NamJoon

            Thursday

            Sam has been extremely quiet lately. I know she’s ben spending her days alone and being alone in a large house would drive even me crazy. So, on my lunch break, I went to the jewelry store around the corner form the company office. I didn’t know what was her taste so I decided to just go with a necklace; something simple and sweet. A silver necklace with a 14 karat diamond. It was simple and sweet, and it wouldn’t outshine her.  

            When I got back to the office, I found a pile of paper work on my desk. I saw that my computer was alerting me about a new email. I checked it out.

            Cha NamJoon,

            Tomorrow YoonGi is getting some off time, can you just go over these files? He had meetings scheduled but obviously he can’t make it. He’ll send you the rest tonight after he looks them over.

                                                                                                                                    Cha SeokJin

            I took the long little box out of my suit jacket pocket and opened it. Maybe another day then.

            Friday

            In the morning, everything seemed normal. I got out of bed, washed up then went down stairs to breakfast. The smell was intoxicating today but as I approached the kitchen, I saw Sam just standing by the doorway. I walked up behind her, she didn’t stir a bit, something had her attention already. I looked over her shoulder, Jin and Isabel doing morning dance while Jimin and Kook were on lookers and food thieves. Jimin did his ‘this is awkward’ laugh.

            “Ease dropping?” Sam turned around. She jumped and startled me a bit. Her nose brushed against my chin. I looked back at the kitchen scene. “Looks like a scene from a movie.” Slipped from my mouth, but she just looked at me. Sam moved around me and began to head back to her room I assume, but I had some much to say to her. I took her wrist, and started to speak. How are you? Are you eating okay? Sleeping well? Don’t spend so much time in your room. But all she could see was the frustration on my face, I let her go.

            Things just continued on, after breakfast, Sam saw us all out but YoonGi who was starting his two day sleeping binge. Sam wasn’t going to see him for the next 48 hours but she wouldn’t be alone… well not that alone. Before I left for work, Jin made sure to tell Sam not to worry too much about YoonGi but to try to get him to eat something.

            At work all I could think about was Sam and why she was acting so strange. I knew digging into it wasn’t going to be me any good in the long run but I decided to just go for it. I pulled up her profile and began to go through her information. Both her parents are still alive, and her brother is listed as single. I looked up any news around their family or their home and couldn’t find anything. Her brother James, was listed as an emergency contact, but didn’t live in Korea.

            I thought about the risk I was taking, I dialed James number into my phone. I took a deep breath and called.

J (James) – Hello?

NJ (NamJoon) – Hello, Mr. James Haul?

J – Yes, who’s this?

NJ – My name is NamJoon Cha, and I employ your sister, Samuel Haul. Her performance has been rather slow and other employees are worried. Your listed as her emergency contact in on her profile, so I was wondering if there is anything going on at home? If she needs time off?

J – Um… well, I didn’t know companies do that.

NJ – Its custom to do this.

J – Oh… well, I thought she would put her registration letter in.

NJ – Why is that?

J – She’s called me not long ago telling me she’s coming home soon. I would have thought she would have put her two weeks in.

            I was in utter shock. She called her brother and told her she was coming home? She didn’t tell any of us, or did she tell someone else or just not me. I felt the anger boiling my blood.

J – Hello?

NJ – I’m sorry, the line cut out for a moment. I’ll be sure to tell the company to give her a going away party.

J – Wow, Sounds like a great company policy.

NJ – Thank you for your time.

J – No problem, thank you for taking care of my sister.

            Saturday

            I was lying in bed after I woke up, slightly surprised that I ever woke up at all from my heavy thinking all night. This week. Did James not even know for sure when she was coming home. Maybe I just got to keep an eye on her, her purchases and be home early and just listen to anything she says out of character.

            At breakfast, she was triggered a lot at with Ho Seok and he’s way of explaining to Kook at the table. YoonGi made an overall decision was for Sam to explain to Kook once we get home from work. Sam was shy about it at first but she agreed in the end.

            At work, I was once again consumed in the topic of Sam and her homecoming. I went through her bank account, she had a lot of money but nothing was taken out of her account in months. She didn’t have the need to go to the store since everything she ever needed was delivered to the house or Isabel brought it over. No plane tickets receipts.

            I thought about it more, and remembered when Jin gave Sam the secondary Black Card he always carried. I looking into that card, but there wasn’t a single purchase. I sat back in my chair, slightly baffled and frustration fell over me.

JK – Hey hyung!

            Kook came into my office.

NJ – What’s up Kook?

JK – I just made Jimin Hyung make a run back home for those strawberries Isabel brought over. When he gets back do you want to go out to lunch?

NJ – Sorry, little brother, not today.

JK – Oh, okay. Well, I’ll bring you some strawberries later then hyung.

NJ – Thanks.

            Kookie left my office, and I continued to look into any possible link that Sam left behind. I ended up not being able to find anything.

