Tuesday

            I’ve been planning this for a while now; leaving for a while. I had closed all my accounts and took all the money from my inheritance. I was more then set for a trip anywhere. I was happy here but I felt suffocated, staying in the same place and doing the same thing. Maybe I’m selfish but I don’t want to work. I just want to be happy and do whatever I want. I know Kook and Jimin would be upset but I made a plan to send postcards and call. Eating dinner with everyone and smiling was the hardest. Keeping a conversation going when all I wanted to do was be out living like a rebel.

            Sam seemed to zone out the most these days. I wonder if she’s going to come back when she goes to visit her family. She used to be so full of life, joy, a smile that made my heart race, but now she just seems like a shell.

            Kook was growing so much; it seems I only stayed long enough to watch him grow to his full height. He was a bit smaller then Sam when she got here and now he’s almost Jin’s height.

            This is by far the most difficult thing I had to do on my own will but I just didn’t have the heart to stick around and be in the system. The family business is in good hands anyway.

            It was around 2:30 am and I had gone down stairs to go get a snack, but found a girl sitting at the counter alone eating an apple.

            “What are you doing up?” I asked going to the fridge and getting a soda. I cracked it open and it felt like it echoed throughout the house. Why does everything seem loudest in the middle of the night?

            “OH, I’m just… hanging out, I guess.” She seemed lost in thought. “What are you doing? Don’t you have work tomorrow?” I groaned and smirked.

            “Sam, have you thought about leaving?” Her eyes jumped to me and I instantly knew she felt caught.

            “What? What do you mean?”

            “Like disappearing. Not dying or anything like that, but disappearing with good intentions. To get your mind right.”

            “I did that and ended up here.” Her eyes seemed dim and depressed. Like her words held heavy significance.

            “Here isn’t so bad, but what I mean is just being free; from everyone and everything. Not having to worry about who’s waiting and watching for me to up. Sometimes I wish I knew my family. I wish I got the chance to see them, get to know them and think about what my life would have been if I didn’t get adopted.” Maybe that was a reason why I felt so selfish and ungrateful.

            “What do you mean? Didn’t Jin or your parents tell you your story?”

            “Unfortunately, no. No one knows what happened, I just appeared at the orphanage a few days before mother and father showed up. Lucky me, right?” I smirked at her but she looked more pained.

            “Have you ever thought about going to the hospital and getting blood done?”

            “I have, and no one matches me, or I don’t match anyone else.” It was quiet for a second and I felt like I was staring a whole into her face. This face I was trying to burn into my memory. “Well, that’s that. I decided to leave for a bit.”

            “A bit?”

            “A few months, maybe a year.” I patted her head and smiled. I place my soda in the sink and started to make my way out the kitchen.

            I felt her cold hand grab my wrist.

            “Tae, you can’t leave.” She sounded exhausted now.

            “Sam, you wouldn’t understand.”

            “No, Tae, you don’t understand. This is your place, you belong here.” Her grip on my wrist got tighter and I turned to see her glassy eyes.

            “Sam, you wouldn’t get it.” I pushed her hand off my arm, and turned away. She wrapped herself around me from behind and buried her face into my back.

            “I’m leaving tomorrow and I can’t let you add on to everyone’s pain.” Her voice was breaking and I felt like her heart had giving out.

            I pulled her off me again but was terrified to look at her. What if she was crying? What if her eyes were holding in a flood of tears and my face would only break the damn and cause a water fall? But what if she wasn’t crying at all? Just holding everything in and being strong? Could I even console her, or ease her pain?

            I turned and looked at her. She eyes shook with their glassy coverage. I didn’t realize how tired she looked until she looked up at me. Could I hold myself together?

            “I’m sorry.” I her head and a tear fell. “I’ve been living this way my entire life and just realized how lonely I am. You, you just got here and feel as lonely as I am.”         

            “How can you be lonely here with your family?”

            “By that logic, you shouldn’t be lonely either; three men ready to be your prince charming at the slightest command.” She looked even more upset when I said that. “We can go to the airport together in the morning.”

            “Then can you just come with me?”

            “I don’t want to be found Sam. Going with you will only start rumors and cause trouble.”

            “Then let me see my family once, and I’ll follow you.”

