all you've always wanted to happen? For her to face you?" She asks.  

I look away, feeling a big lump in my throat. It hurts that she's right.  

"I don't know. . . if I can." I mutter as I stir the porridge. From my peripheral view, I see her stand up from her seat walking towards me. Then I felt her arms wrap around my neck from behind. I close my eyes as I hold onto her wrist. "I know if might sound easy for you, or for other people. It's really not. I waited for so long, I did so much, to the point where all that are left were anger and self-pity. I'm tired of pitying myself because of what she did. Out of so many people who were abandoned just like me, I took it to heart so bad, I couldn't accept it, I couldn't be happy and that was how I coped with it as I grow old. It's different for everyone, in my case, my fate made me feel miserable. All because of her." I mutter. "You're not pitying yourself just because you're facing her. You're facing her because you're strong enough." She hushes, I feel her light kisses on the back of my neck. "And also. . ." She pulls away and this time, kneels down while holding onto my lap, making me face her completely. Then she went on,  

"Whether you think she deserves it or not, give her a chance. This is her last shot, if she lets it slip, it really means you can walk away and move on. At least now, when you walk away, you have me with you." 

I look down and hold her hand tight.  

"I appreciate it. . . I think I could do it if you come with me." I admit while the back of her hand with my thumb. "I'm going to be honest, I still don't want to but I'd like to consider your advice. You just need to come with me so I know I won't have to pity myself after the conversation is done. I don't want to be left there like an idiot." I explain. I hear a soft chuckle from her making me look back. "Of course I would love to accompany you. But you need to face it all yourself okay?" She asks and I just give her a curt nod.  

_ _ _ 

Since when had time become this fast?  

It's