            Back at home, everyone was a little excited about Sam’s ed class, but boy did she give us a run for our money. Her lecture was so in depth that we all felt that maybe Sam had secret knowledge. In the end we found out that she just had ual education class in school when she was younger. That was interesting.

            Sunday

            This week I have to keep an eye on her. Maybe I’ll just ask her if she would want to go home and see her reaction. It was the morning and I was in the kitchen, eating some fruit when YoonGi said that Jin wanted to talk to me in the library about something. .

SJ – What is this?

            He threw a file down on the desk in front of me. I took it and looked through the file. It was Sam’s bank informing us that my computer was tracked after looking into her account.

NJ – I was checking her purchases.

SJ – I can see. We’re lucky they work with us, because this could have gone bad extremely fast. Especially tracking it back to OUR company.

YG – Do you understand what could have happened if they didn’t inform us first? What had you so careless?

            I wish I could have told them but I wanted to be the one to stop her. Be the one who found out why she felt so bad, and be the one to save her.

YG – What were you looking for?

           I stayed silent. I wouldn’t break a secret that she didn’t even know I had.

SJ – NamJoon!

NJ – I’m sorry Hyung, but I can’t tell you.

YG – Well, whatever is it find out from her. You sneaking around like this put the family in more danger then the conversation you could be having with her.

SJ – I agree. If I find anything else like this, I’ll talk to her myself. So get whatever you need to say or ask to her off your chest now. I’ll give you until Wednesday at dinner.

            My heart shook slightly. I hope she stays that long. We started to look over other files that they suspected I didn’t look over thoroughly enough, but everything turned out fine. I knew work came first before anything else, so I made sure that I had everything 100%.

            Dinner came around and I found myself acting a lot like Sam, not including myself in conversation. I was just thinking when I could find time to talk to her alone, or find solid evidence just enough to bring her back to me.

            I excused myself from the table early and snuck into Sam’s room. Her clothes were scattered everywhere, tightly and neatly folded. My heart dropped and I left her room immediately. She was planning to go sooner rather than later, maybe tomorrow, maybe Tuesday, so I had to find my words and say what I needed to say.

            Monday

            Once again, my night was restless. My body ached when I sat up. I washed up and went down to breakfast then headed to work.

            My mind was absolutely filled to the brim with this ongoing topic. And now that Jin and YoonGi were involved I felt the pressure. How was I going to tell her to stay, at least stay with me if I wasn’t ever ‘good enough’ to love her? Should I just talk to her? Be blunt? Or spill my heart out to her? Tell her I know she’s planning to leave? That I called her brother and confirmed it? Tell her I dug into her personal life.

            I came home later then everyone and found that dinner was over. Sam was in her room, and I just paced mine. My hungry and sleep didn’t faze me one bit, I was just so eager to know why. I just went to her.

            I knocked on her door and she answered immediately.

S – Yeah?

            She answered form the other side of the door.

NJ – It’s NamJoon,

            She cracked the door open slightly.

NJ – Can we talk?

            She hesitated for a bit, she must be folding and putting her clothes into her suitcases.

S – Can we talk in your room?

            I couldn’t hold back.

NJ – Sam, I know your leaving. At least I know you’re planning to.

            She looked shocked and just opened the door. I was right, she revealed the opened cases being filled. She sat on the ground facing her bed while I sat on her bed.

NJ – I’m okay with you going.

S – What?

NJ – I’m okay with you going home. You probably need to see your family and be around people your familiar with. I just want to know why your leaving, and if you’re coming back.

            Sam was silent.

NJ – Then just tell me you’ll be coming back. Even just to visit, or just keeping in contact?

S – If I said I would be, I might be lying.

NJ – Then you rather forget about us?

            She nodded, with her head down

NJ – After we treated you like one of us? Like Royalty?

S – Yes! I rather forget you, and your princely brothers, your kingly father. I rather forget the prince who became my best friend, the prince who acted like an older brother, and the prince I fell in love with.

            Fell in love with? Who? Who has your heart? Maybe they can stop you! My mind was yelling and screaming to be heard, screaming to speak up!

S – NamJoon, I don’t belong here. Jin is marring someone like your family, YoonGi will too, then Ho Seok, then you and so on. Everything that’s happened until this moment truly doesn’t matter anymore.

NJ – Everything Matters Sam! I’m in love with you and your telling me you’re not worth it! Of course you don’t belong here! None of us belong here, we’re adopted remember? The blood in my brother’s veins isn’t in mine or my father’s or my mother’s. But we’re here, now. Just like you’re here now, and how I love you now, and I will even after you leave.

            Her eyes spilled over with tears, and she was biting her lip. I came down to her level and sat in front of her.

NJ – Sam, you have such an original Cinderella Story; ran away with the boy you love just to be saved by seven princes. Later to be crowned a princess, by the King himself, who later told his son’s they weren’t worthy enough to marry you. You. You, a house keeper; of all people. And all you have to do is come back.