            “Sam.” I huffed a chuckle, she was being ridiculous. “I won’t be the one to keep you here and I won’t be the one to take you’re from your real family.”

            “You won’t be.” She was answering quickly. “I’m choosing to go with you, to be with you.” I shook my head.

            “Are you saying that you want to be with me?” she was silent, she looked around as if she was looking at different consequences. I got closer to her. “I won’t take you anywhere if you don’t know what you want to do. “

            “I’ll be with you.” She whispered, but I couldn’t believe it.

            “Go to bed, and in the morning if you really feel the same, I’ll follow you to America. Once you see your family, we’ll see if your heart is with me or not.”

            “Tae…”

            “Goodnight Sam.”

            While lying in bed, I rethought the moments that just past. I rethought the moments in the future. My heart began to skip. I didn’t want her to rent me later, if I was the one to tell her I was leaving her in America, but I didn’t want to be stuck somewhere else. I guess I didn’t want to feel like how she feels now. Following someone somewhere because I want to be with them.

            That would only be history repeating itself.

            I knew for a fact, once she saw those she loved most in the world, she would never make the second mistake of leaving again.

            It was around 4: 45 am and I didn’t sleep at all. My mind was racing, searching, for answers that time only knew. I snuck downstairs to Sam’s room and sat on her bed next to her. I ran my fingers through her hair; form her scalp to the nape of her neck. She turned over and opened her eyes.

            “Taehyung…” she groaned.

            “How did you sleep?”

            “Not very much…”

            “Did you think about it?” She nodded and moved around to rest her head on my lap.

            “Let’s leave and never come back.” She said so easy.

            “Sam, wake up.” I ruffled her hair a little harder.

            “I am awake.” She sat up, and I chuckled a bit at her messy hair. “I’ll marry you, as long as you promise I’ll never be lonely again.” I smiled, cupping her face and kissing her checks and forehead.

            “If that’s all it takes then consider yourself a married woman with a clingy husband.”

            She pulled me down onto the bed with her and I felt her figure under the blanket. I remembered the day I almost had her, and felt the blood rushing around my body.

            “Sam, you can’t do this to me. Not right now.”

            “What are you talking about?”

            “My jeans are getting tight…” I said low and she thought about what I said. Sam shot out of bed revealing her ‘night gown’; a t-shirt exposing her bottom and giving me a nose bleed worthy shot. She grabbed some closed she had laid out and rushed into the bathroom. “Oh, my, ING, god.” I whispered to myself and rolled on the bed.

            At 10 am, Sam saw everyone off to work but me. I didn’t need to be at the company since my ‘job’ was just to supervise everyone. People were scared of me because of my brothers and father.

            I finished packing and wrote a letter to Jin. I told him just to tell everyone the truth. I wasn’t happy and in the motion of running away, Sam tagged along with me and we eloped. I’d call often and send post cards.

            Sam was saying her last goodbyes to the house and placing her letter to everyone in their rooms.

            This was it, our end her but our beginning somewhere else. Somewhere better.

            At 10:45 am we were at court house signing out marriage certificate. We didn’t want a ceremony, maybe when we get back we’ll have a party but we both doubted it.

            “Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Cha.” The judge said and I took the ring out my pocket. The same ring I purposed to her with, the same ring I took 3 hours to pick out because it had to be beautiful, but not out shine her, the same ring I slid on her finger.

            A few hours later we were sitting on a plane and headed to England. No one would know us, and we wouldn’t know them. It was perfect.

            Our hotel room was a bit away, but we could see ‘Big Ben’; it was breath taking. I turned away from the window and closed the curtains. I looked at her, my wife, as she sat on the bed and looked around. She seemed worried or nervous. She looked up at me and blushed.

            “This is our first… night… together.”

            “Actually… This is our first night together as man and wife. We’ve slept next to each other plenty of times.” I walked over to her. I felt wide away, in this moment with her. I looked over to the clock, 8:45 pm. “Are you tired?”

            “I slept in the plane.”

            I was right in front of her, my legs in between her as I stood. She looked up at me and I cupped her face, and pushed her hair back.

            “Are you scared?” I asked as I felt my heart beating out of my chest and my hands getting hot, slightly shaking.

            “A little.”

            “I’ll be gentle.”