S – I don’t want any of that! I don’t want to be Cinderella, when I know I’m thousands of miles away from my real family. The ones who raised me to work hard.

            I was in so much pain from her words. I felt like she was pouring salt in my heart and I keep telling her add more.

S – If I stay here, I’ll end up marring one of you, and having babies and staying in this place I’m in for the rest of my life and I don’t want that. At least not anymore.

NJ – What’s so bad about us?

            She looked at me with pain in her eyes so strong that her pupils where shaking and her tears looked like they’d be acid like.

S – Being here is hell. I know your mother’s pain, and Isabel will know mine soon enough.

            I lost it; I stood, with my fist clenched to my sides.

NJ – So you’re going to go home to wear no one cares about who you are? A room full of people, all of whom can talk to you with no problem and still be alone.

S – I don’t care. I’m so alone here, and restricted to go outside for my own safety. At least at home, where no one cares I’ll be free to go to the store, or out to eat.

NJ – You could go home with a man, engaged and happy, but you chose to go alone? And stay alone?

            She dropped her head and began to cry. I could hear he struggling to keep her voice in. She covered her face with her hands and just let it out.

NJ – What do you want, Sam?

            No answer.

NJ – Sam, what? What do you want?

S – I don’t know.

NJ – Do you even know what it’s like to be loved by someone fully? To know that their there for you when your physically hurt, and emotionally? That’s me, for you.

S – I don’t Love you NamJoon!

            My world stopped, and I felt like the final string was cut. I didn’t want to stay here trying to convince her anymore. Trying to fight for the love who doesn’t love me.

NJ – Then leave. Leave and don’t come back. Just be sure you can tell everyone why you’re in so much pain.

            I slowly turned to the door.

S – NamJoon…

            She whispered so lightly, and I felt her cold hand touch my burning fist. I snatched away.

NJ – Don’t! Don’t call my name like anymore. You already ripped my heart out telling me you’re not worth me. But now you’re just beating me because you know I love you, but you don’t love me.

            I turned away and left the room.

            Tuesday

            I skipped breakfast and picked up something on the way. Tension was understatement. I couldn’t focus at work and ended up spending the day in my office relaxing. Maybe if I stayed late, she’d tell everyone at dinner she was leaving and be gone by the time breakfast was done in the morning.

            If she talked to them all about it, then maybe Tae or Kook could get her to stay. Or even guarantee her to keep in touch with them.

            I came home later than the usual late, because I went and got food. I was hoping everyone would be asleep and I could avoid all conversation. But I was wrong. The moment I came in threw the door, I saw she sitting on the couch. I rolled my eyes and started for the stairs.

S – NamJoon, please.

            I stopped, and regretted it.

S -Pretend you don’t know.

            I looked back at her and she was being serious.

S – Pretend you don’t know anything until I’m gone.

            I huffed a laugh and started up the stairs. She grabbed my arm again, I just snatched away and kept going to my room. She followed behind me. I tried to shut the door behind me but she pushed through the door. I sighed and just continued to do what I normally do at night. I started to undress. She didn’t stir one bit.

S – Please. Promise me.

            I only had taken off my suit jacket and white button up. Only socks, dress pants and a wife beater on. I snatched my towel and started for the bathroom but she stood in front of the door.

S – NamJoon.

NJ – If you make me tell them, I’ll send them after you. Jin might just let you go home, but Ho Seok, Tae and Kook? They’ll come for you and they’ll cause a scene. We have access to things you can only dream of; by the time you land in LAX, we’ll have been there for an hour already with security ready for you.

S – NamJoon.

            Her voice sounded terrified.

NJ – Tell them, and cut ties yourself. I reached for the door again and she pushed my hand away.

S – What can I do? It was hard enough to break you without breaking myself! Just let me go. Please. What can I do?

            What could I take from her that no one else can ever have? What can I say to her to have her feel my pain?

NJ – Give me your body.

            Her eyes showed her shattering inside. All the life seemed to leave her body and I opened the door.

S – Fine.

            My body froze in the door way. I thought I miss heard her until she spoke again.

S – I’ll give you anything you want to let me go, and make sure no one else comes for me.

            I shut the door coming back into the room. I was exhausted mentally form fighting with her.

NJ – You would really sink so low?

            Her reaction was completely different from what she probably expected me to say.

NJ – To give up your body to keep your pride in front of someone else? You’re so shameless.

            But I pulled her into me and kissed her. I tore her clothes off of her and showed no mercy for her shameless attitude. I left no part of her un-touched or un-marked, and she left me with scratches.

            I felt like my body was an on high; like first time drug use. I felt angry knowing I was only in the position I was in know because she wanted to keep my quiet, but I never felt closer to her to know this would forever be our secret.